Chapter 45
Not long after Shen Bining and Tang Hui got together, she told Chen Nian why she had never been in a relationship before.
It all stemmed from a first love that ended tragically during my youth, from encountering someone so amazing and unforgettable in my younger days.
When Shen Bining was in high school, she developed feelings for a boy in her class and secretly liked him.
The boy's name is Xia Cheng. He is the school's recognized heartthrob and academic star. Standing next to Shen Bining, they are a perfect match, like a golden couple.
When they first entered high school, several mischievous students in the class tried their best to match Xia Cheng and Shen Bining together. The pairing of the school beauty and the school hunk has always been the most popular thing for teenagers.
At first, the two thought their classmates were boring and had no interest in that kind of thing. Who would have thought that this "rumor" would last for almost two years.
During the first semester of their senior year, Shen Bining and Xia Cheng had a long period of time to spend together during a group activity, including one-on-one time. Over time, they gradually fell in love with each other.
However, with the college entrance examination just around the corner, they didn't rush into a serious relationship. Instead, they agreed to take the exam together and go to Beijing, and then officially get together after entering university.
With their beloved by their side, even the most demanding senior year of high school felt hopeful. Shen Bining and Xia Cheng kept this secret and continued to move forward together, waiting for the college entrance examination to end so they could reap the sweet fruits of their love.
Later, when Shen Bining recalled that time, she felt it was the most vibrant period of her life. It is said that the spirit of youth is something that can never be regained, and she would never find that feeling again.
Dreams are beautiful, but reality is always cruel. It likes to teach you a harsh lesson when you are most hopeful and eager to work hard.
Just a few days into the second semester of his senior year, Xia Cheng started having uncontrollable nosebleeds. He eventually fainted in class and was taken to the hospital, after which he never returned to school.
Xia Cheng suffers from acute leukemia, the most severe type. It is usually discovered at an advanced stage, making it very difficult to cure.
When the homeroom teacher delivered the news from the podium, choking back tears, most of the students in the class cried.
But Shen Bining didn't. At that moment, her mind was blank, as if she had suddenly fallen into a nightmare she couldn't escape. She desperately told herself to wake up quickly, that as long as she woke up, the nightmare would end. When she opened her eyes again, she could still see Xia Cheng leaning down beside her desk and smiling at her.
He said, "Ningning, you've been working too hard on your studies lately. How about we go shopping and have a nice meal this weekend to relax?"
When no one else was around, he always liked to call her "Ningning".
However, all of this was not a dream, but a cruel reality. Xia Cheng was sick, very sick, so sick that he could not come to school and could not take the college entrance examination.
During the weekend, several of Xia Cheng's close classmates visited him in the hospital. He was in very poor spirits and had lost a lot of weight rapidly.
He forced himself to talk to his classmates, but he couldn't keep up for long before he ran out of energy.
Several classmates left with tears in their eyes. Xia Cheng's father saw them off, his eyes red.
This successful man aged considerably in a short period of time, looking as if he were in deep pain. Looking at his children, who were the same age as his son, he choked up and said, "I have no demands now. I don't ask him to study well, I don't ask him to get into a prestigious university. My only wish is for him to recover his health. If not, just being alive is enough."
Xia Cheng's mother was almost devastated by the sudden bad news. She stayed by her son's bedside every step of the way, even timing her trips to the toilet, afraid that she would only see her son's cold body when she returned.
Shen Bining did not visit Xia Cheng with her classmates; she went alone.
When she saw Xia Cheng, she couldn't say a word, she just kept crying, which made Xia Cheng's mother next to her cry as well.
Xia Cheng seemed unwilling to see his mother and the girl he liked sad for him, so he forced a smile and said, "Ningning, don't cry. The doctor said my illness can be cured, really. It's just that I might not be able to take the college entrance exam with you this year. I'll have to repeat a year and try again next year. I'll try to get into the same university as you, so I'll have to ask you to take good care of me, senior."
Perhaps fearing it would interfere with Shen Bining's college entrance exam, Xia Cheng forbade her from visiting anymore, and the two only occasionally exchanged text messages and made phone calls.
Xia Cheng said, "Ningning, I can't hold you back. You should focus on preparing for the college entrance exam. We have a long future ahead of us."
After that, Shen Bining really didn't go to the hospital again. She devoted all her time and energy to studying, and she listened to Xia Cheng very much.
At the same time, as the daughter of a doctor, she also knew that Xia Cheng's illness was incurable, and he could only wait for time to pass before heading towards his inevitable death.
What could she do? It seemed that the only thing she could do was to fulfill their shared dream and remember him forever.
That July, as most college entrance exam takers began receiving their acceptance letters, Xia Cheng's life came to an end.
The family didn't tell Shen Bining the day he left. Only afterwards did Xia's mother meet with Shen Bining and give her a letter.
Xia's mother cried and said, "This is what Xiao Cheng wrote to you with his last strength as he lay dying. I'm passing it on to him. I don't know what your relationship is, but I think you must be very important to Xiao Cheng. He had a very hard time in his final days, but he always smiled when he mentioned you. Girl, thank you for being in Xiao Cheng's life."
*
That day, after Shen Bining finished talking to Chen Nian, tears kept flowing.
Chen Nian tenderly wiped away Shen Bining's tears, hesitated for a moment before asking, "So you're doing hospice services, it's not because of him, is it?"
Previously, when people in the hospital occasionally talked about Shen Binning doing end-of-life care, many people didn't understand. They couldn't understand why, as a very outstanding surgeon, Dean Shen's daughter, who had decided to become a doctor, wouldn't follow in her father's footsteps but instead went to do end-of-life care.
It's not that they look down on this job, it's just that in most people's eyes, end-of-life care isn't considered traditional medicine, and its acceptance in China isn't high. To be honest, if Shen Bining weren't the hospital director's daughter, her path in this field would have been fraught with difficulties.
Now that she has heard Shen Bining's story, Chen Nian thinks she has found the answer.
"Yes, I started doing end-of-life care because of him. After he passed away, I heard about his experiences in his final days from many old classmates. He suffered greatly, tormented by illness and psychological problems. At first, he was afraid of death; gradually, he felt the world was so unfair—he had never done anything wrong, so why did he have to get this disease? Then came a deep sense of reluctance—reluctance to leave his loving parents, his friends, me, and the fact that his life had just begun, that he hadn't seen more of the world, and that he was about to die. In his last few days, he returned to a state of fear and even collapse. He often held his parents' hands, crying and saying he didn't want to die, begging them to save him… He was such a sunny and dignified person, yet even in the face of death, he couldn't escape the fear and darkness of human nature. After I started doing end-of-life care, I often thought that if a colleague had helped him, perhaps he could have passed away more peacefully."
Chen Nian finally understood why Shen Bining had been single all this time. It wasn't that she was still hung up on the boy named Xia Cheng; she was just afraid of losing him again.
So Chen Nian frankly asked her question, "Ningning, are you afraid of encountering something like Xia Cheng again, and facing life and death again, because you don't date?"
Shen Bining's face turned pale instantly. After thinking for a long time, she finally nodded.
"It's ironic, isn't it? I'm a doctor, and a doctor who works in end-of-life care. How can I be afraid of facing death? Am I really that cowardly?" Shen Bining gave a bitter smile, and as she smiled, tears rolled down her cheeks again.
Chen Nian held Shen Bining's hand and said with heartache, "Ningning, you're not weak, you're just too sentimental. You don't want the people around you to leave suddenly, whether it's from illness or an accident, you can't accept it. You want the people you care about to stay by your side forever. But Ningning, who in this world can predict death? Who dares to guarantee they'll live to a ripe old age? We're doctors, haven't we seen this kind of thing enough? To put it bluntly, neither your parents, nor I, nor even yourself, can say for sure that we'll live to be a hundred. In this world, there is birth and there is death. The most important thing about not wanting to be separated from the people you care about is not to fear death or even to distance yourself from the people you want to be close to, but to cherish every minute we spend together. Then, even when death comes, we won't have any regrets."
*
Under Chen Nian's persuasion, Shen Bining finally made up her mind to officially die. When Chen Nian heard that she had never read the letter Xia Cheng left for her, she insisted on reading the letter with her.
So Chen Nian went to Shen Bining's house. In Shen Bining's room, she found the letters that she had sealed away for many years. With the encouragement and accompaniment of her friend, she reverently opened the letters.
The letter was surprisingly short, simply expressing gratitude for Shen Bining's presence in his life and wishing her happiness in the future.
After reading the letter, Shen Bining threw herself into Chen Nian's arms and burst into tears. After crying, she thought she could finally let go of the past, let go of Xia Cheng and this first love that ended without a trace, and start anew.
*
So when Chen Nian saw that Shen Bining and Tang Hui were acting like they would never speak to each other again after the contract ended, she thought that Shen Bining still had a grudge, so she couldn't help but go to their door and try to persuade them again.
Unexpectedly, Shen Bining's answer was exactly the opposite.
“Niannian, the problem with Tang Hui isn’t mine. I actually really want to take things further with him. I admit I like him, and I think he likes me too. But you know what? He told me himself that he’s a non-marriage advocate. There are usually two types of men who say that: one is a scumbag who plays around and then dumps you without taking responsibility, and the other is an ascetic who doesn’t even date. Judging from Tang Hui’s daily life, it’s clear that he’s the latter.”
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
