Chapter 35 I think I can't come to the final night (Second update, 4k favorites) ...
Kwon Ji-yong started listening to the Chinese songs released by Jiang Tinghan. All the lyrics and singer names were in a square format, and he started memorizing the corresponding Chinese characters while looking at the translations.
"Three's Trip", "Words Cannot Express", "Lonely Season", "Us", "Lost Sandbar", "Darkness Falls"... There are R&B, folk, soul music, as well as pop and lyrical rock. They are mostly love songs, with delicate emotions and a touch of art.
So many songs about heartbreak.
He said his favorite song is "Words Cannot Express My Feelings," mainly because of the title. He often feels that no matter how much he talks, it's not enough. He wants to chat with Jiang Tinghan until the end of time, and he also feels that no matter how much he talks, he can't fully express his inner feelings.
Kwon Ji-yong thought to himself, "He's the one who's been dumped countless times, so how come this lady, who's dumped countless times, is the one singing the sad love song?"
Some of these songs have old-fashioned melodies, some are unpredictable, and some are trendy and exciting. Regardless of the style, they are all very pleasant to listen to. He has also written a lot of songs with this familiar theme of heartbreak, this familiar tragic yet poetic style, and a combination of narrative and literary elements.
This rekindled Kwon Ji-yong's desire for Coldy to perform his song. He knew it was impossible, but this ambiguous and seemingly unrelated relationship always made him uneasy, so he always wanted to do something to make the other person tainted with his aura.
For example, sponsorships, messages; letting her practice in a room full of Peaceminusone logos; wearing clothes she designed herself with her own brand logo... all of these things were slowly invading her life, like a spider weaving a web while hunting.
Kwon Ji-yong sometimes substitutes his meals for wearing his clothes, removing the "designer" prefix, but that's not enough. It's as if there's a bottomless pit in his heart, always greedily wanting more and more...
The money he spent was nothing; it was just filling the emptiness in his heart.
Even chatting every day can't compare to meeting in person. Moreover, Jiang Tinghan is too busy and usually only replies once during his lunch break and once again in the early morning. The rest of the time, Quan Zhilong would be lonely and go crazy.
A few years ago, he would have gotten used to this loneliness and could have lived well with his cat, but not now. He has already tasted the sweetness of it all. It is easy to go from frugality to extravagance, but difficult to go from extravagance to frugality.
This is terrible, he thought, listening to the various mournful melodies playing on repeat in his ears.
The show invited him to attend the final night and present the award to the final center. Kwon Ji-yong was eager to attend, but after much consideration, he declined. He felt that GD and SW had already appeared together enough times, and going beyond that would only annoy his fans and viewers. He decided to just quietly remain a spectator.
He didn't want to waste the opportunity to return to the official stage after such a long time so casually. His official appearance in front of the public should be related to his new song and his future plans, so as not to disappoint his fans.
But if you ask him if he wants to, of course he does. If he can personally hand over the trophy to Coldy on such an important moment in his life, no matter how the relationship ends, even if it ends tragically, at least he will be there every time he relives his debut night.
After much thought, the answer always came to the same conclusion—they seemed to have met at the wrong time.
What can I do then? I've fallen for her, and I just can't help it!
The good news is that Kwon Ji-yong has been running into various concerts over the years, treating the final night like a regular concert, so he can openly appear in the audience, especially since he is also a sponsor invited by the show's production team.
"Hiong, would you be interested in coming with me to watch the finals?" Kwon Ji-yong called Teddy.
Teddy sounded a little confused: "What final night? Ah... Shining World?"
“G-Dragon, I never expected you to be interested in talent shows. I was really surprised when you volunteered to go in my place during the first performance.”
Kwon Ji-yong's voice carried a hint of amusement: "Yes, I was bored, so I went to join in the fun and see if I could find any new inspiration."
Teddy: "Could it be that Yongbae was right when we had dinner together last time? You were late that day, and it just so happened that the girls from 'SW' came to my company to record... G-Dragon, you don't actually like one of them, do you?"
"Coldy?"
Kwon Ji-yong wanted to retort, but when he heard Teddy mention the names, he chuckled, a wry smile or a silly grin on his face: "Is it that obvious?"
"It's alright, I don't think I've seen any rumors about you two. I just guessed based on the characteristics of the girl you like."
Kwon Ji-yong's tone softened a bit, as if he were pouting at an acquaintance: "Hyung! I don't have any fixed qualities in a girl I like. That's very impolite. Every girl I like is different, okay?"
Teddy: "Okay, I know you just divided the heart into many pieces and gave one to each person."
Kwon Ji-yong protested: "Sigh! I only like this one now!"
“Just kidding.” Teddy’s tone turned serious. “Geeyong, you need to think this through. If you don’t win her over, you’ll suffer. If you do, you need to consider the public scrutiny you’ll face. You’re at this age now, don’t be like you were when you were young and didn’t plan for the future. I’ve met Coldy, and she’s mature beyond her years. I’m not surprised you fell for her, but that can’t cover up all the problems.”
Kwon Ji-yong's tone also turned serious: "Hyung, I'm serious. It's not because she's young and beautiful that I had lustful thoughts about her; it's because she's who I like Coldy. Of course, her looks are part of it, but it's mostly because of her confident, interesting, and very charming personality..."
Teddy gasped, "Stop, stop, stop! If you're going to praise someone, praise them directly. This is giving me a headache! Don't say this to a 44-year-old man like me."
Kwon Ji-yong said with a grin, "As long as you have a youthful mindset, you're young no matter how old you are."
"Then I'll reluctantly go with you. Afterwards, I'll make plans to have dinner with Cai Lin and ask Bom, Sandora, and Min Zhi if they're coming."
Kwon Ji-yong paused for a second: "Ah... okay, this is a lineup I haven't seen in a long time."
“But Cai Lin has a performance to record that day, so she might be too tired to go straight home.”
Teddy's tone turned serious in an instant: "Does she dare not come?"
But he quickly broke down: "It's okay, then the rest of us can get together."
Kwon Ji-yong readily agreed: "Okay, there are fewer and fewer people now, so we should make the most of every get-together we can."
Teddy said with a hint of helplessness, "G-Dragon... I should say it's about reminiscing about our youth, right?"
How can you so casually joke about things that happened to you and those around you? Have you really moved on?
Kwon Ji-yong hung up the phone and noticed that Jiang Tinghan had unusually sent him a message late at night.
[C-serpent: Oppa, will you be there on the final night?]
Kwon Ji-yong used the same old excuse: "Do you want me to come?"
[C-serpent: Didn't I tell you? Don't ask me, the trainee, about everything?]
Kwon Ji-yong: [But your opinion is very important to me. If you want me to come, then I will definitely come. If you don't want me to come, then I won't show up. You can decide everything for me.]
[C-serpent: I don't care whether my senior comes or not]
Kwon Ji-yong stared at the title of "senior" and sensed a hint of embarrassment or annoyance from the other party.
He thought to himself that Jiang Tinghan was much more "inarticulate" than him, or more accurately, "hypocritical." She had already asked him, which meant she cared, so why did she suddenly become indifferent?
Kwon Ji-yong: [I have something to do that day, so I might not be able to come.]
C-serpent: ...Oh.
Jiang Tinghan suddenly gripped his phone tightly, feeling as if his heart was being squeezed by a large hand, and felt somewhat uncomfortable.
She recently called her three parents to ask if they wanted to come to her final competition. Her parents apologized and said that it was the students' exam day and they couldn't make it. Her father happily said that he could, but he didn't have a Korean visa and was going to apply for one today, but he didn't know if it would be ready in time.
After asking her parents, Jiang Tinghan suddenly wanted to ask Kwon Ji-yong. Kwon Ji-yong had accompanied her through almost the entire "Shining World" journey, and she was filled with gratitude towards him.
She hadn't expected such a response; she always felt that Kwon Ji-yong, who had come uninvited so many times before, would definitely come on the final night as well.
Jiang Tinghan wanted Quan Zhilong.
She's conflicted. On one hand, she feels that Kwon Ji-yong is too good to her and she should reciprocate. On the other hand, she feels that she can't give a definite answer like that, as if saying "I want to" would be admitting that she's also attracted to him.
She's not made of metal or steel, so how could she remain unmoved after hearing heartfelt words of love time and time again? How could she be untouched after seeing Kwon Ji-yong do so many things to express his love?
She was just avoiding the guilt she would feel facing her fans after admitting it, the unease of breaking the rules, and the shame of thinking she was different from others but ultimately being unable to cope with the pretense of being unapproachable until her facade was exposed.
Jiang Tinghan's kindness to others is based on not harming herself. She is an egoist by nature and does not want to face these issues. So she keeps hypnotizing herself that "as long as she keeps saying that they are friends or seniors, she has not made a mistake." But she has already made a mistake, and one mistake leads to another.
Countless misplaced notes have been arranged into a concerto that leaves one in a state of utter chaos and emotional turmoil.
Jiang Tinghan finally began to think about the question she had long been aware of but had kept hidden in her heart—she couldn't have both.
It's impossible for her to have both fan support and the kindness of her seniors. She has to make a choice; trying to have it both ways will only please neither side.
Kwon Ji-yong may not actually be in trouble; he might just be using this excuse to force her greedy nature to give him a real answer.
Jiang Tinghan had always thought she was in control of the relationship, but now she realized that wasn't the case. She thought she was in control because Quan Zhilong was always willing to go along with her nonsense.
She regretted sending the message to Kwon Ji-yong, as it was this message that revealed her feelings for him.
Kwon Ji-yong leaned back slightly on the sofa, tapping his fingertips lightly on the phone case twice, then tracing the light-colored ink stain that had been almost completely rubbed away. Through the now calm screen, he could almost imagine the girl's struggle and hesitation on the other end.
This back-and-forth, flirtatious game of pretend should come to an end.
He didn't know how much time had passed, but the sun outside the window had already set, turning dusk into night. Kwon Ji-yong made himself something to eat and then stared blankly at the scattered lyrics in his memo for a while.
It seems to be snowing again outside. I feel like there's a lot more snow this year than in previous years, it's snowing like crazy, as if it's free.
We have scarves and hats, what's missing?
Coat? Boots? Gloves?
His phone suddenly rang, and the caller ID showed the name he had been thinking about all day and every day.
"Yo-ho-ho?" Kwon Ji-yong's tone was indifferent.
The girl's voice on the other end of the phone was very soft, as if veiled by a thin mist, sounding cautious and seemingly carrying a hint of youthful trepidation: "Oppa..."
"Were you really not free that day? Was it...work?"
Kwon Ji-yong paused for a second, not out of hesitation, but to savor the other party's cautious probing. Suddenly, a smile appeared on his face.
His voice had a hint of amusement in it, sounding gentle, but upon closer inspection, one could sense a dangerous hook hidden within: "Ah...didn't I tell you?"
"If you want me to come, I will come."
Kwon Ji-yong was not satisfied with this; he wanted the other party to say the words he wanted to hear.
Last time, when he asked her in the underground parking garage, "Do you want me to go in and take a look?" Jiang Tinghan cleverly escaped, but this time he wouldn't let her off so easily.
Jiang Tinghan fell silent for another ten seconds or so. Only her shallow but slightly disordered breathing could be heard through the receiver. Those ten seconds felt longer than a century. Just when Quan Zhilong thought she was going to retreat back into her protective shell again...
She said, "Yes."
"Oppa, I want you to come and see me."
Quan Zhilong's eyes curved triumphantly at the end, revealing several lines of age, making him look more like a cunning old fox.
"Then I will come to see you no matter what."
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Author's Note: A major victory in this phase! [Glasses] It's almost here!
I'll be honest, the older man/younger woman relationship is just my personal preference.
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