Yinyin hadn't come down since she went upstairs. When Saxun found her, she was still curled up on the small cushion behind the curtains in a daze.
This small cushion was specially prepared for her by Sa Xun. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but ever since I met her, she likes to hide behind the curtains and sit, whether she is playing with her mobile phone, eating or just sitting quietly. She hides there every day as long as she is not busy.
Sa Xun was afraid that she would catch a cold, so he prepared a small cushion for her and also put a small shelf there with her favorite snacks, drinks, and a tablet for her to watch TV series. As long as she liked it, he was willing to indulge her little habit.
Pulling aside the curtains, the man simply sat down opposite her and pinched her expressionless face. "Why don't you go down? Are you staying here again?"
Yin Yin turned her head to look at him, as if she had made up her mind. She took several deep breaths before looking into his eyes, solemnly.
"Sa Xun, let's get a divorce."
"What?" The handsome face of the man opposite was suddenly filled with gloom.
She had been upstairs for so long, and this is all she could come up with?
The man's sudden change in aura made Yin Yin's eyes flinch, but she lowered her eyes and thought for a moment, then gritted her teeth and continued.
"Sister Xixi advised me to be brave and tell you what's in my heart. I want to communicate with you and not let myself regret it. For so many years, I never dared to tell you. Today, I mustered up the courage. If you don't want to listen, then forget it..."
She had to leave anyway, no matter what means she used or what price she paid. In her life, she would never become the Yin Yin who was bullied in the red light district and begged for mercy from men.
Sa Xun almost exhausted all his life's restraint to suppress the gloom in his chest, pursed his lips,
"Okay, you talk, I'm listening."
Yin Yin didn't expect him to be so easy to talk to today. If it were in the past, he would have been furious, and might even have dragged her to the bed and "beaten her", and then threatened her that he would lock her up if she dared to say such things again.
After secretly observing his expression and seeing that there didn't seem to be any significant changes, Yin Yin spoke again.
"Do you know why I always like to hide here? Because I have no sense of security. I have never had it since I was a child. When all my family members died, I was very young. Later, I went to live with my relatives. They didn't treat me as a human being. They treated me like a kitten or a puppy.
I was young at that time, and it was damp and cold at night during the rainy season. I didn’t have my own room, so I slept with their dog at night. The dog liked to sleep behind the curtains, so I always slept behind the curtains with it.
If it weren't for that dog, I would have died long ago. It would secretly find food for me and bring me herbs when I was sick. It was my only source of security when I was a child.
We have been together for so many years, but I have always been afraid of you. When I am with you, I don't have any sense of belonging. I am always on edge, and I have to act according to your face, the faces of your family and even your servants. I ran away because I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life.
Later I met Sister Xi, who told me that once I had the ability, I would have the right to refuse. She showed me a way, and I climbed up desperately, but when I climbed up, I found that I still couldn't get rid of you.
But, apart from you, every aspect of my life has improved, and I have confidence and expectations for my future...
Sa Xun, I really don't want to be that dependent Yin Yin anymore. If you still want to turn me into that person, then I swear, one day, I will kill you..."
Sa Xun sat quietly opposite her, listening to her words, his heart aching.
He didn't know that the care and love he thought he had given her over the years had actually been such a heavy burden to her.
After being immersed in his parents' abnormal relationship for many years, he thought that as long as he didn't treat her coldly and indifferently like his father, he would love her. But now he suddenly realized that there are thousands of kinds of love, and what she wants is right.
"You went to register our marriage without telling me. To be honest, I was very reluctant. I knew that as long as I was married to you, I would sooner or later have to face the complicated relationships behind you. Your mother has left me with great pain. I will never have even the slightest connection with her again in my life. Even if I only saw her from a distance, I would be unable to resist going up to her and killing her..."
"Yinyin...Yinyin..." Hearing this, Saxun couldn't bear it anymore, he stood up and hugged her tightly in his arms.
"Then what should I do? What should I do? Yinyin, you don't want me anymore, what should I do?" He had never lost control like this before, his eyes bloodshot. For the first time, he felt something was out of his control. This feeling of uncertainty was very similar to when his mother told him in a child that if he didn't kill those illegitimate children, his father would kill him sooner or later...
This feeling of fear had not appeared for many years. Today, the woman he loved so much made him feel this fear again.
Yin Yin let him hold her, but she felt uncomfortable, especially when she felt the man's fingertips trembling on her back, her heart ached.
Finally, she reached out her hand and took the initiative to hug his waist for the first time, crying, "I'm not a heartless person. After all these years, I can feel how you treat me, but I can't do anything about your mother and that child... Can you let me breathe for a while? Let me feel your love as a free person with a free heart, okay?"
Sa Xun's arms tightened around her, "But I'm afraid if I let you go, you'll fly away and never come back... I'm eight years older than you, and I don't understand the things you like. At home, you don't want to tell me anything... You don't trust me, you don't love me, what should I do? Yinyin? What should I do without you?"
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