Chapter 5 Guilt
After Shen Changhe left, Shen Anan stood in the boudoir in a daze for a long time.
She looked here and touched there.
This was the place she missed most before her death, strange yet familiar.
Her favorite orchid wind chimes were hung on the window frame, jingling in the breeze.
She walked over, raised her slender fingers and stroked the swaying tassels. The soft touch passed through her fingertips, and her lips curled up.
It seems like crying and laughing at the same time.
The moon's shadow is everywhere and the birch trees are swaying.
Shen Anan finally fell asleep, but it was a nightmare for half the night.
She curled up in the quilt, hugged her arms tightly, her forehead was soaked with cold sweat, and her body was shaking slightly.
Her head felt like it was going to explode.
All kinds of abuse and contempt formed a circle, surrounding her, and the sharp and harsh words went straight into her ears.
"No, I'm not crazy, I'm not."
She just...loved Xiao Yuan too much, that's why she lost her mind.
"Girl, girl." It was Mo Xiang's voice.
An An struggled to wake up, breathing in big gulps of air, with panic still on her face.
"Girl, are you having a nightmare again?" Mo Xiang poured a cup of tea and fed it to An An.
Shen Anan drank it, barely calmed down her restless mood, and leaned on the soft pillow in a daze.
Those unbearable past events are a torture every time I think of them.
She hated herself for being blind and stupid, and she hated the culprit who turned her into a lunatic even more.
The cold face, as if all the dust in the world was unbearable to his eyes, appeared in her mind, and she gritted her teeth in hatred.
Xiao Yuan!
The next day.
Shen Anan looked carefully at the dark skin under her eyes in the bronze mirror, and said to Mo Xiang, "Put on more powder, don't let mother worry."
Her skin was originally fair, and now with the thick layer of powder on her face, it actually added a bit of delicate and graceful beauty.
Along the way, many servants looked at him sideways.
Shen Anan smiled at them very good-temperedly, gentle and dignified.
The friendly and surprised looks from the servants gave Shen Anan a sense of reality.
Everything is real now. She has a chance to start over and no longer have to face everyone's ridicule and contempt.
In this life, no man is worthy of her losing herself and becoming a crazy woman despised by everyone.
"An An." Shen Changhe walked out from the corridor and called her.
"Brother." Shen Anan bowed politely, "Are you going to leave the house dressed like this?"
"Well, I have some clues about the identities of those assassins. I need to go to the Fourth Prince's Mansion."
"Oh." Shen Anan responded calmly and changed the subject, "I'll go to my mother's place."
Shen Changhe was a little surprised.
My sister is not a cold-hearted person, but she was raised in Jiangnan since she was a child, and she is not very close to her relatives in the mansion. At most, she is obedient.
Now he would take the initiative to get close to his mother?
"Okay, go ahead. Mother will be very happy to see you."
Shen Anan curled his lips and smiled, "Brother, be careful too. Those assassins are quite skilled. Don't risk your life for irrelevant people."
Shen Changhe felt that his sister seemed to be very displeased with the Fourth Prince.
Then I thought again, no girl would be happy if she was forced into marriage.
"good."
The brother and sister said goodbye and left.
It seemed that there were some guests in Madam Shen's Longxiang Pavilion.
An An glanced at the two old women guarding outside the door and frowned slightly.
"Mother must be busy. Let's go and come back another day."
The master and servant turned around.
With a creak, the door suddenly opened at this moment, and Mrs. Shen personally sent out a woman dressed as a lady.
"Hey, An An."
Shen Anan forced a smile on her face, turned around and bowed, "Mother."
Madam Shen's eyes were filled with joy, "Get up quickly."
Shen Anan smiled, stood up straight, and then looked at the woman beside her.
"Miss cousin." The woman bowed respectfully. She was Aunt Yu, the steward beside Concubine Shen.
When Aunt Yu saw Shen An'an, she smiled with wrinkles in the corners of her eyes, "My cousin did a great job this time. The imperial concubine is very happy. She specially asked me to bring you a set of mutton-fat white jade headpiece made by the palace craftsmen. It is the best match for your temperament."
That was something that all the girls in the capital city coveted.
Shen Anan frowned slightly.
After thinking about it for a while, I understood what Aunt Yu was talking about. It should be about saving Xiao Yuan.
Mrs. Shen saw that her daughter looked unhappy, so she quickly tried to smooth things over, "Yes, it's right in the room, you can try it later."
Shen Anan gave Madam Shen a smile, but when she turned to Aunt Yu, she restrained her expression, "Anan didn't want to do it, but she was forced to do it. Aunt is worried."
Aunt Yu's expression froze for a moment.
In a trance, she seemed to see the young imperial concubine in this cousin, who was just as stubborn and persistent.
With a sigh, the Imperial Concubine had never given up halfway on anything she wanted to do. After all, this cousin was too young, how could her arm twist over her thigh?
Thinking about it, she smiled nonchalantly and said, "The Imperial Concubine said that my cousin has made great contributions this time, and she will definitely ask the Emperor for a reward on your behalf. My cousin, just wait."
Shen Anan naturally understood what kind of reward Concubine Shen wanted.
She was about to speak, but Aunt Yu had already bowed and said goodbye to Madam Shen.
"Okay, let's go inside." Mrs. Shen held Shen Anan's little hand and led her into the house.
"You came at the right time. I finally got rid of her, but you showed up at my door."
Shen Anan was pulled by her to sit down, her eyes fixed on Madam Shen's soft and warm hands for a moment, and then slowly moved away, "It's not certain who will win or lose until the end."
Madam Shen glanced at her and smiled helplessly, "The Fourth Prince is a popular husband among the ladies in the capital. He is talented, handsome, and of noble status. Mother thought you would like him too."
So, when Concubine Shen brought it up, she did not express her opinion.
"Yes, my mother also said that maybe."
After a lifetime, she still clearly remembered the shock and excitement she felt when she first saw Xiao Yuan.
At that moment, it seemed as if her heart had stopped beating and was no longer her own.
"Your aunt is in great favor now, and it may not be easy to make her give up her idea. Mother will discuss it with your father and find a way for you. Don't worry, as long as you don't want to, your father and mother will not force you."
“Yeah.” Shen Anan’s voice was very nasal, and she nestled into Madam Shen’s arms like a little child.
Madam Shen was startled, her eyes full of surprise.
It was the first time that An An was so close to her.
Shen Anan closed her eyes, reluctant to leave this moment of warmth.
In her previous life, she hated and stayed away from everyone who advised her to leave Xiao Yuan. She didn't have much affection for even her own parents, so much so that in the end, they couldn't even live in harmony with them.
Madam Shen loved her, and knowing that Xiao Yuan disliked her, she strongly disagreed with their marriage.
Shen Anan was very dissatisfied with her because of this, and complained about the fact that she had never been disciplined and raised. This made Mrs. Shen so angry that she fell ill. Later, Shen's father was ashamed to serve in the court again, so he resigned and returned home. Mrs. Shen became ill due to depression and passed away on the way.
It became a pain that Shen Anan dared not mention or touch. Guilt tortured her day and night and made her increasingly crazy.
Madam Shen stroked her hair again and again, eyes full of love, "You are so old, why are you still as clingy as a child?"
Shen Anan was silent in silence.
"Madam." At this moment, the maid walked in with small steps, "The steward has something to report."
Madam Shen pushed Shen Anan’s body.
Shen Anan left her arms and sat up straight.
The door curtain was opened, and the butler walked in with his head lowered, bowed and saluted, "Madam, Miss."
"Get up." Madam Shen raised her hand and asked, "How are the preparations for what I asked you to do?"
"The porridge stall has been set up, and all matters have been given instructions."
"Okay." Mrs. Shen nodded.
"Mom wants to give out porridge?" Shen Anan suddenly remembered this matter.
Due to the flood in the south, many refugees poured into the capital, who were starving and there were corpses of starving people everywhere outside the city. The major families, either for reputation or out of genuine kindness, began to provide relief on their own initiative.
In the previous life, my mother set up a porridge stall.
It was just a good thing, but because of her impulsiveness, it backfired.
Mrs. Shen's good intentions were backfired, and the Shen family was cursed. When Shen Changhe went to work, he was chased by the people and had rotten vegetable leaves and swill thrown all over him.
Shen Wen did not attend court for three consecutive days.
That was the beginning of her nightmare and the reason why she became hideous.
Shen Anan lowered her eyes, her body trembling slightly.
"Yes, your father is the Grand Marshal, and he is paid by the emperor, so he should share your worries." Madam Shen gently held her hand, which was covered with sweat.
"Hey." Mrs. Shen's face showed concern, "An An, what's wrong with you? Why are you sweating so much?"
"Nothing." Shen Anan curled her lips and smiled, "I always love to sweat and can't stand the heat."
Upon hearing this, Madam Shen immediately asked the maid to lift the beaded curtain and open the doors and windows.
A slightly cool breeze blew into the room. Shen Anan took a deep breath, and her hot heart calmed down a little.
"It's just..." The housekeeper spoke again, "On the East Street not far from our porridge stall, the third daughter of Lord Duan is also giving out porridge."
Here it comes. Shen Anan's body was stiff, and he looked at the housekeeper without blinking.
"Oh? Really?" Mrs. Shen was a little surprised, "Miss Duan San is here too."
She turned her head inconspicuously and glanced at her daughter.
Shen Anan knew what it meant. The third girl of the Duan family was attracted to Xiao Yuan.
However, in this life, she was not engaged to Xiao Yuan, so Madam Shen did not introduce this third girl to her.
She has an unparalleled beauty, is kind and sincere, and has talent comparable to that of a prince. She is Kyoto Ika, who is on par with her grandmother.
This was the praise that Madam Shen had given her in her previous life.
I heard that she loves Xiao Yuan and that she is so outstanding.
Shen Anan was so angry that she volunteered to take on the task of distributing porridge. She wanted to show the world that she, the eldest daughter of the Shen family and Xiao Yuan's fiancée, was no less graceful than anyone else.
If you think about it carefully, it was all the girl's vanity and desire to win that were at work. With her evil intentions, it was reasonable for her to lose.
“An An.” Madam Shen waved her hand in front of her eyes to bring her back to her senses.
"Mother."
"What are you thinking about? I called you several times but you didn't respond." Mrs. Shen glared at her.
Shen Anan curved her lips and said, "I was distracted. What did mother just say?"
"I said, I'll leave the porridge-dispensing business to you."
Shen Anan was stunned.
Madam Shen explained, "Giving out porridge is a charitable act. Even the Marquis Duan Mansion is entrusted to unmarried women in the mansion to run it. Isn't it just to earn a good reputation? You just returned to the capital for the first time, and you should show your face formally. This is the most suitable opportunity."
A reputation for kindness can be of great help to a young girl's marriage.
Shen Anan lowered her eyes and replied softly, "Yes."
"Thank you, mother, for thinking of me."
Although the process is different, the result is the same.
Shen Anan thought that she would never repeat the mistakes of her previous life.
"I am your mother. If I don't think about you, who else should I think about, silly girl?" Madam Shen stroked her head, her eyes full of love.
Shen Anan nestled in Madam Shen's arms like a child, blinking her beautiful eyes.
In this life, she wants both fame and good fortune. She wants people to use all the beautiful and praiseful words to describe her, to make her dazzling and honorable.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
