A Dream of Nanke
He woke up to find himself twenty-two years old, his family was not home, and he was looking at a novel on his computer that was in complete disarray.
A finger cramp prevents me from achieving my dream.
She may not be suitable, but who is born suitable?
She started writing.
Suddenly it started raining outside, so she stood up and went upstairs to put on more clothes.
I put on a jacket.
She has deleted her mother's and sister's WeChat accounts.
They only think about how good they are, and never think about how good others are. Even though they know they can't get sick, their mother still says, "You have to control yourself and not get angry."
She said at the time, "If I'm in control, then you're completely blameless?"
Mom: "I can't possibly do everything you want!"
"When have you ever gone along with me?!"
"You're just asking for trouble! It's impossible for a person not to get angry!"
"But you knew I would be very sad, yet you still said it..."
She looked at the computer screen, tears streaming down her face. Usually, the people closest to you hurt you the most.
She was tormented by boundless pain.
She hates her family...
They don't care about themselves at all.
They don't know how to take care of themselves.
She longed to be healthy so that she would never have to see them again.
I finished writing the novel while listening to the rain.
Start cooking.
Even if you don't achieve your dream, you'll still be happy because you've stuck to it.
She doesn't want to be in pain, but she still is.
When will I be able to escape this sea of suffering?
See the most beautiful rainbow?
She suffered greatly, all because of the pressure her family put her through this.
They shouldn't have left themselves a way out.
They themselves struggled to survive, yet these people spoke harshly and sternly to them.
They're forcing me, they're all forcing me!
All I can do is hope that I get better and can go out to support myself.
I don't hate my family, but I don't like them either.
They blame me when I get sick, never considering their own situation. They always painfully dwell on their own wounds.
Regardless of whether the scar is bruised or bleeding.
All that remained was a barrage of insults.
She began to cry slowly.
Why do I have to live?
Looking at the computer.
Keep writing.
When she turned twenty-five, her illness improved, and she started going out to work.
She looked at her workplace.
A small factory.
I work there, earning 3,000 a month. The work is easy, and I can do as much as I want; it's piecework.
She likes her life very much now.
The family members' attitudes have softened.
She returned to her rented room alone.
She looked at her hands and thought, "Now I'll write a novel."
When I recovered from my illness, I was able to save 1,500 yuan a month.
After recovering from her illness, she no longer felt much pain, even seeing her stubborn parents and sharp-tongued sister.
She started to laugh, finally leaving you all behind!
I'm finally leaving you all now.
During the Chinese New Year holiday, she was looking at her computer when suddenly the door opened and someone came in. "Why did you delete your mother's WeChat account? Your mother asked you if you were coming home this year?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't want to go home."
The man said, "Why don't you want to go home?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't want to go back."
The man sat down and said, "It's not good for you to spend the New Year alone. Look at you, working alone, you haven't seen your family in a long time. What's wrong with family? Right?" Miao Xingzhou remained focused on his computer, writing his novel, and didn't reply.
After that person left, she glanced at it and continued writing her novel.
Time passed, and she had to go to work again.
The boss said, "Now that the company has too many employees, you should switch to another factory."
Miao Xingzhou started receiving his salary.
The boss said, "Your current salary is five thousand one. Take it."
Miao Xingzhou left, and now it's hard to find a job.
I should find another job.
I saw a factory was hiring, so I went in. The factory owner asked me, "What do you want to do?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I'm fine with everything."
Boss: "Are you strong?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I'm a girl, so I'm not very strong."
Boss: "Then you can do it, and put on the label."
She sits down and works nine hours a day, earning five thousand yuan a month.
It's alright.
She gets off work at 5:30, goes home, and starts cooking.
After eating, I'll write a novel.
Then I went to sleep at ten o'clock.
I woke up and it was time to go to work.
Suddenly he found himself in a strange place. When he went outside, he found that the window was not covered, which made him feel that it was seven in the morning, or it was still night.
On her way to work, she bought an egg pancake.
After that, he went to the factory and continued his work.
After get off work, looking at the sky, I wondered how I was going to go on living...
Life is so complicated it's painful.
Back in my rented room, I started cooking.
After finishing my meal, I started writing.
Lying in bed.
She gradually fell asleep.
The woman asked, "Are you really not planning to get married?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Why would I get married?"
The woman asked, "Will you regret not getting married?"
Miao Xingzhou: "If I get married, do you think I'll give birth to another mentally ill child? I don't want to harm him."
The woman sat down, while several children behind her laughed and ran around in the field.
She began to cry slowly.
The woman: "Are you homesick?"
Miao Xingzhou: "No, I was just thinking about my future path."
The woman asked, "Have you thought about what will happen in the future?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I will save some money and start living alone. Even if I die in a rented room, I will be happy. I will be happy to be able to rely on novels for the rest of my life."
The woman began to laugh and said, "Are you really sure about this now?"
Miao Xingzhou said slowly with a smile, "Of course I've thought it through. Look at my hand..."
She was wearing a silver bracelet on her wrist, which she took off and threw into the river below.
When she woke up, she was sixty years old. She looked at her savings account, which contained 300,000 yuan. She started to get into the car, but dared not go in. Suddenly, the door opened.
Brother: "Miao Xingzhou?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
Her brother grabbed her shoulders, his eyes filled with reproach.
Miao Xingzhou opened her eyes wide, then turned to leave, but her brother grabbed her clothes, saying, "It's good that you haven't died all these years. We all thought you were dead."
"Come in quickly."
Miao Xingzhou looked at his parents, who had aged so much, and didn't say a word.
Brother: "Why don't you go home?"
Miao Xingzhou didn't like to pursue the matter, nor did she want her sister to say anything cruel. She simply remained silent, looking at the house where she had grown up. Her mother stood up and asked, "Is this Miao Xingzhou?" Miao Xingzhou: "...Yes."
Her mother grabbed her hand and said, "I only said one sentence, and you just won't come home. I'll never say anything to you again."
Miao Xingzhou suddenly laughed in anger. He really hadn't changed at all. She started to rush out, but her brother grabbed her clothes. However, Miao Xingzhou still got into the car.
The mother shouted from the doorway, "Miao Xingzhou, don't be angry with your mother!"
After kneeling and weeping on the ground, Miao Xingzhou returned to his house without looking back.
Start writing.
Is it really just a single sentence?
She smiled and then slowly cried.
Aren't you happy to leave on your own?
No need to take care of yourself.
Am I not relieved too? I don't have to listen to countless insults anymore.
Over the years, she has been taken to a mental hospital by the police three times.
I almost died outside three times.
But I still didn't contact my parents, just because I was afraid my mother would say again... "I gave birth to someone like you!"
She started to cry.
Then I went to sleep.
It's all over now.
I should go there myself.
She continued writing the decimals.
I'm already sixty years old, and I don't have much time left.
If possible, I hope to live a good life.
She can earn 10,000 yuan a month from her novels.
She went out and bought a pancake.
After eating, I started to feel sleepy, so I went back to my rented room to sleep.
Looking at her elderly parents, Miao Xingzhou began to feel increasingly pained and asked, "Are you happy now?"
Mom: "Could you come a little closer?"
Miao Xingzhou stepped back, and she started running away. It wasn't that she couldn't forgive her parents, but that she was afraid.
I'm afraid of being hurt the same way again.
I'm afraid of their accusations.
Life is already good enough now, and it doesn't matter if I don't have my most important family members.
She slowly began to look at the sky. It was so beautiful, so blue.
There wasn't a single cloud in sight.
She woke up from her dream.
She suddenly broke down and cried.
Why must my fate be so bitter? It's so painful.
Will I still be alive?
Reality is so cruel; I am constantly being ostracized and isolated, and I am afraid of myself.
Living alone now is what I've always dreamed of.
She went outside and looked at the bustling street. She slowly sat down on a chair. Pedestrians glanced at her, then walked away.
Then I slowly picked up a book and started reading.
I rarely go out to play.
Now she's not going to play anymore. She's come to the rented room and is doing math there.
After finishing that, I started writing the novel.
A long time has passed.
She was seventy years old herself, and suddenly her longing became uncontrollable. In a panic, she grabbed some money, got in her car, and drove for three or four days before knocking on doors. But a middle-aged woman looked at her and asked, "Who are you looking for?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I am Miao Xingzhou."
The old man inside looked up and saw... his brother. The brother, agitated and angry, said, "You didn't even visit Mom when she died, what are you doing here now!"
Miao Xingzhou stepped back, then ran away and sat in the car, looking at those people, so unfamiliar...
Aren't I just a burden? Doesn't just looking at me annoy me?
Why suffer?
She drove away.
We stopped at a school.
No one here knew her, and she gradually began to feel pain.
It gradually began to feel like a knife scraping my heart.
Gradually, the pain numbed his body.
Why was she suffering so much? She collapsed to the ground and gradually stopped breathing.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself at home, looking at the computer and my phone with WeChat contacts from my sister and mother that I had already deleted.
She wasn't very happy.
However, pain swept in once again.
She looked at the computer and wrote quickly.
After finishing writing, I started looking at the time; it was exactly two o'clock. I then started writing quickly again.
Was it all just a dream?
After finishing writing, I started cooking.
Once everything is ready, start eating slowly.
When Dad came home, he asked, "Is dinner ready?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
Dad: "Eat the eggs!"
Dad picked up his bowl and started eating. "Are you sleeping better now?"
Miao Xingzhou glanced at it but didn't say anything.
It's actually much better now.
But she doesn't like to say that she can't support herself now.
One cannot live without parents.
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