32. Paradise Lost
Paradise Lost tells the story of Satan, who, after rebelling against God's authority, is cast into Hell. Seeking revenge, he goes to the Garden of Eden, where Adam and Eve are tempted by a serpent possessed by Satan and eat the forbidden fruit. Ultimately, Satan and his accomplices are condemned and transformed into serpents, and Adam and Eve are expelled from Eden.
Milton's *Paradise Lost* is too long and difficult, but Junichi Watanabe's popular novel of the same name became an instant hit. By conventional moral standards, the story is quite vulgar, nothing more than the sordid affair between a cheating husband and his mistress. At the end of the story, the two, caught in an illicit relationship, decide to die together, because their love has reached its peak. After that, no matter how hard they try to maintain it, it will only decline until it completely vanishes.
So they decided to stay at the peak of their love.
Junichi Watanabe wasn't Fang Kaixuan's type of writer, but she admired his exquisite description of this one point in the book:
It would be best to stay here.
Under the moonlight, just as he was about to open up about his feelings, Fang Kaixuan asked only one extremely simple question.
Why did you buy me coffee that day?
Even those who pride themselves on being rational and calm will inevitably ask similar questions at some point. This is a kind of regression that only love can bring. Big men and women, when in love, become like children, needing to be cared for and pampered, needing to hear nonsense like "I've loved you deeply since the first time I saw you."
I never tire of listening to it.
He smiled, as if lost in memories: "Back then, I saw you drinking coffee alone, looking restless and pale, like a frightened bird, unlike everyone else in that coffee shop who was full of ambition. That's how I noticed you."
"So you were filled with compassion and decided to save the distraught woman."
“No, it’s just because I’m also afraid of those ambitious people who always want to win,” he said with a forlorn expression. “Unfortunately, we don’t allow people to be unmotivated where we are; we must always strive for improvement.”
Fang Kaixuan thought, this isn't just true in the scientific community; it's the same in every industry. You have to run as fast as you can just to stay in the same place. In the myth, Sisyphus endlessly pushed the boulder, and even in his worst state, he was still just one person. But right now, countless people are pushing the boulder on the same track, competing with each other, and the last one standing is eliminated.
No wonder "The Squid Game" is a global phenomenon; it truly embodies the spirit of our times.
"So, do you regret going through all that trouble?" She changed the subject when she saw his dejected expression.
“I’m so glad I mustered up the courage back then.” He took her hand and pressed it against his face. “It was the first time in my life I’d ever tried to strike up a conversation with a stranger of the opposite sex.”
“I believe that,” Fang Kaixuan flattered. “You don’t need to flirt with people; it should be others flirting with you.”
"No. Others would think I'm old-fashioned and boring."
“That’s because others are shallow and lack vision; otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the chance,” she continued to praise.
For some reason, she was very, very willing to make him happy.
"Well," he seemed hesitant to speak, "what about you?"
The two were both very concise, and Fang Kaixuan knew his problem.
In this vast sea of people, when exactly did I become special to you?
Although they had only known each other for a short time, looking back, it felt like they had already shared a long journey of life. What's even more remarkable is that they didn't waste any time or effort on each other; every moment felt natural and comfortable, without the testing, back-and-forth, deception, and other wasted time that often occurs in romantic pursuits.
This love can only be cherished in memory. As for whether it is a regret or not, no one knows.
A shooting star trailed a tail as it plummeted into the western sky. Fang Kaixuan remained silent, making a silent wish:
May we all live long and prosper.
May we all live long and prosper.
The man shook her arm, and Fang Kaixuan came back to her senses:
"To be honest, it's on Olkhon Island in Lake Baikal."
"So late?" He sounded disappointed. But Fang Kaixuan could tell he was just trying to joke. He hadn't yet mastered the art of delivering a flawless joke.
"Because it was our first meeting, it was just like a normal romantic encounter." Fang Kaixuan always felt that inviting someone of the opposite sex for coffee in public was a low-cost strategy of casting a wide net.
She agreed to the appointment that day out of mere curiosity.
It was only after he was willing to fly thousands of miles to the icy wilderness that Fang Kaixuan realized this wasn't just a game. That's why he became so engrossed, appearing as if in a dream on the shores of this small Central American country.
Otherwise, the story would have ended badly long ago. Countless stories like this happen every day, starting inexplicably and ending abruptly. If even one person in these stories hadn't been sincere, they wouldn't be where they are today.
“I’m so glad you didn’t think of me as a lecher.” He pressed her hand against his cheek.
Fang Kaixuan dislikes asking questions like "What exactly is our relationship?" Not only her, but any question posed could kill half of any unrequited love affair.
Men are even less willing to take the initiative to ask. Who wants to put themselves in shackles when they can enjoy love without having to take responsibility?
Unexpectedly, Gu Qiye asked first this time.
He truly is extraordinary.
As if asking a question, or perhaps dreaming, as if talking to oneself: "Can we continue like this?"
This question is highly idealistic.
Those who have the will will find a way to overcome all difficulties.
If you don't want to, even the best of timing and circumstances won't help.
He asked himself and answered, "It seems like we're from two different worlds."
Fang Kaixuan was disgusted by these words, and his face immediately changed: "Yes, yes, you are a noble scientist who benefits mankind. I am a despicable financial worker who works for vampires."
“You know, that’s not what I meant.” He never seemed to get angry.
Fang Kaixuan overreacted because that sentence sounded too much like a polite "no thanks," a "friend zone" card.
Realizing this, she felt embarrassed: "Then why are we talking about two different worlds?"
“I’m older than you. And you’re always criticizing old men.”
"Nonsense." Fang Kaixuan was both amused and exasperated. She was indeed outspoken in front of him, and it was common for her to speak her mind about certain things.
He remained silent, as if he had something to say but couldn't find the right words.
Fang Kaixuan, however, felt relieved. He hadn't expected that he would be so troubled over such a trivial matter.
“Modern people have all sorts of tricks to stay young. Look at Brad Pitt, he’s sixty and he can still charm countless young girls.” Fang Kaixuan patted him on the shoulder. “Besides, I’m no longer a young girl.”
"Are you really sure you can do it?" he pressed.
Fang Kaixuan touched his forehead with his hand, "Are you dizzy?"
He remained serious.
Fang Kaixuan couldn't understand what was wrong with him today. Since they met, he had always been generous and frank, never so hesitant. Today, he was suddenly dejected, and Fang Kaixuan didn't know how to cheer him up, so he just pointed to the sky.
The night was exceptionally bright, with a clear moon and few stars. The moon resembled a serene face. Fang Kaixuan held up three fingers to the moon, saying, "I can."
He grabbed her hand: "I have a problem that's hard to talk about."
Beside the volcano, under the bright moon, in a romantic moment, they should be saying sweet nothings like "I love you" and "You love me." But suddenly, they became serious, like they were having a business negotiation.
A sense of terror suddenly welled up in Fang Kaixuan's heart. Just how serious must the problem be to warrant his description of it as "unspeakable"?
Is his identity and background all fake? Is he a wanted serious criminal?
He is seriously ill and will not live much longer.
...In an instant, a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind.
Without a doubt, it's all bad.
Will fate play tricks on her again? What has Fang Kaixuan done to deserve being chased by such bad luck and misfortune?
She never expected that she would hear something she would never have heard in this situation.
Do you love me?
He spoke so softly, with hesitation and uncertainty. Like someone clumsily learning a new language, afraid to speak for fear of being ridiculed.
Fang Kaixuan was surprised to find that he did not nod immediately.
“Love… is a very serious word,” she explained.
There's nothing wrong with saying "I love you," no one needs to sign a document or make a vow. Don't many people casually say "I love you" to people they don't love every day? But she took this word exceptionally seriously.
That's why I didn't want to just give a perfunctory answer.
"...It's a very serious word. To say it carelessly would be a desecration to both of us." She added, then breathed a sigh of relief, as if she had just finished a major exam.
"So," he hesitated, seemingly unsure whether he should ask, "do you still love him?"
"Of course not. There's no love left." This time, she answered without hesitation.
"Okay." He nodded, his expression serious, seemingly lost in thought.
"Are you unhappy?"
"No. You're absolutely against him. You're just unsure about me. That's a good thing. I think we just need a little more time."
Fang Kaixuan laughed and shook his head. The shaking of his head meant that he never expected that a dull person could be so cute.
As night deepened, the two turned off the lights. Actually, it didn't make much difference whether they turned them off or not; the moonlight was bright, illuminating the room. Like in Karen Mok's song, Fang Kaixuan also wanted to turn off the moon's power.
It will illuminate our silence all too clearly.
Both of them seemed to have a lot to say, but their thoughts were too jumbled up to speak.
The two had never discussed the future. They weren't in a hurry to separate; they had plenty of time together. But Fang Kaixuan suddenly said:
"It would be nice if we could stay together like this forever."
It wasn't actually a question or an offer.
It's just a sigh. Just like every minute and every second, countless places around the world echo with "I will love you forever," but most people who say it know full well that it can't be "forever."
This time, it was his turn to remain silent.
She wasn't surprised or disappointed. "Forever" was a terrible vow.
So she just joked, "We're even."
But then he heard his breathing suddenly become heavy. Fang Kaixuan buried his head in his chest, unwilling to let go. He reached out to touch his face, but found his hand covered in wet tears.
She looked up in surprise: "Why are you so sad? I just said it offhand."
She rose and looked down at him. The moonlight, like water, bathed his face in a solemnity and dignity that he didn't possess during the day.
He was still holding Fang Kaixuan's hand in one hand, and that hand seemed to have become very cold at that moment.
Although this place is tropical, it is already November, and the night wind should indeed be this cool. Besides, their rooms have no shelter, and the shadows of the volcano are reflected on the water.
Fang Kaixuan suddenly shivered, as if waking from a dream, and realized the absurdity of it all. But because it was in this dreamlike place, everything seemed perfectly natural.
Fang Kaixuan had a premonition.
After this conversation, they will have to leave this unreal paradise filled with pink bubbles.
Under the moonlight, he spoke: "Don't you also feel that something is a little strange about what's going on between us?"
Fang Kaixuan wasn't afraid at all, despite having reason to be afraid: "Are you lying? Otherwise, how could you just tell me you're leaving whenever you want?"
He did not answer.
"Whether you're a wanted serial killer or a retired Mexican drug lord, please tell me, it doesn't matter."
Fang Kaixuan said this half-jokingly, and also to bolster his own courage.
She blindly believed he wasn't an extremist because his temperament and attitude were impossible. He was more like an old-fashioned intellectual, a bit dull and pedantic.
“No,” he said slowly, “what I told you is true. My work does involve studying the variation of microorganisms under extreme weather conditions, because our environment is mild all year round and we don’t have the conditions for this kind of research.”
It sounds like a paradise.
"You're from a Caribbean island nation?"
He laughed and said, "No need to guess, I'll explain everything later."
"Isn't now the perfect time?"
"I'm scared."
"What are you afraid of? Afraid of me?"
///
Is the male lead some kind of mutated creature?
Haha ...
The male lead in the mist!
The Shape of Water was on my mind...
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