Chapter 56 I Don't Blame You
The air suddenly became still.
"Zhizhi makes a good point," Guan Nannan suddenly realized.
Guan Liuliu glanced at her in alarm, her eyes darting around like a bewildered deer.
Guan Nannan was speechless for a moment. She had a relationship with her second sister for more than ten years and was also closely related to Guan Zhiwei by blood. Her mouth seemed to have become a sharp blade, and she could easily hurt anyone with whatever she said. She was caught in a dilemma.
They had emotional ties and unavoidable hardships, but Guan Zhiwei was an outsider. She didn't understand, as if she were immature and all the suffering was caused by her alone.
Even though the First Madam knew she was the most innocent, the pain and anger could only flow towards the weaker ones, such as her daughter who had just been found.
"It's all my fault, okay?" The First Madam hugged Guan Liuliu tightly in her arms.
Guan Liuliu was in some pain from being strangled, but she dared not struggle. Her mother was her only hope, and the tighter the grip, the more she would sink into despair together.
The two women hugged each other and wept bitterly, as if they had suffered a great injury and Guan Zhiwei was the perpetrator.
Guan Zhiwei thought to herself, she really enjoyed being the perpetrator.
She asked expectantly, "Guan Liuliu, do you like the name Guan Zhizhi?"
Guan Liuliu stopped crying, unable to fathom her thoughts, and could only say in a positive light: "The banks are lined with sand, and the branches sway in the waves. Your name is very beautiful."
"I'm glad you like it." She clapped her hands. "Then I can give you the name Guan Zhizhi, and it will be natural for you to live in Lizhiyuan."
She thought to herself, "I'm such a problem-solving genius. I've already given away this terrible name."
Everyone was shocked by these words.
Guan Liuliu forgot to cry and stammered, "This...this won't do, sister, you don't have to let me have it."
Guan Nannan frowned. "They even steal my name! This is too much!"
Lord Guan was not satisfied. He even gave up his name; he was too easy to bully.
Guan Zhiwei sighed repeatedly, wondering why she couldn't send off this damned name.
"Zhizhi, why are you so mean!" The First Madam clenched her fists anxiously, thinking: She's not genuinely willing to give up the name; she's clearly mocking Liu Liu for taking everything, so she might as well give it all up.
Guan Zhiwei looked at the First Madam. Compared to the Madam's harsh words, she was so calm that she was practically unmoved. She waved her hand and said, "Mother, don't worry, I don't blame you."
Her words surprised everyone again. What did she mean?
Even the First Madam was taken aback: "What do you mean by 'you don't blame me'?"
“I don’t blame you for being biased. You raised her from a tiny baby who couldn’t even move, watching her roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk. You love her dearly; she is your little pride. You’ve poured your heart and soul into her, building a deep bond over more than a decade. Suddenly, someone tells you that she’s not your biological daughter. Even if you know it rationally, your emotions won’t allow you to believe it, because accepting that she’s not your daughter is no less than a separation of life and death.”
Every word was like a knife piercing my heart.
The First Madam's eyes welled up with tears; she had been touched to the core.
She never expected that among all the people in the room, the one who understood her best was actually her daughter who had just been brought back home.
Guan Liuliu watched as the other woman's words touched her mother's heart, and her mother's grip on her weakened. Overwhelmed with panic, she choked back sobs, "Mother, my sister is so understanding, I feel so ashamed. Let me die to atone for my sins to my sister."
"What nonsense are you talking about? Don't do anything foolish again." The First Madam's attention immediately shifted to Liu Liu.
Guan Nannan sighed, looking at Guan Zhiwei with some sympathy, and kept trying to make amends: "Your mother loves you too."
It's just two words, as if it comes with the word "love".
They all tacitly agreed that the First Madam loved Guan Liuliu more.
But Guan Zhiwei felt that the First Madam's protectiveness of Guan Liuliu was not necessarily out of maternal love.
She just needed someone to share her pain at this time, to pity someone who wasn't innocent, so that it could offset her guilt for losing her child.
Love is what a mother can have when she has the capacity. When a mother is overwhelmed with her own needs, all she has left is to escape.
Guan Zhiwei saw right through her and said with a smile, "I am your daughter, everyone knows that, but the saliva in your mouth is also yours. If you spit it into the bowl and then have to drink it back, you'll feel just as disgusted and uncomfortable. Knowing and being able to accept are two different things, so this is not your fault."
The First Madam felt as if her heart was being fried in a pan of oil.
She called out in a trembling voice, "Zhizhi, Zhizhi..."
Guan Zhiwei got goosebumps from being called twice, and she didn't want to hear the squeaking anymore.
She said firmly, "Mother, there's no need to say anything more. I understand."
I know your pain, your predicament, and your unwillingness to face it.
I don't blame you, I forgive you, I choose to forgive you.
Because I simply don't care. I've had thirty or forty mothers like you who can't tell the difference between inside and outside, there are just too many to count.
Lord Guan looked at her thoughtfully, his gaze shifting back and forth, as if he were scrutinizing something.
"You must be wondering why I'm so open-minded."
Guan Zhiwei said with a compassionate expression, "That's because I'm a nun. Amitabha... oh, I mean, Immeasurable Heavenly Venerable. Please call me by my Dharma name, Zhiwei. Thank you."
After laying the groundwork for a while, she finally got to the point.
I don't understand why you hate the name Zhizhi?
When no one was around, Guan Zhiwei answered the question.
"It all started a long time ago, before I was kidnapped. I was just a cocky young man. One day, I saw a cat catching a mouse on the street, not eating it, just playing with it. I couldn't help but say that the mouse was pitiful and that killing it was cruel. The cat heard me, and it was really wicked. It dodged a few times with feints and then swatted the mouse at me with one paw. The mouse landed on my face and crawled into my collar... Do I need to say more?"
【Ha ha ha ha--】
Guan Zhiwei collapsed onto the bed, utterly despondent.
She eventually moved into Lychee Garden, which she brought up herself. She even refused the suggestion to prepare another room and insisted on sharing a bed with Guan Liuliu.
Her reasoning was sound: it was to prevent Guan Liuliu from contemplating suicide.
The reason is reasonable, but it's unreasonable for her to say it. Given their relationship, if Guan Liuliu hanged herself, it would be her kicking the stool.
The First Madam was afraid that the stray cat would harm her pet kitten, so she firmly disagreed and insisted on separating the two.
But Lord Guan spoke up, and he agreed, saying, "Only a resilient person deserves to be called my daughter." As he left, his suggestive glance was full of meaning.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com