Chapter Thirty-Seven
On the plane, 10,000 meters above the ground, only a few seat number screens were still lit, and most passengers in the cabin were half asleep. Under an oval window in first class, Su Xuan lay quietly. In the dark cabin, she couldn't see anything, yet she stared blankly at the ceiling.
She didn't want to watch a movie or read a book. She had already drunk a glass of red wine and a glass of white wine, but she still couldn't fall asleep.
She didn't know if Lin Zhiyuan had stayed on the ship or already left. He should be asleep by now, perhaps suffering from insomnia like her. A sudden wave of longing washed over Su Xian, making her heart ache. Only then did she realize that she hadn't cried at all; not a single tear had fallen since then.
How ridiculous! She didn't love him as much as she thought.
More than ten hours later, the plane landed at the port city airport. When Bai Lin came to pick her up, she could only see that she was very tired, but this was just a normal state after a long flight.
"Weren't you supposed to stay with Mr. Lin until the weekend? Why did you suddenly come back?"
As the Alphard drove along the airport expressway, the sun exerted its last summer heat, fiercely baking the earth and sending up faint waves of heat.
Su Xian looked at the trees rushing past the window and said emotionlessly, "We broke up."
Bai Lin paused for a moment, then immediately said, "It's normal for couples to have little arguments..."
"It's impossible between us."
How could a man who had been rejected after proposing, especially one with so many options, possibly continue the relationship? The moment she closed the ring box, it was already too late for them to get back together.
The air conditioning in the car was on full blast, and the silence made the air inside feel even colder.
In the courtyard, scattered among the withered leaves of the Elaeocarpus decipiens tree, the dark green leaves interspersed with tender new leaves, still looked vibrant.
She missed its blooming season this year and doesn't know how it fared, but it probably won't be as beautiful as last year. She will never forget the beauty of the tree full of wind chimes last early summer.
The driver carried the luggage into the house, and Bai Lin followed behind Su Xuan with concern, asking, "Do you want me to stay with you for the next few days?"
"What do I need to do at my own home?" Su Xian opened her suitcase and began unpacking. "I'll be fine after a good night's sleep."
Bai Lin squatted down beside her and gently comforted her, "Don't keep anything to yourself, you must tell me."
Su Xian's hand remained motionless on her toiletry bag. This was something Lin Zhiyuan had told her many times: "You must tell me if anything happens."
Su Xian remembered the way he looked when he said those words; his gentle eyes held both doting affection and heartache. She tried to forget his appearance, but it was all in vain.
"Okay." Su Xian's voice was very low.
Bai Lin gently hugged Su Xian, "It will be alright, everything will be alright."
"Mmm." Su Xian closed her eyes tightly, but her eyes became increasingly sore.
Bai Lin was worried about Su Xian, so she helped her pack her luggage and had dinner together. In the end, at Su Xian's insistence, she left the courtyard.
With the front door closed and the bright light from the brass chandelier illuminating the lonely figure standing in the living room, there was nowhere to hide.
She was alone again.
Su Xian took a shower, turned off the lights, and lay on the bed, feeling more exhausted than ever before. She closed her eyes, turned over, and fell into a warm embrace.
"You've been filming until so late again today." Lin Zhiyuan's eyes were closed, and his voice was a little muffled. Every time he would hold her while he was half asleep, Su Xian's heart would be filled with happiness.
"Hmm, but you can rest tomorrow." Su Xuan bit Lin Zhiyuan's chin and chuckled.
"You little rascal, be careful or I'll make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow." Lin Zhiyuan's voice was fully awake. His hand slipped inside Su Xian's nightgown, gently pinching her waist. Su Xian was ticklish and laughed, trying to avoid him. But Lin Zhiyuan's arm tightened around her, leaving Su Xian with no way to escape.
"I was wrong, I was wrong." Su Xian had no choice but to beg for mercy, but Lin Zhiyuan continued to tickle her relentlessly, making Su Xian laugh nonstop.
A few cheerful laughs echoed from the bedroom. Su Xian opened her eyes; the room was pitch black, and her smile froze on her face. She reached out to touch the other side of the covers—it was cold. Only the humming of the bedroom's air conditioner seemed to echo the abruptly stopped laughter.
Su Xian turned on the bedside lamp and stared blankly at the gray ceiling. She didn't know how long she had been lying there, maybe an hour, maybe two, but she still couldn't fall asleep.
Su Xuan threw back the covers, went downstairs to the living room, and turned on the wall light. She went to the liquor cabinet, randomly pulled out a bottle of wine, poured it into a glass, and took a big gulp. She just wanted to get drunk quickly so she could go back to sleep.
After downing three glasses in one go, Su Xian closed the liquor cabinet door and stood there. The expected dizziness washed over her, and Su Xian, holding onto the railing, slowly walked up the stairs and returned to her bedroom to lie down. She silently prayed that her dreams would have mercy on her and spare her the pain of happiness turning to despair again.
Night after night, glass after glass of wine, Su Xian lay in bed, listening to the storms of the night, watching the light outside the curtains slowly brighten, and hearing the lively chirping of the early birds.
Sleep occasionally visits her, leaving damp marks on her pillow, but most of the time, it abandons her.
Seeing Su Xian grow increasingly haggard and thin, Bai Lin and Qing Qing were extremely worried. One prescribed calming Chinese medicine, and the other prepared nourishing soup. Su Xian accepted everything, but at night, alcohol remained her only companion.
Su Xian tried to comfort them, saying, "It's good that you don't need to lose weight anymore, Director Wen should be satisfied." Unfortunately, this did nothing to ease their worries.
As autumn arrives, the temperature in the mornings and evenings becomes much more comfortable, but it remains hot and dry during the day. The narrow streets of the old district of the port city were cordoned off for the filming of "Qing Zhuo," and Director Wen's angry shouts echoed in all directions, attracting many heads to peek out from the residential buildings.
"Su Xian! We've been waiting for you to be in the right state of mind since day one! Today is the last day of the road closures!"
“Even when Amei is sitting with everyone, chatting and laughing, her mind isn’t really there. You have to detach yourself; you feel lonely inside, do you understand? When you look at them, your eyes are lifeless; can’t you just stare blankly?” Director Wen glanced at Su Xian with displeasure. “One more take!”
"The Clear and Turbid" consists of five scenes, ten mirrors, and twenty segments.
The beater made a crisp sound.
"The food they gave us today is pretty good." Qianzai sat down on the plastic stool next to Xiaozhong, holding his lunchbox, and started eating.
Amei placed the pork chop on the lid of the lunchbox and used a spoon to mix the stir-fried cabbage with lard onto the rice.
"Hey, if you're not going to eat it, then give it to me."
A pair of chopsticks reached out from across from Amei and grabbed the pork chop on her box lid. Amei frowned slightly and looked at the chopsticks covered in vegetable leaves.
"You can even eat two pork chops, you're still going strong for your age, Uncle Deng." Xiao Zhong glanced over, shaking his leg.
"Save it for dinner, don't waste it." Uncle Deng glanced at Ah Mei as if it were nothing. "I'd like to eat something nice, but I haven't had the chance."
"You young people don't know, Anita Mui was beautiful and sang well, back then a lot of people requested her..."
"Let's eat. Stop talking so much about the old days," Xia Jie, who was next to Amei, interjected.
Amei ate her meal spoonful by spoonful. The social worker who served the food today gave her a generous portion, so she should be able to save some for dinner.
"Uncle Deng, have you ever ordered...?"
"What are you ordering? How about you order this pork chop from me?" Sister Xia poked at the pork chop and held it up in front of Qianzai. Qianzai quickly dodged back, almost falling off his stool. Amei smiled slightly.
"Sister Xia, give it to me, give it to me." Xiao Zhong held up his lunchbox.
"Dream on." Sister Xia rolled her eyes. "I'll keep it for myself." She put the pork chop back and continued eating.
The sound of smacking lips echoed around the dilapidated wooden table.
"But it's been so long since I've heard Anita Mui sing."
Amei looked up, and the smoke in Uncle Deng's hand, like tangled threads, swirled around her vision, blurring those past memories.
"Card."
Su Xian glanced at the monitor. Director Wen was talking to the assistant director, who looked over in surprise, their eyes meeting Su Xian's before he quickly looked away. For some reason, Su Xian felt that what they were talking about might be related to her.
"That's a wrap! That's a wrap!" the assistant director shouted through a megaphone.
These four words were like a spell of happiness, dispelling the oppressive atmosphere on set, but Su Xian's heart felt like it had fallen into an abyss. She sat blankly on that cheap plastic stool, the prop food she had just eaten churning in her stomach.
A pair of hands patted her on the shoulder. Su Xian looked up and saw Ou Demin, who played Uncle Deng. He was a familiar face in Wen Yuanfei's movies.
"It was my first time filming a movie with Director Wen, and I got scolded quite a bit. Although Director Wen has a bit of a temper, he's not a bad person."
Chen Lan, who plays Xia Jie, also gave her a friendly smile. Su Xian said "thank you" and stood up to leave with Qingqing.
The assistant director rushed over and whispered something to Chen Lan and Ou Demin, who exchanged a surprised glance.
Then the assistant director found the two newcomers who played Xiao Zhong and Qian Zai. Su Xian waited for a while, but saw the assistant director leave after talking to the two newcomers.
I don't know what Director Wen instructed me to do, but she was the only one he forgot to mention.
The atmosphere on set became subtle after that day. Other actors rarely spoke to Su Xian. Sometimes, when Su Xian walked over to where they were gathered, they would exchange a glance and then disperse. Chen Lan, the only actress who had the most scenes with Su Xian, secretly told her one day after work that Director Wen had deliberately made them do this to make her feel lonely.
"Thank you for telling me." Su Xuan's eyes were full of indifference. "Then let's keep our distance." She got into her Alphard, leaving Chen Lan standing helplessly on the side of the road.
She could understand Wen Yuanfei's dirty tricks, but she couldn't agree with them. She treated the other actors in the same group the same way. They chose to accept this bullying and then inflicted it on Su Xian. On the surface, it was for her own good and for the sake of the movie, but no one thought about the harm it caused her.
Su Xian had completely severed ties with them in her heart. This delicate relationship had indeed driven Su Xian into a lonely corner, making her empathize with Amei's sadness.
The lights in the courtyard were on 24 hours a day. Every night, Su Xian would go home, take a shower, drink, and then go to sleep. From just one or two drinks at the beginning to more than half a bottle, Su Xian would lie in bed, and sometimes when he opened his eyes, he couldn't tell whether he was lying in his spacious, dark bedroom or in Amei's cramped, cold prefab house.
As the days went by, Su Xian grew increasingly silent. She knew the script by heart and sat listlessly in her actor's chair.
She hunched over, her eyes unfocused, dragging her feet as she walked back and forth, becoming more and more like Ah Mei, who was immersed in alcohol. Director Wen rarely scolded her anymore. Su Xian knew that when he rested his chin on his hand and remained silent, her performance was good. If he frowned and looked at the monitor impatiently, Su Xian would ask for another take.
It's not so bad to have a director like this who wears his heart on his sleeve.
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