Chapter 12
Why? Why, he seemed unable to control his temper.
If it were in the past, he would never have said those words just now. Why did he become like this?
So strange, so dark.
"Why did I become like this?"
"This is unreasonable."
There was struggle in Jun Qingmo's eyes when he looked at Zhang Yunniang. He made her feel sick.
A trace of fear rose in his heart. He was so scared. He was afraid that one day he would become vicious and become the kind of person he hated.
He spread out his hands, looked at them carefully, and asked, "Is it still me?"
Jun Qingmo has been paralyzed in bed for many years and has lost control of parts of his body, which has seriously affected his independence and self-care ability in daily life.
For him, who was once full of vigor and vitality, his self-esteem suffered a serious blow.
Long-term psychological depression, coupled with chronic pain and persistent discomfort, will lead to emotional abnormalities sooner or later.
The education he received since childhood made him suppress his emotions and control his temper.
If external influences are added, this restraint will eventually become uncontrollable.
Unless he can accept the current situation psychologically, recognize the objective facts, and let go of the grudges in his heart.
Zhang Yunniang picked two blooming orchids and placed them in the helpless palm.
The rich orchid fragrance lingered at the tip of his nose. Jun Qingmo didn't know what it meant, so he tilted his head and looked at the person who suddenly gave him flowers.
"Why bother with so much?"
"What?" Jun Qingmo didn't hear clearly, or maybe even if he heard it, he didn't understand it.
"This orchid smells fragrant before it's picked. Does it lose its fragrance after it's picked?"
"Eat when it's time to eat, sleep when it's time to sleep. Why bother about what will happen next? No matter what happens, it's a choice you made from the bottom of your heart."
"If one day you really become a sarcastic and mean person, someone you hate, that is a choice you have to make under external pressure."
"They haven't done anything unforgivable, like murder or arson, or harmed innocent people. Why should we care so much?"
"So, let it be, screw it, whatever happens."
Jun Qingmo murmured, "Go, go, go to his father? No, it's not decent."
Then, he said seriously: "Yes, screw his father, screw his grandfather! Screw his grandfather! Whatever you want!"
"I am free now, without guilt, and I live my life as I please."
Jun Qingmo smiled and picked up a flower. He had been bound by etiquette, education, filial piety and brotherhood, but he did not have a good end. If that was the case, why should he be so rigid and persistent?
"In that case? Let's go out for a walk today?" Zhang Yunniang hasn't gone out to play for a while. She has been physically and mentally exhausted recently, and going out for a walk can help her relax.
"Pfft, cough, cough, let's do it tomorrow. Recently, I, I..." Jun Qingmo was searching in his mind for a reason that could convince Zhang Yunniang.
"Oh, yes, I want to take the imperial examination again, and I have made plans for it."
Zhang Yunniang was furious. Such nonsense was coming out.
"Second Young Master, how long do you think you can stay in this small courtyard peacefully?"
"I." Jun Qingmo paused.
"Can the ridicule of others bring you down? Can you not face the contempt, belittlement, ridicule, and gloating of others?"
"It's getting late today, why don't we go out tomorrow?"
The sun was high in the sky, and it was not yet noon.
"Can't."
"I won't go." Jun Qingmo was like a dead pig that was not afraid of boiling water. It was already "screw his dad, screw his grandpa, screw his grandfather, whatever", so why didn't he choose to refuse directly.
"All right."
Jun Qingmo was delighted, but also a little surprised, because this person had not been so easy to talk to before.
"What are you going to do?"
"It's cold, go back to the house and get a blanket."
"I'm not cold."
"It gets cold when the wind blows."
"Then I'll just go back to the house and take a break."
Jun Qingmo rolled the wheel himself and followed behind.
When they arrived at the inner room, Zhang Yunniang found a clean blanket from the cabinet and put it aside. She also brought a basin of hot water and asked someone to go and wash it.
Jun Qingmo thought he could take a nap after washing, but unexpectedly, as soon as he wiped the water off his hands, a thin blanket covered him. He immediately felt something was wrong.
"You, what are you going to do."
"Nothing." Zhang Yunniang covered the man's legs, put on the cloak, pushed the wheelchair out of the room.
"What are you going to do?" The wheelchair was pushed out of the room, and Jun Qingmo couldn't stop it. When he was about to leave the room, he held on to the door frame tightly and got stuck at the door.
"What are you going to do? Didn't you promise me that you wouldn't go out?" He looks like he's about to go out, but didn't you agree not to go out?
"Huh? When did you agree to it?" Zhang Yunniang blinked, looking confused.
"Just now I said I wouldn't go, and you agreed."
"Oh, that's what I meant. I just replied to the Second Young Master that I understand."
He pried open the fingers that were clinging to the door frame one by one, which was a bit like forcing a good woman into prostitution. Jun Qingmo was a grown man after all, and his strength was much greater than that of a woman.
I almost knocked the wheelchair over several times. It was harder to press than a pig during Chinese New Year.
"I won't go out, I won't go out. You're forcing me like this. This is deceiving my master and a great betrayal."
"Oh~~ I'm neither a slave nor a servant. If the Second Young Master is angry, he can at most fire me. There's no way he can pin the accusation of treason on my head."
It was no use for Jun Qingmo to keep struggling, so Zhang Yunniang found some cloth, tore it into strips, and tied him to a wheelchair. It was really like refusing to accept a toast and then being punished.
"Do you really want to see me embarrassed and humiliated?" Jun Qingmo saw that struggling was useless, so he leaned back in the wheelchair, looking helpless and pitiful.
When Zhang Yunniang saw him like this, a word popped into her mind: "weak and easily bullied."
Seeing that she was unmoved, Jun Qingmo began to play the emotional card. "Do you know what they said about me when I left earlier?"
Zhang Yunniang wasn't buying it. Having seen the ups and downs of life, this wasn't a big deal to her. "The Second Young Master doesn't even dare to leave the courtyard, and yet he still wants to take the imperial examination?"
Jun Qingmo sighed. What he just said about the imperial examination was just an excuse.
The person in front of me couldn't be reasoned with by common sense. I had originally hoped to arouse some sympathy from her by telling her about my past experiences so that she wouldn't worry about whether to leave or not, but now I had no choice but to change my words.
"Master always said that everything should be done in a gradual process. You have to give me some time to prepare myself."
"Didn't the Master also say that you should strike the iron while it's hot and cure the disease while it's early?"
"You, you, you are really unreasonable."
Seeing that he was about to be pushed out of the yard, Jun Qingmo leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, made up his mind, leaned to the side, and pretended to be fast asleep.
Zhang Yunniang was both angry and amused when she saw him like this. How could the gentleman in her memory become such a scoundrel?
From his tense state and slightly moving eyelids, it can be seen that he is really nervous.
No matter how pitiful it is, you have to go out of this door anyway.
If you don't even dare to step out of the door, no matter how hard you try, everything is in vain.
However, she didn't want to push him too hard. The original owner, apart from anything else, was incredibly skilled at avoiding people, knowing exactly which roads in the mansion were less traveled and which ones the masters wouldn't take.
Zhang Yunniang also avoided people on the way. Until she left the palace, she met no other people except a few servants.
Jun Qingmo kept his eyes closed, feeling panicked for a while, waiting for possible ridicule and mockery.
He tried several ways to walk the few steps out of the yard, but all ended in failure. Later, when he realized that no matter how he protested, it was useless, he simply gave up.
The sound of wheels rolling could be heard from below, and the sunlight above his head made him drowsy. With the thought of escaping, he actually fell asleep.
He didn't know how long it had passed before he was awakened by the sound of hawking. His eyes were blurry and he looked around. Was he on the street?
In front of him was a square table. Zhang Yunniang was sitting on the right, eating something from a bowl.
This man put him to sleep on the street? He was shocked. How disrespectful and shameless.
Zhang Yunniang had been paying attention to this side. Seeing that he had woken up, she raised the bowl she was holding and said, "Second Young Master, would you like a bowl? The oil tea here is better than anywhere else."
Jun Qingmo moved and found that the cloth strips binding his hands had been untied at some point.
"You pushed me out onto the street to sleep? How could you let me lose my composure like that? You're truly, truly, a disgrace."
"I'm free now, guilt-free, spending my days and nights as I please. Tsk, tsk, where's that carefree energy gone? I just finished speaking and turned around to look. Does this face hurt?"
"You are a scoundrel. I can't argue with you." Jun Qingmo is full of literary talent, but in front of this person, he is always speechless.
"My second son, look at all the people coming and going. Is anyone interested in you? They're all busy. Look at that corner over there, aren't there two people lying on the ground? Is anyone watching them?"
"You, you dare to compare me with a beggar, you are so presumptuous."
"What's wrong with being a beggar? Wasn't I, Zhang Yunniang, also born a beggar? You are noble and great, but now you still have to deal with a little beggar like me?"
The stall owner heard the commotion and realized the man had woken up. He came over and said, "Sir, would you like a bowl of oil tea? I'm not exaggerating, but even though my stall is small, I can make this dish better than even Wenxianglou."
When this girl came, she seemed to say that her master was not feeling well, and she pushed him out to bask in the sun. She is such a kind girl.
"Sir, you have met a kind girl. What a wonderful day! If you get out in the sun, you will be much healthier."
"Boss, please give me another bowl of oil tea." Zhang Yunniang saw that the man looked unhappy, so she ignored him, told the boss, and continued eating.
It was difficult to lose his temper outside, so Jun Qingmo had to suppress his temper. He looked around and found that no one was looking at him. He relaxed a little and began to take in the surroundings.
This seems to be a market, but the people coming in and out are all ordinary people. The surrounding stalls and shops all look shabby and old. Is there such a place in the capital?
When he turned his eyes, he saw the stall owner serving him oil tea, but his posture looked a little awkward.
When the stall owner turned around, he found that only the stall owner's right hand was left with his arm, and the entire palm was gone.
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