Chapter 71 Missing You
On the seventh day of the first lunar month, just as dawn was breaking.
Several carriages were lined up in front of the Lin residence, and servants were busy securing the last few chests.
Lin Yan rubbed his hands together, looking at the scene, feeling as if he wasn't going back to his hometown to visit relatives, but rather going to participate in an unknown wilderness survival expedition.
Wen Ke stood at the door to see the four members of the Lin family off.
They used to be able to keep Wen Ke company, and with someone comforting him, Wen Ke could focus on his exams. Now that they've been gone for a month, Wen Ke has no one to keep him company.
Lin Yan knew perfectly well that the imperial examinations in those days were like a thousand soldiers crossing a single-plank bridge, a fierce and arduous process, and Wen Ke was under immense pressure.
He sighed and began to channel his inner Tang Sanzang: "Cousin, when it comes to exams, mindset is very important. Don't keep thinking about what will happen if you fail. The sky won't fall. When answering questions, write neatly, and make sure your essays are based on real-world situations. Don't just spout those fancy platitudes. Remember to bring some candy to the exam hall; it'll keep you going when you're dizzy from hunger..."
Lin Yan kept rambling on, from pre-exam review to exam contingency plans, from diet and daily life to mental preparation, showing a tendency to transform into a senior high school homeroom teacher.
Wen Ke listened attentively at first, but his eyes gradually glazed over, probably overwhelmed by the sudden "scientific expedition guide".
It wasn't until Lin Chengji urged from inside the carriage, "Yan'er, it's getting late. We can talk about it when we get back."
Lin Yan then stopped, and finally said, "Anyway, relax, we're waiting for your good news."
He turned and got into the carriage, and the caravan slowly started moving.
Lin Yan leaned out of the car window and saw Wen Ke still standing there, waving. His figure looked a little thin in the cold wind, and with that stubbornness unique to top students and a little bit of confusion, Lin Yan felt a strange feeling in her heart.
Sigh, the imperial examination system was truly torturous.
The carriage rumbled as it drove out of the capital.
The scenery along the official road gradually changed from bustling city streets to withered yellow fields, revealing the desolation of winter.
Lin Yan wrapped his black fox fur coat tighter around himself—the one Xiao Che had given him was indeed incredibly warm, but wearing it always felt like carrying a portable stove, and it was even an imperial brand.
Inside the car, the mother, Wen Yun, and her younger sister, Lin Mo, spoke in hushed tones, their conversation inevitably revolving around relatives from their hometown whom they had hardly ever met.
Lin Yan leaned against the car wall, listening to the monotonous rolling sound of the wheels, her thoughts drifting.
His memories of his hometown are very vague.
I've met my grandparents a few times, and in my memory they were rather serious old people.
My great-grandmother seemed to be a very thin, always smiling old lady, but it had been many years since I last saw her.
As for my great-grandfather, the grass on his grave has probably been replaced several times over.
This trip back is to see him one last time.
Birth, aging, sickness, and death are all part of human nature, but the thought of my blood relatives leaving me still makes my heart feel like it's stuffed with a wet cotton ball, heavy and a little sour.
This is what they call "family," isn't it? You don't think about them usually, but when you lose them, you feel a void.
The journey was long and boring.
The first day was still a bit novel, enjoying the pristine scenery outside the window.
The next day, I started to feel back pain and missed my soft bed at home.
On the third day, Lin Yan was already able to recite the Analects to the horse pulling the cart—of course, he recited it in his mind and dared not say it aloud, for fear that his parents would think he had gone mad.
On the evening of the eighth day, when the carriage finally entered Luozhou territory and stopped at the entrance of a town that looked fairly prosperous, Lin Yan felt like he was about to fall apart.
The old house isn't in the county seat, it's in this town.
The Lin family was a typical family that valued both farming and scholarship. They owned some land and collected rent, making them a "well-off family" in the town. They also had their own house and shops.
As soon as the car came to a stop, a large group of people poured out of the house.
Leading the group were an elderly couple with gray hair and serious faces; they were Lin Yan's grandparents. Surrounding them were many men and women: uncles and aunts, cousins, and so on. There were also some relatives dressed in various styles, whose relationships were complicated and Lin Yan couldn't recognize at all.
Goodness, this population density is enough to give anyone trypophobia.
As soon as Lin Yan got out of the car, he was surrounded by all kinds of eyes, mixed with discussions such as "Is this Brother Yan?" "He's so handsome!" "He's a high-ranking official in the capital?"
With a standard, fake smile on his face, he went around recognizing his relatives one by one, along with his parents.
"This is your eldest uncle and aunt."
"This is my third uncle and third aunt."
"This is your second cousin, and that's his wife..."
"This belongs to your distant great-uncle's family..."
Lin Yan could only nod and smile.
After exchanging pleasantries, we moved on to the next step – the issue of accommodation allocation.
Although the old house was not small, it couldn't withstand the sudden influx of such a large group of people. It was already packed to the brim, and even the side rooms were filled with makeshift beds on the floor.
Lin Yan's father, Lin Chengji, was an official. When he returned with his family, he should have been staying in the main house. However, seeing the troubled expressions on his grandparents' faces, and looking at the room full of expectant relatives...
Lin Yan immediately displayed his high emotional intelligence and took the initiative to say, "Grandfather, Grandmother, since there is no room at home, let's stay at an inn in town for the time being."
Grandfather pondered for a moment, then nodded: "Very well, I'm sorry to have troubled you."
Lin Yan quickly waved his hand: "No, no, I'm not wronged." But what he was thinking was: This is great, I don't have to squeeze into a dormitory with a bunch of unfamiliar relatives. Just thinking about being surrounded by everyone asking me all sorts of questions made Lin Yan's scalp tingle.
After settling into their accommodations, the family went to the inner room to visit their great-grandmother.
The room was filled with a faint smell of medicine and the distinctive scent of an elderly person.
My great-grandmother lay in bed, covered with a thick quilt. She was so thin that she was just skin and bones, and her breathing was so weak that it was almost imperceptible.
With reddened eyes, Grandmother said softly, "Mother, Chengji's family has come back to see you."
She gestured for Lin Yan and Lin Mo to step forward and kowtow.
Lin Yan and Lin Mo knelt down respectfully and kowtowed three times.
Looking at the old man's withered face, Lin Yan felt that dull feeling welling up in his heart again. The passing of life always makes one sigh.
Grandmother wiped away her tears: "What I can't let go of is you young people, you haven't started your own families yet..."
Lin Yan lowered his head silently, pretending not to understand the implication in those words.
When they came out of their great-grandmother's room, it was already completely dark. The family then said goodbye and went to the inn that Kim Gu had booked.
The inn's conditions were naturally not as good as those in the capital, but it was still clean and tidy.
Finally having his own space, Lin Yan breathed a sigh of relief, feeling as if he had come back to life.
After washing up, I lay down on the bed in the inn. Although the bed board was a bit hard, at least I could stretch my legs out.
Exhausted from many days of travel, Lin Yan found it difficult to fall asleep.
Outside the window was the unfamiliar night view of a rural town, with the occasional bark of a dog.
Thinking of my great-grandmother on her sickbed, thinking of that large family of unfamiliar relatives, thinking of that person in Beijing…
After hesitating for a moment, Lin Yan got up, took out paper and pen, and began to write a letter by the dim light of the oil lamp.
[Your Majesty, I have safely arrived at my hometown in Luozhou. My great-grandmother is seriously ill and fears her days are numbered. There are many relatives at home, and it is quite lively... I am well, and I hope Your Majesty will not worry.]
As I write this, my pen pauses slightly.
I miss you.
Lin Yan didn't write the last three words down, but he went over them in his mind, his face burning slightly.
He folded the letter, stuffed it into an envelope, and called Kim Gu over: "Help me send this back to the capital."
Kim Gu took the letter, and in a flash, he disappeared into the night.
Lin Yan lay back down on the bed, looked at the top of the tent, and sighed.
He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep.
The next morning, the Lin family of four had some congee and side dishes at the inn before hurrying to their old house.
The morning air in the town carried a crisp, damp chill, quite unlike the dry, cold air of the capital.
Upon entering, I found the atmosphere even more somber than yesterday, with several of the aunties' eyes red and swollen.
An elderly doctor with white hair and beard had just finished taking the pulse of my great-grandmother and was being accompanied by my grandfather as they came out of the inner room and talked quietly in the main room.
The Lin family stood quietly to the side, waiting.
The old doctor slowly shook his head and said to his grandfather in a low voice, "The old lady's pulse is already weak and feeble, a sign that she is nearing the end of her life. The ginseng soup I prescribed is just doing my best to keep her on her last breath. You should make preparations as soon as possible."
Upon hearing this, the muscles on Old Master Lin's wrinkled face twitched, and his back seemed to become even more hunched.
He nodded heavily and said in a hoarse voice, "Thank you for your trouble, Dr. Li."
After the doctor left, a somber silence fell over the main room. The grandmother's soft sobs could be heard, and her aunts quickly came forward to support and comfort her.
As the son, Lin Chengji had to step forward at this moment.
He stepped forward and said to his grandfather, "Father, since the doctor has said so, your son and brothers will send people to take care of all the funeral arrangements. The coffin, burial clothes, incense, candles, and paper horses must all be prepared with proper etiquette."
Grandfather waved his hand wearily: "Go ahead and do it. Just be careful and don't be too extravagant. Your grandmother doesn't like those things."
"I understand, son." Lin Chengji bowed and agreed, then turned to instruct the Lin family servants who had returned with him and several capable servants from the old house to go and make the necessary preparations.
In an instant, the noisy bustle that the old house used to have due to the large number of people disappeared, replaced by an orderly busyness and a sadness that permeated the air.
Lin Yan, as a grandson, was also assigned a task—to be responsible for receiving relatives and neighbors who came to visit or prepare to help, along with several cousins.
As a result, the difficulty of Lin Yan's "Connect the Dots" game was increased once again.
Not only do we have to remember the relatives from yesterday, but we also have to deal with all sorts of new arrivals today, such as "Third Uncle," "Fifth Aunt," and "Distant Cousin"...
Occasionally, familiar neighbors would come over and pat Lin Yan on the shoulder, praising Old Master Lin: "Old Master, you are so blessed. Your grandson is such a handsome man. Your mother can rest in peace now!"
Old Master Lin would force a smile, but the sorrow in his eyes remained unyielding.
Lin Yan could only humbly lower his head, but he felt a little uncomfortable inside.
At times like this, his status as a "high-ranking official in the capital" becomes merely an embellishment, as if his great-grandmother's passing has gained a touch of "glory."
Taking advantage of a break, Lin Yan slipped into the backyard for some fresh air, only to see her younger sister Lin Mo and several cousins surrounded by their aunts and uncles, whispering to each other, holding needles and thread in their hands, as if they were rushing to make some white objects.
Lin Mo looked up and saw him; his eyes were red, as if he had just been crying.
Lin Yan walked over and asked in a low voice, "What's wrong?"
An aunt sighed and whispered, "They're embroidering shoes for the old lady, so they have to finish them quickly. Mo'er is meticulous and skillful; she's teaching them a few stitches."
Looking at Lin Mo's slightly red eyes and the way he was carefully threading the needle, Lin Yan's annoyance from dealing with relatives suddenly dissipated.
Death brings not only sorrow, but also these specific, trivial matters that someone must do. These trivial matters are themselves a kind of farewell and a way of fulfilling filial piety.
Having served in the Ministry of Rites, he should understand this better than others.
Lin Yan stood silently for a while, then turned around and went back to the front yard to continue his "reception work," but his mindset was much more peaceful.
In between his busy moments, his gaze would often drift inadvertently toward the tightly closed door.
Inside lay the old woman he didn't know, yet who was connected to him by blood; the breath of life was slowly draining from her body.
Outside the door, her children and grandchildren were preparing to send her off on her final journey in their own ways.
As dusk fell, the items prepared for the funeral were brought back one after another. The black coffin sat in the main room, exuding the smell of new wood and paint, silently announcing the final outcome.
The atmosphere became even more oppressive.
Lin Chengji was so busy he barely had time to breathe, while Wen Yun helped him count the items and direct their placement.
Looking at his parents' busy and heavy figures, Lin Yan suddenly thought that many years later, he might also have to say goodbye to his parents in the same way.
This thought gave him a sudden pang of anxiety.
Life changes, and time is unpredictable.
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