Chapter 34 Hug Me

Is death the end of life?

Ning Changyue didn't know, but he hoped so.

Because a world without Yin Jiu is just too scary.

It was not just the five years of hopeless waiting, nor was it just the three years of searching, but the even more terrifying thing was that he met him and lost him.

He had experienced this feeling once before.

That was the day before Yin Jiu brought him home. In that autumn rain, he fell heavily in front of him.

Unable to get through, unreachable, the world falls apart before him.

It seemed as if he was the only one left in the whole world. He stayed in that small fragment, and everything lost its color.

The sky and the earth, the trees and the pedestrians, the cold falling rain, and the person lying not far away, have all disappeared.

Ning Changyue didn't know how long he had been there. If he was a person who grew up normally and was influenced by the culture, he might have a lot of guesses, but he was not.

Although he also has memories of the first fifteen years of this body, it is more like a videotape that he needs to actively watch in order to compare them.

Ning Changyue speaks very little, and a big part of the reason is that he cannot express his thoughts accurately with words.

But being in that void, he accurately described his mood with one word - despair.

Because this was the mood he was most familiar with.

The despair of hopeless waiting, the despair of searching, this despair should have disappeared completely when he met Yin Jiu again, but there, in that dead and small fragmented world, he despaired again.

Death was not scary; he was only afraid of being alive but never seeing him again.

I don’t know how much time had passed, but the stagnant world finally resumed its movement, and the suspended raindrops finally fell to the ground.

Ning Changyue was still running forward, but she staggered and looked up at the sky blankly.

The sky took on color and rain fell slowly on his face.

He was stunned for a few seconds, and was awakened by a voice. Then he remembered where he was. He stumbled and went against the flow, and finally came in front of Yin Jiu. Because he was too scared, his legs were weak after running, and he fell to the ground.

He knelt beside Yin Jiu. The man on the ground had his eyes closed. He reached out and pushed him, but he didn't respond.

Ning Changyue became terrified, with panic and confusion in her eyes.

How can he not be panic-stricken and confused?

Because he can no longer smell it, the person on the ground can no longer smell his breath.

His body is still here, but his soul is gone.

Don't ask him how he knew, he just saw him and it was as if he could smell his breath.

The first time I saw him, my intuition told me: It’s him, it’s him!

But now, that feeling is gone.

This discovery made him stand there in a daze. He was unable to come back to his senses even when Yin Jiu's body was taken away.

Awakened by a thunderous sound, his frozen brain finally began to function again.

Yin Jiu has been gone for a long time, but he still wants to find him, because... maybe he will come back?

Ning Changyue was distraught and used awkward language to inquire about Yin Jiu's ward.

Stop outside the door, dare not go in.

Later, he sat on a small square stool in the ward for several hours, not daring to look away.

He held his back straight, not relaxing for even a second, because if he did, he might not be able to support himself anymore.

Fortunately, Yin Jiu is back.

Ning Changyue leaned over Yin Jiu and smelled his breath, confirming it again and again, and finally confirmed that he had returned.

But is he really back?

Yin Jiu will never know why he cried so sadly at that time.

Because he really thought he had lost him.

Yin Jiu will never know how happy he was at that time.

After eight years of waiting and searching, he is finally going home.

How could he not cry?

After that, Ning Changyue returned to his long-awaited home, but the fear hidden deep in his heart was still everywhere.

He is afraid of him and doesn't want him, it's really scary.

Later, Yin Jiu became his lover.

Although he didn't quite understand why Yin Jiu liked him.

Of course, Yin Jiu must like him. He is his, how can he not like him? The possibility of them becoming partners is something Ning Changyue had never thought of before.

In all his imaginations, there was no possibility that Yin Jiu would propose to him.

but……

It's all right, as long as it's him, as long as I can stay by his side, any kind of relationship is fine.

It all seemed like a dream.

A dream you don't want to wake up from.

But he was really scared. He would suddenly wake up one day and find that he was still the cat, lying in front of the cold tombstone.

But what he feared more was that he didn't want him.

But compared to not wanting him, Ning Changyue now seems to have something more to fear.

He was afraid that Yin Jiu no longer loved him.

Cats never knew what love meant, but Ning Changyue understood it.

Ning Changyue loves Yin Jiu and doesn't want to leave him for a moment.

So, Yin Jiu didn't stop loving him, nor did he stop wanting him, he was just sick.

Even if it means death, don't think of leaving him this time.

I'm not afraid of his death, I'm just afraid of being left behind by him.

…

At this moment, standing outside the house, the fine and dense raindrops were like dense needles, piercing him from the outside to the inside.

Ning Changyue felt so cold and in so much pain.

But he still mustered up the courage to walk in, he really couldn't leave his.

The worst possible scenario is that Yin Jiu really doesn't want him anymore, but then... it doesn't matter, he can just bite him to death.

He was his prey, his property, how could he allow him to escape.

He would bite him to death, chew through his arteries, devour all his life force.

Then he completely belonged to him.

When Ning Changyue opened the door, she was greeted by darkness.

There were no lights on in the house.

The light from outside the window shines in, making everything vague.

The heater was still working, but the hot wind blowing in her face made Ning Changyue shiver.

He was still very cold, cold to the bone.

"Yin Jiu?" he called softly.

But no one responded, just like when he was Ruibao, in those late nights, those calls again and again.

"Yin Jiu?"

"Yin Jiu?"

"Yin Jiu?"

I looked in the kitchen, balcony, study, and gym, but he wasn't there.

Finally, Ning Changyue found him in the cloakroom of the bedroom.

He sat on the floor, with his back against the closet, his back bent and his head buried in his knees.

He merged into the darkness and ignored Ning Changyue's calls.

"Yin Jiu."

Ning Changyue called his name again, but he seemed not to hear it.

Why is he ignoring me?

But Ning Changyue wasn't too curious about the reason, he was really cold now.

So he walked over, pulled apart Yin Jiu's arms, straightened his bent legs, put his arms around his neck, and sat in his arms.

So warm.

But it was not enough. Ning Changyue pulled Yin Jiu's arms, wanting him to hug her, but his hands just fell down weakly.

Yin Jiu didn't sleep, he was awake, and he was also looking at Ning Changyue.

He just didn't respond to him.

His empty gaze fell on Ning Changyue's face, his eyes were scattered and unreal. He was looking at him, but also not looking at him.

His hands rose and fell, he didn't want to hug him.

Ning Changyue couldn't hold back any longer, and tears fell down his cheeks. He choked and said, "Yin Jiu, hug me."

It’s so cold, please hug me.

But he just wouldn't hug him. He just wouldn't hug him.

"Yin Jiu?"

…

"Yin Jiu?"

Ning Changyue called his name over and over again, but no matter how she called, he didn't respond.

Finally, he stopped crying, stared at him, and asked, "Do you really not want me anymore?"

After asking once, he asked again: "Xiao Yu, are you going to abandon me again?"

So, this was his name originally, right?

Ruibao didn't know Yin Jiuyu's full name. He only knew that the women who occasionally visited him would call him Xiaoyu, and Keke would call him Brother Xiaoyu.

When Ruibao heard this name, he looked towards the fish tank. The cat was confused. He was a human, but his name was fish.

But... my people, my fish.

It likes his name.

Why is this name called out?

I was just thinking, if Yin Jiu didn't want him as a human being, could he continue to be his cat?

As long as Yin Jiu still wants him, he will stop hiding, stop pretending, stop being a human, can he continue to be a cat?

If he still doesn't want him, then that's fine.

His eyes turned cold and a chill flashed in Ning Changyue's eyes.

After he asked twice, the person he was leaning against finally responded, and his sight finally focused on the reality.

He saw Ning Changyue in his arms and whispered in a hoarse voice: "What did you call me?"

"Little fish."

"Why did you call me that?"

"Because..." He clearly didn't want to cry anymore, but tears started to fall again. His throat hurt so much that every word he said was like a sharp knife cutting his throat. "I am Ruibao."

"Ah, so you are Ruibao."

Yin Jiu smiled slowly.

I just laughed.