Chapter 72 Fang Minzhou disliked her and Wang…
She didn't understand Wang Kan's purpose in asking such a question. To be precise, she didn't understand whether Wang Kan's probing from beginning to end was due to lingering anger or unresolved feelings.
If he's still angry with her, she's already apologized, and she doesn't owe him anything. But if he says he still likes her... she doesn't doubt it, but how much resentment is in that liking? Or perhaps it's a chance encounter that makes him suddenly nostalgic for his youth.
It's hard to tell the difference. It's like a dish with cilantro and scallions; even if you pick out the spices, a sensitive person can still smell the aroma.
She was the same.
From time to time, she would reminisce about the Wang Kan of ten years ago through the Wang Kan of today—that boy with spiky hair, bright eyes, and a variety of expressions, with a youthful and innocent face, like a brand-new sail billowing in the wind. Fang Minzhou suspected they weren't the same person, but more often than not, when his mature white shirt overlapped with his loose white school uniform, she would see her past self in him as well.
Memories are polished to a shine, but they also lose their true traces.
She couldn't possibly remain unchanged in his eyes either. Thinking of this, Fang Minzhou felt that the night was getting late, and the loneliness of the fireworks display was accumulating in his heart, falling like dewdrops from the tips of leaves.
"Do you mean you want to get back together with me? Or have I misunderstood?" she asked him directly.
Wang Kan seemed surprised or something, and fell silent.
Fang Min wasn't surprised. She smiled to herself. If he had said that in the past, he wouldn't have been so roundabout.
"I think it's better if we remain friends."
The streetlights on both sides of the slope stood silently facing each other, and a full moon hung in the sky. Wang Kan looked at Fang Minzhou, observing, learning from, and applying her composure. "Do you rank your friends? Which type of friend am I?"
Fang Minzhou felt that Wang Kan's questioning was unnecessary. She had already said so much, "Maybe we were high school classmates who were very close but have lost contact with each other. I think we will rarely have the chance to meet again in the future."
"Is it because you rarely have the chance, or do you simply not want to see me?"
Fang Min and Zhou Moran.
"Then can they still be considered friends?"
Fang Minzhou took a deep breath. "I haven't seen many of my classmates since graduation, but we're still friends."
Wang Kan smiled and nodded, then brought up another matter: "I went back to Zhangcheng the day before yesterday and ran into Sun Tong."
Fang Min was taken aback, and Wang Kan said again, "It seems that she and you are also high school classmates who haven't seen each other for a long time."
Fang Minzhou ignored the sarcasm in his words.
And that was indeed the case. The last time she met Sun Tong was when she was in Beicheng. Sun Tong came to visit on a business trip, and they had a meal together. The last time they met before that was during the summer vacation of her junior year when she went to Gangcheng for a competition, but that was an unexpected coincidence.
"How long has it been?"
"Two years, I guess."
"Fortunately, it wasn't as long as it was before us."
Fang Minzhou pursed her lips and smiled as well.
"You just said so much, but you actually wanted to break up with me back in your junior year of college, right?"
This question took Fang Minzhou by surprise. For a moment, she felt weightless, as if she had been lifted by memories, which then scattered and fell to the ground in fragments.
Fang Minzhou didn't know what Wang Kan and Sun Tong talked about; it was probably just small talk. Sun Tong was even less likely to say much in front of Wang Kan. Fang Minzhou could only guess that Wang Kan's question was a conclusion drawn from some clues.
"No..."
“If it’s there, it’s there; if it’s not, it’s not. What does that mean?” Wang Kan was very calm, but Fang Minzhou could still hear the suppressed anger in his voice.
So, it's probably more that their anger hasn't subsided.
"At that time, I just felt that you and I were both very busy, so I thought it might be better to separate for a while and focus on our own things, but it didn't really mean that we were going to break up."
"So when I brought it up again later, you agreed." He changed to a declarative sentence.
"Yeah, what else?"
She suddenly felt a long-lost hatred for Wang Kan again, but the hatred was fleeting, because she didn't know who to hate. The Wang Kan of that time was still the Wang Kan of today. She didn't know who to feel sorry for, because she herself of that time was still the herself of today.
The streetlights on that summer night were dim and yellow, and the afternoon in Jiangcheng was full of spring sunshine. She always remembered the shock and helplessness at that time. The time that followed was crooked and twisted, leaving a long scar of self-healing.
A sharp pain, like a needle piercing my heart, as the thread stretches in my hand, waiting for the next stitch.
Wang Kan looked at Fang Minzhou, whose expression remained unchanged from that day.
Just like she said, they all became very busy later on.
During his sophomore summer vacation, he went to another city to sketch, and during his junior summer vacation, Fang Minzhou went to another city to compete. During her four years of college, they clearly cherished every meeting, but their arguments and disagreements inadvertently escalated.
She didn't like her major, but she didn't complain to him often. Instead, she maintained a good GPA and frequently urged him on.
Wang Kan guessed that she didn't want to aggravate her regret too much, because they had argued about volunteering before, and she probably felt that if she regretted it, it would seem that her decision back then wasn't so correct either; she cared a lot about winning and losing.
He always reported good news to her and never bad news. However, when he was halfway through university and his classmates were increasingly complaining about their majors, he was one of the few who was cheerful and was seen as a stubborn person.
Fang Minzhou decided to switch to coding. He wasn't too surprised, but he couldn't help and could only offer verbal support. However, verbal support was unnecessary and even bothersome, because Fang Minzhou was too busy at that time.
She had a frank talk with him, sounding apologetic, and comforted him, saying that things would get better in time.
Wang Kan had no idea that dating him would be such an exhausting experience. They couldn't meet in person, and even regular phone calls and messages were unreliable. But he understood and joked that he was actually very busy, drawing all night long. "I'm squeezing out time like a sponge to come see you, okay? Don't think I'm idle."
"Okay, okay, I know you're a very busy person." She went along with him.
He truly understands.
During the summer after her junior year of college, after she finished a competition, he took her to explore the southern part of the city. One sweltering summer day, while drinking cold drinks at a tea restaurant, she asked him about his plans after graduation, mentioning that she was thinking of going abroad.
She asked in a consultative tone, and quite cautiously, but Wang Kan knew this was a notification, because even if he was unwilling, she wouldn't change her mind.
Although he sometimes boasts to Fang Minzhou about how great an architect he wants to be, he doesn't actually have much ambition.
Architecture needs a blueprint, and so does life. His future blueprint is that after graduating from university, he and Fang Minzhou will work in the same city, anywhere is fine, at least not as far apart as Beicheng and Jiangcheng.
Like a bolt from the blue, his long-distance relationship, which was about to reach its end, was about to turn into an even more terrifying international relationship, especially at a critical juncture when everyone was considering their future. His mood was like a spilled drink.
Fang Minzhou will graduate next year, but he still has a year left. Even if they both graduate after that, what will Fang Minzhou's plans be then? Maybe he should check if there are any exchange programs available in his fifth year at the university?
He said yes, if you want to go, he can look up some information.
Later, Fang Minzhou received her study abroad offer, and she was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. They hadn't seen each other for so long, and a lot had happened in those six months.
One of the few happy things he could talk about was winning a competition. Fang Minzhou was very happy for him and said she would come to Jiangcheng to find him so they could celebrate together. But that day, she didn't show up for a long time, and no one answered her phone. When she finally got through, it was her senior's voice. He said he was busy and asked if she could contact him later.
The third time is the least likely time to do something. This was the second time Zhuo Rui had answered the phone for Fang Minzhou. The last time was when they went to Gangcheng for a competition. He said they were having a meal together and Fang Minzhou went to the restroom.
Fang Minzhou called him back quickly that time, and he sounded like he had just come back from the bathroom. She also quickly changed her flight for the next day, but after a few words, they broke up.
Looking back now, it all seems so hazy. I've felt disappointed, angry, in pain, and wronged. But now Wang Kan finally understands that when he said he wanted to break up under those circumstances, it wasn't so much a willful test or a self-righteous attempt to think of her best interests, but rather a defensive act of stabbing Fang Minzhou in the back first.
In the end, the happiest time was the summer when I was nineteen.
Wang Kan's sudden silence made the already tense atmosphere strange. Since their reunion, Wang Kan had become like a weapon rack; Fang Minzhou couldn't help but feel defensive whenever he approached. She felt somewhat embarrassed, wondering if she had said something too harsh, but she was also afraid that Wang Kan might say something even worse.
After a long silence, she heard Wang Kan ask her in a low voice, "What if I never say goodbye?"
Love, hate, resentment, and longing transform into a string of wind chimes, tinkling and ringing in the long river of time.
Fang Minzhou involuntarily avoided Wang Kan's eyes. She heard a soft sigh in her heart. She thought, "So Wang Kan has thought about this question too."
She swallowed hard, her gaze shifting from the shoes back to Wang Kan.
“I told you before that I reflected on myself after the breakup. At that time, I was rather naive. I thought that as long as two people liked each other, nothing was a problem. I always thought there would be another chance in the future. But actually, during that period, it was no different from breaking up.” Fang Minzhou paused. She was not a child anymore. Good medicine tastes bitter, and she couldn’t refuse to drink it. “So, I think later that it was right for you to break up with me at that time.”
Wang Kan's heart was throbbing with pain.
"You were right in this matter. You were more decisive than me. Breaking up sooner would have preserved more beautiful memories. Otherwise, if we had dragged it out any longer, it might have become ugly. In that respect, I should sincerely thank you. We... are better off remaining friends."
"You are a very good person," Fang Minzhou added in her heart.
Although she deeply resented him.
She said these words to Wang Kan, and also to herself.
Even breathing made his chest ache. Wang Kan looked at Fang Minzhou, wanting to ask her if what she said was a little too cruel, so cruel that he was reluctant to believe she had no complaints. But saying it made him seem so presumptuous.
The shadows of the trees swayed in the evening breeze. Wang Kan's eyes flickered, and Fang Minzhou thought he had something to say, but he remained silent for a long time.
She suddenly wondered if he was actually that angry with her.
"How is Sun Tong doing lately?" she changed the subject.
After waiting a while, Wang Kan finally spoke, "That's good, she's here for an exchange at the First Affiliated Hospital."
Fang Minzhou hesitated for a moment, then asked, "...Did you go to the hospital?"
Wang Kan moved the corners of her mouth slightly, "...accompanying my dad for his medical check-up."
"...How is Uncle's health?"
"It's alright." According to Fang Minzhou, inquiring about the health of elders was just a polite formality, and Wang Kan couldn't bring herself to sarcastically ask if this question crossed the line. "...Where are your parents? You said before that your mother was sick."
“That happened last year, and everything is fine now,” Fang Minzhou said.
After standing and chatting for so long, her calves were getting stiff. Seeing that Wang Kan was about to say something, Fang Minzhou turned around and continued walking home.
Wang Kan wanted to say something more, he should say something more, but his mind was blank and his throat was dry. How strange, he couldn't control his body, watching Fang Minzhou walk away as if his soul had left his body, just like before.
When she was seventeen, she could shamelessly call out to Fang Minzhou and ask if she understood the song he was singing. Now that she's almost twenty-seven, she only dares to stand there cowardly when she encounters a slight setback.
Reaching the courtyard gate, Fang Minzhou realized that Wang Kan hadn't followed. His silhouette was blurred by the darkness, and for some reason, she suddenly felt a pang of reluctance to look at him. This distance between them seemed to mirror the years they had missed each other.
But it wasn't really a missed opportunity; they just went down different paths.
Things went off track, like a plate that stumbled and flew out of your hand, triggering an irreparable domino effect.
They gazed at each other from afar, and he walked towards her.
The weather in July is too hot and humid. I long for a rain to replace my tears.
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