Chapter 87 The Victim [Bonus Chapter]
When Atu was born, it was a year of abundant harvest, and he weighed a full seven and a half pounds.
Madam Feng's breast milk was wonderful. He suckled on it, crying loudly before eating and then acting as if he were drunk, closing his eyes and wearing a satisfied smile on his round cheeks.
Even when he was asleep, he wanted to stay in his mother's arms. When Madam Feng got tired of holding him and put him down, he would immediately wake up, his little hands outstretched, his mouth uttering incoherent sounds, his lips pouting in grievance, tears rolling down his face, as if he had suffered some great injustice.
He doesn't like being held by anyone, he only likes his mother.
He wanted to stay nestled in his mother's arms forever, guarding his granary, as if all the happiness in his life was contained in this moment.
When he was three or four months old, he thought he and his mother were one person. When he was five or six months old, he would call out "Mom". When he was seven or eight months old, he had separation anxiety. When he was one year old, he learned to walk and needed his mother's help. When he was one and a half years old, he could walk, but he refused to walk anymore and wanted his mother to carry him.
With a single gesture of his little hand, he always makes you guess what he means.
Madam Feng held her hand and stayed up countless nights, raising an infant into a child little by little, and then, nothing more.
When a child is injured, a mother is overwhelmed with guilt—"I didn't protect him." That guilt and self-blame feel like they're being controlled, suffocating her. As the child grows older, this protective instinct diminishes year by year.
Before Madam Feng could even be separated from her child, the child was gone.
Since Guan Zhiwei couldn't lift Madam Feng up, she simply sat down with her.
Autumn is really cool, especially in the evening. The howling autumn wind makes people feel cold, whether you go inside or outside.
She pulled Madam Feng into her arms, but unfortunately, Madam Feng was wearing armor, and the armor was cold.
Fortunately, Madam Feng didn't care. She just needed someone to lean on. After venting her emotions, she felt completely limp and numb.
She didn't know what she had done wrong, or why this was happening!
She watched as her own home became ruins, as her neighbor's home became ruins, as she saw the dead in her own family, as she saw the dead all over the streets, and suddenly she broke down in tears:
"I killed someone, Xiao Guan, I killed someone!"
"It's okay, I'm not a law-abiding person either."
Dead bodies are everywhere, yet some people still feel pain for the murders they committed.
Suddenly, Madam Feng asked calmly, "Can I kill someone again?"
"Can."
Guan Zhiwei said, "I'm back."
Madam Feng struggled to her feet and staggered out. As she walked, she seemed to regain her strength and began to run.
She wanted to avenge Atu; she wanted to kill those bastards who threw stones at civilian houses.
The rebels were escorted into the city in groups, like a dense swarm of ants. They looked different, but from a distance, they all seemed the same.
Every face showed signs of poverty, with deep wrinkles like parched earth, unable to squeeze out a drop of moisture, as if the person was about to crack open.
Madam Feng stopped by the roadside, her eyes wide. Almost in a daze, she turned around and asked helplessly, "Who killed my son? Who should I hate?"
Guan Zhiwei couldn't answer her; she just stared at her intently.
[What are you thinking? Annoyed that you didn't save them? You could have! It's just a romance, you know how to strategize, you're very familiar with it, it won't be difficult.]
The system's voice was shrill, as if trying to pierce her frozen heart and make her no longer cold-hearted.
Only those with a warm heart can handle it best.
Guan Zhiwei rubbed her red nose, took a deep breath, and said, "I was thinking, if she's so heartbroken, how heartbroken must my mom be?"
He lost his daughter in middle age.
I could have gone shopping with my daughter, bought clothes together, watched movies together, cooked together, and had her take care of me when I was sick.
Everything is ruined.
Guan Zhiwei was so angry she wanted to grind her teeth.
"I'll help you kill someone."
"Who to kill?"
"Everyone."
Madam Feng walked toward Guan Zhiwei.
She tried her best to maintain her dilapidated home, a home that was broken and drafty, no longer able to shelter her from the wind and rain, but there was a place where she, her son, and Yan Chunsheng still felt like a normal home.
A huge rock fell down, leaving her all alone. She would rather live a weary life with her family than endure this utter loneliness.
She was in pain, she was insane.
And then it's all set.
Because living is about accepting and then continuing to live.
These days, Guan Zhiwei has been keeping Feng Niangzi company, fetching water, chopping wood, and cooking.
Madam Feng was hungry, but she felt guilty while eating. "My son is dead, how can I still eat?"
She can not only eat, she can also defecate and urinate; she is a human being, and suffering and life coexist within her.
On the third day, Gao Huan arrived with the Grand Tutor's robes, indicating that she needed to attend the morning court session.
Guan Zhiwei put on her clothes, climbed halfway onto the oxcart, turned around, and asked, "Will you commit suicide? Will I see your corpse when I come back?"
"No," Madam Feng replied weakly, but with a firm resolve.
Guan Zhiwei boarded the oxcart with peace of mind. The oxcart moved steadily, allowing her to take in the scenery on both sides. Houses damaged in the war were being repaired little by little, and more and more people were emerging from the streets. Wildfire cannot destroy them; the spring breeze brings them back to life.
She entered the palace, went to the main hall, took off her shoes, but carried a knife.
Everyone else had already arrived, including the emperor; she was the last to arrive.
She had a place that belonged to her, above all the court officials.
The nobles became increasingly polite to her, and their eyes grew more wary.
When they discussed matters, they would always ask for her opinion, but she would nod indifferently, lost in her own thoughts, her mind completely elsewhere.
"...Your Majesty, I wish to accuse Grand Tutor Guan of murdering court officials without cause!"
It took Guan Zhiwei a while to come to her senses. The other person had already said a long string of words, and she vaguely heard the names Sui Ying and Sui Xing.
It took her a while to remember that she seemed to have killed two people at the banquet. Oh dear, she'd killed so many people, she couldn't even recall them all.
"Who are you?" she asked.
The court fell silent.
The man cried out in grief and indignation: "Even if I die today, I, a nobody, will uphold justice for the court and never let you, a traitor, do as you please!"
Guan Zhiwei hadn't yet made a move to kill anyone, but the person seemed to have accepted that he was doomed to die that day.
The way people looked at her was as if she were some heinous criminal, that she was the one who had brought this country to its knees, and that she would be written into history books as a sinner for all time.
And because he was not afraid of powerful figures and dared to speak out, he will surely be remembered in history.
To die for one's principles—what a high honor! To climb onto the list of famous ministers by stepping over treacherous officials.
Guan Zhiwei seemed to understand why Gao Yang had killed the high-ranking officials in court. He was courting death; he had deliberately bumped his neck against my knife, almost shattering it.
I'm the victim here!
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