Don't be sad.
Will I get better?
He stared at the computer screen, wondering what the future held.
Now, in the future, and beyond.
After that, he looked at the computer and remained silent as always.
It's really quite difficult.
Why can't I write novels well? Is it because of illness?
I used to be quite smart, but I've become stupid since I got this disease.
Why do I write novels now? I don't earn a single penny from it.
What can I do to support myself?
Mom answered the phone.
"Are you always trying to do something?"
Miao Xingzhou didn't answer, but it seemed that was the case.
Mom said, "You're even thinking about it in your sleep, aren't you?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I didn't think about it while I was sleeping."
Mom: "Mmm."
They quickly ran out of things to talk about.
Mom went back to work.
It's certainly comfortable to live at home, but seeing my mother working to support me despite my poor health is unbearable.
I really wish I could work.
Looking at the time, Mom will be home soon.
She was somewhat afraid of her older sister and mother because they always spoke with a sharp tongue to annoy her.
I make myself cry every time.
She continued writing novels.
If I can't work for someone else my whole life, I must write novels to make money!
Even if it's extremely difficult, you can't give up.
He watched countless people walk by.
Even if I live for thirty or fifty years, I still won't be able to write a successful novel.
Should I give up?
Enter the dream.
The woman said, "Dreams are really important. Are you really considering giving up?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't know."
The woman said, "If you hadn't gotten sick, you probably wouldn't still be writing novels at all."
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
The woman asked, "Do you still want to see what your future holds?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Those are all fake."
Woman: "The life you're hoping for only has a 10% chance of happening, but even if it's only 10%, will you still insist on it?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
A spade appeared in the woman's hand. "Here's the Queen of Spades."
Miao Xingzhou failed to catch the spade and then woke up from his dream.
How am I supposed to live?
My fate is already so terrible, how can I possibly survive?
She was looking at the novel, which hadn't gained a single new favorite for several months.
How should I live my life?
She couldn't think of any other path besides writing novels.
I feel anxious every day.
The writing is not good either.
Whether I can survive is really hard to say.
If you get better on your own, you can go back to work.
Go outside and look at the streets, how am I supposed to live?
There must be hope.
Ten years? Twenty years? Thirty years...
She looked at what was written, and it was very poor.
I gradually became a little frustrated.
When doing math, I can't even solve a simple word problem.
I've been a failure since I was a child.
While I was sleeping, I heard a voice saying, "Why is Mom upset? Even if you don't earn money, it's still easy to support yourself."
Miao Xingzhou looked up and saw a huge statue of a god.
I have no children!
Child: "Why doesn't Mommy want the child?"
She looked at it and said, "I...can't keep it alive."
Child: "You're just afraid of ruining your dreams, right?"
A woman appeared, holding a bouquet of flowers, which began to turn black.
Miao Xingzhou asked, "Who exactly are you?"
Woman: "Who we are is not important. What matters is what your future holds; it depends on you."
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't understand why I have to suffer like this."
Woman: "Have you been defeated before the calamity even arrived?"
Miao Xingzhou: "My sister once told me, 'You'll die of laziness. If you have a pancake hanging around your neck, you'll eat the side that's hanging down, but you won't eat the side that's not. In the end, you'll starve to death.'"
Woman: "So what do you want to do?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't want to stay in a mental hospital, nor do I want to starve to death."
Woman: "So what are you thinking?"
"I want to support myself."
Woman: "You only need a thousand a month, which isn't much. You can easily support yourself."
Miao Xingzhou: "But..."
Woman: "What's wrong with that?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I can't earn a single penny right now."
The woman slowly walked in. "The fact that you can't earn a single penny right now doesn't mean anything."
Miao Xingzhou: "I know that if my parents pass away and I can't support myself, what's the point of living a disabled life?"
Woman: "Are you still afraid of this?"
Child: "Are you scared if this happens?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't want to be a bird with clipped wings."
Woman: "Ever since you got this disease, you've been a bird with clipped wings."
Woman: "Do you want to be the Queen of Spades?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I am not the Queen of Spades."
Woman: "What's the point if you're afraid to become the Queen of Spades!"
Miao Xingzhou woke up from his dream and suddenly found a Queen of Spades on the ground, but it disappeared when he tried to pick it up.
Mom called from outside the door, "Time to take your medicine."
Miao Xingzhou started taking his medicine.
She went downstairs and saw that Ga Gong was still sleeping in bed, his body as thin as a skeleton.
Mom said, "You eat, I'll go call Grandpa."
Miao Xingzhou watched as his mother excitedly entered Ga Gong's room.
Ga Gong refused in every way possible.
Mom smiled and threatened, "Just one bite!"
But the few grains of rice that were fed to him were thrown on the ground by Ga Gong.
Mom smiled helplessly, "Then when will you eat?"
Ga Gong: "Wait a minute!"
The mother had no choice but to leave.
Miao Xingzhou looked at his mother and said, "Grandpa isn't eating now, what should we do?"
The mother glanced at Miao Xingzhou but didn't say anything.
She wanted to say something more, but her mother said, "Don't say anything, I have a headache!"
Miao Xingzhou started looking at his phone.
Mom: "Children shouldn't meddle in adult matters!"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
Mom: "What do you like to eat?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I don't have any favorite foods."
Miao Xingzhou: "Besides, I can't even buy what I like."
Mom: "I'm going to sleep now."
Since getting this illness, he has become clingy and sleeps next to his mother.
Mom said, "Don't disturb me when you wake up."
After sleeping for about an hour, I woke up, played on my phone for a bit, and then grabbed my mom's hand.
Mom slowly woke up.
Miao Xingzhou: "How many hours do you sleep?"
Mom looked at the time, "One o'clock?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
Mom slowly began to say, "I'll sleep a little longer."
Miao Xingzhou was watching videos on his mother's phone.
Mom woke up again after sleeping for thirty-five minutes.
Mom started taking her phone, and they started watching videos together.
Miao Xingzhou: "Mom, do you miss your own mother right now?"
Mother: "I think there's no way I can see him again."
Miao Xingzhou: "So you don't work, you take care of Grandpa, right?"
Mom: "Mmm."
Miao Xingzhou got up with his mother, who walked to a chair and sat down.
Mom started chatting with her aunt.
"It's the fruit that grows on pine trees, and it costs more than thirty yuan per kilogram!"
Aunt: "Are there still pine cones on the pine tree?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Pine nuts."
Mom: "Yes, it's pine nuts."
They talked for a long time.
Miao Xingzhou was reading a book in the room.
Mom came in and said, "Miao Xingzhou, let's go eat now."
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
They went upstairs to their uncle's house for a meal.
We ate braised pork and stewed meat.
Dad picked up a large piece of braised meat and asked, "Who wants some?"
After asking several people who didn't want it, Dad smiled and said, "Then I'll eat it."
She remembered that when she was making cabbage for herself yesterday, her father was hungry and asked if there was any more vegetables. He seemed to really like braised meat. Her father is getting old and his teeth aren't good anymore.
Uncle: "There are drinks in the refrigerator, one bottle for each of you."
Miao Xingzhou saw that there were only three bottles, which was not enough for four people, so she said, "I don't want any."
The eldest uncle frowned, and in the end only Mom and Dad ate.
Miao Xingzhou felt very embarrassed.
While chatting with her mother, she said, "My sister said, 'Miao Xingzhou, why haven't you added me yet?'"
Miao Xingzhou laughed, "It hurts to talk to her."
Mom smiled and asked, "Why does your heart hurt?"
Miao Xingzhou: "I kept urging her to go out and buy groceries. She got angry."
Mom: "Is it because you keep saying things like 'what should we do'..."
"She's already angry?"
Miao Xingzhou: "She said: I'm not going there! I don't care what you say!"
Mom smiled.
Miao Xingzhou: "I urged her to go because she was always on her phone. Buying groceries would allow me to chat with her."
Mom: "She likes playing on her phone."
They stopped talking when they had nothing to talk about. When it was time for bed, Mom said, "Now you can't come home or come with me to write novels anymore."
Miao Xingzhou: "Writing novels doesn't make money anyway."
Mom: "Well, it doesn't really matter whether you write it or not."
Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."
She slowly opened her eyes, "My future is so uncertain..."
An angry voice boomed, "You said it again!"
Miao Xingzhou: "Then let's go to sleep."
Mom: "You're not a three-year-old baby who needs Mommy to breastfeed you?"
Miao Xingzhou: "You're disgusting."
Daylight broke.
Time goes by day by day, and there's nothing you can't get through.
Miao Xingzhou stayed at Ga Gong's house for a long time and didn't go home to write his novel for a long time, so he could only write his novel on his mobile phone.
She looked at her mother. Although they sometimes argued, family members never hold grudges overnight.
She still loves her mother the most.
Mom said, "Do you want to go back now?"
Miao Xingzhou: "Mom, do you want to stay here alone?"
Mom: "I'm here for you."
Miao Xingzhou: "I'm fine."
Mom: "If you can't stay here any longer, then go back."
Actually, I was quite happy at the Gagong house because I was able to see my mother.
My mother loves to laugh, but she also loves to get angry.
But she was rarely sad. She rarely saw her mother cry, or her father cry.
It seems like they don't shed tears at all. When will I be able to become like that? I'm clearly twenty-three years old.
Looking at the azure sky with its wispy white clouds.
Unlimited dreams soar through the sky.
The sky is filled with all kinds of lives, and they are all going through the same process.
Miao Xingzhou noticed that it was already evening.
When will the dream I've chosen come true?
If possible, it's best not to wait until you regret it to realize it.
Life is like a cup of bitter wine; if you taste it now, you'll be drunk as a dung beet later.
She looked at her mother.
Mom must be very sad.
I wish my mother wouldn't be sad.
Thinking that I might end up like that in the future, I feel a little lost and unsure of what to do.
I might not live that long at all; I might die before my mother.
My health wasn't good to begin with, and I've been taking medication for a long time...
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