Chapter 35
In the week leading up to the college entrance examination, the air was as tense as a string that could snap at any moment.
Every night, in between cramming for exams, Sang Sui would stare blankly at the gray owl icon that would never move again. That number was probably gone forever.
He will not log in again.
However, some things, if not said, seem like there will never be another chance to say them.
On a dejected night after being hit hard by her mock exam results, she finally opened the chat window with Liang Fengshen. The cursor blinked in the input box, like her hesitant heart.
She revised and edited, ultimately leaving only the simplest and most sincere three words:
Good luck on the college entrance exam!
Click send.
A glaring red exclamation mark appeared instantly before the message: "Message not sent successfully. Please add the other party as a friend first."
really.
He not only changed his number, but may even have deleted the old account that held countless girlish secrets for her.
Her faint blessing, along with her entire chaotic and turbulent youth of unrequited love, was shut out from his new world, a world she could never reach.
The light from the phone screen illuminated her pale, dazed face, and a silent, dull pain spread through her chest.
Two weeks before the college entrance exam, the school organized a graduation photo shoot. This meant that this was the last time the entire grade would gather together during high school. It also meant that those people who hadn't been seen for a long time might appear.
For example, Liang Fengshen.
Cheng Xiao confirmed in the group chat that he would be back that day.
Sang Sui's heart stirred slightly again at this news. Even just seeing him from afar, in the crowd, to bring this long, one-way journey to a close with him present, would be enough.
However, fate always seems to play tricks at crucial moments.
The night before the graduation photo shoot, Grandma Mo Luying was so agitated by another heated argument between Sang Zhiyuan and Tan Huiyu that her blood pressure spiked, and she was sent to the hospital again.
Sang Sui stayed at the hospital all night, watching his grandmother sleep soundly with an IV drip, and listening to his parents' suppressed yet even colder confrontation outside the ward. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally.
Graduation photo?
She couldn't even bring up this seemingly trivial request to her overwhelmed parents, and she would never leave her grandmother to go back to school.
The next day, as the students, dressed in their school uniforms, shouted "Cheese!" at the camera on the playground of Rongcheng No. 1 Middle School at the photographer's command, capturing the most important image of their youth, Sang Sui was sitting by the hospital bedside, looking at the gray sky outside the window.
She missed her only chance to see him again.
In that hospital corridor filled with the smell of disinfectant, Tan Huiyu, in utter exhaustion and despair, revealed to Sang Sui the truth she had long anticipated, yet which was still cruel:
“Sui Sui, your father and I… have decided to get a divorce.” Tan Huiyu’s voice was hoarse but calm, as if all the tears and arguments had been exhausted. “He has someone else, and it’s not the first time. Mom… can’t take it anymore.”
Sang Zhiyuan stood aside, his face ashen, and did not refute.
Sang Sui had long suspected that there were problems in her parents' relationship, but she was still deeply affected by it.
She had considered many reasons, but she never imagined that the reason for the problems in her parents' relationship was Sang Zhiyuan's infidelity.
Throughout her childhood, Sang Zhiyuan was almost invisible, but he was still her father, and she could never believe he would do such a thing.
That day, Tan Huiyu asked the same question again: "After the divorce, who will you live with, your father or your mother?"
Before this most important juncture in her life, her family had also officially fallen apart.
Her grandmother's serious illness, her parents' divorce, the missed graduation photos, and the person she could never get close to again... all the heavy realities, like a cold tide, completely overwhelmed her.
She didn't even have the strength to grieve, and could only numbly utter a few words: "I'm with Grandma."
Divorce can happen in an instant; a simple stamp at the civil affairs bureau ends a nearly twenty-year marriage.
Sang Zhiyuan was at fault, and Tan Huiyu gained custody of Sang Chi. Before leaving, Tan Huiyu touched Sang Sui's face. She had been abandoned just like many years ago when she was left alone in Linchuan. She chased after the car, calling "Dad, Mom," but never received a change of heart.
Sang Sui turned her head away, leaving a single tear.
A few days later, Tan Huiyu went home to pack her luggage, and Sang Sui helped her pack. Neither mother nor daughter said a word.
To be honest, Sang Sui's feelings for Tan Huiyu were complicated. She knew clearly that Tan Huiyu had never intended to take her with her.
Sang Sui never understood why she and Sang Chi were both Tan Huiyu's children, but she had never received equal love. Could she say she didn't resent it? She couldn't.
Until that day, when she was packing her luggage, she accidentally opened Tan Huiyu's diary.
This diary has been used for who knows how many years; the cover is almost falling off, and the pages are yellowed.
Sang Sui didn't know at first that it was Tan Huiyu's diary until she opened it.
In 1996, when I was twenty, I met Zhiyuan. He said he liked me, thought I was gentle, and wanted to be with me.
In the winter of 1997, I married him and became pregnant with my first child. That same year, I discovered he was having an affair with another woman, but I forgave him.
In the summer of 1998, our child was born. Because she was a girl, Zhiyuan didn't like her. I knew that rural areas always favored boys over girls, but she was my only daughter, how could I not love her?
In 2001, I went to work in Rongcheng with Zhiyuan. He was having an affair with another woman. I forgave him again, but I turned from a gentle girl into a volatile shrew.
In 2003, Xiao Chi was born, a boy, which made Zhiyuan very happy.
In 2004, my work started to improve, and when I went home for the Chinese New Year, Sui Sui wasn't very close to me. I felt I owed her; she had grown up without parents, and I would definitely find a way to bring her to Fuzhou someday.
In 2010, we made a lot of money, and our little family got better and better.
In 2012, a family moved in next door. I heard it was a mistress. I hate mistresses. I hate people who destroy other families.
In the spring of 2013, I brought Sui Sui to live with us. She was still distant from me. I felt so guilty towards her. Was I biased? I probably was, to some extent. Xiao Chi was raised by me since she was little, and I always subconsciously showed her favoritism. I'm sorry to her.
In 2013, Zhiyuan said the company was cutting salaries and I should go out and find a new job. But in reality, he was using some of the money to support his mistress.
In the summer of 2014, Sang Zhiyuan cheated on me again. I caught him red-handed. When I confronted him, he beat me up. With my daughter's college entrance exam approaching, I didn't want to completely break ties with him.
In the spring of 2015, my mother caught him cheating on me, and she was so upset that she was hospitalized. I couldn't take it anymore and had to divorce him, but Sui Sui was about to take the college entrance exam, so I held back.
...
That's all for now.
The content after that is blank.
Sang Sui never imagined that Tan Huiyu had gone through so much.
She instantly understood what Tan Huiyu was going through, understood Tan Huiyu's temper, understood Tan Huiyu's joys and sorrows, and understood Tan Huiyu's sudden hysteria after she found out that she had gotten close to Mingying.
She would still feel sad about her neglected childhood, but her daughter always felt sorry for her mother, so Sang Sui told herself that she didn't need to resent her anymore.
Life is a huge soap opera.
She learned to let go as she grew up.
Sang Sui saw Tan Huiyu off onto the bus.
"Mom, may everything go well." She wished softly, and she also saw a tear fall from the corner of Tan Huiyu's eye a second before she turned away.
The National College Entrance Examination (Gaokao) finally arrived and ended amidst much fanfare.
Writing the last word on the answer sheet for the final exam felt like drawing a hasty conclusion to my entire high school life. There was no ecstasy or relief as I had imagined, only a huge sense of emptiness after everything had settled down.
After the college entrance examination, the students wished each other "bright future" and then went their separate ways.
The "Rongcheng F18" group has finally become active again, filled with anticipation for the future and sadness at parting.
Zhao Yanqi performed exceptionally well and was admitted to a top-tier sports academy in Nanjing.
He Lili chose a good normal university outside the province, intending to follow in her parents' footsteps and become a Chinese language teacher.
Qiao Chunzhao failed her college entrance exam and chose to repeat it. She sent a long voice message, crying and saying that she would definitely work hard and go to the city where Chi Shu lives next year.
Zhang Da and Luo Kewei, this pair of lively characters, were both admitted to a sports college in the province, continuing their "get rich" brotherly bond.
Cheng Xiao, with his basketball skills and good grades, went to a prestigious university in the north.
Song Shiyue was admitted to one of the best universities in Beijing without any suspense.
At the last minute before filling out college applications, Sang Sui quietly deleted all the Beijing universities that Liang Fengshen might have selected.
Ultimately, she chose to stay at the best medical university in the province, where she completed her bachelor's and master's degrees in eight years.
Grandma's increasingly frail health and her parents' precarious situation after their divorce made it impossible for her to recklessly pursue an illusory image.
Studying medicine and staying with her family became her most realistic yet helpless choice.
Three years have come to an end, and the dust has settled.
They discussed holding one last gathering before embarking on their respective futures.
The gathering was held in a large private room at a karaoke bar.
The lights were dim, the music was loud, and the table was piled high with snacks and drinks. The boys and girls who had spent every day together were about to go their separate ways, and the atmosphere was lively with an almost indulgent sadness.
Everyone was singing, joking, and laughing, while some people were crying uncontrollably while holding the microphone.
Zhang Da and Luo Kewei, arm in arm, belted out off-key songs, while Zhao Yanqi laughed and recorded the scene. Cheng Xiao and Song Shiyue sat in a corner, talking quietly. Qiao Chunzhao's eyes were red, but she tried her best to smile along with everyone else. He Lili did not attend the gathering.
Sang Sui sat in the corner of the sofa, quietly watching all of this.
Her high school years seemed to be filled with missed opportunities and regrets.
I missed the graduation photo, and I missed saying goodbye to him one last time.
She got up, intending to go to the bathroom to wash her face and clear her head.
Stepping out of the private room, the corridor was relatively quieter. She saw Cheng Xiao leaning against the window at the end of the corridor, holding up his phone, seemingly video chatting with someone.
"Hey, Liang, you're really not being fair! You're not even coming to our last get-together?" Cheng Xiao's loud voice came through with a laugh.
Liang Fengshen... Sang Sui's steps froze on the spot, and even her breathing became lighter.
The soundproofing in the private room wasn't very good; she could vaguely hear that familiar yet distant voice coming from the phone receiver, accompanied by a slight static, but still clear:
“Mingying is in a bad mood,” his voice came through the microphone, calm, even with a hint of barely perceptible tenderness, “I’m in Beijing with her.”
...
Mingying was in a bad mood. I stayed with her in Beijing.
It turns out that the reason he didn't participate in the post-exam celebration or say a final goodbye to his friends who had fought alongside him was because he was in Beijing, with the girl he cherished most.
All the speculations and regrets were utterly crushed and reduced to dust by this seemingly casual remark.
Sang Sui stood there, feeling the blood in his body cool down instantly.
She silently turned around, not going to the restroom, but like a soulless shell, and returned to the noisy private room.
No one noticed her unusual behavior.
Everyone was still partying.
She walked to the song selection counter, her fingers trembling, and found the song—the theme song of "The Fleeting Years".
She picked up the microphone, the intro started, and the screen began playing scenes of missed opportunities and regrets from the movie.
When she opened her mouth, her voice was initially choked and trembling, but then, during the chorus, her emotions surged forth like a flood bursting its banks.
She no longer cared about singing off-key or her image; facing the microphone, she sang with all her might, crying as she sang:
"If we can't meet again with tears in our eyes, can we at least blush?"
"Just like that fleeting year, etching the promise of forever together, such a beautiful lie."
"If the past is still worth cherishing, don't be too quick to forgive and forget."
"Who would willingly accept this situation, with no ties or obligations between us?"
Her cries mingled with the singing, heart-wrenching, like a lost child holding a final, pathetic memorial for her lost youth and the love that had been buried before it even began.
The private room gradually quieted down, and everyone stopped what they were doing, looking at her with surprise and a hint of understanding.
Zhao Yanqi and Qiao Chunzhao wanted to step forward to comfort her, but Song Shiyue gently stopped them.
He looked at Sang Sui, who was bursting into tears on the stage, with a complicated expression, and finally just shook his head.
No one knew why she was crying so bitterly.
Only she herself knew that she wasn't just crying for the movie or the lyrics.
She was crying for her unrequited love that had lasted for three whole years—a love that was humble, silent, filled with countless careful attempts and ultimately futile endeavors. She was crying for that brief moment of being side by side on the bus and for those words, "You too, Sang Sui."
It's a cry for all the unspoken affections and blessings that can never be delivered.
As the song ended, she dropped the microphone, slumped onto the sofa, buried her face in her knees, and cried uncontrollably.
High school ended completely amidst this grand yet silent collapse.
Carrying his grandmother's sickbed, his parents' divorce papers, the regret of missing his graduation photos, and the words "I'm in Beijing with her," he embarked on a long, unrequited love that no one knew about and that ended without a trace.
Youth comes to an end, and everyone goes their separate ways.
Her story had already reached its conclusion long before the bell rang signaling the end of the college entrance examination.
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