Having made her stance clear to her mother, Yu Yin felt no discomfort; a forced relationship is never sweet.
Yu Yin tidied up the things she had prepared for Lu Erjie one last time, making sure they wouldn't spill, and then wrote a letter and put it in the package.
"Be safe and sound. Come on, let's go to the post office with Mom and send something to Second Aunt."
Pat-pat, An'an came running over, her footsteps quite heavy.
Pingping put down the comic book in her hand, took her younger sister's hand, and stopped her from running around.
Yu Yin locked the door, carried the heavy package, placed it on the back seat of the bicycle and tied it securely. She then put the two little ones on the front bar of the bicycle, with An'an in front and Pingping behind her younger sister. Yu Yin pushed the bicycle towards the post office.
"Comrade, I need to send something."
"Hey, Xiao Yu? That's fast! You received the package yesterday and you're already sending it out today?"
It was someone she knew. Sister Liang stood up and began to check Yu Yin's package.
"Sister Liang, is it your shift today too? My second aunt wrote to me saying she's having severe morning sickness, so I'm sending her some pickled bamboo shoots and dried fruit. We don't have much else here, but we have plenty of these."
"That's because you're capable. If you were lazy, you wouldn't bother with all this. But you and your second aunt get along really well; you exchange quite a few packages every year."
"There's a give-and-take relationship with everyone. My twins weren't even born yet, but their aunt had already prepared everything—formula, bottles, blankets, basically everything the babies could need. How could I not reciprocate? I don't have anything expensive, but the local specialties are pretty good."
The two chatted and laughed as they checked the items, weighed them, paid the postage, and led Ping An out of the post office.
Goodbye, Auntie.
An'an waved goodbye to Sister Liang in a very familiar manner, which made Sister Liang laugh heartily.
"Mom, go there."
Yu Yin followed An An's finger and looked over. It was the county's supply and marketing cooperative. An An couldn't say the words "supply and marketing cooperative" yet, but she knew that they sold delicious food there.
What are you going there for?
"Buy, buy candy, buy cake."
Do you have money?
"No, Mom has."
Pingping looked at her mother and wanted to go too.
Yu Yin pushed the cart, with the two little ones following behind, and together they headed towards the supply and marketing cooperative.
"Don't run, Mom will lock the car."
"Okay, I won't run."
Yu Yin locked the car and entered the supply and marketing cooperative, holding one child in each hand.
The glass counter had a vintage feel to it, and everything was dusty and grimy. Behind the counter, a salesperson was busy doing odd jobs.
"Mom, over there."
An'an pulled her mother toward the snack and candy counter, and she was quite strong.
"Slow down, don't rush."
"Cake, candy, buy it."
"I can buy cakes, but not candy; my second aunt sent some."
Yu Yin rarely gives her two little ones candy, in case they get cavities.
"Buy, lots and lots."
Yu Yin asked the salesperson to weigh out half a pound of pastries, as more would spoil easily.
They went to the stationery store again. Pingping looked at the comic books and gestured to his mother that he wanted them. Yu Yin picked out two books that they didn't have at home. An'an then spotted crayons and insisted on having them. Yu Yin bought two boxes of crayons and two blank notebooks for them to draw in.
After buying the things, I went home safely and happily with my mother.
After bringing in the blankets and clothes that had been airing out in the morning, making dinner, and washing An'an, who had gotten all dirty from playing, Yu Yin rubbed her lower back. This rest was more tiring than going to work. She finally understood why her friends from later generations never wanted a holiday; taking care of a child was far more exhausting than working.
Just after I finished washing the dishes, Mr. Yu and his older brother arrived.
"Dad, brother, have you eaten?"
"You've eaten. Where's the child?"
"She's drawing upstairs."
Yu Yin could guess her father's purpose in coming and what he was going to say.
"Yu Yin, your mother, she..."
"Dad, I don't care about Mom anymore."
Yu Yin cut her father off before he could finish speaking.
"From Dad's perspective, Mom is your wife who has shared joys and sorrows with you. When you can't take care of the family, she takes care of the children, supports the elderly, and works. It's very hard for her. I don't deny that Mom works hard, but that's not a reason for her to dislike me. As far back as I can remember, Mom has almost never praised me or given me a smile, except for complaining that I'm slow to react and can't speak properly. I've also envied Yu Qing and hoped that I could be as smart and quick-witted as her, so that Mom might like me. But dislike is dislike, and not being compatible is not being compatible. There's no reason for that."
“Yu Yin, our mother isn’t… she…”
Yu Yin ignored her brother's explanation and continued to speak calmly.
“I started doing housework from elementary school, thinking that if I did more, my mom would have an easier time and she would pay more attention to me. So, after Yu Kang was born, I did all the housework, from washing diapers to feeding my mom. My mom was busy with work, so I would rush to do the housework after school, even if it took up my study time. My older brother felt sorry for me and helped me with the housework, but my mom was unhappy and said that it was not a boy's job to do these things. However, she did not feel sorry for me, who was busy every day, and thought that it was my duty to do these things. Even after I got married and had children, my mom did not care much. She felt guilty because she did not take care of Yu Qing during her postpartum period, so she asked me to cook for Yu Qing. However, she did not help me during my postpartum period either. She said that because I had a difficult childbirth, she took several days off and could not take care of me during my postpartum period. After that, she did not come to visit much.”
Yu Yin paused for a moment. This was the last time she would say these things; she would never mention them again. It was pointless.
"My mom has worked so hard, she's had it all. Life has taken its toll on all her warmth, leaving her with only a sharp tongue but a soft heart. But for me, she only has a sharp tongue, not a soft heart. During my difficult childbirth, I was on the verge of death, and I realized something: not all children are destined to have a good relationship with their parents. Don't force what you can't have; it's too exhausting. In the future, when my mom gets old and sick, I won't abandon her. I'll follow Yu Qing's example and definitely won't do any worse than her. For now, let's just live peacefully and without disturbing each other. That's good enough."
Yu's father didn't say anything more. He had no right to do so, hadn't fulfilled his responsibilities as a father, and couldn't expect Yu Yin to keep giving in. So he just did as she said.
"Dad knows. Dad did something wrong. You should blame me."
The father choked up as he spoke, but parents in this era are not used to apologizing to their children.
“Dad, no, I don’t blame you. I remember every time you came back from outside, Yu Qing and I would go out to greet you, and you would pick us both up and pat my head. I haven’t forgotten any of that.”
These scenes were the only warmth she had in her memories besides her brother. They made her feel that she and Yu Qing were the same, without any difference.
"If you need anything in the future, come to Dad's office. Dad will always be your support."
"My eldest brother too."
Yu Yin nodded. Whether or not to look for it, she'd decide later.
Watching her father's departing figure, Yu Yin felt a little lonely.
However, I feel joyful; having sought it for two lifetimes without success, I have finally let go. I will never again engage in futile struggles; it's meaningless.
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