Chapter 54 Chapter 54 When the baby is born, I will go with...
After receiving this letter, Su Yan was uneasy all night. In the middle of the night, she realized that Qin Zhanwu had not returned tonight.
She fell asleep in a daze. When she woke up in the morning, she found Qin Zhanwu sleeping on the sofa in the living room outside. It was a single-seater sofa and no one could sleep on it. He was just sitting on it.
Su Yan walked over and saw that his face was flushed and he reeked of alcohol. One of his shoes was thrown far away at the door, and his slippers were not worn properly, so both were thrown aside casually.
Su Yan felt like vomiting because of the smell of alcohol. She hurried over and opened the window to ventilate the air.
Qin Zhanwu woke up and stood up dazedly: "You're awake."
He didn't know how much he drank last night, and he was still a little unsteady when he stood up. Su Yan was a little unhappy. She quickly supported him and said, "Go to bed. It's a day off today, you can sleep as long as you want!"
Qin Zhanwu nodded, walked into the house, and fell headfirst onto the bed. Su Yan tucked him in and was about to go out to get breakfast when she asked him to hold her hand. "Are you really not going to join the army with me?"
Su Yan thought he was just talking drunkenly. She took his hand away and tucked it under the quilt. Then she listened to him say with his eyes closed: "I know, you just want to have a child and then get a divorce! You've been thinking about Shanghai... Shanghai is so nice... Shanghai is a big city..."
Su Yan was frightened by these words. She suspected that Qin Zhanwu had already read the letter from Shanghai. She sat on the edge of the bed and asked tentatively, "How come you helped me get the letter from Shanghai yesterday?"
Qin Zhanwu suddenly opened his eyes and stared at Su Yan. After a while, his eyes began to lose focus, and his temples felt swollen and sore. He turned his head away, no longer looking at Su Yan, and asked, "What's wrong with the letter? Whose letter is it?"
His eyes were a bit scary, and Su Yan felt a chill in her heart. After a moment of silence, she said, "It was a classmate from Shanghai. We haven't been in touch for a long time. I don't know why he sent a letter to the machinery factory. I guess a postman who knew me well and knew I was living in the military academy's family quarters, so he delivered the letter."
Qin Zhanwu lay with his head tilted, looking very uncomfortable. After listening to Su Yan's words, he hummed and asked, "Since we are classmates, why can't we not keep in touch? The friendship of college classmates is a precious treasure for a lifetime. The friendship between college classmates is no less than that of others..."
Su Yan sat by the bed, feeling that Qin Zhanwu's words were full of meaning and hidden meaning. She didn't know how to respond, so she kept silent. After sitting for a while, she saw Qin Zhanwu gradually close his eyes and stopped talking. She thought he was gradually falling asleep, so she wanted to leave.
As soon as she stood up, she asked Qin Zhanwu to grab her wrist. Qin Zhanwu seemed to be still drunk, confused and unconscious, holding Su Yan's hand without saying a word.
Su Yan had no choice but to sit down again, and with one hand she asked him to hold tightly, while with the other she gently massaged his temples. Slowly, Qin Zhanwu's expression gradually relaxed, and he even began to snore softly.
Su Yan saw that he fell asleep, with one hand still tightly holding her wrist, without any intention of loosening. She knew in her heart that Qin Zhanwu was really abnormal today, and she suspected that Qin Zhanwu might have read the letter.
Su Yan thought of this possibility and then shook her head. Although Qin Zhanwu was a little petty about his own affairs, he was definitely not the kind of person who would peek at other people's letters. She thought about it and thought that maybe the photo had fallen out. The group photo was only slightly larger than the registration photo.
Su Yan recalled that the letter didn't seem to be glued firmly, and it seemed like it could fall out. The thought of this made her heart ache. She looked at Qin Zhanwu, and saw that his eyes were red and his chin was covered with stubble. She sighed softly. Somehow, seeing him like this, she felt a pang of pain in her heart.
When Qin Zhanwu fell into a deeper sleep, Su Yan gently took his hand away from her wrist. Unexpectedly, Qin Zhanwu woke up with a start as soon as she moved.
Su Yan said, "I'll go get you a glass of honey water. Let me sober you up first, then go to sleep, okay?"
The honey was wild honey, which Qin Zhanwu bought from a fellow villager in the mountains. He bought it to supplement Su Yan's nutrition. He shook his head: "There is not much to begin with, not enough for you to drink."
Su Yan smiled and said, "I made a cup of honey water last night. I don't know what happened, but I vomited as soon as I smelled that smell. So, if you don't drink it, just leave it there..."
After hearing this, Qin Zhanwu believed it. Su Yan couldn't stand any smell for a while. She used to be able to eat honey and drink milk, but now she couldn't smell milk. She said it was too fishy and she would vomit after drinking it.
Seeing that he had let go, Su Yan went to the kitchen and made a cup of honey water. She brought it in and handed it to Qin Zhanwu, and sure enough, he drank it in one gulp.
Qin Zhanwu put down the cup and said to Su Yan, "I'm going back to my original unit, ahead of schedule, in the next few days. Last week, the organization asked me about my personal wishes, and I will obey their arrangements."
After hearing this, Su Yan was not as happy as she had imagined. She only said lightly, "I know. My sister-in-law next door also told me yesterday."
Qin Zhanwu felt a headache and pinched his brow. He said, "We've just gotten married, and I'm leaving now. I'm really sorry. However, I'm a soldier, and it's my duty. I can only ask for your understanding. Before I go, I think it would be better to have a frank discussion about our marriage."
They said they were having a frank talk, but Qin Zhanwu still said more: "I know that if we didn't have this child, you wouldn't agree to marry me. At least, you wouldn't agree to marry me so soon. I know you don't want to get married and have a child at this age."
Su Yan suddenly felt that Qin Zhanwu knew all her little thoughts and actions, but he just didn't want to point them out.
Qin Zhanwu continued, "But no matter how unwilling you are, we are already married. You said before that you agreed to the birth of the child. After the birth, if you think about divorce, I will never agree to it and will never allow it to happen."
Su Yan hesitated. After a moment's thought, she changed her words: "I don't want to have a child, not because I don't like him. I'm just afraid I can't teach him well, that he won't be able to grow up to be a healthy and happy person, that he'll resent me for bringing him into this world. I don't want to get married because I'm afraid the pain of marriage will outweigh the happiness. I'm afraid that even though we're doing well now, things may not always be the same in the future."
Su Yan is a complete pessimist. If she had not come to the 1960s by chance and had not had an accident after drinking, she would probably never have gotten married and would never have had children.
Qin Zhanwu reached out to touch Su Yan's hair. She had shoulder-length hair that she usually wore in a braid, loosely tied at the back. He sighed slightly and said, "It's going to be okay now, and it's going to be even better in the future. Trust me, okay?"
Su Yan didn't know what to say. Perhaps she should trust herself, not Qin Zhanwu, and believe that she could have a happy marriage. She looked at Qin Zhanwu's earnest eyes and couldn't say anything else. She could only nod and say, "Okay!"
Neither the couple asked each other about Yang Mo, and it was as if they had never known anything about Chu Si.
A few days later, before dawn, Qin Zhanwu was about to pack up his luggage and head back to his unit. Su Yanyi got dressed and wanted to see him off, but he held her back at home, saying, "It's snowing heavily outside. If you're afraid of the cold, don't go. I'll get in the car at the door and go straight to the train station."
Su Yan asked him, "When will you be back?"
Qin Zhanwu looked at her silently without saying anything. After a while, he said, "I can't promise. I can only say that you should try to come back the month you give birth."
Su Yan nodded. For some reason, she felt her throat was sore and swollen, and she didn't feel as relaxed as she had expected. She hummed softly, lowered her head slightly, and looked a little depressed.
Qin Zhanwu put down his luggage, held Su Yan in his arms with one hand, rested his chin on Su Yan's forehead, and chuckled: "Okay, aren't you used to living alone? Wouldn't it be just what you want me to do if I leave?" He remembered that when they got married, Su Yan planned to still live alone in Xiaoheyan.
Su Yan leaned on his shoulder, silent and quiet, and listened to Qin Zhanwu repeat what he had said last night: "There is more than a thousand yuan in the passbook, and there are also food coupons and non-staple food coupons in the drawer beside the bed. Buy whatever you want to eat, don't be afraid to spend money. I'm in the army and don't have any money or food coupons, so I'll send them to you later. If anything happens, go to He Zhixiang for help. He is my old comrade and will help you. I've also arranged for the hospital. I'll still see the same doctor as the first time. You will be admitted on the day of the birth and tell others that it was a premature birth..."
The more Qin Zhanwu talked, the more Su Yan felt sad. She reached out and covered Qin Zhanwu's mouth: "Stop talking. The more you talk, the more uncomfortable I feel..."
Qin Zhanwu laughed after hearing this: "That's really strange. Between the two of us, it's always been me who feels bad, and you who doesn't..."
Su Yan stood on tiptoe and gently kissed the corner of his mouth. Qin Zhanwu froze and stopped talking. Su Yan put her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "When the baby is born, I will join the army and we will be together."
After hearing this, Qin Zhanwu said nothing. He just felt that his heart seemed to become very light. He just hugged Su Yan, and the two of them snuggled up quietly. He actually felt that the beauty of this moment was even better than that drunken night.
After a while, someone knocked on the door and whispered, "Chief of Staff Qin, it's getting late. Are you ready?"
Su Yan looked up at Qin Zhanwu after hearing this. Qin Zhanwu explained, "After graduating from the military academy, it's customary to be promoted to the next rank and become the chief of staff of the Second Detachment, deputy division commander."
He held Su Yan's face and said solemnly, "Eat well and take good care of yourself. Don't eat haphazardly after I leave. You should take care of the children."
Su Yan complained in her heart, "This child in my belly is also my own, and you're talking as if I'm a stepmother." However, considering that she had thought about aborting him several times, she naturally didn't have the courage to refute Qin Zhanwu's words. She nodded: "Okay, I will definitely eat well."
The person outside was urging again: "Chief of Staff Qin, the train is almost here."
Qin Zhanwu had no choice but to pick up his luggage and go out. It was snowing outside, and he didn't allow Su Yan to go out. Su Yan opened the curtains and saw heavy snow falling outside. Just a dozen steps away, when she walked down the stairs, she saw that Qin Zhanwu's hair had already turned white.
Su Yan stood in front of the window and saw him get into the military green car. Gradually, the green car became farther and farther away and smaller, and it was completely out of sight after it turned a corner.
She sighed, closed the curtains, and lay back in bed with the quilt pulled up. The other side of the bed still retained the warmth left by Qin Zhanwu.
Su Yan lay in bed with her eyes closed, only hearing the whistling of the wind outside. She suddenly felt that being alone in this room was a little scary. She fell asleep in a daze and didn't wake up until noon.
She remembered Qin Zhanwu's words to her to eat well, and took out some potatoes and pork ribs from her space to make soup. She was eating alone and couldn't eat much, so she drank another bowl of soup thinking about her child.
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