calm
It seemed to be drizzling outside, and Xu An heard the sound of an umbrella being closed.
But he still leaned against the wall without moving.
I feel like I'm almost out of energy to speak.
"An An, are you asleep? If not, come and get something for me." A female voice came from the living room.
It was soft and gentle, like the voice I heard when I was a child, but now it seemed like a disguise.
Xu An rubbed his face and slammed the door and walked out.
"What do you want?" He didn't know what was going on, and now he really didn't want to mention it. He had just seen it, but he felt that questioning was useless.
"You..." Xu Yanxing glanced at the living room and sensitively noticed something was wrong.
Xu An didn't respond, but stood quietly waiting for her to speak.
"Did you bring your classmates home?" she asked casually, taking out her cell phone with her right hand.
"It's just a rented house." Xu An was sure that Xu Yanxing would not dare to refute, and would not dare to let him know that there was something in the warehouse.
"Yeah." Xu Yanxing pointed to the bag below and motioned him to take it to the table, his right hand still tapping on the phone.
Xu An didn't show any emotion. He picked it up with one hand and planned to go back to the room.
Xu Yanxing suddenly realized something and let out a small cry of surprise. Xu An turned around and glanced at her.
"Is this your classmate?!"
It's strange that he wasn't spotted entering the warehouse.
Xu An had already noticed his mother checking the surveillance cameras. The house was rented, and there were already surveillance cameras. He didn't know why the previous tenant wanted them. Anyway, his mother just used them.
Xu An glanced at Xu Yanxing's phone screen and responded with a "hmm".
Yu Xia's voice sounded particularly muffled in the surveillance video.
"What's your name?"
"Why do you want to know?"
Xu Yanxing looked at her son in confusion as to why he suddenly went against her today.
"Yu Xia." Xu An seemed to have sensed that his tone was wrong, so he answered the previous question.
"Is it really him?" Xu Yanxing didn't care much and continued. "You probably don't have much impression of him. I think you met him in the third year of junior high school."
Xu An said in his heart that he was deeply impressed.
"Hmm, no impression."
"Yeah, we've only met once. We were still in Beijing at that time." Xu Yanxing put the phone away with emotion, turned around and looked at his son to continue chatting.
"He is your mother's patient." Xu Yanxing said this very seriously.
Xu An was slightly surprised, then nodded. His mother was actually Yu Xia's attending psychiatrist. He finally understood why he'd seen Yu Xia in his mother's office during his ninth year of junior high. He'd originally thought it was fate.
"He actually made a friend, but I seriously doubt it was you who picked him up." Xu Yanxing giggled like a girl, "What a cute boy! His mother is driving me crazy."
The woman walked over to the sofa and sat down, and the other side of the sofa bounced up.
"But you shouldn't play with him too much."
"Why?" Xu An blurted out almost the next second after he finished speaking.
Xu Yanxing gave him a puzzled look.
"He was not in good condition for a while. He used to have severe memory problems, but he is much better now."
"so what?"
So what? It doesn't matter whether you're friends with him or not.
"You, ever since you were a child, never liked to hear me finish a sentence." Xu Yanxing circled her fingers around the edge of the phone case.
"Emotional disorder." The woman's bangs were lightly draped in front of her eyes. Others said that Xu Yanxing could have a bright future with her looks, but she chose to become a doctor.
"When someone feels strong emotions in his heart, there is a high possibility that he will find it hard to believe. He cannot recognize emotions, he does not know what they are." Xu Yanxing spoke clearly, his voice was gentle, and his content was still concise.
"Including family, love, and friendship."
"What do you mean? What will happen if you find out?"
"Some cases are acceptable, and in that case, the illness might be cured soon. However, some cases," Xu Yanxing and Xu An looked at each other, "maybe severe cases can lead to mental disorders, amnesia, vomiting blood, etc. The symptoms depend on the patient's reaction, and there is no 100% guarantee of symptoms."
Xu An didn't say anything.
He didn't know which one Yu Xia was.
Perhaps he might know, but he wasn't sure.
"Yu Xia, he was in excellent condition during his last follow-up visit. Please take care of him more, but don't let him get into trouble."
"I do not understand."
Xu Yanxing felt a little annoyed. She had already communicated with the patient's family for a very long time today, and now she had to start explaining it all again, which made her feel a little tired.
"There's nothing unclear."
"Isn't it your duty to make him well?"
Xu Yanxing didn't reply until a while later.
"Yes, it's much better than before. But he went through this hurdle himself."
"If a person is in trouble, can't someone help him?"
"cannot."
"Have you told him?" Xu An suddenly wanted to see Yu Xia, but he was particularly afraid of him hiding from him.
"Of course he needs to know. Even if I tell him a white lie, what good will it do him? The moment he knows the truth, this newly built house will collapse."
But you lied to me.
Now the house has really collapsed.
He was almost there, so he could have a good rest today.
The anger that had just built up suddenly burst out.
"……not understand."
"What exactly don't you understand?" Xu Yanxing realized that this "don't understand" was different from the previous one.
“I don’t understand how many things there are!”
"Why are you so angry?" Xu Yanxing stopped Xu An as he was about to go back to his room. "If you don't understand, just ask. Why are you hiding? What do you think you know?"
Xu An stopped and looked back. Xu Yanxing was still sitting on the sofa, but her gentle eyes were filled with anger.
Why are you angry?
"I don't understand anything! I don't understand why you didn't hold my hand when we were little, I don't understand why you didn't let me leave when you had a fight with him, I don't understand why you never told me that I was adopted!!"
Like an explosion, the endless flood broke through the dam.
"Tell me?! Tell me, who do you want, Jiang Xing'an or Xu An?"
Xu Yanxing was stunned by the sudden questioning and didn't know how to answer.
“An An…”
"You said you really want to know, right? Go ahead!!"
"I……"
It seemed like every sentence she said was at an inappropriate place, and Xu An had no intention of letting her take over.
"Do I look a lot like your son?"
“…When did you find it?”
The gentle and calm voice just now finally panicked.
"Why can't you just hide it if you don't want me to know?"
"I……"
"Why should I find it?"
…
"Either keep it from me or don't keep it from me."
"An An...listen to me..."
Xu Yanxing had already stood up, but even when she was standing she was still not up to his son's chin.
"He looks the most like your son, doesn't he?! Tell me if he does!!"
"No!! It's not like that, An An... It's not like that..."
She repeated it over and over again, memories of the past staining her eyes red.
"Let me ask you, am I Xu An or Jiang Xing'an? What do you think of me? A substitute?"
The boy's last sentence seemed to have lost the last bit of his voice, and his voice became smaller and smaller.
"No, An An, I didn't..."
This time, Xu An turned around not towards the bedroom door, but towards the main door.
The moment Xu Yanxing shouted, her throat seemed to break, "Xu An! Listen to me! Xing'an is...already dead. I can't live without you."
Xu An kept his hand on the door handle without moving.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, An'an."
Whose name are you calling? Are you used to it?
"If you leave I'll be alone, An An."
Xu An turned around and helped Xu Yanxing up.
"I'm sorry..." She seemed a little surprised, but still tinged with the sadness just now.
"I don't need you to say sorry." Xu An poured his mother a cup of hot water, put her back on the sofa, and sat opposite her.
"I need your answers."
"Yeah, okay."
After what he had just discovered, his mood had eased a bit and he was no longer as confused as before.
"Who do you take me for?"
"child."
“…”
This was an unexpected answer. There should have been only two possible answers to this question: himself and Jiang Xing'an.
Xu Yanxing answered with the third answer.
He is her child.
She is his mother. As his mother, Xu Yanxing cares most about the child, not who he is.
"Um."
"An An, your father doesn't hate you."
This sentence was actually not said during the little quarrel just now. Xu An never expressed that he thought Jiang Wen particularly hated him.
"He just couldn't accept it. He couldn't accept that his son had just...died and now he was replaced by another one."
Xu An didn't finish listening. He stood up, walked forward a few steps, and stood at the door again.
"An An?"
"If you want to continue making excuses for him, you can remarry him. Then I will have to accept that he is my father no matter what."
Xu Yanxing stared blankly.
Xu An leaned against the door panel and estimated that the drizzle would stop soon.
"It's his business that he hates me. Why do you like to make excuses for him so much? Do you think I didn't know anything before? You think wrong. I tried everything. I even tried the most insulting thing. I followed his ideas and took the path he set for your son. He needs to be thankful that I don't dislike it, otherwise I would have torn him apart today when I just found out."
His tone was calm, as if the emotion he had just felt was just the tip of an iceberg that was about to burst out.
The woman sitting on the sofa had tears in her eyes, but Xu An's eyes were just slightly red from beginning to end, and even now he looked cold.
Xu An was completely different at home and at school, so much so that Jiang Wen had always thought he was just a quiet boy who liked to paint.
"Didn't he want to be a painter? It's really pitiful that he can't become one and his own son has to do it."
This time, Xu An scolded Jiang Wen directly, but Xu Yanxing didn't dare to respond no matter what.
That incident was her negligence. It was the time when she felt most sorry for Xu An.
She didn't know how to reply, nor did she dare to reply.
When Xu An was 7 years old, Xu Yanxing coaxed him and asked him to try painting.
When Xu An learned that his father liked painting, he happily followed suit and learned it.
"Mom, does it look good?"
"It looks good, but Mommy doesn't have time. I have to work. Just listen to the teacher and study hard."
"If I learn this, will Dad really play with me?"
"Of course I will. Dad loves to draw too. Maybe he'll want to draw with you!"
Unfortunately, little Xu An is not someone who likes to listen to the teacher obediently.
He stops drawing when the teacher comes over, and starts scribbling with a pen when the teacher is not paying attention.
Xu Yanxing had no way of letting the teacher go.
"You can't do it on your own."
Xu Ancai didn't listen. He wanted to work hard on his own and then let his father see it.
In the fifth year of self-study, Xu An went to touch up the white paint as usual.
For convenience, he planned to buy three bags this time to avoid having to make another trip.
The 12-year-old boy refused to be picked up by others and wandered around the streets on the bus.
He really figured out the route, and he managed to slip away in a short while several times.
Little Xu An was in a good mood and hummed a song as he returned to the studio.
Then he saw a middle-aged man standing in front of the painter looking at the painting.
The middle-aged man was dressed in a suit and looked refined. His hair was neatly cut and his figure was not fat, but just right.
That's his father, Jiang Wen.
"dad."
Jiang Wen looked back at Xu An and motioned him to come over.
Little Xu An walked over with a blank expression. He no longer wanted his father's approval.
Painting is his own business, and he learns it slowly, because he is an amateur and learns it very slowly.
Even now, at the age of 17, he hasn't touched a paintbrush in several years. Xu An doesn't want to see the past.
"What are you doing."
"Eat and drink."
What else can you do in the studio if you don’t paint?
Xu An had already heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs very quickly outside.
Unfortunately, no matter how fast she stepped in high heels, she couldn't fly up. This was the only time Xu Yanxing failed to protect her son.
The paint was already dripping down my hair from the top of my head. It was so sticky and uncomfortable, and my white shirt was gradually being smudged.
Xu An remained silent, still leaving the paint on his head. There were many colors mixed together in his vision, probably not used much at most.
But he likes to paint that kind of grassland. Fortunately, there is not much green left, otherwise he would still show it to himself and laugh if there was a green patch on his head.
"Jiang Wen! What did you do? Don't touch him!" When Xu Yanxing rushed over, Jiang Wen had already stopped and threw the box of paint on the ground.
"Didn't you teach him this? Do you dare to say that you didn't make him learn this?"
"no."
Although Xu An was standing behind Xu Yanxing, his voice was still amplified a lot in the studio.
"Okay, Xu Yanxing, Xing'an will hate you to death."
"Jiang Wen!"
…
How strange.
How could Jiang Wen think that Jiang Xing'an was a substitute a few years ago?
Xu An finally stopped talking, put his hand on the door handle and walked out without looking back.
He closed the door and suddenly stood in the twilight, not knowing which way to go.
Is there nowhere to go?
Xu An was planning to find a hotel when he was blinded by a flashlight.
This scene seems familiar.
Opposite him was a boy leaning against the door playing with a flashlight.
Xu An walked closer and said, "If you feel uncomfortable, just go to sleep. What are you doing here?"
Yu Xia felt that Xu An's tone was a bit blaming.
"Remember to close the window next time."
Xu An was stunned when he heard this, and turned to look at the window of his room upstairs.
The curtains were not drawn, so from downstairs, one could only see the ceiling. But it was obvious that if one were in Yu Xia's room, one would be able to see a lot more.
“…”
Xu An didn't say anything and just stood there quietly.
"If you don't say anything when you encounter problems, it will be a big hassle for you."
Yu Xia stood in front of him and waited for a long time. Seeing that the person behind him didn't catch up, he turned around, grabbed his wrist and left.
"I……"
"You what do you mean?"
Who would argue when comforting others?
"Can you please leave me alone for a while?"
"Sure, you can pick any room you want."
“…”
Xu An especially didn't want Yu Xia to see him like this.
It was a complete mess.
"Xu An," Yu Xia's hand was still on his wrist, "are you coming with me or not?"
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