Chapter 81 Breaking Up Slowly
Perhaps it was because he felt more relaxed after giving up, or perhaps it was because the air in the palace was good, but Zhuang Wan slept very comfortably on the first night.
I woke up naturally at dawn.
Qiu Tan brought in breakfast and said, "Miss, I heard that the palace is very interesting. The young ladies are planning to go to the pond to pick lotus seeds in a boat. Should we go?"
Zhuang Wan shook her head, spread her legs, and continued to lie dead on the bed.
"There's a spring in the back mountain. Why don't we go take a look?"
"If you want to go, go by yourself. It's rare for you to get out, so have fun." Zhuang Wan said.
Qiu Tan muttered, "I am the young lady's servant. If the young lady doesn't want to go, how can I leave her and go out to play by myself?"
Zhuang Wan turned and looked at her: "Qiutan, have you ever thought about...living for yourself?"
Qiu Tan was puzzled.
Zhuang Wan said, "I've already retrieved your indenture from Guard Lu. From now on, you're a free man, a good citizen, no longer my maid. You have a shop, a livelihood, and things of your own to do. Why would you still be a maid?"
When Qiu Tan heard this, she was about to cry: "Miss, you don't want Qiu Tan anymore?"
“…”
Qiu Tan wiped her tears aside and said, "Why doesn't the young lady want me? Did I do anything to displease the young lady? Tell me, and I will change. I was sold to the manor to be the young lady's maid when I was young. Although I am just a servant in the manor, I have long regarded the manor as my home and the young lady as my own family. Now that the young lady doesn't want me, where can I live? I..."
"I didn't say I didn't want you." Zhuang Wan was helpless, but also a little moved.
Qiu Tan was sold to the Zhuang Mansion by her parents at the age of four. She no longer remembers what her parents looked like. In her eyes, Madam Zhuang is like an elder, and her original self, Zhuang Wan, is like family. Now that the Zhuang Mansion has been ravaged, unlike Dong Ning, who has a brother and sister-in-law to take her in, she has nowhere to go but to rely on her original self.
If possible, Zhuang Wan would have taken her with her, but she was uncertain about her future and might have to wander. Compared to following her, Qiu Tan had a shop and a house in the capital, and with Guard Lu to look after her, she could have a better life.
But now, she couldn't leave. Coming to the palace would only mean death. The second half of the year was approaching, and Pei Xingju's memory could be restored at any time. His life or death was a matter of days.
"Go get me a basin of water," Zhuang Wan said. "I'll get up and have breakfast. If you want to visit the mountain spring, I'll take you there."
Hearing this, Qiu Tan became happy again.
While they were eating, a distinguished guest arrived at Zhuang Wan's courtyard. Even before the guest arrived, laughter could be heard.
"Sister Zhuang, you're here at the palace too! That's great!"
It’s Jiang Baohe.
She said, "I felt sorry for a while when you said you couldn't come, and then I received your letter which hinted at a farewell, and I felt worried again."
"I didn't expect you to come." She sat down. "I heard about it last night, but I just arrived at the palace and had a lot of things to pack, so I couldn't come to see you."
At this point, she lowered her voice and said, "I've also heard about Miss Wei's story. You did a great job."
Zhuang Wan smiled knowingly, feeling much more relaxed with Jiang Baohe's humor.
"Have you had breakfast?" she asked.
"I've already used it. I came to see you because I wanted to invite you for a walk." Jiang Baohe said, "The palace has beautiful scenery. Let's go out and take a look."
.
After a recent rain in the empty mountains, the morning light shines through the dense leaves onto the clear spring, creating a golden glow.
Zhuang Wan and Jiang Baohe sat beside a pond in the back mountain, listening to the gurgling water and the chirping of mountain birds.
Jiang Baohe looked very pleased: "It's better to come here. It's so hot in Beijing that I can't sleep."
Zhuang Wan smiled.
Seeing her depressed mood, Jiang Baohe asked, "Are you still worried about yesterday's lottery?"
Zhuang Wan shook her head. "It's just a draw. Why should I care?"
Jiang Baohe smiled: "I also feel that you don't seem like the type to worry about such things. Why is that?"
"Actually..." After a moment of silence, Zhuang Wan said, "I'm quite envious of Sister Jiang."
Jiang Baohe was stunned, then she said, "I don't envy you for anything. I just envy you for having a family, relatives, a house to live in, and freedom."
Hearing this, Jiang Baohe fell silent.
She was being superficial. Zhuang Wan had just lost her family, so what trouble did Miss Wei's troubles mean to her? She had experienced things no one else had, lived a life no one else had to endure, and her troubles were naturally beyond the reach of ordinary people.
She comforted him, "It's all in the past. We should look forward to it. Fortunately, Master Pei is here. I think Master Pei is a good person. He will never leave you. You will have someone to rely on in the future."
Zhuang Wan smiled faintly, unsure how to explain herself. She continued, "I'm speaking from the heart. I envy your freedom. You can do whatever you want, without having to hide, without having to worry or be cautious."
"Could it be..." Jiang Baohe asked, "Master Pei treats you badly?"
"Let's not mention him," Zhuang Wan said. "The scenery is so beautiful, it would spoil the fun."
Jiang Baohe chuckled.
On the way here, she had heard her call Pei Xingju a bastard. She was incredibly surprised, wondering what Lord Pei had done to anger Zhuang Wan. She was also surprised that Lord Pei doted on Zhuang Wan so much. Otherwise, how could Zhuang Wan have so freely scolded him?
But now it seems that it is not what she thought at all.
She sighed, "Everyone has their own sufferings. You envy me, and how could I not envy you?"
Zhuang Wan turned her head.
Jiang Baohe said: "I'm actually not as free as you think. Sometimes I would rather be born in an ordinary family, even a merchant family, because at least I'm truly free."
It was a rare opportunity to hear Jiang Baohe pour out her heart, so Zhuang Wan listened quietly. She rolled up her trouser legs, took off her socks, and dipped her feet into the cool water.
Jiang Baohe was surprised when she saw this and said with a smile, "You said you envy my freedom, but I envy the freedom of your soul."
"How do you say that?"
"If it were me, I wouldn't dare take off my socks like you and expose my bare feet in front of others."
She continued, "Actually, you don't know, but I also like to do what you do, take off my socks and untie the restraints, and take a comfortable bath."
"Then why do you care so much? Just go ahead and have sex if you want." Zhuang Wan encouraged.
Jiang Baohe shook her head: "I have too many concerns and cannot be as free and easy as you."
"Let's not talk about anything else," she pointed at the wooden bridge over the pond. "I'm always worried about someone passing by, worried that being seen would damage the reputation of the Xiayang Marquisate. Although I don't care about my own reputation, I have to consider the reputations of my parents and sisters at home. Look, you say you envy my freedom, but how am I free?"
Zhuang Wan didn't say anything.
Jiang Baohe added, "Born in a large family, many things are beyond my control. I don't live as comfortably as you think."
"On the contrary, I envy you for being bold and unafraid of worldly opinions." Jiang Baohe smiled.
Zhuang Wan: "To be honest, I've seen Sister Jiang several times and I've always felt that you had a lot on your mind, but since you didn't say anything, I didn't want to ask. Now that you mentioned it today, I think it's probably related to this."
Jiang Baohe nodded: "No one could understand my worries before, and no one might be willing to listen even if I told them. Perhaps, I can tell you..."
The Marquis of Xiayang's mansion had three branches, and Jiang Baohe was the eldest daughter of the first branch, her father being the Marquis of Xiayang. Her mother, a descendant of a prominent family in the capital, was dignified and gentle, and at the age of seventeen, she was betrothed to the Marquis of Xiayang as his concubine due to her exceptional talent.
Everyone envied her mother, but she had witnessed her mother's sorrow and grievances since she was a child. Because she only had one daughter, Jiang Baohe, she had to personally take a concubine for her husband in order to continue the family line. Unfortunately, the concubines couldn't give birth to a son, so she had to take in one concubine after another, and watched her husband sleep with one woman after another.
In Jiang Baohe's eyes, her mother was gentle, talented, and a beautiful peony. But such a flower was trapped in a small world, withering away day by day while watching over her husband.
"I don't want to get married." Jiang Baohe said, "If I must get married, that person must promise me one thing."
Zhuang Wan listened carefully.
Jiang Baohe continued, "He cannot take a concubine, even if I can't give birth to a son or have no children. He cannot have two hearts towards me."
"But you know, Sister Zhuang," she said with a self-deprecating laugh, "how can there be such a perfect man in this world? Even if I can avoid taking concubines, I can't have two hearts. So, I'd rather not marry."
Zhuang Wan asked, "Did your family see you?"
Hearing this, Jiang Baohe's eyes darkened. "At this age, how can I not rush to get married? I'm from the eldest wife's family and older than my sisters. If I don't get married soon, they won't be able to say anything. But I really don't want to get married. If I can, I'd like to be a teacher for the rest of my life."
"Master?"
"Yes, I want to be a female teacher and a teacher."
At this point, Jiang Baohe laughed at herself again: "Look, you envy me. But I can't even realize such a simple wish. People often say that a woman's virtue lies in her lack of talent, so how can they allow women to teach? They would think it is blasphemy against the saints."
Zhuang Wan was indignant: "Women teaching is blasphemy against the saints, but why don't they say anything about women fighting on the battlefield to defend the country?"
Jiang Baohe was surprised: "Women on the battlefield?"
Zhuang Wan: "In ancient times, there was a woman named Hua Mulan. She fought on the battlefield for her father and was praised by the world. She even inspired an opera, one of the lines of which is "Who says women are inferior to men?"
"Like Hua Mulan, there are many other women who were unafraid of worldly judgment and independent-minded. For example, there are the anti-Japanese war hero Mu Guiying, the powerful politician Shangguan Wan'er, the daring poet Li Qingzhao, the openhearted poet, and the well-read and talented Cai Wenji, who shared the same avenues as men. Some of these women came from ordinary families, while others were from aristocratic families, yet they were unconstrained by worldly norms and were no less talented or capable than men."
"Independent-minded..." Jiang Baohe murmured, her darkened eyes gradually becoming brighter. She asked happily, "Sister Zhuang, what dynasties are these women you're talking about from? I've been reading ancient books since I was a child, so why haven't I seen them before?"
"...Oh, I also saw it by chance in Lord Pei's study. Perhaps people are afraid that women will follow suit after reading these, so they don't let these books circulate." Zhuang Wan wiped the sweat off his face, he was almost exposed.
"I see," Jiang Baohe said, "it was right to talk to you today. What you just said about independent thinking really enlightened me."
She said, "I often feel depressed and unhappy because I can't help myself, but I don't realize that the worldly rules only restrict my body. My heart is my own, my thoughts are my own, and I am independent."
"Thank you!" She stood up, found a clean stone, took off her shoes and socks and placed them on it, then said cheerfully, "It's so hot, I've been wanting to soak in the spring for a long time. I'm going to have a good soak today."
The two looked at each other and smiled.
.
Perhaps it was because he gained strength from encouraging Jiang Baohe, but after soaking his feet in the mountain spring, Zhuang Wan regained his fighting spirit.
She can't just give up like this!
Don't give up until the last moment!
You have to leave, and you have to break up slowly.
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