Chapter 20: Base Weights Not every slap in the world is for...
Jiang Haoxiang followed Xiang Li all the way to the hospital. He was very calm along the way, updating the doctor on the condition, taking care of Xiang Li, examining and prescribing medicine, and handling various procedures in an orderly manner.
"I'm fine. I miss you so much. Don't worry." Xiang Li comforted her.
"Auntie, besides your feet and head, are you feeling uncomfortable anywhere else? Do you feel like vomiting? Are you dizzy?" Jiang Haoxiang spoke clearly, not like a high school senior who had just had a huge argument with his father.
Xiang Li lay on a stretcher, watching Jiang Haoxiang communicate with the medical staff, watching her run back and forth through emergency procedures, flitting around with medical records and bills. She seemed reliable. Xiang Li didn't come to the hospital often. Zheng Yi had always been hardy, and her last memory of being in the hospital was of Xiang Li watching over Jiang Haoxiang, taking her temperature and giving her medicine. Now that everything had turned around, Xiang Li felt distressed. This was unnecessary precocity. At an age when she should be carefree, Jiang Haoxiang had already learned to handle things that even adults might not be able to handle.
The emergency room doctor examined Xiang Li's ankle and found it to be sprained, with a strained ligament but no bone damage. It wasn't serious, but because the ankle was severely swollen and unable to walk, the doctor recommended a day of hospitalization for observation. Further treatment would be determined tomorrow after the swelling subsided. Xiang Li struggled for a long time, but the pain was too much for him to argue. He also had several documents that needed to be urgently processed online.
After everything was arranged, Xiang Li was lying on the hospital bed with an IV drip. He was exhausted after a busy day, and was shocked, angry, and in pain. He lay on the bed and fell asleep as soon as his hand touched the pillow.
Jiang Haoxiang stood by the bed, checking the drip. She felt it would be too hot under the covers, so she put a coat on Xiang Li. She checked the stack of receipts, confirming that all paperwork had been completed and fees paid. She walked over to the bed and checked Xiang Li again, confirming that her aunt was doing well.
After all these things were done, Jiang Haoxiang stood there in a daze, suddenly not knowing what to do. He inexplicably unscrewed a bottle of water and drank it all in one gulp. Then he ran to the bathroom. He felt so stupid.
By the time she realized what was happening, she was standing in the bathroom, her collar soaked with tears. She wasn't crying about today's situation. It didn't matter to her. She couldn't figure out why she was crying. She couldn't figure it out, but she was crying so hard her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably. Whenever Jiang Hao felt herself about to cry out, she bit the back of her hand to stop herself from speaking.
In fact, this happened when she was six years old, but Jiang Hao didn't finally confirm it until she was almost eighteen: she really had no father.
She has no mother, and after today's incident, she may no longer have Xiang Li and Zheng Yi.
She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, but the more she wiped, the more tears came.
What would Aunt Xiang Li think? Would she think she was a big trouble? Would she not let her go to that house in the future because of Jiang Cheng’s harsh words?
What about Zheng Yi? If Aunt Xiang Li doesn't let her go, what will Zheng Yi do? He's still so far away in Spain. Will he even be unable to touch Jiujiu in the future?
Jiang Haoxiang didn't want to morally blackmail Xiang Li, she just wanted to be able to accept the worst outcome.
She really had nothing in the end. No mother, no father, no Xiang Li, no Zheng Yi, no Jiujiu.
Jiang Haoxiang thought back to the story "The Prince in Distress." The prince who used to say, "Oh my god, that's horrible," when hearing others suffer misfortune, now, after his own misfortune, that once pampered prince, after experiencing all kinds of hardships, said, "Any disaster in the world, no matter who it falls upon, everyone must endure it, and everyone can endure it."
If others could bear it, then she should be able to bear it too. So what did Jiang Haoxiang have to be afraid of? Even if she really didn't have a father in the future, even if Aunt Xiang Li would be angry with her, even if Aunt Xiang Li saw that she liked Zheng Yi and didn't agree.
She felt that the story was correct and she could accept all of it.
As long as she doesn't die.
As long as she doesn't die.
She is not afraid of anything.
I stood up and walked to the sink. My skin, from being scratched by tears and pickled by salt, felt prickly and numb.
After Xiang Li woke up, he couldn't help but want to move his injured foot.
"Auntie, don't move." Jiang Hao wanted to support her, so he turned around, poured a cup of warm water, inserted a straw, and handed it to Xiang Li's mouth. "Drink some water."
Xiang Li took a few sips from her hand. She raised her eyes and looked into Jiang Haoxiang's calm eyes. She opened her mouth, but the first words she said were: "Haoxiang, I'm sorry."
Jiang Haoxiang's hand holding the cup began to tremble uncontrollably.
Sorry? Why say sorry?
In an instant, countless thoughts swirled out like released doves.
Was she pushing her away? So she apologized because she didn't want to be her mother anymore? Was she hurt by Jiang Cheng's words? Or was Aunt Xiang Li, as clever as she was, able to see that she liked Zheng Yi? She felt her intentions were impure and that they had wasted all those years of care, so she apologized and then let her go?
Jiang Hao had actually realized she liked Zheng Yi quite early on. She was naturally more intelligent than Zheng Yi, and this early onness made her equally as perceptive when it came to her. She couldn't hide it from herself.
Now, if Xiang Li said, "Let's stop seeing each other," Jiang Haoxiang wondered what she would do. She thought, she would still love Xiang Li because she was her mother. She would still be good to Zheng Yi because she had taken care of her since she was a child.
She will be sad and heartbroken, but she will not beg.
When she was a child, she treated Xiang Li as her mother and Zheng Yi as her brother. It was like a child instinctively grabbing at a life-saving straw. Her love was mixed with gratitude and flattery. The purity seemed 100%, but in fact it was probably only 80%.
Later, she no longer regarded Zheng Yi as her brother, nor Xiang Li as her biological mother, and did not expect any return, but she found that her love was 100%.
This is truly amazing.
She couldn't force Xiang Li to be her mother. Jiang Chengdu was irresponsible for her life and feelings, so why should she ask Xiang Li, who had no obligations, to be responsible for her feelings?
Jiang Hao had always been a bit of a proud child. She'd treat anyone who treated her well with kindness. She'd return the kindness to anyone who showed her sincerity. That was how proud she was. So, before today, she'd never argued with Jiang Cheng, because she'd felt a little bit of his sincerity.
Only once.
And now she had exchanged years of imagination for that little bit of sincerity. She paid the price.
The electric fan that no longer turned appeared in front of her again.
Why?
Why isn't it spinning anymore? Is it because the motor broke down after not being used for so long? Is the power cord aging? Or is it because he's tired and doesn't want to blow anymore? Why doesn't her father love her? Is it because she's not sensible enough? Is it because she's not good enough? Is it because she's a girl? Why does she still long for Jiang Cheng's love? She knows that love has already been given to someone else, doesn't it? Why is she still afraid of losing Xiang Li? If Xiang Li really doesn't want her anymore, then that only means their fate has ended, doesn't it? Why does she like Zheng Yi? Is it because he's really that good, or is he just the only one who has never left her? If Zheng Yi knew what she was thinking, would he hide?
Why can't she be like other people and like someone without worrying about losing her home?
Was it wrong for her to give her heart? Was it wrong for her to long to be loved? Was it wrong for her to try so hard to be sensible, excellent, and not cause trouble? Why is it that the more cautious you are, the faster you lose things? Is it because she's not good enough? Is it because she doesn't deserve it? If she were prettier, smarter, more spoiled, and more determined to fight for it, would her father love her more? Would Xiang Li like her more?
Why does she always think so much? Why can't she be happier?
Why is she so precocious? Why can't she just be unreasonable?
Why did she have to be Jiang Haoxiang? Why couldn't she be someone else who didn't have to worry about love?
Why was she still breathing? Why was her heart still beating? Why was she still holding on? Why was she still alive?
The fan is broken. It's broken. It's broken? It's broken!
Why is it broken!
Is it because she's grown up? Because she shouldn't be dependent anymore? Is it because Jiang Haoxiang, who needed the electric fan and Zheng Yi to get through the night, has also broken down? Will she never be able to become that little girl again? If Xiang Li doesn't want her anymore, and Zheng Yi doesn't want her anymore, where should she go? Has she been destined to walk alone since she was six years old? Will the kindness Xiang Li and Zheng Yi showed her, like that electric fan, eventually stop? Will it all have an end?
Shouldn’t we have wanted that electric fan from the beginning?
Shouldn't I have followed Zheng Yi to the secret base at the ventilation vent from the beginning?
Shouldn't she have let Xiang Li into her life from the beginning and filled the places that should have been occupied by her mother?
If I had never gained anything, would I not be so afraid of losing it now?
It’s broken, it’s broken, it’s broken! The electric fan is broken!!!
The question was like a slap in the face. The question raised its hand and aimed it at Jiang Haoxiang. Jiang Haoxiang closed his eyes, waiting for the slap.
"I miss you so much. Mom is so sorry for you."
Jiang Hao wanted to open his eyes.
It turned out that the slap was not meant to be a slap, but to gently caress her face.
Jiang Hao thought that not every slap in the world was meant to be taken.
Xiang Li really felt sorry for Jiang Haoxiang.
Her eyes were gentle and guilty. "I was thinking about asking you to fight for something before. It was my fault. I forgot that you don't care about those things at all, and you can't force yourself to fight for the family property. Or rather, you have finally learned not to force yourself. How can I still persuade you to go back and do that kind of thing?"
Before, she'd been trying to get Jiang Haoxiang to fight for something with Jiang Cheng. That was her path dependency, her habit of fighting for herself and the people she cared about. But she'd forgotten that Jiang Haoxiang wasn't capable of such calculations. As Jiang Haoxiang grew up, she'd pushed herself too many times. Her forced energy, often unnoticed, was completely wasted.
Fortunately it's used up.
Xiang Li felt particularly sorry for not noticing it before and for almost using adult sophistication to demand the child's thoughts.
Xiang Li reached out and held Jiang Haoxiang's hand, "You've pushed yourself enough times. Fortunately, you can no longer force yourself. Mom apologizes for my insensitivity."
Jiang Haoxiang's eyes became wet again: "You just said mom..."
Xiang Li smiled, and Jiang Hao noticed wrinkles forming at the corners of Xiang Li's eyes. Holding her hand, he said, "You've called me mom for over ten years. Do you want to change that now?"
Jiang Hao wanted to shake his head, and tears finally fell.
"That's good." Xiang Li wiped her tears away. "Mommy's feet hurt, so I can't hold you. Come here and let mommy hold you."
Jiang Hao wanted to bend down, bury his face in Xiang Li's chest, and listen to her heartbeat.
Xiang Li whispered, "I really want you to be my daughter no matter what happens. Remember?"
Jiang Hao wanted to nod.
She remembered it.
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