Chapter 17: Standing Pole I can’t be gay, right?
As soon as Xiang Li returned, he could sense the low air in the house. He put down his bag and the gift he had bought for Zheng Yi and called his son over for a hug. Zheng Yi was in a bad mood and called out, "Mom!"
Xiang Li was startled: "Why are you yelling? Did you learn this from your dad?"
Zheng Yi: "I didn't yell... How could I dare to yell at you."
"Then who do you dare to yell at? Do you really want to yell at me?" Ms. Xiang is such a person that it is a waste of her talent to deal with these two adolescent kids at home.
"She's more like yelling at me." Zheng Yi didn't even raise his head.
Before Xiang Li came back, Zheng Yi lay on his bed. For the sake of ultimate quietness, he didn't turn on the air conditioner, the electric fan, play games, or play music. He leaned against the wall, trying to capture all the movements of Jiang Haoxiang who was on the other side of the wall.
There was actually no movement over there at Jiang Haoxiang's end. He was probably doing his homework.
Zheng Yi turned over, looked at the sky, thought about what happened in the afternoon, thought about the little finger that Jiang Hao wanted to stretch out but he didn't hold, and felt that he deserved to die.
They hadn't seen each other for so long, and he missed her so much, was so worried about her. And yet, on the first day they met, things turned out like this. How could he not control his temper?
Zheng Yi sat up, thinking of Jiang Haoxiang as a child, so tiny, following him around, calling him "Brother Zheng Yi, Brother Zheng Yi." He'd taught her how to ride a bike, and even when she fell, she wouldn't cry. She'd just look at him with tears in her eyes, waiting for him to help her up.
Now she didn't need him to teach her how to ride a bike. She already had someone else by her side. He should have tried hard to win Jiang Haoxiang over, but why was he still making Jiang Haoxiang angry?
Zheng Yi was almost regretting it. He had taken care of Jiang Hao since she was little, so why did he talk like that?
With such good grades, she'll get into a good university. She'll meet a lot of people, and maybe one of them will be a guy she likes. They'll go to class together, eat together, and study together in the library. That guy might hold her hand, hug her, or even kiss her.
Jiang Haoxiang might show that trusting smile to others, might walk hand in hand with other boys in school, might...
Zheng Yi didn't dare to think about it any further. He found that he couldn't accept this scene at all.
He suddenly realized that it was not that he was worried about Jiang Haoxiang, but that he could not live without Jiang Haoxiang.
Without him realizing it, Jiang Haoxiang was no longer just a part of his life, but a necessity for his survival.
She trusted him without reservation, and her eyes only reflected her dependence on him. She regarded him as the best brother Zheng Yi in the world...
Zheng Yi recalled that when he was bidding farewell to his father in a foreign country and facing the separation of life and death, the person he missed in his mind was Jiang Haoxiang - he wanted to hug Jiang Haoxiang and promise her that he would take good care of her.
——
The atmosphere at the table was too tense. Xiang Lizhi asked, "Tell me, what's going on?"
Zheng Yi took the initiative to speak. He had wanted to apologize for a long time. "It's nothing. I accidentally made Haoxiang angry." He turned to Jiang Haoxiang and said, "Jiang Haoxiang, I'm sorry. I didn't think before I spoke. Please don't take it to heart. I will respect all your decisions."
Jiang Hao thought she'd stopped being angry. Inside her room, she heard Zheng Yi's quiet footsteps outside, approaching her door several times and then walking away. She felt a little aggrieved, but other emotions seemed even more overwhelming, and she felt like crying.
Zheng Yi was so good to her. After returning from across the ocean, the first thing he did was to pick her up from school and remember her favorite restaurants. How could she get angry with the best brother in the world, Zheng Yi, over a few words?
"I'm not angry, Brother Zheng Yi."
The words "Brother Zheng Yi" brought Zheng Yi back to reality, and he was filled with even greater regret.
Xiang Li watched their interaction as if he were watching two children playing house. "Eat well. You're grown up, but you're still like a kid, sometimes good and sometimes not."
Zheng Yi picked up some food for Jiang Haoxiang and piled it in her bowl.
Xiang Li shook his head and changed the subject: "I have invited a few friends to my house for a gathering the day after tomorrow. They heard that Zheng Yi is back and said they haven't seen him for a long time and wanted to come and see him."
Zheng Yi said, "Oh," indicating he understood. So he was a big tiger in the zoo, and everyone wanted to see him. How could he not charge an entrance fee?
Xiang Li then gave the ticket: "If you have nothing to do tomorrow, go out and buy some new clothes. Don't dress like you've just come back from a refugee all day. I also want to buy a few sets for you."
"Understood, sir." Zheng Yi agreed.
Jiang Haoxiang hesitated for a moment: "Auntie, I won't come the day after tomorrow, right?"
Before Xiang Li could even open his mouth, Zheng Yi understood. He pointed it out directly: "They said they came to see me just to be polite. Their main purpose is to hang out with my mom and watch me. You don't have to feel uncomfortable. Just do what you need to do."
Xiang Li finally realized that Jiang Hao was probably afraid that she would be awkward in his presence, as she was an outsider. She felt bad, but couldn't bring herself to tell Jiang Hao right now. She just tried to comfort him, "That's right, you can do what you want. Your Aunt Chen Yu is here too. She's Jiujiu's family, remember? She's still talking about you. You don't have to be uncomfortable in your own home."
My own home. These three words were like a pair of hands, quietly untying the knot in Jiang Hao's heart.
In the kitchen, Zheng Yi was washing dishes wearing an apron. Xiang Li was leaning beside her to accompany his son, watching his rare home-based side.
"Tell me, what's the matter with your apology?" Xiang Li didn't want to ask in detail at the dinner table, but that didn't mean she wasn't curious.
Zheng Yiguan Xiaoshuiliu: "I joked with her and said I didn't want to go abroad to study at university. She was quite angry."
Xiang Li walked to the sink and looked at Zheng Yi: "Zheng Yi, look at me."
Zheng Yi raised her head and met Xiang Li's serious gaze, a seriousness she was unfamiliar with. Xiang Li wasn't a mother who liked to act like a parent. From childhood to adulthood, she had only been serious with her children a few times.
"Do you realize how irresponsible that is? How old are you? Are you still playing house? If you say go, you go. If you say not to go, you don't go. That's your future, something you've spent so much time and energy to fight for."
Zheng Yi wanted to say it was just a joke, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. It wasn't a joke from the beginning, and Zheng Yi knew it. He had meant it the moment he said it. He couldn't lie. He could only say sorry: "I was wrong. I shouldn't have done that."
Xiang Li looked at him and said, "Do you know why I was so determined to divorce your father back then?"
How could he know? Xiang Li never mentioned Zheng Yi's father, and Zheng Yi himself didn't care. He didn't like his father that much. This was the reason why his mother first initiated the divorce.
"There's no principled mistakes, it's just that he's too irresponsible. Not to me, but to his own life. He makes decisions on a whim, never considering the consequences. One idea today, another tomorrow. It's so childish, and I'm so tired. Maybe this personality will be praised as childlike innocence, but I don't think the word "childish" should be overrated. Since we live in society, socialization is necessary. Zheng Yi. I hope my son is someone who is responsible for himself and his choices."
Zheng Yi felt as if he was doused with ice water, and his ears and eyes suddenly became clear.
Even he himself didn't dare to look directly at this chaotic yet real core.
He'd previously thought he was just being angry with Jiang Haoxiang, a ploy to get her to compromise, but he'd never considered himself from that perspective. He recalled what he'd said to Jiang Haoxiang that afternoon, threatening her with the prospect of sacrificing her career, forcing her to submit to his will... What was the fundamental difference between this and his father's arbitrary behavior? Responsibility often manifests itself in self-control and taking responsibility for one's own choices.
He almost became the kind of person he didn't like.
It is like catching fish and forgetting the fishing net.
The faucet was still dripping. Zheng Yi looked at his hands covered in foam and said, "Mom, I know. I won't do it again."
Xiang Li looked at him like this and knew that he had really listened to him: "It's good that you know."
Zheng Yi finished washing the dishes, and after a moment's silence, she spoke again...
She couldn't bring herself to tell Jiang Hao about her feelings at the dinner table, so she decided to tell her son: "Jiang Cheng recently bought a new house, and it's in your Aunt Wang Jing's name. He also gave his current parents-in-law the resettlement house from the demolition of his old house."
Zheng Yi didn't react: "Which old house?"
"The same house he and your Aunt Lin Ran got married in. Wang Jing is already thinking of using the demolition compensation money to buy her son a smaller house as a wedding home."
"What about Jiang Hao?"
Xiang Li sighed, smiled, and sighed again, with eight hundred expressions in a minute. "This is what makes me sad. Jiang Cheng probably thinks that the house he lives in now is enough for him to live in whenever he wants. His daughter will grow up and get married, so there is no need to buy an apartment. It's not like she has no place to live."
"How can this be the same? This is totally different!" Zheng Yi was very angry.
"Keep your voice down!" Xiang Li hit him.
Zheng Yi felt a pang of bitterness. He thought of Jiang Haoxiang's small north-facing room, the bedroom that had once belonged to her but had been so easily given away, and the sense of her presence in the family after his younger brother was born. In more practical and long-term terms, Jiang Haoxiang had long been excluded.
Previously, Jiang Cheng had been somewhat intent on compensating Jiang Haoxiang, but now he was finding his own peace of mind. His relationship with Wang Jing was growing stronger, and he was enjoying the joy of family life with his son. He probably felt his life was complete.
The little bit of love that was accidentally left with Jiang Haoxiang in a hurry was discovered by him, so he took it back and put it in a more worthy place.
Jiang Haoxiang felt like a person who had stolen something from someone else and was now found by the owner.
Xiang Li sighed again and again: "Zheng Yi, you can't make her unhappy again, understand?"
Zheng Yi nodded.
Xiang Li thought of something else: "I know your father left you an inheritance after he passed away. I don't care how much it is or how to deal with it. It's what your father left you. You have to make your own plans."
She spoke openly about this, without any lingering feelings. She and her ex-husband had agreed during their divorce that a portion of his property would go to their son. This wasn't something she needed to hide, and she didn't feel that her plans for her son were shameful.
She is confident that she can raise her son well without her ex-husband, but that doesn't mean she will give up what her ex-husband should give her son. She is not obsessed with the little things her ex-husband gave her son, as she doesn't need them herself.
Thinking of Jiang Cheng's lack of plans for Jiang Hao's future, and comparing it with his original argument, Xiang Li couldn't suppress his anger anymore.
But she was an outsider, and no matter how much she felt sorry for the family, she couldn't reach out to other people's homes.
Zheng Yi hummed a sigh of relief. He didn't particularly care about the inheritance his father had left him; the life and love Xiang Li had given him were more than enough. He stood there, his mind racing, all the information drifting away like a shower of rain. In the rain, he saw Jiang Haoxiang's face. It was smiling, but because it was in the rain, the water droplets on it looked like tears.
Zheng Yi suddenly felt very sad.
The dishes were washed and the kitchen was tidy. Zheng Yi took off her apron and walked out of the kitchen.
He passed by Jiang Haoxiang's door without disturbing her. He felt that he was a ridiculous bastard for arguing with Jiang Haoxiang for a bullshit reason that afternoon.
Zheng Yi didn't sleep well that night. He felt like he was still a child at eighteen. How could someone suddenly thrust an adult's identity into his arms and say, "Take it." He took it. In fact, he was caught off guard and behaved clumsily.
His mind was in a mess, and he was only thinking one thing: Zheng Yi, who the hell are you?
As I thought about it, my thoughts turned to Jiang Haoxiang and inevitably slid towards her future.
Jiang Hao wants a better future.
Zheng Yi jumped up, opened his mobile banking app, and began to calculate his financial situation. Over the years, Xiang Li had given him a considerable living allowance, plus the New Year's money he'd saved since childhood, and his father's inheritance. His father's inheritance wasn't a particularly large portion of his fortune. How could a man like him possibly have accumulated such a vast fortune? He was overestimating himself.
All in all, the total amount is considerable.
He felt relieved for a few seconds. Then, he took a look at the housing prices in the city, and the prices made him gasp.
His considerable savings are insignificant compared to the housing prices.
Zheng Yi collapsed back onto the bed, feeling that the future was a huge mountain, pressing down on his shoulders, which had just turned eighteen.
Jiang Cheng's father couldn't be relied upon. He was completely preoccupied with his son and hadn't considered preparing anything for Jiang Haoxiang. Once Jiang Haoxiang went to college, his connection with that family would likely become even less frequent. After graduation and a job, there might really be nothing left.
Would Jiang Haoxiang be sad? Would she feel lost because she didn't have a home that truly belonged to her?
Zheng Yi didn't know. But he didn't want her to feel sad or lost.
He wanted to give her a home. A home that belonged to her, where she didn't have to worry about being given away, or about someone using her orange-flavored toothpaste.
There is also studying abroad. If Jiang Hao wants to study abroad in the future, that will be another huge expense.
He had to make money. Lots of it. In his limited understanding, making money seemed to equate to growing up, to being responsible.
He was already eighteen, a legal adult. He couldn't rely on Xiang Li for everything. Ms. Xiang Li looked glamorous, but he knew a little about the hardships of the workplace. He had recently heard her talk about the company's troubles.
He wanted to take good care of Jiang Haoxiang, and also wanted to make Xiang Li's life easier in the future, and raise her as well as she had raised him.
This goal was so grand, so grand that it made him feel a little sleepy and wanted to achieve it in his dreams. But strangely, even when he was sleepy, he felt quite grounded.
He had a better idea of what kind of person he wanted to be. A man who could handle things, someone the people he cared about could rely on.
My thoughts were rushing towards a positive path, when suddenly An Fengyang's smiling face appeared again, which was out of place.
Jiang Haoxiang's target school was the same as An Fengyang's. Four years of college! This should have been the time when he and Jiang Haoxiang could finally be in the same city, perhaps even on the same campus, but instead, he ended up on the other side of the world.
When Zheng Yi thought about Jiang Haoxiang and An Fengyang walking side by side on the university campus, he felt like going out for a few laps. Shouldn't he be the one walking side by side with Jiang Haoxiang on the university campus?
etc.
Why myself?
Zheng Yi was shocked to realize that, from childhood to adulthood, he had never, perhaps, ever developed feelings for a girl. In elementary school, he'd been obsessed with playing games. In junior high, he'd used notes from girls as scratch paper. In high school, he'd been preoccupied with learning languages and worrying about Jiang Hao over the internet.
Is this normal?
Apart from Jiang Haoxiang, he couldn't imagine himself walking side by side with other women on campus, hugging and holding hands with other women.
Zheng Yi had a terrible thought in his mind: Could I be gay?
The impact of this realization is no less than finding out that Jiujiu is actually a dog.
The more he thought about it, the more suspicious he felt, and the more nervous he became. He began to recall whether his focus when watching basketball and football was on the ball or the people.
Finally, Zheng Yi fell asleep in this panic and had a bizarre dream.
In the dream, he was holding the hand of a hunk who wore a sequined skirt but whose face could not be seen clearly. He walked up to Xiang Li and said, "Mom, I'm coming out."
Ms. Xiang Li put down the documents in her hand and asked calmly, "How many houses do you have? What's your annual salary? What are your plans for the future? Can you take good care of your sister?"
Zheng Yi was bewildered by this series of real-life questions in his dream. He mumbled with his mouth open for a long time before waking up in shock.
When he woke up, it was already daybreak and his head was covered in cold sweat.
Fortunately it was a dream.
But this dream was too scary! It was definitely a case of dreaming at night after thinking about it during the day! Was it hinting at something? It was hinting that he was actually...
Zheng Yi decided to wash his face and calm down.
When passing by Jiang Haoxiang's room, the door was not closed, so Zheng Yi felt that there was no air conditioning inside. Wasn't she afraid of heatstroke?
Jiang Haoxiang was busy solving a problem and was completely unaware of his surroundings.
"Jiang Haoxiang, why don't you turn on the air conditioner?" Zheng Yi stood at the door.
Jiang Haoxiang's train of thought was interrupted: "I forgot to turn it on." Then he picked up the remote control and turned on the air conditioner.
Zheng Yi looked at her like that, feeling a little pang in his heart: "Are you really that dedicated? You can't even feel the heat? Are you so worried that you won't be able to get into An Fengyang's school?"
Jiang Hao seemed a little bewildered and didn't respond. He felt something was odd, but couldn't quite put his finger on it.
Zheng Yi was upset that she didn't object. He felt it was a tacit agreement. He couldn't help but feel resentful. Jiang Haoxiang's sincerity, could she give it to someone so casually?
During breakfast, Xiang Li casually mentioned, "I miss you so much. Have you contacted your father recently? Come home more often when you have time. Your father's business has been doing well in recent years and he's made a lot of money."
Xiang Li's words were subtle. Her intention was to remind Jiang Haoxiang not to completely sever ties with her biological father just because he was living with her. She should fight for the rights she deserved, even if it was just emotional attention. She was genuinely concerned for Jiang Hao and didn't want the child to be left with nothing in the future.
Zheng Yi didn't say anything at this moment because he already knew the background last night.
But when Jiang Haoxiang heard this, she couldn't help but wonder, did her aunt think she had stayed there too long and disturbed them? Was she subtly reminding her that that was her home and she would have to go back eventually?
The three of them each had their own thoughts about this meal. Jiang Haoxiang felt a pang of bitterness in her stomach. She couldn't finish the remaining half of the egg, and she hadn't finished her soy milk. But thinking that the chances of eating at Xiang Li's house might become fewer and fewer in the future, she insisted on continuing to eat. Zheng Yi, seeing Jiang Haoxiang choking and still trying to eat, was a little speechless. He took the half egg from her hand and ate it himself. He then downed the half cup of soy milk in one gulp and took Jiang Haoxiang to the kitchen to wash his hands.
After dinner, Zheng Yi took Jiang Haoxiang out to buy clothes. When they went out to change shoes, Zheng Yi put on his own shoes, picked up Jiang Haoxiang's shoes, and gestured for her to lift her feet.
Jiang Hao wanted to refuse, she was already so old: "I can do it myself."
"Stop talking nonsense and lift your feet."
Jiang Haoxiang had no choice but to lift her feet. Zheng Yi helped her put on her shoes and lifted her heels. He used to do this often when he was a child, but it became less common as he grew older.
In the taxi, Zheng Yi didn't sleep well the night before and was a little drowsy at the moment. Jiang Hao looked at Zheng Yi beside him, quietly reached out his hand, and hooked his little finger with Zheng Yi's little finger.
Zheng Yi didn't open his eyes, but instead wrapped her entire hand in his palm and held it tightly.
The mall was well air-conditioned, so Zheng Yi wasn't interested in buying clothes for himself, so he just bought a few and called it a day. When it came time for Jiang Haoxiang to choose, he showed extreme patience. Jiang Haoxiang was a little nervous, but she still obeyed.
Jiang Hao didn't even think about trying anything on; Zheng Yi knew her well. She visited several stores and found almost nothing she wasn't satisfied with. She bought several pieces from each store, and already had over a dozen.
Jiang Haoxiang was a little panicked: "Brother Zheng Yi, there are too many to wear."
"Change them."
Zheng Yi didn't care, but finally made Jiang Haoxiang angry. She endured it again and again, but still couldn't help losing her temper, so Zheng Yi coaxed her away.
After checking in the clothes, Zheng Yi took Jiang Haoxiang out for dinner. After dinner, Zheng Yi suggested going to the movies. When buying the tickets, Zheng Yi bought a bucket of chocolate-flavored popcorn. Jiang Haoxiang saw this and wanted to lose her temper again: "I don't like chocolate-flavored ones!" Pointing at the popcorn on the counter, she asked: "Which one do you want? The chocolate one?"
Zheng Yi was speechless: "Grandfather, if you don't like it, then don't eat it. I bought this for myself. Here are your Wangzai buns. Here they are."
He stuffed the bag of Wangzai steamed buns into Jiang Haoxiang's hand.
Jiang Hao seemed to be feeling a little guilty: "Then why didn't you take it out earlier?"
Zheng Yi readily agreed: "I was wrong."
This is a youth romance film that has been quite popular recently. The plot is a common routine, with a naive and innocent female lead, a handsome male lead, and some misunderstandings and hardships.
Zheng Yi had little interest in this kind of film; he simply wanted to experience the feeling of watching a movie with Jiang Haoxiang. He hadn't seen a movie with Jiang Haoxiang yet. Actually, there were many things he wanted to experience: traveling with her, going to the beach, and going to concerts together. He thought as he stared absentmindedly at the big screen.
As I watched, I felt something was wrong.
In the movie, the hero is pursuing the heroine and showing his affection. He gives her an umbrella when it rains, a coat when it's cold, takes her to eat delicious food, goes shopping with her, watches movies with her, and even squats down to tie her shoelaces.
Zheng Yi sat up straight. The more he watched the plot, the more familiar it seemed.
The hero bought clothes for the heroine, something he had just done today.
The hero took the heroine out to dinner, and he did it just now.
The hero is watching a movie with the heroine, and he is doing it now.
The hero tied the heroine's shoelaces, which he did just before going out.
Was he repeating the same pursuit tactics used by the male protagonist in the movie? Zheng Yi turned to look at Jiang Haoxiang, who was beside him, but Jiang Haoxiang had fallen asleep with his head tilted to one side. He was sleeping soundly.
Fortunately, fortunately she fell asleep. Zheng Yi breathed a sigh of relief.
The movie continues, and the hero and heroine finally resolve their misunderstanding and embrace and kiss under the fireworks. The background music is sentimental.
Zheng Yi lost interest in watching the movie. He thought it was a horror film.
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