Chapter 50. Chapter 50. It's just a regret that I couldn't be with you in the end...
Nan Zhiyi lay half-reclined on the hospital bed, his right hand, wrapped in a wristband, hanging limply at his side. If he had a choice, he wouldn't want to be lying here right now, on those pristine white sheets. Especially with the person he least wanted to see standing in front of him.
You Xin stood in his hospital room, his face as expressionless as ever. But Nan Zhiyi's gaze shifted downwards, noticing dust on the knees of his trousers. He cast a questioning look at him.
You Xin avoided his gaze. "It's nothing," he said.
That means there is something there.
"You didn't fall, did you?" Nan Zhiyi asked tentatively.
You Xin pursed her lips: "I came to find you after finishing the training match. They said you weren't there, and someone said you were taken to the ambulance, so I ran outside the base to hail a taxi. I was in a bit of a rush on the way."
I was in such a hurry that I tripped and fell.
"That's Xu Ge making a mountain out of a molehill. It's not that serious at all." Nan Zhiyi frowned. "I sent you a message telling you not to come, did you see it?"
"I didn't have time to look at it."
"...Roll up your pants so I can see."
You Xin rolled up his trousers with a light touch, revealing a large patch of dense, blood-spotted abrasions on his knees, a truly shocking sight.
Nan Zhiyi's heart skipped a beat: "Wait, don't move, I'll go find the nurse and ask if they have iodine..."
He was about to get out of bed when You Xin leaned over and placed a hand on his shoulder—the side of his uninjured hand—pressing him back onto the bed with a gentle yet firm touch.
“I’m fine,” You Xin said. “I want to spend some time alone with you.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Nan Zhiyi's legs.
Silence. After a long while, Nan Zhiyi whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Why should I say sorry?" You Xin looked up and asked in an almost sincere tone, as if he really didn't know the answer to the question.
Nan Zhiyi knew she had to face it, no matter how difficult it was to speak.
There was no one else in the ward. He rested his head on You Xin's shoulder, raised his right hand, which was wrapped in a wristband, and examined it in front of his eyes: "I might... well, not be able to go to the match with you."
“I thought it was a minor problem; I was so stupid.” Every word he spoke felt like a sharp knife stabbing into his heart. “The doctor recommended surgery, saying that he couldn’t use his hands too vigorously afterward, otherwise there was a possibility of recurrence. I…”
Nan Zhiyi couldn't continue speaking.
"It's alright." You Xin spoke after a while, his voice strangely calm, so calm that for a moment, Nan Zhiyi felt inexplicably flustered for a few seconds.
"Maybe it's because I've grown up," Nan Zhiyi told himself. The experiences of the past two months have made him more mature and less unreasonable.
For a moment, he even felt a pang of guilt. After all, he was the one who broke his promise first. He was the one who said he would stay with him forever.
Are you planning to have surgery?
"I'll listen to the doctor."
"Hmm, how long will it take approximately?"
Calm to the point of being unsettling.
“I don’t know…” Nan Zhiyi paused for a moment, “My mother asked me to go back and do it so that she can take care of me.”
"Hmm." You Xin replied in his usual nonchalant tone, "So when are we leaving? Tomorrow? The day after? I'll book the tickets first."
The sword of Damocles has fallen.
Nan Zhiyi froze, and slowly, very slowly, he raised his head.
“You Xin…”
“I know what you want to say to me. I don’t want to hear it.” You Xin stared into his eyes. “I don’t care.”
"What does '...' mean?"
"Didn't we agree before? If I passed, I'd stay; if I didn't, I'd go home. Summer vacation isn't over yet." You Xinguo's attitude was truly indifferent. "If you're not going, then I won't go either."
Nan Zhiyi raised her voice slightly: "You know perfectly well that this wasn't what we agreed on back then!"
"So what was the agreed-upon arrangement?"
"You..." Nan Zhiyi tried to calm himself down. He softened his voice, trying to persuade the other party, "Didn't Brother Xu tell you before that even if I hadn't missed tomorrow's final match, it would have been difficult for us to be on the same team in the end? Is it harder for you to accept not being opponents than being opponents? Calm down and think about it carefully. Don't treat your life like a game."
"That's different. There will always be a time when we're together."
"...Are you even listening to me?"
You Xin even nodded: "I've already said it, I've thought it through."
There is no room for maneuver.
Silence again.
Suddenly, Nan Zhiyi rolled off the hospital bed and stood still.
"Are you really willing to just give up like this? To abandon all the achievements of the past two months? Have you forgotten that you were the one who told me you wanted to achieve something, that you didn't want to be someone else's shadow, that you didn't want people to refer to you as 'so-and-so's younger brother' in the future?"
His chest heaved: "Now you're saying you won't go either because I'm not going? You're really... so naive. What do you think you are, and what do you think I am?"
You Xin lowered his eyes and remained silent.
Immediately afterwards, he felt something warm fall onto the back of his hand.
A single tear.
You Xin suddenly looked up. He saw a pair of wet, red eyes.
"You can't do this to me," Nan Zhiyi said, choking back tears. "You can give up, really, as long as you truly don't want to continue. I have no right to force you to continue. But not because of me. You can't."
“You are an independent person, You Xin. You are not an appendage in my life. Nor am I yours.”
You Xin's expression clearly wavered. He looked at Nan Zhiyi's tears and subconsciously wanted to reach out to wipe them away, but she turned her head away. Panic intensified in his eyes.
The silence was almost suffocating for everyone in the room. Finally, You Xin spoke.
He asked, "So, will you come to watch my match?"
Nan Zhiyi wiped her eyes with the back of her hand: "As long as you're here, I'll watch."
After a long while, You Xin softly hummed in agreement.
He stepped forward, hugged Nan Zhiyi, and rested his head on his shoulder. This time, Nan Zhiyi did not pull away.
Nan Zhiyi placed her hand on his back and felt that his whole body was trembling slightly.
"Will you feel regret?" he heard You Xin ask him in a muffled voice.
This question almost stumped Nan Zhiyi.
He paused for a second or two, then finally said, "I don't know."
-
Nan Zhiyi's surgery was performed at the end of August. She was hospitalized for a week after the surgery and then rested at home for another week before finally making it back in time for the start of the school year.
In November of the same year, You Xin was promoted from the youth training team to the second team and entered the secondary league under the ID "Yux", becoming a rising star in roeCN.
Rumors suggest that Nova, CG's champion main DPS and veteran player, will retire at the end of the following year, and yux is CG's chosen successor.
CG.Y.Yux's debut is scheduled for November 14th.
"Don't you have class tonight? Why are you going out?" Nan Zhiyi's roommate asked curiously when she saw that Nan Zhiyi wasn't carrying her schoolbag but instead was carrying his usual bag.
Nan Zhiyi smiled and said, "I found someone to take my classes."
"I've never seen you substitute teaching before, why are you doing it now that finals are almost here?"
"I'm going to see a friend," Nan Zhiyi said mysteriously, without elaborating further.
After Nan Zhiyi left the dorm room, his roommate pointed at his departing figure and said confidently to another roommate, "Believe it or not, that guy definitely went to see his girlfriend. And he won't even admit it!!"
Everyone in Nan Zhiyi's dorm was convinced that he had secretly found a girlfriend outside and was keeping it a secret from all of them—except that his girlfriend was so mysterious that she almost never showed up, and Nan Zhiyi was nothing like other boys who would play voice messages out loud every day and want the whole world to know about their relationship.
Only once, by chance, did someone catch a glimpse of that person's photo, though it was just a picture of his back.
"A girl with hair that's both long and short. Short in the front, long in the back, and the short part is curly. She looks quite unique," he described vividly to the others. "To be honest, I don't think he likes this type."
Nan Zhiyi took the subway from school to the competition venue.
The match started at 5 p.m. that day, and he arrived an hour early. The venue for the second-tier league was deserted, with only a few dozen people scattered around, and there was no place to distribute support items. So he decided to bring his own support board next time.
That day, he watched the entire BO3 match with a mix of trepidation and excitement. CG.Y defeated their opponent 2-0, and yux won two MVPs.
However, an unexpected incident occurred during the interview segment. Yux, who was scheduled to be interviewed, failed to appear. In the end, another of his teammates took his place.
Nan Zhiyi's heart tightened. He left his seat almost without thinking and took a detour to the backstage area of the venue.
He was stopped when he entered, so he said urgently, "I am Yux's friend." At that moment, someone called him from the side. He looked up and saw that it was Lao Xu.
Old Xu took him to the venue's emergency medical room: "He said he wanted to stay in there alone for a while."
Nan Zhiyi pushed open the door.
Yu Xin sat in the corner, wearing a baseball cap and a black and white team uniform. He buried his face in his knees, holding his head in his hands, and remained motionless even when he heard the door open.
Nan Zhiyi called out to him, "You Xin?"
You Xin froze for a moment, then slowly raised his head.
Why did you come here?
"Are you alright?" Nan Zhiyi quickly walked to his side and grabbed his hand. You Xin's palms were sweaty, covered in cold sweat.
"It's nothing. I just suddenly feel a little..." You Xin gently regulated her breathing, "not quite feeling well."
Nan Zhiyi remembered that when the competition ended, the director kept giving close-ups of the MVP player who performed the best, which caused the huge camera to keep filming You Xin.
You Xin's psychologist has clearly stated that the "camera" is very likely one of the sources of anxiety, but once you become a professional athlete, facing the camera is a necessary step.
He hugged the other person: "Take it easy, it will get better. Don't be too hard on yourself."
You Xin hummed in his arms.
As they got closer, Nan Zhiyi caught a faint smell of tobacco on him: "...Do you smoke?"
"I was just trying to see if it would work." After a pause, You Xin said, "If you don't like it, I won't smoke it."
The two remained quiet for a while. Soon, You Xin's breathing became less rapid.
He stepped back slightly, then grabbed Nan Zhiyi's right hand and examined it closely.
More than two months have passed, and the wound has healed well. Under the light, only a faint scar can be seen.
You Xin held his hand for a long time without saying a word. After a while, she suddenly lowered her head and gently placed a kiss on the white scar.
Not stopping there, he carefully avoided the scar and extended his kisses to other parts of the wrist.
Just then, they heard voices talking at the door, as if they might burst in at any moment. Nan Zhiyi instantly tensed up, unable to pull her hand back. Her knees buckled, and she could only weakly protest, "No..."
After a long while, You Xin finally released him. He looked up at Nan Zhiyi, a mischievous smile in his eyes.
“I saw you when I was on stage,” he said. “You were sitting in the front row.”
Nan Zhiyi pulled her hand back, put it behind her back, and pursed her lips: "I... I said I would come."
"how are things?"
"It's fine, school isn't too busy. It's just that exams are coming up soon, which is so annoying." Nan Zhiyi said, then suddenly remembered something, "Oh right, I recently made some videos and uploaded them to Stars, and the response was actually pretty good, with 100,000 views. Look at the comments section, these people are actually saying they want to assassinate me..."
As he spoke, he took out his phone and showed You Xin his Stars backend.
"You registered a new account?" You Xin looked at the ID "Angel's Intent". The ID of the alternate account they used for their previous live streams was a jumble of characters.
“Yes, I can’t remember the password for that account, and I can’t find it no matter what I do,” Nan Zhiyi said.
He sat down and watched You Xin browse his comments section for a while. You Xin seemed much better afterward. Nan Zhiyi's anxiety subsided: "Shall we go out?"
"good."
You Xin insisted on holding his hand and walking him outside, but let go when they reached the door.
"Xiao Yi," You Xin suddenly called out to him.
He asked that question out of the blue again: "You came to watch the game today... do you feel a little disappointed?"
Nan Zhiyi was taken aback.
He carefully reflected on everything that had happened in the past few months: leaving the professional stage he had once dreamed of, leaving the dream of becoming a champion, and leaving the person he wanted to fight alongside.
But at the same time, he gained a lot. He went to school, his classmates treated him very well, and he was happier than troubled at school. He could even take time to make the videos he wanted to make.
Finally, he smiled and said, "Actually, it's alright. There's nothing to regret."
He paused, then said, "I just..."
It's just a pity that I couldn't stand with you in the end.
Nan Zhiyi lowered her eyelashes.
A moment later, she smiled again and reached out to hug him: "Don't worry too much. I'll always be with you."
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Author's note: This little flashback is over. Let's get back to the sweet stuff! [pats head]
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