cry
Time is a magical thing; it can turn a child into an old man.
It can cause a building to go from new to old, and eventually collapse.
She entered a dream and saw countless spaceships.
The tech-savvy parents asked, "Do you feel like you're sick?"
Her eyes were filled with pain. "I...don't know."
"Do you hope it's true now?"
"Please don't let it be true, I just want my current life."
"Um."
She began to watch countless spaceships disappear into the wormhole.
Mom: "Now that humanity has become the creator, what is your wish?"
"A wish? I have none."
Mom: "You really don't have it? Tell me now, or you'll never have another chance."
Miao Xingzhou gazed at the starry sky. "A happy family."
She woke up from her dream and looked at the night.
I went downstairs and wrote a treatise.
Suddenly, Mom said, "Miao Xingzhou, you're up so early!"
Miao Xingzhou: "I'm going to sleep later."
Mom: "Go to sleep now. It's not good for you. What time is it?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Two o'clock."
Mom: "Come quick!"
They went upstairs.
Living an ordinary and healthy life is also a blessing.
She slowly fell asleep.
Another version of her. "Why choose to live when you've failed so miserably?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't know either."
"Why is living so painful?"
Miao Xingzhou looked at him and said, "Can't you live if you're not outstanding?"
"You are a burden to your parents. What's the point of living like this?"
Miao Xingzhou: "But life cannot be lost for any reason."
She woke up.
Mom: "Are you alright now?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
When I reread the novel, there was still no improvement.
No matter how many times, it's always a failure.
She started to feel unwell.
Am I still not earning a single penny even in my thirties?
My sister has a day off today, it's the factory boss's day off, but when I called her, she hung up, she was sleeping.
She is an indecisive person who easily takes her mother's words as her guide.
For example, Mom scolds Dad for being lazy, saying he relies on her for everything.
I do have that feeling.
She looked at the computer screen. Although her father was lazy, her mother still loved him.
She is happy every day.
These days are getting better and better.
I hope that life will get better and better.
No more illness or disaster.
Then it was evening, and it looked like it was time to cook again.
These days are truly depressing, and I feel incredibly miserable. But if I persevere, will I succeed?
Can I succeed?
Is it possible to earn 3,000 a month?!
Her eyes sparkled with gold, and she was always smiling.
Is it possible to succeed at thirty or fifty?
She slowly prepared dinner, and her father came home to eat together. Suddenly, she saw herself at sixty years old, with no money for medical treatment, her older sisters and brothers neglecting her, and herself wandering outside alone, with no one to take care of her.
He eventually died in the street.
She called her sister, who replied, "Everyone has to rely on themselves. I have no money, what can I do?"
Miao Xingzhou: "You're not going to send me to a mental hospital and abandon me for the rest of my life, are you?"
Sister: "I don't have the money to send you to a mental hospital."
Miao Xingzhou: "You're not going to watch me go crazy and die outside, are you?"
Sister: "I already told you I have no money. Even if you die on the street, I won't collect your body."
She hung up the phone and felt her body turn cold.
Why is my own sister so indifferent?
My future is uncertain.
My future won't be good.
People like her will not have a good ending.
She even wanted to die; she felt terrible.
I long for happiness, but I can't achieve it.
Many mental patients do not have a good outcome; perhaps their fate was already sealed the moment they were diagnosed with the illness.
If death is inevitable, why not die now so that you won't suffer later?
She watched as countless painful memories flooded back.
I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean. Why am I even alive?
Why should I live like this?!
She began to contemplate suicide.
Why am I in so much pain...?
She didn't want it to be like this.
But my heart aches terribly.
Endless suffering.
Mom listened with a smile but didn't say anything, as if it had nothing to do with her, as if this was the best outcome for her.
She looked up pesticides online and found they only cost one or two yuan.
She texted her sister, "Please transfer me one yuan."
"The pesticide only costs one yuan."
If she turns to me, I'll die...
Sister: You're doing it again, aren't you?
Sister: Who are you trying to hurt by doing this?
Sister: It will only hurt yourself.
Miao Xingzhou: I don't want to suffer in the future.
Sister: So you're so afraid of dying? We'll talk about the future later.
Sister: Live one day at a time, why are you thinking so far ahead?
Her tears gradually subsided.
If that happens, will I choose to die?
Do they feel happy too?
They might be happy if I died.
Just like the self in my dream said, you are a burden.
She continued writing novels.
As the sky gradually brightened and then cleared, it started raining outside. I went out and saw countless people walking on it.
My future is definitely going to be terrible.
Survival itself is a problem.
When I was fifty years old, after picking wild berries and returning home, my father said, "We're seventy years old now. You can't rely on us anymore. Go and get a job."
Miao Xingzhou: "Working?"
Mom: "If you can pick wild berries for tea now but don't work, how will you afford to go to the hospital later?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I can't handle this alone."
Mom: "You're not going to eat us for the rest of your life, are you?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I can still support myself now, I don't need to work."
Mom: "If you don't work, what will you do in the future?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I want to make money by writing novels."
"You won't make any money doing this!" Mom said sternly.
Dad also lowered his head and frowned.
I know I shouldn't have done this, but I really can't work. Sometimes my head hurts terribly.
I also often feel sleepy, and it's hard to work from home.
My sister is right, but the only way to get a disabled person to work is to beg on the street, and she can't bring herself to beg on the street.
If I were in good health, I probably wouldn't do this.
I am unable to take care of myself.
Life was in complete chaos.
Why do I have to live such a painful life?
Wouldn't it be better for you if I died?
It's better to be dead now.
Suddenly she regained her composure, telling herself, "Don't think about dying!"
As she watched countless children begin to appear, she cried out, "They must not commit suicide!"
"You must not commit suicide. Live on."
She woke up from her dream and saw that it was 10 p.m. She got up and slowly started doing math.
Mom came downstairs and said, "You're still writing those useless things."
My mother is getting old. She chuckled to herself and said, "You got up because you couldn't sleep?"
Mom: "I'm hungry."
Miao Xingzhou: "There's food in the kitchen."
As her mother brought out the food, she said, "What will you do if you don't work now?"
Miao Xingzhou: "If something happens in the future, I'm not afraid of dying."
Mom: "It's not good to die, you're just thinking about it."
Miao Xingzhou: "What can we do then?"
Mom: "Go to work and save tens of thousands."
Miao Xingzhou: "Who would hire me for this kind of work?"
Mom: "You're just lazy now!"
Miao Xingzhou: "I'm sick, and it's hard to find a job these days!"
Mom was exasperated. "Whatever! I have a headache!"
Miao Xingzhou frowned.
Her mother went upstairs, and she started crying again.
In the dream, the technologically advanced parents asked, "Why are you crying?"
Miao Xingzhou: "They all say that relying on yourself and others is useless, but if you let someone who has lived in a greenhouse since childhood, who is still fragile and cannot withstand the slightest wind and sand, go out to survive on their own, if I go out to work alone, I will die out there!"
The other person laughed and said, "You think family is heartless?"
Miao Xingzhou: "All I know is that my future will be terrible, that I'll be treated coldly by my family, and all I want is to die now so I won't have to go through all this coldness anymore."
That version of myself: "Are you crying because of their coldness, or because you're afraid of dying later?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Their coldness doesn't matter!"
Suddenly she felt herself falling endlessly. She closed her eyes and slowly sank into the mud, where she suddenly woke up suffocating.
Looking at my hands, I'm only in my twenties. What exactly is a dream?
She turned on her computer, her mouth opening in an "o" shape.
My novel actually got a contract! What year is it? 2028!
What have I done in the past three years?
She began to happily write novels.
Mom got up and asked, "How much did you earn this month?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Ten yuan."
Mom: "Ten yuan, I can earn that in an hour."
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
Mom: "Smile more now, don't be unhappy."
Miao Xingzhou smiled and said, "Yes."
Mom: "Things will get better in the future."
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
She began to immerse herself in writing novels.
But dreams don't always come so easily.
She has only a few novels in her collection, and very few of them have been read to the end.
He started to feel like crying. It had been three years, and it was still so difficult.
Family life can be very realistic at times; no one will give unconditionally.
No one will treat you better than they treat themselves.
She started cooking at daybreak.
Mom: "Are you happy now that you're making money writing novels?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I will be able to support myself."
Mom: "If you want to support yourself, it's simple, just take your medicine properly."
Miao Xingzhou: "I need to focus on writing novels now."
Mom: "It's completely unrealistic for you to make money by writing novels now."
Miao Xingzhou: "But I like it."
She wrote novels on her computer day and night.
As I gradually finished writing, I turned thirty.
I barely earn 500 a month.
Looking at her, Mom smiled and asked, "When are you going to start working?"
Miao Xingzhou: "If I go to work, will you come with me?"
Mom: "You should work so you can support yourself and save some money."
She said, "I will get better and better at writing novels."
Days passed, but the money he earned was still only a small amount.
But she resolutely refused to work.
Every day in my dreams I see countless spade faces.
They laughed and stuck out their black tongues.
Fearing, Miao Xingzhou turned and ran away.
They laughed and said, "Don't you want to die? Don't run!"
She saw the Bridge of Helplessness, and as she slowly walked across it, countless evil spirits lay beneath it.
She slowly shed a tear on the Bridge of Helplessness.
When he woke up, he exclaimed in surprise, "Mom!"
When Mom woke up, she asked, "What's wrong?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I actually earned seven hundred from my novel!"
Mom laughed and said, "You'll earn even more in the future, what's seven hundred?!"
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