Chapter 65: No Way to Keep Spring (3) The one I love is dead, please...
Meng Xuanli caught his sullen expression and feigned sadness, saying, "Alas... old man, you don't know. I was married before, and that man toyed with my feelings and, in the end, kicked me out."
Her voice became pitiful, and Tongtong grabbed her hair at the right time. The mother and daughter really had a mutual understanding in their acting.
Hearing that Meng Xuanli was about to cry, Lu Guanque felt heartbroken and looked at her again: "Madam Meng has suffered a lot." She lowered her eyes and looked at the child in her arms, not at him.
Meng Xuanli succeeded, and her tone changed. She sighed, "Luckily, I met my current husband. He treats me very well. He takes care of everything in this courtyard, big and small."
"Yeah?"
Lu Guanque's throat felt like it was being strangled by an iron chain. He cried out to heaven and earth, but no one answered. He spoke in an extremely difficult tone, "What if... that person has his own reasons?"
Meng Xuanli raised his eyes, his gaze clear and bright. "How do you know, old sir, if he has any difficulties? Do you know him?"
Lu Guanque dodged her gaze and sighed, "Life is short and unpredictable."
He recalled a past event: "I once had a sweetheart, just like Lady Meng. She met someone as bad as me, was hurt by me, and was pushed away by me. I remember when she left, she cried and cried, asking me not to abandon her, not to leave her."
"My heart ached because if I didn't abandon her and leave her, she would die in front of me. I couldn't let her die, so I could only push her away."
Lu Guanque's voice broke, and every word he uttered was like a sharp blade, cutting through his flesh and piercing into his bone marrow.
His eyes were wet. When he looked up, he saw a thin layer of moisture in Meng Xuanli's eyes.
Raindrops fell in the courtyard and the room was dark. The two of them stared at each other quietly across the candlelight on the table.
Meng Xuanli was the first to shift her gaze towards the cool and gloomy rain. She didn't care about the secret hidden behind Lu Guanque. She just wanted fairness and put all the pain she had suffered in the past on him.
Meng Xuanli saw Fuyao walk in with the dishes, her eyes icy, and she shook her head. Suppressing her emotions, she said, "Fuyao, take Tongtong away, and don't come out later."
Fuyao suddenly felt the atmosphere was subtle. Although she was puzzled, she nodded and said, "Yes, my lady." She put the dishes in order, washed her hands, and carried the child out.
There were only two people left in the room. Meng Xuanli handed the chopsticks to Lu Guanque. He was stunned for a moment, then nodded in gratitude.
Lu Guanque took the chopsticks, but Meng Xuanli refused to let go. She looked at him intently and smiled, "Can you handle spicy food?"
She deliberately used "you" to remind him that she already knew his true face.
"……able."
Lu Guanque glanced at the food, hesitated for a moment, let go of his chopsticks, picked up the spoon, and drank a mouthful of mustard soup without hesitation.
Meng Xuanli propped his chin up on his hand, tilted his head, and stared at him with a scrutinizing gaze: "You clearly can't handle spicy food, so why are you asking for trouble like this? And why are you pretending to be like this?"
Lu Guanque seemed to be outside the room, sipping mouthful after mouthful until the soup was gone, then putting down his spoon. His eyes were red and filled with tears, and he let out a suppressed gasp amidst the tension.
After a pause, Lu Guanque controlled his tone and said, "You figured it out."
Meng Xuanli couldn't bear to see him pretending to be aggrieved, so he stood up, walked to his side, leaned over to observe him, and then took off his human skin mask, revealing his true self.
Lu Guanque's breathing was ragged, his face crimson, and he couldn't hold back his tears. Ever since Meng Xuanli had invited him to dinner, or even earlier, he'd sensed her hatred. She wasn't the type to forget the pain once the wound had healed. She wanted revenge on him, and he was willing to accept it.
"Ali, I'm sorry."
He had eaten a lot of chili peppers to cover up his real voice, and now he drank all the mustard soup, so his voice was extremely hoarse.
Hearing his admission, Meng Xuanli calmed down. "Sorry? What's your fault? Besides, who are you to me? What would my husband think if he knew?"
Lu Guanque shook his head, held her wrist, and gently put his forehead against it: "Ali, I know you say these things to make me angry. If you don't want to see me, it's okay. I can not show up, but please don't chase me away, okay?"
"I'm driving you away?" Meng Xuanli shook his hand off as if she had heard something funny. "Weren't you the one who drove me away first?"
There was pain in Lu Guanque's eyes. He raised his eyes and looked up at her: "I had no choice at that time." He said these words with difficulty.
"I have no choice?"
Meng Xuanli ignored his gaze and turned away: "When I was so humble and begged you not to leave me, risking my life, you threw my hand away and said you didn't want me anymore. Now you say you have no choice?"
She thought she had digested the pain long ago, but now, she was there again and felt the sadness.
Meng Xuanli's voice trembled. "Lu Guanque, do you know? When I was heading south with the divorce papers, I had nightmares almost every night. I dreamed that you let go of my hand and let me fall into the abyss."
"Where were you when I was most helpless and in the most pain? Did you ever consider my feelings? No, not even once. You didn't even give me room for negotiation, you just..." Her voice was filled with accusations, even though she hated this way of talking.
"When I was pregnant, do you know how much I hated you? I hated you so much that you wanted to use the child to haunt me. I could have killed her and not wanted her, but I couldn't do it because she is my child too."
Meng Xuanli turned his back and didn't hesitate to hurt him: "As for you, I never thought you were still alive, but you are still alive."
"I wish you were dead. At least, I can really forget you."
Lu Guanque walked to her side. Meng Xuanli was silent and sad, tears flowed in her eyes like mercury, and she remained silent and motionless.
He held her face in his hands and wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry. What happened in the past was all my fault. I don't ask you to forgive me, nor do I ask you to change your mind. I'm just worried that no one will take care of you..."
Meng Xuanli sniffed, took a deep breath, and raised her voice: "Lu Guanque, if you want to say sorry, you should at least feel my pain!"
"I'm not someone who can be taken care of by anyone. Besides, I don't need anyone to take care of me at all!"
Meng Xuanli pushed him away and turned to leave. Almost at the same time, Lu Guanque grabbed her hand, supported the back of her neck, and looked at her almost pleadingly: "Ali, give me a chance to defend myself and let me tell you everything, okay?"
"In self-defense?"
Meng Xuanli felt the heat on the back of his neck. He shook his head and laughed dumbly, "Lu Guanque! You're so self-righteous!"
"At that time, I repeatedly asked you if you were forced to do it, if you had no choice. What did you say then? You said you loved her and wanted to marry her, and you also emphasized that you didn't want me anymore."
"You refused to speak then, and now you come here hypocritically, saying you want to defend yourself? Do you think it's fun to tease me? Huh?"
"I said those words just to make you leave me. From the beginning to the end, you are the only one in my heart." Lu Guanque seemed to have used up all his strength to prove his love for her.
The two looked at each other through tears and sobs, and there was a cruel stinging feeling in every breath.
Meng Xuanli was pulled closer by him, without any compulsion. She was enveloped by his scent, and her heart grew heavier and heavier. "As you wish, I have left you."
"You can pretend you didn't hear me, but I still have to say this. Ever since I left you, sometimes I don't know what's wrong. Whatever I see or hear, I'll inexplicably cry. My mind will replay your words over and over again until late at night, when I fall asleep."
"After having Tongtong, these symptoms have improved a lot. I gradually opened up my heart and returned to my original state. I thought I would never see you again in this life."
"Who would have thought that God would be so merciful to you, letting you die and come back to life, come back to life and die again, just like a magic trick, fooling me and hurting me."
"Don't you want me to leave? Why did you come here? Why do you keep pestering me? Or maybe the Lu Guanque I love is already dead."
"Why are you pretending to be him?"
Meng Xuanli never shed tears, but just let them fill his eyes, intensifying the other person's grief.
Lu Guanque stroked her cheek, breathing hard: "Ali, I'm not pretending to be him. I haven't changed. I'm still me."
He thought of what she had just said: "When I found out you had a child, my heart was broken. I knew I was sorry for you, and I knew I deserved to die."
"I don't want to think about anything right now. I just want to take care of you until you forgive me, okay?"
Meng Xuanli pushed him away in one breath: "No, not at all! Besides, we've already divorced and I'm married!" She deliberately emphasized the last few words.
Lu Guanque's heart suddenly turned cold, but he tried his best to remain calm: "I can't watch you... become someone else's wife, and I can't watch our daughter call someone else father."
It would have been fine if this hadn't been said, but once it was said, Meng Xuanli understood and deliberately provoked, "Why? Is it that the Duke is interested in being someone else's concubine? Do you insist on staying here?"
Lu Guanque stared at her. Meng Xuanli's face was stubborn, but her eyes were calm. He stepped forward, wanting to hold her in his arms.
Meng Xuanli realized it, walked to the side, held the crutch and pointed at him: "What are you going to do?" She suddenly couldn't understand what he was thinking.
Lu Guanque calmed down, his deep features becoming even sharper. He slowly unbuttoned his outer robe and said, "Of course I want to be your...mistress."
Meng Xuanli opened her eyes wide. She had only said that randomly, hoping that he would give up, but she had not expected that he would still be so shameless.
Meng Xuanli bit her lip. Seeing that he had no intention of stopping, she continued to hit his legs with her crutch, hitting him uncontrollably.
Lu Guanque didn't dodge or evade, instead falling to his knees in agony. The ground was cold, and his knees made an unusually crisp sound. He stared up at her face, silent.
Meng Xuanli stopped abruptly, apparently unaware that she had hurt someone like this. She looked dazed, her wrist giving out, her crutches dropping, and she felt a pang of fear at her own actions.
Lu Guanque didn't seem to be overly upset, instead feeling that this was something he had to endure. He felt pain both physically and mentally, but he spoke calmly, "Ali." After a slight pause, he said, "Don't feel guilty, I just tripped accidentally."
Meng Xuanli came to her senses when she heard this. She lowered her eyes. Lu Guanque's brows were furrowed, tears hanging on his long eyelashes. They fluttered for a few moments, flowing down his scarlet cheeks and onto his white shirt. He looked like someone at a wedding, where joy turned to sorrow.
Meng Xuanli slowly squatted down and looked him straight in the eye. "You said you tripped accidentally, but there were no stones in the room. How could you have tripped?"
"Only outside the house can you trip someone up." She experienced a wave of emotions. "I want to be alone, Lu Guanque. You go out."
Lu Guanque was slightly startled, kneeling on the ground, his upper body leaning forward. Meng Xuanli frowned and backed away. He withdrew his hanging hand, leaving only the sound of his breath: "Okay, as long as you don't chase me away, I'll wait for you to calm down."
"I'm willing to do this for a day, a month, or even a lifetime."
Meng Xuanli could smell his chilling breath, sometimes far away, sometimes near. By the time she realized what was happening, Lu Guanque had already donned his outer robe and walked out into the rain. She didn't want to know how he left, she just wanted him to leave now.
When the rainstorm came, their tears seemed insignificant. Meng Xuanli hugged her knees and found herself drowned in the rain and lost in her direction. To be more precise, because of Lu Guanque's arrival, she showed a viciousness and destructiveness that she had not anticipated.
Can she do that?
Or, could she take revenge on him like this?
But why didn't she feel relieved? Instead, she felt a little guilty?
Meng Xuanli didn't intend to think about it anymore. As long as Lu Guanque didn't show up, she thought she could pretend he didn't exist.
Meng Xuanli had been squatting for a long time, and her legs and feet were numb. She held on to the chair and stood up carefully. She looked up, but there was no sign of him. Naturally, she felt a little depressed.
#
Late at night, the rain was still falling outside the window, sparse and scattered, like clusters of small white buds. Meng Xuanli's face was pressed against the soft pillow, and just as he was about to fall asleep, there was a knock on the door.
She was half asleep, put on a robe, and opened the door.
Fuyao had a complicated expression, as if she had come in a hurry: "Madam... Duke, he..."
Meng Xuanli yawned and asked casually, "What's wrong?"
Fuyao bit her lip and shook her head. "Since the Duke came out, he has been kneeling outside the courtyard gate. I saw him just now when I went to lock the door."
"What?"
Meng Xuanli glanced at the rain outside, which was now heavier than a waterfall. She walked along the corridor, quickly reaching the courtyard gate, but did not open it.
Fuyao held an umbrella beside her and said hesitantly, "Madam, why don't you open the door first? The Duke hasn't had dinner yet, and it's already midnight."
Compared to Fuyao's attitude, Meng Xuanli seemed particularly sharp. She pushed open the door, looked down from above, and looked into the distance. Lu Guanque's face was pale, his lips trembling, and the rain was flowing down from his head, soaking his robes. He looked heavy and disheveled.
It was dark everywhere and raining everywhere. Meng Xuanli made eye contact with him, biting the inside of her lip, and did not move.
By doing this, wasn't he just trying to make her feel guilty again? He knew he couldn't be cruel, but he still had to pretend to do this.
Meng Xuanli was furious. He snatched the umbrella from Fuyao's hand and threw it into the rain. She no longer looked at him and turned away coldly. Time passed, and only the sound of rain could be heard, like pearl earrings, swaying in her ears.
Fuyao was at a loss. She glanced at Lu Guanque, then hurriedly followed Meng Xuanli, whispering, "My lady... the Duke didn't seem to be holding the umbrella. Will he get sick from the rain? I remember the Duke had many injuries in the past. If they relapse, he might die."
Meng Xuanli paused, hesitated for a moment, then turned around and opened the gate again. Her face was stubborn and resolute, and her voice was low and flat: "Since you want to kneel so badly, then I will grant your wish. It's best if you kneel here and die for the rest of your life."
Only by showing badness and unkindness will Lu Guanque have emotional fluctuations and be likely to take the umbrella.
I hope these harsh words are of some use, she thought.
After saying that, Meng Xuanli opened the door and bolted it. When she came out, she was only wearing a moon-white robe, which was now wet from the rain and clung to her.
Meng Xuanli didn't leave. She leaned against the door and slid down slowly, silently. She looked at Fuyao quietly, and after a while, she smiled sadly: "Tell me, am I too cruel?"
Fuyao's eyes were filled with tears. She squatted down and shook her head. "Back in the East Capital, wasn't the Duke just as cruel? He wanted to force my wife to leave."
Fu Yao has been with Meng Xuanli for so long, so she naturally knows her character. No matter how scary her words are, she still can't bear to be cruel.
Meng Xuanli remained silent. Fuyao, as if sensing something, soothed her, "After tonight, my lady, why don't you listen to the Duke's explanation? If he continues to deceive you, I will be the first to chase him away, without you having to tell me."
Meng Xuanli's nasal voice was thick. Thinking of what he hadn't said during the day, he slowly stood up and rubbed the bridge of his nose: "Then you should get up tomorrow morning and make some ginger soup."
After giving the order, Meng Xuanli walked into the house slowly, without looking back. She took off her damp outer robe and wiped her hair and neck with a clean cloth.
The sound of rain was trickling outside the window. Meng Xuanli was lying on the bed, and suddenly she remembered that in May last year, the weather had become warmer, but she was cold all over and could not fall asleep.
Could it be that Lu Guanque's later betrayal was related to this incident?
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