Pure instinct... not the instinct to touch you
Wen Dai's exposed skin suddenly broke out in goosebumps, which quickly subsided. The message from the messenger rang clearly in her ears: "Na Duo's resentment has dissipated; she has gone downstairs."
With the matter of performing the rituals for the deceased averted, the responsibility on her shoulders lessened somewhat. However, Wen Dai suddenly recalled the words Nado had left before leaving her. She abruptly lifted her eyelids, turned her head to Chen Sizhe, and said hopefully, "Hey, Chen Sizhe, I'd like to ask you for a favor. It's just that Uncle Zhagang used to work on construction sites, and he still owes 20,000 yuan. Could you see if you could..."
His cool, dark eyes glanced at her. When Wen Dai was looked down upon by those fox-like eyes, she always wanted to gouge them out—she just couldn't stand his arrogant attitude. But she needed his help now.
As her hopes faded, Wen Dai regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. By making such a request to Chen Sizhe in front of Duo Lan and her family, wasn't she putting him in a difficult position? Realizing that her actions had the connotation of moral blackmail, she pursed her lips and said, "Don't worry, I definitely won't let you work for free. I'll pay the commission fee."
"What are you going to offer? I didn't say I wouldn't help." The tone of his voice, which suddenly turned upwards, was quite inexplicable. Chen Sizhe frowned slightly, and when he received Wen Dai's astonished look, he casually turned his gaze away, his lips parting slightly as he said, "You said it yourself, it's a matter of accumulating merit. Sizhe Law Firm itself takes on a certain number of legal aid cases. Since someone needs help, of course I won't stand idly by."
Just as Doran was about to stop crying, she burst into tears again. She pressed her arm to her nose, letting out muffled sobs. Zhagang and Yongzha also couldn't hold back their tears. Yongzha stood up, wiped away his tears, and said in a hoarse voice, "I don't know how to express my gratitude. I will remember your great kindness. Please believe me, I will definitely repay your kindness. I also believe that such kind people as you will surely be rewarded."
He made a prayer gesture, his tear-streaked face turning solemn, and the words he uttered were unfamiliar to Wen Dai and Chen Sizhe, who guessed they were blessings.
The station was about to depart, and the station's announcements spilled out. They hurriedly said goodbye to the Dorland family, slipped into the station to buy tickets, and headed to board the bus.
Wen Dai considered that this young master probably had never been on a bus before, and pulled him over to squeeze into a window seat. She raised her hand and gestured for him to sit on the inside, saying, "I'm afraid you'll get dizzy. If you sit next to the window, you can open it to get some fresh air."
There weren't many people taking the bus into the city, but it was still inevitable to be crowded in the aisle. Chen Sizhe grabbed her arm and shoved her inside, then sat down on the outside seat. He had been hunching over since he got on the bus, and his height of over 1.9 meters made his legs feel extremely cramped after he sat down.
"I'm not as weak as you think." He leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed, his face expressionless as he stared straight ahead.
Caught off guard, he shoved her inside to stand. Wen Dai looked down at him in astonishment, and his gaze from above made her clearly see how long his eyelashes were—she didn't know why her attention was on him.
She blinked twice, picked up the bag she had just left on the chair, hugged it to her chest, and slowly sat down on the chair.
The noise echoed from front to back inside the bus. As the bus started moving, it made a sharp turn, and Wen Dai was propelled sideways towards Chen Sizhe by the inertia. One of her hands instinctively braced itself on his thigh, but the warmth of his hand felt like it was burning her palm, so she quickly pulled her hand back. Just then, the bus had finished turning, and she hurriedly straightened her posture.
I dared not turn my face toward him, but I still had to give him an explanation.
"Don't worry, I'm definitely not the kind of pervert who would take advantage of you, and I'm not that desperate. You know how it was when we made that sharp turn? Sorry, but I absolutely didn't mean anything by it, it was pure instinct... not the instinct to touch you, it was the instinct to prevent myself from falling." A string of words rushed out of her mouth, Wen Dai's eyes frequently glancing at Chen Sizhe's face, but never stopping. She clutched the bag tightly to her chest, her fingers involuntarily scratching the fabric of the backpack.
The sensation of his leg pressing against hers seemed to linger, but Chen Sizhe shook off the stiffness in his body. He glanced coldly at Wen Dai, who was sitting upright, and sneered, "I didn't say you were a pervert. Your eagerness to clear your name only makes people think more."
Wen Dai pushed the side window shut, letting in a cool breeze and damp raindrops that pelted her skin. She automatically ignored the sharp edge in Chen Sizhe's words.
With her face covered in dampness, Wen Dai didn't turn her head back. She looked at the lush greenery outside the window and the distant mountain ranges blurred in the mist, and suddenly spoke: "Chen Sizhe."
"Um?"
"Actually, you're a really nice person, not as cold and stingy as I imagined."
"You're only finding out now?"
The woman leaning against the window turned her rain-soaked face towards him. She raised her hand to wipe it, and her eyelashes, which met Chen Sizhe's, were wet, making her pupils appear even clearer. She pursed her lips twice, then said, "Actually... I have some guesses about what's happening in the mountains, or rather, about places that people can't see; but actually seeing it and experiencing it firsthand still feels very desolate. I don't know how to describe my feelings, I can only say desolate."
"The situation of the vulnerable is truly difficult. The more despicable the place, the more dangerous it is. The vulnerable are not only women; there can also be women among the powerful. Then it becomes mutual harm, which has always been the case. It's not just a same-sex group; it's between people. Under the rule of power, the vulnerable are constantly being exploited and oppressed. This world is not clean at all, it has never been clean. Cleanliness is possessed by a minority; and among this minority, most obtain cleanliness through unclean means." Her neck bent, her two hands wrapped around her backpack fidgeting together, her tone growing increasingly somber.
As a lawyer, Chen Sizhe had naturally witnessed the full spectrum of human nature. Those trapped in hardship were pitiful, yet some were also hateful. After a moment's hesitation, he finally spoke: "You remember those villagers who attacked the police with weapons when we were on the mountain earlier, right? During your stay in Kamu Village these past few days, you should have some understanding of the people there. I don't know exactly what they're like, but one possibility is that those villagers in Kamu Village who are currently unfriendly were actually victims themselves. Cases of victims turning into perpetrators are commonplace, a vicious cycle. What you said about mutual harm is not wrong."
"Some people can't even empathize with their past selves."
-
I had to rest for the entire month of August, actually because I didn't have any orders.
Putting aside all other matters, Wen Dai, who had been showing signs of laziness ever since her trip to Kamu Village, was lying on her bed with her face buried in the blankets. Her previous well-justified rest stemmed from her determination to go out and try her luck at finding work again in September, but now that September had actually arrived, her spine had softened and she couldn't muster any more strength.
Once you let go of the worries weighing on your mind and shoulders, the feeling of complete relaxation is truly irresistible, which has led to Wen Dai's current situation. She knows she should get to work, but her body doesn't want to move.
She closed her eyes, trying to deceive herself—she would sleep a little longer before changing clothes and going out to work as a charlatan, and she should be in good spirits.
The phone, which was lying on the bedside table, suddenly vibrated. The ringing of the phone woke Wen Dai's limp arms. She grabbed the phone and swiped to answer. Her chin was propped up on the sheet, and the phone was resting diagonally on her ear. She was too lazy to make a sound and waited for the other end to speak first.
"Hello, is this Wen Dai?"
The familiar accent stored in her memory entered her ears again, and Wen Dai's spirits lifted instantly. She got out of bed, grabbed her phone, and walked to the window. "Hey, it's me. What's up, Aunt Duolan?"
The voice coming through the receiver was filled with joy: "Oh, I'm here to thank you. The lawyer that Attorney Chen introduced helped your Uncle Zha Gang win the case, and the wages the boss owed have been paid back! I can't believe we got the result so quickly."
Infected by the boundless vitality of the dolan, Wen Dai, who had been listless just moments before, was instantly revitalized. Her face, bathed in light as she looked out the window, was filled with surprise in her upturned peach blossom eyes, and her lips curled into a smile. "Really? That's wonderful! Hope really is something you can wait for. Things will only get better from now on."
"Yes. And, Fuyi has been removed from his position as village chief, and your Uncle Zhagang has taken over. The higher-ups have sent people down to our village to help alleviate poverty and also to supervise the village. Things are going to get better from now on." After the cheerful tone, a sudden sadness appeared. Duolan's heavy sigh came from the receiver, her longing contained in her tone: "It's just a pity that Naduo is gone."
Wen Dai lowered her chin, her gaze drifting out the window. The grass in the flowerbed not far away wasn't lush and green; it was green, but it seemed it couldn't get any greener.
She spoke in a gentle tone, offering words of comfort: "Aunt Dolan, Nado will know, she will see, we just can't see her; perhaps, she's right beside you right now."
After the call ended, she looked up at the distant sky, where the dazzling sunlight spread across the heavens and bathed the city. The sunlight shifts; places untouched by the sun might soon be warmed. But there are still blind spots.
The worries that had been swirling up inside her were pressing against her chest. As Wen Dai changed her clothes, slung her bag over her shoulder, and headed out, she couldn't help but think: Heaven is truly cunning; it has all sorts of ways to make people who don't want to move out of their homes.
Early September in Lizhou already brought the chill of autumn, the air filled with a coolness. Wen Dai wandered aimlessly through the city; she didn't want to go to Nanguang Temple again, as luck was on her side. Deciding to leave it to fate, she neither consulted navigation nor took the subway, relying solely on her intuition to choose whether to turn or go straight.
Unexpectedly, she actually ended up at the entrance of a Taoist temple without even realizing it.
There weren't as many worshippers as at Nanguang Temple, but judging from the cars parked nearby, most of them seemed to be wealthy people. Wen Dai turned her gaze away from the Rolls-Royce, thinking to herself: Maybe I'll run into another Qi Ya today; I saw a Rolls-Royce at Nanguang Temple before. She now considered the Rolls-Royce a symbol of good luck, as long as she didn't repeat her previous experience of being struck by lightning and being accused by Chen Sizhe.
Her legs, which had been a little tired, regained their strength, and Wen Dai strode into the temple. As she crossed the threshold, she was greeted by the fragrant scent of incense that seemed to have fallen from above. She first went to the Sanqing Hall to pay her respects to the patriarch, and as she turned to leave, she happened to run into a man in a gentlemanly suit and leather shoes, accompanied by a Taoist priest in a Taoist robe.
The man looked to be under forty, but judging from his demeanor, he was probably in his fifties.
Because of the Taoist priests present, Wen Dai didn't rush up to talk to them. Her hand was stuck in the shoulder strap of her backpack, and she moved her feet around them intentionally or unintentionally, thinking about how to start a conversation with them.
The faces of Qi Ya and Chen Sizhe flashed through Wen Dai's mind, and without thinking, she asked the immortal who was creating the images for her, "What does this mean?"
There was no response.
Just as she was persistently questioning the immortals, a Taoist priest not far away suddenly called out to her: "Hey, little girl!"
Confused, Wen Dai raised her head and saw that the Taoist priest and the man who looked to be in a high position had stopped and were now turning around to look at her.
Confused, Wen Dai jogged a few steps to them, a blank look swirling in her eyes. She asked, puzzled, "What's wrong?"
The Taoist priest raised his eyes and scrutinized her for a moment, then looked at her with a faint smile. He asked out of the blue, "How do you interpret 'misfortune and fortune have no gate, but are summoned by oneself'?"
"Personally, I think this saying mainly refers to one's fate after birth. The fortune or misfortune in one's destiny is already predetermined, and the only change that can occur later is luck. This 'only man invites it' has two aspects: first, being overly pessimistic and anxious can easily lead to bad luck and thus misfortune; second, reaping what one sows and experiencing the consequences in this life. If we're talking about how the fortune or misfortune in one's destiny is all 'only man invites it,' then—" What flashed through my mind were not only my own past, but also the past of many others.
Wen Dai met his eyes directly. She didn't know if he had sensed anything, but on this point, she was determined to exchange a few words. Being a Taoist was just a profession; she acknowledged the ideology, but she wouldn't blindly trust the people within the sect—everyone has their own self-awareness.
"No one in this world is born to suffer. I hate those who say that the suffering in this life is because of evil deeds in the past life. That's bullshit. That's victim blaming."
She clenched her fist, her eyes filled with determination.
A sense of self-abandonment had overtaken her reason, and Wen Dai was just about to give up this opportunity to climb the ladder when she heard the man standing next to the Taoist priest chuckle casually. His gaze towards Wen Dai unexpectedly carried a hint of admiration. "You're quite the genuine young lady. To be honest, we were just discussing the meaning of that phrase, since everyone interprets it differently."
The Taoist priest smiled and added, "Your understanding is fine. Different people will have different ideas. However, I like your understanding. It is good to do good, but you can't blame yourself for suffering. I don't like the idea that 'misfortune is self-inflicted' that is being promoted now."
Having stumbled upon their connection, Wen Dai subconsciously looked up at the sky.
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