26. The Past Tense of Love
Back in Beijing, the weather started to cool down. Of course, it wasn't like being outdoors in a windbreaker every day anymore, but Fang Kaixuan suddenly understood the feelings of those who still loved wearing Arc'teryx to work. Let the rain fall, let it come from snow-capped mountains and deserts, let the skyscrapers be like mountain peaks in a fantasy—it's not so bad.
Fortunately, Gu Qiye was about to finish his work for this period and return to Europe, so he could stop in Beijing for three to five days.
The two of them were to meet in Fang Kaixuan's territory, a rare occurrence. Unfortunately, her territory was a boring and vulgar city.
"Is there anything you really want to eat?" Fang Kaixuan asked.
"I like spicy food."
Fang Kaixuan took him to a small Sichuan restaurant not far from Liangma River. It had been open since she came to Beijing more than ten years ago, and it was quite remarkable that it hadn't changed its appearance after all this time. Nowadays, new restaurants often change their appearance every six months or a year, making it difficult to satisfy the nostalgic feeling of going to a restaurant from ten years ago.
Having a Sichuan meal here, and then walking over to "Peter Pan" for a slice of tiramisu, is Fang Kaixuan's comforting routine when he's unhappy.
As she walked there, Fang Kaixuan couldn't help but complain. These past few years, bistros have become incredibly popular, making it seem so trendy. But it's really just halved portions, dimmed lighting, doubled prices, and the restaurant owner suddenly becomes the manager. Especially in Yunnan and Guizhou, where the cuisine was originally fresh, spicy, and down-to-earth, she didn't know why it had become a bistro hotspot. Restaurants that genuinely offer good food are becoming increasingly rare, and she wanted to support them as much as she could.
As they sat down to order, Fang Kaixuan realized that they hadn't eaten Chinese food together many times, and he didn't know if Fang Kaixuan had any of the taboos.
She asked cautiously, "Is it okay to eat diced rabbit?"
"Rabbit meat?" He thought for a moment, as if he had made up his mind, "Okay."
"Don't you like eating meat?"
No. Meat is a very efficient food.
"'Efficient'? What kind of adjective is that? It's okay, you don't have to eat it if you don't like it. The yellow catfish here is also delicious."
The look of doubt on his face grew deeper and deeper. Fang Kaixuan thought, "How pitiful. This guy probably ate too much bland, plain food since he was a child and has never tasted anything like this." So, to cater to his tastes, he ordered a few common dishes, nothing strange or unusual.
This dish was spicy to the extreme; the two of them were so engrossed in the spiciness that they were hissing and panting, their cheeks flushed, and their eyes sparkling with tears welling up from the intense heat.
After dinner, the two strolled slowly along the path lined with tall plane trees towards the river. There were few cars around at night, so even though it was in the city center, it was quiet and relaxing. In just ten minutes, they arrived at the Liangma River. Many people were walking their dogs along the riverbank, fishing in the river, kayaking, and paddleboarding, enjoying themselves without disturbing each other.
But after walking only a few steps, Fang Kaixuan suddenly slipped behind him, turned his back to the passersby, and pretended to observe the creatures in the river. In fact, the deep green river was empty except for aquatic plants.
Fang Kaixuan's actions were merely a conditioned reflex. On the narrow riverbank, doing so was almost entirely useless.
Chen Zhilun was walking towards me.
It was also her fault for not paying attention and wandering here, forgetting that since they parted ways, this area had been designated as a "no-entry" zone by her.
Not far from her former home, this place, with its rare access to water in Beijing, naturally became a popular spot for an after-dinner stroll. It wasn't surprising to see Chen Zhilun, supporting his proudly pregnant wife, walking past with his head held high.
As they were about to pass each other, Chen Zhilun probably wanted to pretend he didn't see them and walk away as quickly as possible. After all, from a worldly perspective, he had hurt or wronged at least one of the two women.
But the woman beside him was exceptionally enthusiastic.
"Oh, isn't that Miss Fang?" She tightened her grip on Chen Zhilun's elbow.
Fang Kaixuan was embarrassed, but he still habitually smiled and nodded to the two of them, hoping to quickly get through the awkward situation and end it.
Chen Zhilun's expression was also not good. He always valued his reputation above all else, and in a public setting, with two women clashing, who knew what they might do?
Mrs. Chen, however, suddenly felt a surge of fighting spirit. Seeing that Fang Kaixuan didn't speak, she glanced at the man next to him and feigned surprise: "Oh my, a new boyfriend? That's fast enough. I told my husband Chen not to worry about you."
Fang Kaixuan couldn't help but look at Chen Zhilun's expression, which meant: You're a graduate of your prestigious school, how can you act like an ignorant shrew?
But she still didn't want to say anything offensive to the pregnant woman, so she held back from saying: "Then it would be better if you had slept together before we got divorced."
That would just turn into two women tearing each other apart over a man. That's pointless.
Of all the mistakes, Chen Zhilun was the biggest one.
Fang Kaixuan didn't speak, just nodded and prepared to leave. To her surprise, Gu Qiye, who had been observing coldly, spoke up at this moment.
"You've got it wrong, he's not my boyfriend. I'm pursuing Kaixuan, and I'm still working on it."
Chen Zhilun finally couldn't listen anymore. He put his arm around Su Jingya's shoulder and half-helped, half-pulled her forward, saying, "Okay, okay, see you two later." The two hurriedly merged into the already crowded people along the riverbank.
Fang Kaixuan suddenly realized that Chen Zhilun was so ordinary that he would disappear into the crowd in an instant.
It turns out that his previous glory was entirely due to her love gilding him.
"When did you start pursuing me?" Fang Kaixuan stopped and asked with a smile.
Thanks to his involvement, the potential hurtful aspects of the incident were mitigated, and a potentially tragic or embarrassing farce was cleverly transformed into a lighthearted comedy sketch, much like a ready-made online article title:
When you encounter your ex-husband and his mistress together.
Gu Qiye touched his nose and answered irrelevantly, "I think he... is a very ordinary person."
Fang Kaixuan suddenly laughed.
“Isn’t that right?” he looked over. “I didn’t mean to belittle him.”
“I know you come from the Land of Gentlemen.”
He looked bewildered. It was normal that he hadn't heard the story of "Flowers in the Mirror".
At this juncture, with the contrast, Fang Kaixuan found everything Gu Qiye did adorable.
Seeing that Fang Kaixuan was not discouraged by the little incident, but instead smiled broadly, he asked, "Why are you so happy?"
Fang Kaixuan also gave an irrelevant answer: "It's always a bit strange if a person never gets jealous."
She always felt that, even in old age, the presence or absence of jealousy was the biggest difference between love and other relationships. Friendship can be very close, and family love can be very selfless. But only love is about wanting to possess someone entirely. Even knowing that possessing someone's complete love is neither rational nor right, she couldn't control it.
Other things can be given generously, but only jealousy and possessiveness surpass reason and are difficult to control. Knowing it's impossible, knowing there will be disappointment, yet still fantasizing that one can monopolize the feelings and body of one person among six billion people, for fifty years without change.
After thinking about all this, Gu Qiye continued to explain, "Believe me, I can see that this person is not of good character and has a twisted heart. His politeness is just a pretense."
"I can admit it, but it's hard to accept. After all, he once loved me," Fang Kaixuan lamented. Even as time passes and the word "love" changes from the present tense to the past tense, there's still a big difference between having loved and not having loved. At least at this moment, she wasn't so carefree as to laugh it off.
“I believe you love him. But I don’t think he loves you. From the beginning, he was using you to get out of your emotional black hole, and he knew that this would hurt you deeply sooner or later. This is not love; it’s just a more subtle form of exploitation and control.”
Fang Kaixuan listened in silence.
"Are you angry?" he asked.
"Not really. It's just that you've pointed out the truth, and it makes me feel uncomfortable." Fang Kaixuan admitted that what he said might be true, but once the illusion of love is shattered, one always feels that everything is empty. In order to maintain an illusion, people often do many foolish things, in order to prove "he still loves me".
“Isn’t truth the most precious thing? You talk about truth, goodness, and beauty, but ‘truth’ comes first,” he said earnestly.
Fang Kaixuan stopped, and he stopped too, looking at her with a puzzled expression.
She reached out and cupped his face in her hands: "Let me see, who is this real?"
He smiled and shook his head, but it didn't seem to be to express denial. He just rubbed his cheek against her hand like a cat, seemingly unaware of the slight sarcasm in her words.
Fang Kaixuan shook his head inwardly as well. He truly couldn't understand what the implied meaning was.
*
Fang Kaixuan was unwilling to admit it, but Gu Qiye actually gave her a feeling of home. They seemed to have known each other for a long time, their every move so natural, and his only purpose was to make her happy. But all she had to do was move out of Chen Zhilun's house a year ago, and if she could forget him so quickly, she always felt as if she had betrayed herself.
Regardless, she felt neither apprehensive nor afraid of Gu Qiye. Despite Xiao Ju's repeated warnings, she firmly believed that she was perceptive enough to distinguish between good and bad people.
Fang Kaixuan was quite certain that he was at least not a bad person.
So Fang Kaixuan actually let him into her home. For the next few days, he didn't stay in a hotel but stayed in her rented house. She had found the house hastily after breaking up with Chen Zhilun. Luckily, she happened to meet a girl who had lived in Beijing for many years and was preparing to return to her hometown. Over the years, the girl had taken excellent care of the house, so Fang Kaixuan could practically move in with just her bags. At least for the time being, she had a home to return to.
Gu Qiye was naturally the first man she invited to visit.
He didn't seem to notice anything amiss. For an ordinary man, entering a man's home for the first time is a delicate matter. A more conservative man would feel uneasy; a more slick man would be pleased. This is because it's usually a crucial juncture in a relationship.
Nowadays, even ordinary male-female relationships don't readily invite people to their homes. After all, there's the worry about future troubles and the other person coming to confront them out of hurt feelings.
"You'll have to sleep on the sofa."
“I used to camp in a tent in the Siberian forest at minus 30 degrees Celsius, and all the camera batteries would freeze and stop working. Being able to sleep on the sofa is like heaven to me, let alone your house.”
Fang Kaixuan pulled him down to sit, made him turn his head, and placed his hands on his cheeks: "Let me see."
"What's wrong?" He actually blushed.
"Why do you become so glib once we're in the city? I remember when you were in the snowy mountains, you couldn't even speak fluent Chinese." Fang Kaixuan touched his slightly stubbled face. He grabbed her hand, as if to stop her, but she whispered, "I need to ask you for a favor."
"good."
"Don't be like those men, okay? You're better than them all."
What happened to those men?
"They put on airs, acting like upright gentlemen, but they are spiritually weak and hypocritical. They spout benevolence and morality, but show no mercy when hurting others. Some people are only interested in lust, while others are weak and frail. What's even more ridiculous is that they can switch between these two types of people seamlessly. And that doesn't even include those swindlers."
He laughed: "You're not praising me. You're just venting your frustration."
His smile seemed contagious, and Fang Kaixuan would always smile too: "Yes, I am. I'm sorry."
He said softly, "I promise you that."
///
Let's grab the sofa for Sofa King! Has anyone heard Sofa King crying?
Please, Mr. Nan, take a seat on the sofa!
Sleeping on the sofa and eating Sichuan cuisine are the two key values for men and women in Teacher Mi's writing!
Hahahaha! Bingo!
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