Chapter 48 Little Donkey, what exactly do you like about me?
(48)
That early spring, when the snow had just begun to melt, the meltwater dripped onto the ground and formed rings of ice. Chu Li married Shang Xinglan.
The first winter she didn't have to worry about freezing to death on the street was spent in a shop.
The entire room of Shang Xinglan's was decorated with warm jade, and a charcoal stove sat in the corridor, making it warm and cozy; even his breath was barely visible when he opened his mouth. His bed was spacious and soft, the mandarin duck quilt infused with an unknown fragrance.
On their wedding day, Shang Xinglan drank some wine and became slightly tipsy.
He pushed open the door, startling Chu Li.
She had been waiting for him for too long, and she was both tired and hungry, but she didn't dare to sleep. She secretly nibbled on the snacks on the table and ate most of the food. Afraid of being scolded, she pretended that she hadn't touched the food.
Upon seeing Shang Xinglan return, she felt tense and panicked. With nowhere to hide, she instinctively shrank into the corner by the bedside.
Shang Xinglan, dressed in a dashing red wedding gown, looked up at her, seemingly a little shy.
That night, he didn't consummate the marriage with her. He just ate the meal with her, and then they lay down together to sleep under the covers. He even promised that he wouldn't do anything.
Even so, Chu Li still couldn't sleep well. She slept anxiously against the wall, waking up in terror all night. Only when she found that Shang Xinglan was not beside her in the morning did Chu Li finally manage to drift off to sleep.
When I woke up again, I was on that soft bed, wrapped tightly in a fragrant, warm quilt. The blood in my hands and feet was flowing freely, and I wasn't cold at all.
I slept until the afternoon, when the sky was overcast.
Chu Li dressed and tiptoed out of bed. She saw a handsome young man sitting quietly in the corridor, with a charcoal stove with flames churning beside him. He held a silver fork in his hand and carefully turned the slices of meat on the stove.
She was so engrossed in watching him that she swallowed hard, but then she saw him turn his head slightly and smile at her.
"Come."
Chu Li hesitated for a long time before finally walking slowly to his side and asking, "What are your orders, young master?"
She was used to being humble and subservient to these important people and didn't even realize that she should have called him "husband" back then.
Shang Xinglan looked at her and handed her a pair of chopsticks. "Achu, sit down and eat."
He never told her how she should address him, but as they grew closer, Chu Li naturally changed how she addressed him.
Thick slices of meat were roasted on the stove, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, exuding a rich aroma. Chu Li couldn't resist the temptation and took the chopsticks to sit opposite him.
Shang Xinglan grilled meat for her, and she picked it up without any regard for her image and stuffed it into her mouth.
It smells good, and it's hot too.
A large blister quickly formed on his lip from the burn.
Having grown accustomed to eating leftovers, she had no idea that freshly cooked food could be so scalding. Her eyes welled up with tears from the pain, and she touched the blister with her hand.
"Don't move."
Shang Xinglan gripped her wrist and frowned.
Chu Li thought she had angered him and was about to kneel down to apologize when she saw him get up, walk into the room, take out a bottle of ointment, and apply the medicine for her.
Perhaps it was from that time that Shang Xinglan began to take care of her inexplicably, treating her like a child who knew nothing, and even personally teaching her how to hold chopsticks, acting more like a father than her own father.
Looking back now, it's possible that they mistook her for a fool.
Chu Li never knew what it was about her that Shang Xinglan couldn't let go of.
Most of the time, she only caused him worry, distress, and frowns. Occasionally, she would make him smile, but those moments were far too rare.
For example, she always misspelled the character "Lan" in his name. He taught her countless times, but she still made the mistake. He said with a headache, "If I were a teacher, I would spank your hand."
Chu Li would reply, "Fortunately, you are not my teacher, but my husband."
Whenever Shang Xinglan heard this, he would smile gently, take her hand, and teach her stroke by stroke again, letting out a soft sigh.
"Being a husband is harder than being a father."
Or perhaps it was when Chu Li climbed over the wall to go out and play, only to be caught halfway by Shang Xinglan, and sat on the wall listening to him scold her.
"Achu, get down!" He looked anxious and his tone was harsh. "Where are you going? Do you know how dangerous it is?"
She didn't know where the danger lay in climbing over the wall, but she knew Shang Xinglan was angry. So Chu Li casually picked a few bright red fruits from the treetops on the wall and jumped down to appease him.
"I went to pick fruit for you, I'm not going anywhere." Chu Li lied with practiced ease, wiping the fruit in her arms clean with her sleeve and stuffing it into his palm. "Don't worry, my husband, I'm eating such a good meal at your house, I definitely won't run away."
Hearing her words, Shang Xinglan just smiled helplessly, "Go wherever you want, just don't need to climb over the wall, you can just go through the front gate."
He accepted everything about her without ever setting limits. So much so that Chu Li always felt he wasn't a real person. Everything Shang Xinglan did was too incredible. He wouldn't hit her, wouldn't scold her, and certainly wouldn't despise her.
But how could that be? He was, after all, a high-ranking young master of a merchant family. How could he possibly be without resentment after marrying a beggar?
Chu Li gradually began to hear the servants gossiping, subtly and overtly mocking her for not being good enough for Shang Xinglan. She didn't believe that Shang Xinglan hadn't heard a single word of those words.
If he heard it, would he be indifferent, or would he agree with it deep down?
She must have some agreement, but she just pretended not to care. She was always trying to find evidence that Shang Xinglan was impatient and disdainful of her, but he hid it too well.
Until that day.
Chu Li climbed over the wall to go out and play as usual. She took the money she stole from Shang Xinglan and went to Yuehong Pavilion to eat, drink and have fun, but she ran into a teenage beggar.
The little beggar had a slight limp in one leg. She had seen that man before; because of his long face, everyone called him Little Donkey.
The little donkey had previously tried to steal her food and even fought with her, nearly scratching her face.
Unexpectedly, despite her clean and presentable appearance, the other person did not recognize her and even fawned over her, bowing and kowtowing.
Chu Li couldn't help but feel elated. She tossed him a copper coin, which made him even more enthusiastic. He kept praising her as a beautiful and kind-hearted celestial being descended to earth and begged her to give him more.
Chu Li was extremely pleased with the flattery, but refused to give it to him anymore, saying, "Little donkey, you think you're worthy? Look carefully at who I am."
Only then did the little donkey dare to raise its head to look at her. After recognizing who she was, its face turned from green to black, then black to white, and its lips trembled. It looked extremely funny.
Chu Li vented her anger, solemnly dusted off the corner of her clothes, and leisurely went into the Red Pavilion to listen to music.
When she came out after eating and drinking her fill and having her fill of acting, she found a crowd gathered at the door.
A monk, seemingly drunk and in a bad mood, happened to bump into someone who was in a bad mood and was beaten up by him.
Chu Li wanted to join in the fun and squeezed into the crowd, but found that the one being beaten was the little donkey.
His face was unrecognizable, blood was flowing from his head, and he weakly begged for mercy, but the monk seemed not to hear him and continued to slam the donkey's head against the pillar.
Fists rained down on him, and the little donkey looked like a fish dying of thirst in his palm, its face numb and expressionless, its eyes half-open, looking in Chu Li's direction.
Soon, he closed his eyes forever, and the rice bowl he was holding tightly rolled to the ground, from which a copper coin fell out.
"This beggar deserves it. He can't even read the room. Can't he tell that his senior brother is unhappy today? He still dares to come up and beg for money."
"It's filthy, it's disgusting to look at. Senior brother, let's go quickly."
Chu Li trembled all over. At that moment, she understood that she was still Chu Li, the Chu Li who could become the next little donkey at any time. Her identity had been fake and deceived from the beginning, and it would be exposed sooner or later.
Her fate hadn't changed; if it had, she would have had the courage to stop them and save the little donkey.
Why are beggars supposed to be bullied? Why is there no punishment for killing a beggar?
The crowd dispersed indifferently, and the staff of Yuehong Pavilion came out, put the donkey's body in a tattered sack, sprinkled some water, and wiped the blood off the ground.
She saw someone pick up the copper coin from the ground and laugh at the little donkey for being so clueless; no wonder it couldn't get any money.
No one cared that a living person had simply vanished.
Chu Li silently followed the group of murderous cultivators into the restaurant, where he spent a large sum of money to buy poison.
The next day, news of the cultivator's death spread throughout the entire Thousand Immortals City.
She didn't know why she did it; she just felt that she wanted to do it.
After the incident escalated, Chu Li belatedly became terrified. She had only killed local thugs before, and this was the first time she had killed a cultivator. She had heard rumors that if the culprit was caught, the cultivator's fellow disciples would tear her to pieces like a demon cultivator.
Just then, Shang Xinglan took her to Fengyilou to have dinner with his friends.
She overheard at the dinner table that the person named Lan Ruoqing was the inner disciple of the deceased cultivator.
Chu Li observed for a long time and found that Lan Ruoqing was very different from Shang Xinglan. Unlike Shang Xinglan, who was intolerant of any wrongdoing, Lan Ruoqing actually said upon hearing that her junior brother had died, "He deserved it. He always caused trouble and bullied mortals. I wonder who did such a good deed. The sect should really thank him."
It was because of this sentence that Chu Li privately approached him, asking him to help her suppress the matter.
She also brought a large sum of money, intending to bribe him.
Who knew that the bastard, who spoke so sweetly, would turn around and tell Shang Xinglan everything.
When Shang Xinglan returned home that day, Chu Li instinctively noticed that his face was gloomy and he was in a bad mood.
He sat at the table for a long time without saying a word. Chu Li carefully went to pour him tea and even wanted to massage his shoulders, but he looked up at her.
"Achu, why did you kill him?"
One sentence sent Chu Li plummeting into an icy abyss. She took a half-step back in alarm, and after a long while, she managed to explain, "That person bullied me first. I didn't mean to do that..."
Shang Xinglan looked at her intently, her tone indifferent, "How did he bully you?"
Chu Li couldn't come up with a story. Her usual quick wit and superb deception skills vanished completely when she met his cold eyes.
She couldn't very well say that she killed the cultivator because she disliked him, could she? Even if she told Shang Xinglan the whole story, would he really empathize with her?
The little donkey's death had nothing to do with her, yet she still felt uneasy and uncomfortable all over. Much later, when Chu Li learned the idiom "if the lips are gone, the teeth will be cold," she finally understood why she had felt so distressed.
Shang Xinglan saw through her lie and took a deep breath. "Come find me when you tell the truth."
After saying that, he left.
For half a month, Shang Xinglan did not return to the East Courtyard. He stayed in the study and ignored Chu Li no matter how much she apologized.
Later, he stopped sleeping in his study altogether, spending all his time cultivating outside and returning home very rarely.
It wasn't until he returned home at night to retrieve something that Chu Li finally caught him.
It was raining heavily that day. Shang Xinglan left as soon as he got his things, and Chu Li chased after him in a hurry. He even lost one of his shoes and was soaked to the bone. He was afraid that he would never be able to catch Shang Xinglan again after he left.
This time, instead of trying to appease him or admit her mistake, she took a knife and confronted him, demanding to know why he was ignoring her.
Chu Li's thinking was simple: since Shang Xinglan already knew her true nature, she might as well go all out and make the mistake to the end. She just wanted to make Shang Xinglan pay attention to her!
At worst, she could leave the business, take the stolen money, buy a small house outside, and live her own life!
However, to her surprise, Shang Xinglan stared at her intently, threw away the paper umbrella in his hand, and walked towards her step by step, letting the sharp knife in her hand pierce her chest.
Blood mixed with rainwater flowed down the tip of the knife, and Chu Li was almost paralyzed with fear.
She instinctively tried to pull out the knife, but Shang Xinglan gripped her wrist tightly.
"Chu Li, do you consider me your husband?"
The rain relentlessly lashed against Chu Li, and she said, trembling, "Of course."
He forcefully turned Chu Li's face to look at him, and said, word by word, "There should be no secrets between husband and wife."
He didn't teach her that she shouldn't kill, but rather that she shouldn't hide anything from him.
"The matter has been resolved, and they will not investigate further." Shang Xinglan had been busy with this matter for the past two weeks.
Chu Li stared at him blankly, then suddenly realized that he was angry that she had killed someone but hadn't come to him to confess, instead going to Lan Ruoqing instead.
He picked up Chu Li and carried her back to the East Courtyard, and applied ointment to the cut on her foot caused by the stone.
Shang Xinglan sat quietly by the bed, watching over her as she tearfully explained the whole story. After a long while, he leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.
"I will investigate what those servants said."
"Stop hiding things from me. No matter what happens, the first thing you should think of is coming to me."
"I don't hate you, never. I like you very much, even though you are rude, have begged for food, stolen money, and even killed someone, I still like you."
Chu Li opened her mouth in astonishment, hesitated for a long time, and finally gently pursed her lips.
What she wanted to ask at that time was, what exactly do you like about me?
I'm clearly someone who only causes you endless worry, anger, and messes to clean up. You even have to personally teach me how to eat, write, and be a decent person. With no redeeming qualities, what makes me worthy of your kindness?
She dared not ask, fearing the answer she would receive would be so false that she herself would not believe it.
So, that's it.
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