It was the same peaceful days as many years ago, and Jiang Yi was taking good care of her, but now she was in a completely different state of mind.
It was already winter, and a charcoal fire was burning in the house, making it warm. However, the girl, who was about thirteen or fourteen years old, was still a little lively and curious as she looked at Yan Yiming.
No one here knew that she was the Princess of Lin'an. They only saw that she was extremely beautiful and was favored by Jiang Yi. They asked her with a smile, "Did you have a quarrel with the young master? Why are you so unhappy?"
Yan Yiming didn't want Jiang Yi to go to court and not see him, so he had to continue talking about Jiang Yi and changed the subject with the little girl, "How old are you this year?"
Why are you serving others at such a young age?
"To answer the young lady, I am thirteen this year," the little girl said with a voice as sweet as a bell, and her personality was likable. "Because our family is full of men except for the cook and aunt, and now that the young lady has come, the master asked Uncle Li to find a more reliable maid to serve, and grandpa simply let me come."
Yan Yiming looked at the little girl's chubby face and smiled, "So you are Uncle Li's granddaughter."
Children are children after all. Yan Yiming's attention was quickly diverted by many topics he casually mentioned. The little girl had never left the capital. She listened to Yan Yiming talking about the desolate northwest border and the ultimate beauty of Suzhou and Hangzhou. Unconsciously, she even talked about her experiences when she traveled to Tibet in the present life.
The little girl was surprised and amazed, and from time to time she exclaimed that she also wanted to go and see it.
When Jiang Yi came back, the little girl was still extremely excited. Yan Yiming glanced at Jiang Yi and turned to go to the kitchen to find the cook to ask what was delicious today. Now that he was confined here, the only thing worth looking forward to every day was the delicious food made by the cook.
The little girl cleaned the house swiftly. She was young but brave, and she was not even afraid of Jiang Yi. She asked Jiang Yi, "Sir, you have been to many places. Have you been to so many places too?"
Jiang Yi picked up the strange story novel that Yan Yiming had placed beside her pillow and asked her, "What did she tell you?"
"The girl said there are wolves in the desert in the northwest, and that the wolves' eyes turn green and glow at night. She also said there is a place called Tibet in Tubo, which is far away from us, and that most people there believe in Buddhism. She also said that if they die, they will be placed on a platform called the Sky Burial Platform..."
The little girl was talking with great joy, but Jiang Yi didn't have the slightest smile on his face. In his silence, there was even a pain that was hard to understand.
He ordered the little girl to serve Yan Yiming. The room was as quiet as usual. Jiang Yi leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. His handsome face was full of fatigue. He then smiled bitterly and returned to his original appearance after a long time.
When Yan Yiming came back from the cook, Jiang Yi was lying on the bed with his eyes closed, as if he was fast asleep.
Yan Yiming took a glance and turned to change his clothes behind the screen. When he came out, Jiang Yi still maintained the same posture. Yan Yiming paused and walked forward to take a look, only then he discovered the fatigue that Jiang Yi could not hide.
It has been more than a month since he returned to the capital. Yan Yiming doesn't know whether Jiang Yi has always been so busy in the past, or just recently.
Looking down at Jiang Yi's slightly wrinkled brows even when he was fast asleep, after a while, Yan Yiming pulled open the quilt under his feet and gently covered Jiang Yi with it. Then he turned around, put some incense sticks into the incense burner, walked out of the room slowly, and quietly closed the door.
He moved very carefully, and even when he opened the door, there was no sound. The concentration incense slowly dissipated, and the people in the house slept peacefully.
Putting aside the indifference of these days, the two of them still maintained a lot of care for each other, or the habit of being cared for.
Little Apple quietly watched Yan Yiming finish everything, and then watched her sitting in the shelter beside the small pond in the mansion in a daze. After a long time, she couldn't help but whispered to her, "Host, in fact, it seems that I think you still care about Jiang Yi."
Yan Yiming was silent. Little Apple pondered in her digitized head, pulling out many differences between Yan Yiming's treatment of Jiang Yi and the others. As if to prove her own opinion, she continued, "Look, he threatened you so much, and you didn't get angry."
"After all, we have lived together sincerely for so many years, I still care about you." However, Yan Yiming looked at the gray sky in the distance, "but there are many more things than this that I care about."
She couldn't accept living her whole life being controlled by others.
Of course, she cares and has a good impression of him. Even in real life, she has never met someone as outstanding as Jiang Yi. They have been childhood sweethearts and have lived together for many years. Everyone will have a good impression of him. But no matter what, this is just a game. When the game is over, the two of them should go their separate ways.
And even if they were really together, she didn't like this way. If this was really love, it had already changed.
One is unwilling, and the other is mixed with too many other emotions. This is not normal and will not last long.
In her previous life, she had witnessed two people wasting more than 20 years in such a relationship. She was very familiar with such a tragedy and was also very disgusted by it.
Jiang Yi seemed really tired. If Yan Yiming hadn't woken him up, Jiang Yi might have slept until tomorrow morning.
The little girl brought in dinner and laid out the dishes one by one. Jiang Yi was still a little dazed, perhaps because he had just woken up. Yan Yiming handed him the chopsticks. Jiang Yi was stunned for a moment before taking them and heard Yan Yiming say, "You seem very tired lately."
Jiang Yi's hand holding the chopsticks froze slightly, but he quickly regained his composure after a moment, and said with a smile as usual, "It's just that there have been a lot of things going on in the court recently."
Yan Yiming said "Oh" and then said nothing more. After dinner, Jiang Yi suddenly said to her, "A Ming, wait for me for a few more days."
Yan Yiming did not ask what I was going to do for a few days because he was not very interested.
It was not until half a month later that the emperor ordered Shao Jingyu to lead his troops south to attack King Jiangxia. At that time, an unexpected person came to the palace, Shao Jingyu.
Even though he had heard what Jiang Yi said, Shao Jingyu still insisted on meeting Yan Yiming before leaving. Maybe it was because that person had left for too long many years ago, or maybe it was because there was always an indescribable sense of familiarity with Princess Lin'an, or maybe it was because he might never see this person again.
They avoided each other at first, but now they are open to each other. Shao Jingyu said that they might never meet again. Yan Yiming laughed and said, "The general will return to Beijing one day, so how can we not meet again?"
Shao Jingyu raised his eyebrows and smiled, "So the princess doesn't know yet."
"Know what?" Yan Yiming was surprised.
"Jiang Yi has requested to resign from his position, and His Majesty has approved it," Shao Jingyu said, "Although I don't like Jiang Yi's character, he is indeed a natural talent, and it is a pity for him to give up his official career."
Yan Yiming stood there in a daze. After Shao Jingyu dropped the bomb, he left in a casual manner, just like a prank between children to get revenge on each other.
Jiang Yi's resignation shocked everyone in the court. Many people asked His Majesty to revoke his decision, but the Emperor and the Crown Prince did not object. They agreed to Jiang Yi's departure.
Jiang Yi thanked the emperor and walked into the East Palace. Nangong Xuan was sitting on a chair in a daze, and only came to his senses when he saw him come in.
Nangong Xuan, who returned to the capital, seemed to be much more mature than before he left. Perhaps he saw clearly some things that he had never seen clearly before. Nangong Xuan sighed deeply, "I'm leaving now, when will I come back?"
Jiang Yi's eyes looked distant, as if he was counting the days. After a long while, he said, "Late spring."
Nangong Xuan looked at his tired face and finally did not ask any more questions. He just patted Jiang Yi on the shoulder.
"In that case, I will wait for you to come back in late spring next year."
Nangong Xuan recalled that a few days ago, he had jokingly asked Jiang Yi that he had finally saved Princess Lin'an's life, and he didn't know when he would be able to drink at their wedding.
Nangong Xuan admitted that when he asked this question, he felt very sad. He thought Jiang Yi would smile and say that it would be soon, but Jiang Yi hesitated to say a word until he asked again. Jiang Yi said as if talking to himself, "I can't wait any longer."
Why did he say he couldn't wait any longer? Nangong Xuan was puzzled. If they loved each other, why would he say such a thing?
Jiang Yi smiled bitterly and said, "Because even if this is the case, I still can't keep her."
So what? She is not madly in love with you and wants to stay by your side every day, so why does she need you to keep her?
Nangong Xuan discovered for the first time that the relationship between Jiang Yi and Princess Lin'an was not what they saw. When he thought it should be a happy ending, Jiang Yi was more painful than ever.
When Jiang Yi returned to the Jiang Mansion, Yan Yiming was sitting in the shelter by the lake in a daze. She seemed to like this place very much.
Jiang Yi walked slowly and held Yan Yiming in his arms from behind. The person in his arms struggled for a moment, then leaned on Jiang Yi's chest as if giving up.
"A Ming," Jiang Yi called her, "Let's go out for a walk."
Yan Yiming didn't say anything, and Jiang Yi didn't feel awkward and continued slowly, "We can go to Zhouzhuang in Suzhou. The winter there is warmer than here. We can spend New Year's Eve and the Mid-Autumn Festival there, and then go to Luoyang to see the peonies after March. You said it was a pity that you didn't see them..."
"Jiang Yi." Yan Yiming rarely, and almost never, called Jiang Yi by his name. "Are you crazy?"
Yan Yiming stood up and looked at him directly, saying, "You are the Minister of the Ministry of Rites, appointed by your own hand, and hold the third rank..."
Jiang Yi pressed his finger on her lips, his voice still gentle, "Don't mention this, just tell me whether you want to go or not."
Yan Yiming took a deep breath and said angrily, "I don't want to."
"You're lying," Jiang Yi smiled, "You obviously want to go. You said you wanted to go when you were still in the Jiang family. It's not just for you, but also for me. I want to go."
I'm not making excuses, I really want to do it.
Yan Yiming failed to stop him. Before the news of Jiang Yi's resignation was digested by the government and the public, he had already left Jinling.
Snow was floating quietly in the sky, falling into the canal and disappearing. Jiang Yi stood at the bow, with a thin layer of snow on his shoulders, which set off his jade-white cheeks, making him look like a motionless statue.
After standing there for an unknown amount of time, Jiang Yi returned to the cabin. Yan Yiming was sleeping soundly, but clean clothes were placed on the chair beside the bed, and a warm hand warmer was also placed aside.
It's like it has nothing to do with the protagonist sleeping on the bed.
Jiang Yi smiled softly, holding the ordinary hand warmer as if he was holding some rare treasure.
Many people were on the boat on the canal. They got off the boat in Suzhou and settled down in a small courtyard in Zhouzhuang water town. People passing by looked at this young couple with outstanding looks curiously. They saw that the beautiful young man bought a candy figurine for the girl, but the girl refused to take it.
Someone whistled with laughter, saying that the young wife was angry. Yan Yiming glared at the man and snatched the candy man from Jiang Yi's hand. Everyone laughed even louder.
Jiang Yi was also laughing. He thanked everyone and chased after them. When he returned to the small courtyard, he took a big bite out of the exquisite sugar man, and the remaining half was stuck on the beautiful red plum in the garden.
On New Year's Eve, the small water town was even more lively than the Jiang Mansion in the past. The kind-hearted aunt next door took Yan Yiming to her home to make dumplings. Yan Yiming looked at Jiang Yi and the dark house and hesitated for a moment, but still took Jiang Yi's hand and went together.
Jiang Yi was playing with a few children. The uncle not far away was watching and laughing. He said to Jiang Yi, "Young man, you will be able to have many children in a few years."
Jiang Yi pinched the child's red face from the cold, turned around to thank his uncle, turned his head to look at the busy figure in the kitchen, and looked away.
The dumplings were served and the children pounced on them and devoured them ravenously. Yan Yiming walked in from outside with a smile on his face that had not been seen in many days. When his eyes looked over, Jiang Yi even felt a little nervous and wanted to turn his head away, but Yan Yiming was no longer as cold as before. She smiled and sat next to him, and even picked up dumplings for him herself.
Jiang Yi felt a dull pain in his heart, but it was also accompanied by a hint of sweetness. When he bit into the dumpling, Jiang Yi was stunned. There was a peanut inside. Jiang Yi suddenly turned his head to look at Yan Yiming, but Yan Yiming seemed to know nothing and picked up another one for the chubby boy sitting next to him.
The chubby boy wolfed down the dumplings, but there was no peanut inside.
Many years ago, it was his first year in the Jiang Mansion. He was alone on New Year's Eve. Yan Yiming came to celebrate New Year's Eve with him. He ate a dumpling wrapped in a copper coin. Yan Yiming blinked and told him that everything would go well for him in the coming year.
On New Year's Eve, such a festive day, although he is no longer a child, his eyes were still moistened just like eight years ago.
Yan Yiming finally stopped treating him coldly, not because she had given up on going home or for any other reason, but because she was finally ready.
Xiao Pingguo once asked her, what does it matter if she stays here for the rest of her life? Isn't it a good thing to live one life longer than others? Yan Yiming didn't say much, but just told her that she never thought it was a good thing.
The meaning of a person's survival lies in memory. The memory contains emotions, ties, and things that she cannot give up. She belongs to that world.
But if she continues to live here for twenty-three, thirty, or even sixty or seventy years, when her memories of the present world slowly fade away, which world will she be from then? Now she misses her relatives who are still in the world, and she is still resisting. If many years later she slowly accepts the reality and truly accepts Jiang Yi, maybe they will be together, have children, and new memories and new bonds will be created again. Will she not want to leave here again then?
Yan Yiming never dares to underestimate the power of time. With the passage of time, everything becomes possible.
Of course she has to go back. Even if she really can't go back and can only wait many years, she will choose someone, so that when she returns to the present world again many years later, she may still be the same person she was many years ago.
Before that, she would try her best to repay Jiang Yi for what she owed him, just as Jiang Yi had taken care of her back then.
On the fifteenth day, the whole water street was hung with flaming red lanterns. The two guessed the lanterns and played along the way. An ignorant child accidentally threw fireworks into the crowd. Jiang Yi pulled Yan Yiming away, but the back of his hand was accidentally burned by the sparks.
Yan Yiming took Jiang Yi back home and carefully applied the medicinal wine to the burned area. Jiang Yi looked at her serious expression and suddenly said, "A Ming, please weave another silk tassel for me."
"Hmm," Yan Yiming responded, and after a while he said, "Let's make up a few more."
She waited for Jiang Yi to ask her why, but Jiang Yi didn't ask. He just smiled and said, "It's better this way."
In the blink of an eye, the New Year has passed and it is spring again. Spring in the south of the Yangtze River seems to come earlier than in other places. The willow branches on both sides of the river have already sprouted, and the scholars who go to Beijing to take the imperial examinations once every three years in early spring also begin to prepare to go to Beijing.
When Yan Yiming heard that a family not far away said that they were going to pray to Wenquxing, so that their children would get the same results in the imperial examination as Jiang Zhuangyuan did that year, a smile appeared on Yan Yiming's lips, and he turned around to look at Jiang Zhuangyuan who was sitting in the yard reading a book.
The white clothes were as white as snow, and a ripple passed through Yan Yiming's heart. The young man in blue clothes back then has become a handsome young man now.
Yan Yiming slowly put away her smile and looked at the clouds in the sky. The emperor's time was running out, and she should finally force him to go back.
They spent a comfortable and peaceful period just like many years ago, left Zhouzhuang and went to Luoyang. In April in Luoyang, the peonies were everywhere and so beautiful that it made people intoxicated. The two walked through the streets of Luoyang. There were young men and women from noble families discussing the varieties of peonies, and there were elders who had long been accustomed to seeing their grandchildren in the capital and whose minds were now completely focused on them. They kept saying over and over that they didn't know whether their children far away had passed the exam.
Yan Yiming stroked the tender white pistil and glanced at Jiang Yi.
Everyone hopes their children will go to high school, but they would not have thought that the talented top scorer who won three top honors in a row would give up everything for a woman.
Jiang Yi pretended not to hear and pulled her to continue looking at other kinds of flowers.
Amid the hustle and bustle, Yan Yiming seemed to hear what he said, but it seemed like an hallucination, he didn't hear it clearly, or maybe he heard it wrong.
Yan Yiming finally finished weaving the silk ribbon. When he returned home at night, Yan Yiming was about to change it for him, but Jiang Yi held his hand and said, "It's not too late to change it later."
Yan Yiming raised his head and looked at him. After a long while, he suddenly said, "What if there is no future?"
Jiang Yi's eyes trembled, and his cold fingertips pressed on Zai's lips, blocking the words she was about to say.
"Don't say it," Jiang Yi said, "I don't like it."
Yan Yiming stared at him for a long time and closed her eyes helplessly. That night, Jiang Yi held her tightly in his arms. When she was half asleep and half awake, she seemed to hear Jiang Yi asking her, "A Ming, do you remember what day tomorrow is?"
What day?
Yan Yiming couldn't remember what day it would be since Jiang Yi's birthday had already passed.
"Forget it if you don't remember it," Jiang Yi sighed, "It's not a special day actually."
Yan Yiming closed his eyes again, not knowing that Jiang Yi had not slept a wink all night.
It’s not that I can’t sleep, but I’m reluctant to go to sleep.
When Yan Yiming woke up, he met Jiang Yi's eyes. Yan Yiming was stunned for a moment, touched the mark of his blindness with his fingers, frowned and said, "Didn't you sleep well?"
"No," Jiang Yi looked away, "I slept very well."
Yan Yiming didn't ask any more questions, "Where are we going today?"
"Today," Jiang Yi thought for a moment, "Let's just stay in the mansion today."
There is no other people, no other things, just stay together like this, Jiang Yi said.
Yan Yiming was a little confused, but he was indeed a little tired after going out for so many days in a row, so he took a rest. The two of them painted and played chess together in the study. Jiang Yi watched Yan Yiming, who was carefully sketching under the candlelight, with a smile on his face, but his heart was aching so much that he was unconscious.
Yan Yiming felt a little pain in his eyes, so he put down his pen and said, "I don't want to paint anymore."
"Finish it," Jiang Yi said, the figure of the woman in the painting had been sketched, "at least finish the facial features."
Normally Jiang Yi always advised her not to read or paint under the lamp, but today was the first time. He was a little surprised but did not refuse. It was already past midnight when he finished filling in the woman's familiar facial features stroke by stroke.
Yan Yiming blinked his sore eyes and said, "I'll draw the rest tomorrow."
Jiang Yi stood up, without saying yes or no, he pulled her into his arms, and after a long while he slowly said, "Thank you."
What's there to thank for? Yan Yiming smiled and patted Jiang Yi on the shoulder. "It's getting late, go to bed early."
"Yeah," Jiang Yi responded, "You go first."
After a whole day without rest, Yan Yiming was very tired. He washed up and went to bed early. He fell asleep before Jiang Yi came over.
That night, she dreamed of Jiang Yi again. She dreamed that she was still locked in the coffin that never saw the light of day, but for some reason, the coffin suddenly opened.
Jiang Yi looked at her and said, "Go away. I won't keep you around anymore." Yan Yiming wanted to ask him why, but Jiang Yi had already turned and left.
Yan Yiming suddenly woke up from his dream. The bed curtains blocked the little sunlight at dawn, but it was still dim and unclear. Jiang Yi's face disappeared from the dream. Yan Yiming suddenly covered his chest and anxiously called out "Shaojun".
But no one answered.
Yan Yiming seemed to realize that this morning was particularly cold. She turned her head and saw that her pillow was empty. There would no longer be anyone who would hear her voice and hold her in his arms.
Yan Yiming was stunned for a long time, then suddenly pulled open the bed curtain and got out of bed.
The room was the same as yesterday, but one person and one painting were missing. The unfinished painting was gone, and was replaced by a letter that had already been written.
Jiang Yi's familiar words appeared before her eyes, and he called her Ah Ming as gently as usual.
He said he was gone.
He said thank you for the time she spent with him and thank you for being willing to stay in his world for a while longer.
He still loved her, he still couldn't bear to leave her, but after being together there must be separation, she still wanted to leave, she was still unhappy, he couldn't bear to see her unhappy and sad, so he finally chose to let go.
He said he hoped she would be happy in the future, he said when he returned, she should not think of him who had hurt her, he said he hoped there would be someone who loved her more than he did.
"Thank you for reminding me that there will be no more nightmares this day. You never owed me anything. You paid it back."
Four years ago today, he rushed back from the capital. He did not see her smile, only her pale eyes. Every day since then, he would dream of the day that made him desperate and painful, unable to get rid of it or forget it.
Thank her for always being by his side on this day four years later. In the future, he will remember every minute and every moment they spent together on this day, and he will no longer be haunted by nightmares.
I have kept you for so long and made you afraid for so long. If you repay me everything, you will not owe me anything.
"From now on"
"You are free at last."
Yan Yiming finally remembered yesterday, and remembered Jiang Yi asking her in a tentative tone if she remembered what day it was today. The spring four years ago suddenly came to this day, and the boy who was kneeling in front of the door in pain put aside his most paranoid feelings and fulfilled her wish.
But he still thanked her.
At that moment, Yan Yiming seemed to hear his gentle voice. She covered her eyes, but still, tears flowed like rain.
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