Chapter 32
Time always flies.
The curtain rose on the senior year of high school in a silent battle. Eight months had passed since Mingying dropped out of school, and no one knew where she had gone or what she had done.
Even though she has left Rongcheng No.1 High School, people at the school still occasionally talk about her.
These eight months felt like many years had passed, giving Sang Sui a sense of disillusionment that everything had changed.
Liang Fengshen rarely participates in their "Rongcheng F18" activities anymore, and he has become more and more silent.
Sang Sui rarely had the opportunity to speak with him face to face anymore.
The class divide caused by the separation of arts and sciences has become increasingly clear and insurmountable after a summer break. The once bustling "Rongcheng F18" group has gradually fallen silent, with only occasional holiday greetings or forwarded important school notices remaining.
Sang Sui and He Lili, who were once inseparable best friends in their first year of high school, eventually drifted further and further apart due to time and different circles.
Once, while queuing in the cafeteria, Sang Sui saw He Lili walking with several girls from the liberal arts class. They were enthusiastically discussing a historical event, their faces beaming with an excitement that Sang Sui was not familiar with, a kind of excitement typical of liberal arts students.
He Lili saw her and smiled at her. The smile was still friendly, but it carried an obvious politeness and distance. They exchanged a brief greeting and then moved forward with their respective groups, without any further interaction.
Watching He Lili's retreating figure blend into the new group, Sang Sui felt a slight sting in his heart, a lingering and bittersweet feeling rising within him.
They are still friends, but they are now labeled as "the past".
This kind of separation, silent and without warning, is more disheartening and distressing than a heated argument.
And the already weak connection between him and Liang Fengshen was almost completely severed.
They weren't in the same class, and they weren't even on the same floor.
In such a large campus, even a chance encounter becomes difficult. She can only try to find any trace of him through his almost static owl profile picture and his account that has only posted a few promotional Weibo posts.
His social media profile hasn't been updated in a long time; the post about "owls" still hangs forlornly at the top, with the comments below long since silent.
His Weibo account is practically abandoned; the last post was a promotion for a program that aired last year.
She heard that his grades had dropped sharply.
The name that once consistently ranked among the top in the grade and could rival her in math competitions gradually faded away in the monthly exam rankings, and even fell off the honor roll.
The teachers spoke of him with a sense of regret.
Upon hearing this news, Sang Sui felt a sharp pain in her heart, as if it had been clenched shut.
She recalled that dejected and vulnerable figure under the sunlight, knowing that he still hadn't emerged from the storm called "Mingying".
She was restless, and the urge to do something, even if it was just to offer some small comfort, surged up in her heart again.
She knew she was being foolish, knew he had someone else in his heart, and knew her concern might be worthless, but she just couldn't bear to watch him sink like this, even if he didn't need it at all.
What else can she do? Send things like before?
In the end, she couldn't resist.
During a lunch break, she once again sneaked into the empty classroom of the second year of high school (class 16) like a thief, carrying something in her pocket. Now it is the third year of high school (class 16).
His seat was still by the window, and the desk was clean, but it lacked the vibrant energy it used to have.
She quickly stuffed the item into his desk drawer; it was a beautifully bound hardcover edition of *The Little Prince*, with both Chinese and English subtitles. Inside, she had tucked a simple bookmark with a sentence written on it—
"There may be five thousand flowers in the world that look exactly like you, but only you are my one and only rose."
This time, she wasn't so lucky.
Just as she straightened up, ready to leave, the back door of the classroom was pushed open.
Liang Fengshen walked in.
He looked thinner than before, his face was a little pale, and there were faint dark circles under his eyes, but that extreme sense of decadence seemed to have subsided, replaced by a deeper, icy silence.
Their eyes met.
Sang Sui's heart stopped beating instantly, and her blood seemed to flow backward, leaving her hands and feet ice-cold.
She was like a butterfly pinned to the spot, all her secrets and thoughts laid bare under his calm, unwavering gaze.
Liang Fengshen's gaze lingered on her face for two seconds before landing on the underside of his table that she had just touched.
He didn't go over immediately, but just stood at the door, looking at her with no emotion in his eyes, neither surprise nor anger, only a desolate indifference.
Time seemed to stand still. The classroom was so quiet that you could hear the distant chirping of cicadas outside the window and your own heart pounding like a drum.
Just as Sang Sui was almost suffocating and preparing to flee at all costs, he spoke. His voice wasn't loud, carrying a hint of hoarseness from not speaking for a long time, yet it exploded in Sang Sui's ears like a thunderclap:
"Sang Sui," he called her name, his tone eerily calm, "Do you like me?"
Buzz—
The world fell completely silent at that moment.
Sang Sui's mind went blank, all the blood seemed to rush to her head, making her eardrums ring and her vision go black.
She opened her mouth, but couldn't utter a sound; she could only stare at him stiffly and incredulously.
The secret she had kept hidden deep in her heart for two whole years was so bluntly and easily revealed by him in an almost cruel way.
The color drained from her face instantly, then quickly returned to a deep red. Overwhelmed by immense shame and a panic with nowhere to escape, she was completely engulfed.
Liang Fengshen did not wait for her reply; perhaps he didn't need her reply at all.
He looked at her, as if she had been struck by lightning, and a very faint, almost imperceptible complex emotion flashed across his eyes, as if he understood, or as if he felt a little sorry for her.
But that feeling vanished so quickly that Sang Sui thought it was an illusion.
He looked away from her, his voice still calm, yet carrying a resolute and unwavering determination, each word striking her heart clearly:
"Don't like me anymore." He paused, as if stating a simple fact, his voice low and firm, "I have someone in my heart."
Stop liking me. I already have someone in my heart.
Perhaps he knew she had a crush on him. He always knew.
I know the gaze she secretly casts, I know her clumsy encouragement, I know those anonymous sparkling waters, foxtail grasses, gloves, singer albums, song requests... I know all her carefully guarded, supposedly well-hidden affections.
She was like a clown performing energetically on stage, thinking no one knew her, unaware that the audience had already seen everything, but she had never truly been immersed in the performance.
When did she find out? She didn't know.
The immense embarrassment and heartbreak engulfed her like a tsunami.
She stood there, her whole body ice-cold, even her fingertips trembling uncontrollably.
She didn't even have the courage to look at his expression at that moment—was it pity, annoyance, or utter indifference?
She lowered her head and, summoning all her courage, said—
“Liang Fengshen, I do like you, I’ve liked you for a very long time, but liking you is my own business. I’ve never asked for anything in return. This is just my own business.”
Tears fell and landed on the floor.
She didn't dare look at his expression, brushed past him, and hurriedly left the spot.
That evening during self-study, our homeroom teacher, Li Luojing, probably seeing how much pressure the seniors were under, made a rare exception and showed the whole class a movie using multimedia equipment, saying it was to help them relax. The movie shown was that well-known coming-of-age film—"Fleet of Time."
The classroom lights were off, with only the flickering light from the screen illuminating the young faces that were already showing signs of fatigue.
The story unfolds slowly in the film, and the plot about unrequited love, misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and regrets is like a sharp knife, piercing open Sang Sui's newly sealed, bloody wound.
When she saw Fang Hui writing Chen Xun's name again and again in the snow, her tears began to fall silently.
When the movie ends, years later, Chen Xun looks at Fang Hui, who has now matured, in the distance, and the background music starts playing, a sense of desolation, of things changed and youth gone, washes over you, and Sang Sui can no longer hold back.
She buried her face in her arms, her shoulders convulsing violently, and suppressed, broken sobs escaped from her throat.
She cried uncontrollably, like a lost child. All her grievances, heartache, resentment, and the unrequited love that had been completely condemned to death turned into scalding tears that surged forth.
Her deskmate had changed from Zhao Yanqi to Chu Xiran. She was startled by Sang Sui's sudden mood and quickly comforted her in a low voice, thinking that she had been moved to tears by the movie plot.
Only Sang Sui herself knew that she wasn't crying for Fang Hui and Chen Xun in the movie.
She was crying for herself. For her unrequited love that lasted for two whole years, never even beginning, yet had already ended in a miserable way.
In the darkness, through her teary eyes, she looked at Chen Xun's gaze on the screen, a voice in her heart sharply mocking her.
The movie ended and the lights came on.
Sang Sui quickly wiped away her tears and pretended to be nonchalant as she packed her books. But her swollen, red eyes couldn't lie.
She walked out of the classroom with the crowd. The summer night breeze carried a warm breath, but it couldn't dispel the chill and emptiness in her heart.
That night, when I secretly felt overjoyed by his words of "Good luck on your exam," feels like it happened just yesterday. But now, it's all gone.
She saw this sentence in a film review of "Fleet of Time":
Fang Hui, Qiao Ran has had a crush on you all his youth. Can't you turn around and look at him?
Sang Sui had also fantasized that Liang Fengshen might give up on Mingying and look back at her one last time.
But you see, he doesn't like you.
Even if you cry yourself silly, why should he turn around and look at you?
The summer of my senior year of high school came to a complete end amidst this grand and wretched cry that no one knew about.
With the echo of heartbreak, and a long, unrequited love that ended without a trace, remembered only by her.
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