Chapter 51 Kneeling and Asking the Ex-wife (4) See clearly.
Meng Xuanli lowered her eyes, as if trying to avoid his gaze. Lu Guanque suddenly regained consciousness, took one step forward, then another, and walked to her side, breathing out his warm breath: "Aren't you cold?"
Meng Xuanli stared at the back of her hand, noticing that the snowflakes were gradually melting due to her warmth. She smiled faintly, "After playing for so long, I forgot about the cold."
Lu Guanque held her hands in his palms and stared at her, tears welling up in his eyes.
After a long moment, he avoided the question, his throat clenched. "It's cold outside. I'll go in with you."
Meng Xuanli also understood what he meant, nodded, and walked towards Chengju side by side with Lu Guanque.
The moonlight gradually became hazy, and the wind blew snow towards Lu Guanque's cheek, just like a stone thrown into the lake, the ripples trembled, and then calmness remained.
He didn't want to destroy this lost peace, even if it was only for a short time.
The two of them walked into Chengju. Meng Xuanli shook off the snow, untied her cloak, and hung it beside her. Lu Guanque wanted to hang it with her, but when he thought of the smell of death on his robe, he didn't.
He stared at her, was silent for a moment, and said, "I'm going to take a shower."
Meng Xuanli was sitting on the Arhat couch. When he heard his voice, he replied, "Go ahead."
"I'll wait for you here."
Lu Guanque paused and said, "Okay."
The door was closed, and Meng Xuanli breathed a sigh of relief. He glanced at the booklet and thought of his hesitant self that day.
She was about to leave, but when she saw what Lu Guanque said, she had some false thoughts in her heart.
She thought about killing him, about making him suffer unbearable pain. However, after coming out of the dark room, she found that she could not kill him, nor could she make him suffer unbearable pain.
Because her inner pain and his inner pain are intertwined. When one side is hurt, the other side will spring up like mushrooms after rain and escalate step by step.
Hurting others and yourself is really not worth it.
If she was a piece of jade before, now, this piece of jade seemed to have human nature. She could see her own true thoughts clearly, and conversely, she could also see Lu Guanque's.
She wanted to wait for him to come back, to see that he was safe and sound, and then leave with peace of mind...
After a long while, Lu Guanque pushed the door open and walked in. Seeing her lost in thought, he sighed softly. He slowly approached, sat on the Arhat couch, and poured her a cup of hot tea.
Meng Xuanli was stunned. She hadn't expected him to be so quick. A warm current ran through her throat, and heat filled her eyes. Across from her was him.
Perhaps because of the bath, Lu Guanque's features were cool and elegant, his black hair was wet, and water droplets fell on his neck like dewdrops after the rain, dripping and rolling around, with an indescribable tenderness.
Lu Guanque said in a hoarse voice: "Why don't you leave?"
Meng Xuanli smiled faintly and said, "We have to leave sooner or later." She explained, "It's just that it's snowing heavily these past few days, making it difficult to walk."
"Yeah." Lu Guanque seemed casual, but he kept watching her expression. "Then... wait until spring, and I'll see you off in person then."
He also explained: "The snow will melt by then."
Meng Xuanli hesitated for a moment, then nodded. She noticed the moonlight outside the window and said calmly, "It's getting late. You should go to bed." Then she stood up and left.
Almost at the same time, Lu Guanque grabbed her hand, his tone somewhat depressed: "It's still early, maybe I still..."
Even though he was clear-headed, calm and emotionless, Meng Xuanli still chose to stop.
After a moment's silence, she slowly turned around and noticed that the slightly open part of his collar was covered in red marks. She lowered her eyes and saw that, despite his clothes obscuring his view, he had sustained many injuries on the battlefield.
Meng Xuanli struggled slightly against his palm and said softly, "I'll go get the medicine for the wound."
The moon hanging outside the window casts snow-like light, and the candles in the inner room cast red light. The crescent moons entwine to form a magpie bridge, and the alternation of red and white is a fairyland.
Meng Xuanli walked around the Magpie Bridge screen and came to Lu Guanque. He saw that he had his eyes closed and his brows furrowed, looking tired and in pain.
She sighed softly, leaned forward slightly, and tore open his collar with her fingertips.
Lu Guanque sensed her presence and suddenly opened his eyes. When he met her eyes, he found that she was also looking at him. At this moment, in those bright and clear eyes, it seemed that he was the only one in them.
Meng Xuanli was the first to look away from him, lowering her gaze and saying calmly, "Take off your undershirt."
Lu Guanque looked at her and reached out to undress her: "Okay."
When the shirt was taken off, revealing his chest and shoulders, Meng Xuanli gasped and blurted out, "How could it be..."
How come there are so many scars?
She froze for a moment, then quickly avoided his gaze. Although she had expected it, she was still frightened by the horror she saw.
Lu Guanque's skin was very white, and the scars and bullet marks on his skin looked like dark red vines, crisscrossing and densely layered under the dim moonlight.
"How can you not get hurt if you go to the battlefield?" He seemed to be unaware of it.
Meng Xuanli bit her lip and said nothing. She moved extremely slowly, her fingertips spreading the ointment bit by bit along the edge of the scar.
Lu Guanque lowered his eyes, his gaze landing on her trembling eyelashes. In fact, he didn't want to reveal such a sad emotion to her, but she was still the same as before. Whenever she saw pain, no matter who it was, she would choose to help.
Meng Xuanli's delicate breath brushed against his skin, like a breeze blowing across a lake, shaking many ripples. However, he knew that after the trembling, there would be a lasting calm.
After a long time, Meng Xuanli finished applying the medicine, and his fingertips hung there, not leaving immediately.
Lu Guanque looked at her hanging hand and suddenly wanted to pull her into his arms, but he did not move.
Time passed slowly, and the candle wick crackled and exploded gently.
Meng Xuanli suddenly came back to his senses, withdrew his hand, stood up, put the medicine bottle in order, and turned away.
"Okay." Her voice was very low. "It's snowing heavily outside. Duke, please stay and sleep."
Lu Guanque was stunned for a moment, looking at her hurriedly leaving back, and his heart felt like a hard stone had been removed, and gradually it began to flow back.
After the lights went out, silence fell within the tent. Meng Xuanli lay far away from him, lying on the innermost side, eyes closed, and fell asleep quietly.
Lu Guanque, on the other hand, was different. Late at night, he suddenly developed a high fever. In his dream, he saw Meng Xuanli coldly throwing away his hand and saying to him: You have brought this upon yourself, Lu Guanque, it is I who do not want you!
He opened his eyes in a daze in the chaos, and when he saw her slender back, he realized it was just a dream.
Lu Guanque felt a lump in his throat, closed his eyes, lifted the quilt, leaned over and kissed her cheek. He put on his outer robe and staggered out of Chengju.
The snow in Dongdu stopped, and the cold wind blew it apart. The snowflakes reflected the moonlight, bright and clear. Lu Guanque's face was as gloomy as water. He realized that all this seemed to remind him -
Once spring comes, she and winter will definitely leave.
#
It was sunny after the snow in the study of Zheng Mansion.
The flickering candlelight illuminated Zheng Wanruo's gentle face. She sat upright in a chair, playing with her beads in silence.
General Zheng stood with his hands behind his back, speaking in a deep and slow voice: "The matter of Lu Guanque ends here."
Without hearing Zheng Wanruo's voice, General Zheng asked, "Now that you're like this, do you want me to go to the Imperial Court and ask His Majesty for a marriage?"
Zheng Wanruo lowered her eyes, twisted the beads, and said in a steady voice: "What are you talking about, Daddy? I let him go a long time ago."
"Put him down?"
General Zheng turned around, his eyes sharp. "Do you think I'm old and blurry? Or am I just a fool? That kid from the Ji family, in terms of family background, character, and looks, how is he unworthy of you?"
Zheng Wanruo's eyes grew darker, and she said indifferently, "Ji Changgeng is naturally a good man, but there are many other good men in Dongdu."
"Wanruo, you are my only daughter. Daddy only wishes you a smooth life."
General Zheng approached, his tone slowing as he advised, "Lu Guanque is a good man, but not a good match for you. His feelings for his wife... anyone with a discerning eye can see that. Why are you so determined to be with him?"
When Zheng Wanruo heard the word "feelings," she almost wanted to tear the beads apart. She raised her eyes, her gaze deep, "Meng Xuanli once promised me that she would leave Dongdu and Lu Guanque completely."
General Zheng was stunned for a moment, then sighed: "Maybe it was just someone's angry words."
"She broke her promise!" Zheng Wanruo's voice suddenly rose. "Not only did she not leave, she made Lu Guanque even more devoted to her."
"Why?" Zheng Wanruo felt frustrated. "My family background, appearance, and personality are all better than hers. How am I inferior to her?"
General Zheng waved his sleeves and said sternly, "When obsession is too deep, it becomes a demon in the heart. Wanruo, when did you become like this?"
Zheng Wanruo took a deep breath and regained her composure. "Daddy is right. It was my daughter who lost her composure."
As soon as she finished speaking, she slowly walked to the window, put on her beads, and looked out at the dark winter night: "Some things can't be waited for. Whether it's Ji Changgeng or Lu Guanque, they are not what I want."
General Zheng looked at his daughter's back, feeling a little uneasy. "What did Wanruo ask for?"
Zheng Wanruo shook her head, turned around slowly, and said with a smile: "My daughter only asks that Daddy be healthy. I can fulfill my wish."
After she finished speaking, she bowed and said, "It's getting late. Father, please go to bed early. I will take my leave first."
After returning to the inner room, Zheng Wanruo dismissed the maid and sat alone in front of the makeup mirror. The woman in the mirror had pretty eyebrows and eyes, but her eyes were tinged with stubbornness and madness.
Suddenly, she picked up a golden hairpin and gently stroked the end of it with her fingertips: "Meng Xuanli, since you don't want to leave..."
"Then stay forever."
#
Half a month later, the doorman came to report that the Wang family's cousin had arrived.
Meng Xuanli was reading by the window. After hearing this, she put down her book and walked out. Wang Jinzhi stood in the courtyard holding Jiahe, smiling: "Cousin."
As he spoke, he handed Jiahe's hand over to him: "I'm going to Xuzhou to visit my uncle. He hasn't been feeling well lately. I thought I'd bring Jiahe here for you to see since it's on the way."
Meng Xuanli was surprised and slowly squatted down with her arms open. Jiahe was not afraid of people and slowly walked over and snuggled in her arms, looking very cute.
Meng Xuanli lowered her eyes, thinking of her father's letter from a few days ago, which seemed to be a plea for peace. She read the letter, hesitated for a long time, and did not reply.
"Thank you for your hard work, cousin." She lowered her voice. "Now that you're here, rest in Dongdu for a few days before continuing on your journey."
Wang Jinzhi did not refuse and stayed at the mansion.
Over the next few days, the mansion was filled with life thanks to Jiahe's arrival. Meng Xuanli had met Wang Jinzhi in Xuzhou when they were young, thanks to their grandmother, and the two of them, meeting again, seemed to hit it off.
Jiahe has just turned two years old and is now very clingy. He is no stranger to his aunt Meng Xuanli.
When she woke up in the afternoon, she would reach out to Meng Xuanli to hold her and walk in the corridor for a while before she would calm down.
Wang Jinzhi was holding a bowl in the corridor, waiting for Meng Xuanli and Jiahe to stop, and then gave Jiahe some water. The maids saw the two of them teasing the child and found it very interesting.
But... in Lu Guanque's eyes, it was a different feeling.
Sometimes when he came back from the palace, he could hear the sounds of laughter coming from Chengju before he even entered the courtyard.
That day, he stood quietly in the corridor and saw through the window that Meng Xuanli took the teaspoon from Wang Jinzhi's hand. She first tested the temperature and then fed it to Jiahe in her arms.
Wang Jinzhi stood aside, teasing Jiahe with a little cloth tiger. Jiahe giggled and reached out to grab it.
Lu Guanque was Meng Xuanli's legitimate husband, yet now he felt like an outsider. He longed to go in and ask if she had dinner, but for some reason, he wouldn't move.
What can he say?
What can he do?
He couldn't even show his dissatisfaction and annoyance towards Wang Jinzhi.
Lu Guanque turned silently and returned to the study in the front yard. It was deserted, with only lifeless books and a suffocating and helpless him.
A few days later, Wang Jinzhi said goodbye.
Meng Xuanli took Jiahe by the hand and walked him to the second gate. "Be careful on your way, cousin." After a pause, she said softly, "Give my regards to father..."
After hesitating for a long time, she finally picked up her pen and wrote a letter home. There wasn't much in the letter, just a few words to ask about her father's well-being, talk about her recent situation, and give her father some instructions.
Wang Jinzhi took the letter and carefully put it in his arms. His eyes fell on Meng Xuanli. He seemed to want to say something, but when he opened his mouth, it turned into a sentence: "Cousin, please stay and take care of yourself and Jiahe."
He jumped onto the horse with agile movements.
The carriage started slowly and went about ten steps away. Wang Jinzhi suddenly pulled the reins, turned the horse's head, turned back, and stopped in front of Meng Xuanli.
Meng Xuanli looked at him in confusion.
Wang Jinzhi sat on the horse, pursed his lips, and finally decided to say: "Cousin."
"Actually... I didn't have to go all the way to Dongdu to go to Xuzhou this time. There's an official road south from Langya that's closer."
Meng Xuanli was stunned and tightened his grip on Jiahe's hand.
Wang Jinzhi continued, "It was my brother-in-law... He specially sent someone to deliver a letter to me a few days ago."
"The letter detailed my uncle's recent condition and said that my cousin was alone in Dongdu, without anyone to talk to, and she might be missing Jiahe."
"He begged me, if my schedule wasn't too tight, to go around to the Eastern Capital and bring Jiahe over to stay with you for a while, just as a comfort."
After he said this, he breathed a sigh of relief, nodded slightly to Meng Xuanli, pulled the reins, spurred his horse to follow the departing carriage, and disappeared at the alley entrance.
The evening breeze blew Meng Xuanli's hair and cheeks, and suddenly she woke up.
I see.
Lu Guanque calculated his cousin's itinerary and temperament accurately, calculated that the news of his father's serious illness would make her soft-hearted, and also calculated that Jiahe was her concern that she could not let go.
He went through so much trouble and thought so much, simply because he didn't want her to be alone and unhappy.
Meng Xuanli stood there alone. Jiahe beside her nervously grabbed her hand and said, "Auntie..."
Meng Xuanli squatted down and gently touched Jiahe's cheek with his cheek, feeling mixed emotions.
#
After Jiahe fell asleep, Meng Xuanli sat by the window, flipping through a book in his hand, but his eyes glanced at the courtyard outside the window from time to time.
At dinner time, Lu Guanque did not come back and did not send anyone to deliver any message. This was not Lu Guanque's usual habit.
She turned a page of the book and asked, "Fuyao, are there footsteps outside?"
Fuyao listened carefully and shook her head: "Madam, no. Perhaps the wind blew the leaves."
Meng Xuanli hummed, and after about an incense stick of time, she spoke again: "Fuyao, is there the sound of horse hooves outside?"
Fuyao walked to the window and listened carefully: "Madam, there is no sound of horse hooves. The sound just now should be the night watchman's call."
Meng Xuanli put down the book, picked up the teacup and took a sip.
Whether he comes back or when he comes back seems to have nothing to do with her.
Now, they are husband and wife in name only, maintaining superficial peace. When she leaves in the future, they will have no contact with each other.
Meng Xuanli didn't want to think too much, so he stood up and said, "It's getting late, go to bed."
After washing up, Meng Xuanli lay on the bed. The curtains slowly fell, but her eyes and eyebrows remained motionless.
An unknown amount of time had passed. When she was about to fall asleep and her consciousness was blurred, she heard steady and familiar footsteps outside.
Meng Xuanli felt inexplicably relaxed, and immediately turned sideways, pretending to be asleep.
The door was quietly pushed open, and Lu Guanque walked in quietly. He walked to the bedside, lifted a corner of the curtain, and hesitated to move.
Meng Xuanli could feel his gaze, holding her breath and not moving.
Suddenly, Lu Guanque leaned over, and his warm breath brushed against her earlobe: "Ali."
His voice was low, tired, yet clear: "On the second day of the second month, the dragon raises its head. I have a day off that day, so let's go for a walk, okay?"
Meng Xuanli didn't open his eyes and replied vaguely, "...Okay."
Lu Guanque seemed relieved, and then he continued, "After that day, I will send you away from Dongdu and go to Lingnan, or anywhere else you want to go."
Meng Xuanli's heart tightened.
She didn't like being forced, didn't like following other people's wishes, but now, when what he said was clearly his own will, she felt a little rebellious.
Meng Xuanli's resistance was fleeting. She still didn't turn around and said neatly, "Okay."
Lu Guanque was silent for a moment, then he reached out and gently hugged her through the soft quilt.
His embrace was light, breaking apart as soon as it touched, filled with restraint and a complex emotion that was difficult to describe. It was like a silent farewell, yet also like a heavy promise.
"Go to sleep." He whispered.
After a long time, the bed beside him sank slightly, and he lay down, keeping a proper distance.
Meng Xuanli maintained her side-lying position, opened her eyes, looked at the blurry curtain, and could smell his breath lingering in her ears.
On February 2nd, go out for a walk with him and then leave.
After thinking for an unknown amount of time, Meng Xuanli slowly closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep in the darkness.
Lu Guanque heard her breathing become steady, and he turned sideways to stare at her back until she woke up.
-----------------------
Author's Note: I saw a reader say that the hero and heroine are closely related to snow. Yes, this is a clue I set up from the beginning.
[Briefly talk about the origins of the names of some supporting characters]
Meng Xiuyu: Xiuyu is a type of jade that doesn't glow, but it's beautiful in the sun. It's an antonym to the heroine's name, Xuanli (which glows at night).
Zheng Wanruo: "Wanruo" is similar to "Wanruo," meaning "as if." Try your best to imitate, but it's only a likeness.
Xie Mingtan: Bright and Buddhist.
Dan Ruo: Single. When he is with the heroine, she is alone. This is related to the heroine's experience.
Sunken Bi: Witness of the heroine and hero’s love period. When the hero and heroine broke up, the sunken bi also sank to the bottom of the sea.
Autumn Lotus: The lotus flowers in autumn naturally wither, just like the autumn lotus, gradually disappearing in the blink of an eye.
An Xiang: I know it's not snow from afar, because of the subtle fragrance. Her real name is Xue An Xiang. Related to the heroine's experience.
Fuyao: When Peng migrates to the South Sea, it strikes the water for three thousand miles and soars up to ninety thousand miles. This is related to the heroine's experience.
I really love giving names. I remember when I was in high school and learning Xiaoyaoyou, I gave a page of names.
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