Mu Wanyao faced Yan Shang with all her sharpness and defensiveness.
He looked at her so sadly, he raised his voice, and he was rarely really angry... All this made Mu Wanyao straighten his back and raise his chin higher and higher.
His words "Why didn't you tell me many things earlier" directly stimulated her, making her eyes turn red and her pupils tremble.
Mu Wan shook his head angrily: "How about I tell you earlier? Let you leave early and don't have to get involved with me?!"
Yan Shang was stunned for a moment, trying to control his words: "That's not what I meant..."
Mu Wanyao sneered: "Seeking profit and avoiding harm, a gentleman does not stand under a dangerous wall... Isn't this what you mean? Where did I say wrong? You are a piece of wood, you won't move if I don't poke you. I have been teasing you, but are you innocent? Didn't you give me chances again and again? If you are really loyal and unyielding, when I kissed you for the first time in Lingnan, you should have hit your head against the wall and died to show your determination!
"You didn't! You enjoyed it, you indulged yourself... It was you who gave me the chance!"
Yan Shang was unable to defend himself and his face turned pale.
He really, really... No matter what his mindset was, whether he wanted to have a good relationship with Mu Wanyao or didn't want to become her enemy, he really did...
He calmed down a bit and asked softly, "Okay, I am not innocent. I did have an ambiguous attitude towards you. So, what do you mean by letting me be your lover but not giving me a name, Your Highness?"
Mu Wanyao said nothing.
Yan Shang stared at her: "You want me to watch you marry someone else and become a couple with someone else, while I can only have an affair with you in secret?"
Mu Wanyao said impatiently: "I said I won't get married..."
Yan Shang interrupted: "It's just that the benefits are not enough to make you excited! Once your heart is excited, you will marry. You want me to hide in the dark, what do you regard me as? A concubine? Your shameful lover? Year after year, you appear openly with others, and I just beg for a little charity from you?"
Mu Wanyao: "Don't make it sound so pitiful. I won't stop you from getting married and having children."
Yan Shang looked at her: "Really? You won't stop it?"
Mu Wan looked at him in surprise.
His eyes were like ice and snow, and they saw through her heart. She wanted to say that she didn't care about him, but she swallowed it back and couldn't say it.
He is so insightful.
As long as he is not emotional, as long as he is not confused by her, he can easily see through what a person is thinking.
Mu Wanyao couldn't speak, so Yan Shang spoke softly for her, "You say nice things and you won't control me, but if I get married and have children, can you really accept it? Your Highness, are you the kind of person who can accept it? You say this because you think I won't get married and have children now, and you think since I don't care about these things, why don't I just obey you and continue to waste time with you.
"You want me to follow you, year after year, day after day. You want me to stay with you forever, to keep fighting with you for the rest of my life... You are too selfish, Your Highness."
Mu Wanyao stared at him quietly for a while, and she seemed to have lost the source of all her anger.
She smiled self-deprecatingly.
He looks forward to marriage and children; she hates marriage and dislikes responsibilities.
He was hesitant about not being able to have children, but wanted a status; she didn't want to give him a status because of the interests involved, but felt at ease and wanted to enjoy his company.
They are not pure.
Mu Wan shook her head and said calmly: "Then what do you want?"
Yan Shang said softly: "I know my attitude disappoints you, but I'm really not the kind of person who acts on impulse. I really need to think through all the consequences before I can give a clear answer. However... for you...
"Your Highness, do you feel that you don't deserve a normal marriage? Do you feel that interests, ambitions and power are more important than me? Do you hate a marriage and hate the commitment and responsibility to your lover, so much so that even I cannot please you?"
Mu Wanyao looked at him.
He looked like a pine or cypress, and his character was like gold and jade. Yet he stood in front of her in such an awkward manner.
Mu Wanyao suddenly said, "Let's separate."
Yan Shang's mind went blank and he stared at her blankly.
He was silent for a moment, anger rising in his eyes, and he became even more annoyed and sad. He knew that she would never talk to him properly, and would eventually give up on him and choose her power.
He's getting so ridiculous here.
All his pressure, how he planned to bear the pain of not having an heir...it all became so ridiculous.
It was a joke on him after all.
After all, it affected her interests, so she gave up on him.
Such a humiliating feeling!
Yan Shang stared at her blankly. He didn't know what he was expecting. He felt extremely uncomfortable. The light in his eyes was like tears, rippling in the clear lake. Mu Wan shook her head and sat down, saying loudly, "Someone, send the guest away!"
The maids come in.
In front of Yan Shang, Mu Wanyao looked into his eyes and ordered word by word: "In the future, my princess's mansion will not welcome this person without my permission. If he comes to my princess's mansion without permission again, I will hold you accountable!"
The maids looked at Yan Erlang worriedly, and saw that his eyelashes were trembling and his face was pale. Even Yan Shang couldn't stand such humiliation.
He bowed to her, turned and left.
-----
Mu Wanyao sat in the dormitory in a daze, with his head lowered.
She looked at the porcelain fragments on the ground, which she had just used to hit Yan Shang. She then stared at a corner of the lichen, thinking that was where Yan Shang had just stood.
His eyes changed from expectation at first to despair later.
He was disappointed in the end.
But who is he? The issue of offspring has trapped him, made him hesitate, and made him unwilling to make a decision!
He is not pure either! He does not love her!
She doesn't regret it!
The maid Xia Rong came back and knocked on the door gently, asking the princess if she could come in to clean up the broken pieces of porcelain. After Mu Wan shook her head and nodded, the maids came in quietly to clean up.
No one dared to talk to Mu Wanyao at this time.
Xia Rong looked at the princess quietly and saw that the girl was sitting on the couch with her back straight, her face downcast, staring at her own palm in a daze. The princess had thick eyelashes and a cold face.
The princess clearly did not show any sign of vulnerability, but Xia Rong suddenly felt that the princess sitting there alone, neither crying nor laughing, seemed very lonely.
She thought the princess seemed very sad.
Xia Rong usually didn't dare to persuade Mu Wanyao. Although she was a maid in the mansion, since Chunhua left, the other maids didn't know the princess's past, and none of them could get into the princess's heart. The more they spoke, the more mistakes they made, and if they made mistakes, they would be punished, so they simply didn't say anything.
However, at this moment, Xia Rong suddenly wanted to say something.
Xia Rong stood beside Mu Wanyao and carefully placed a cup of tea on the table next to the princess. She whispered, "I was outside just now and actually heard the quarrel between His Highness and Erlang."
Mu Wanyao raised his head and glanced at her. His eyes were clear but he was not angry.
Xia Rong felt upset, thinking that the princess couldn't have children. No wonder the princess always hated children... She continued boldly: "Your Highness, Erlang likes you. Erlang also said just now that he still wants a status. This shows that Erlang cares more about status than children.
"I know that Your Highness also likes Erlang. If that's the case, why don't you give in and give Erlang a legitimate status?"
Mu Wanyao asked back: "Why do you think I like him very much?"
Xia Rong was stunned for a moment, and stammered, "Because, because when the princess is with Erlang, she is like a little girl, likes to act like a spoiled child with Erlang, likes to let Erlang hug Your Highness... Your Highness never does this with us, and Your Highness never does this with anyone.
"Although His Highness always talks about Erlang, He is not really angry with him. Whenever Erlang appears, His Highness is in a good mood, and I, the servant, will also be in a good mood... I think His Highness must like Erlang very much."
She mustered up her courage and said, "I think that Your Highness likes Erlang more in his heart than you show."
Mu Wanyao said nothing.
Of course she knew that she liked Yan Shang very much.
It is precisely because of her unusual experience that she likes Yan Shang so much in her heart. Her love is pure and clear... It is unique and beautiful, and cannot be destroyed by anyone.
Even Yan Shang himself.
Mu Wan lowered her eyes and whispered, "It is precisely because I like him that I don't want him to hesitate at all. I have nothing. Nothing in this world is what I deserve. Only my love is the most beautiful."
"I don't want his hesitation."
-----
Mu Wanyao never saw Yan Shang again.
Sometimes the carriages were stuck in the alleys, and Mu Wanyao would sit in the carriage and never look down. Yan Shang might have come to see her, she didn't know, but from Xia Rong's hesitant look, Mu Wanyao could guess that Yan Shang must have come to see her.
But she doesn't want it.
If you want to break it off, break it off cleanly.
She knew best how abnormal her love for Yan Shang was. She knew that she would be moved just by looking at him. Because he was so good, the best light in her darkness. She didn't know if there was a better man than Yan Shang in the world, but she hadn't met him.
He had a huge influence on her.
She didn't allow herself to be cowardly, she didn't allow herself to get carried away and want to get him back just by seeing him.
Sometimes at night, she would hate herself for making everything clear. If she continued to deceive him, she could continue to enjoy Yan Shang's kindness to her as if it was a matter of course. Sometimes when she drank too much, she had an urge to find him and say that she regretted it. No matter what the reason was, as long as they were together, it would be fine...
During the day, when she calmed down, Mu Wanyao was glad that she had survived another day. She once again told herself that her choice was right.
Power comes before love.
No one can take away the power from her!
No matter if it was Yan Shang, the Li family, or the Wei family! Or the prince, or the emperor!
She tries her best to live a good life and to protect those around her so that they can live a good life!
-----
When Mu Wanyao saw Yan Shang again, it was already May.
She was supposed to meet Wei Shu at a banquet hosted by court officials.
Wei Shu's career has been unlucky recently.
Wei Shu should have been promoted for the military exercise. But the Ministry of Personnel blocked him. After all, the position of Censor-in-Chief offended too many people. There were too many people in the court who wanted to bring Wei Shu down, but Wei Shu neither asked for help from the Wei family nor Mu Wanyao.
When Mu Wanyao found out about this, she had already decided to resolve her marriage problem which was caught between the Li and Wei families.
Mu Wanyao met a young man as clean-skinned as snow at the banquet. The two of them sat quietly, each feeling somewhat awkward.
Wei Shu looked at Mu Wanyao quietly and felt that the princess' temperament had become much colder. He didn't know if it was because of the marriage with him, but when Mu Wanyao saw him, she didn't smile like usual... Wei Shu lowered his eyelashes, feeling a little uncomfortable.
Mu Wanyao: "Juyuan, do you want to marry me?"
Wei Shu looked up at her.
Mu Wanyao didn't look at him, his eyes were on the other officials coming and going at the banquet.
Mu Wanyao said, "If you don't want to, then we should cooperate and reject this marriage together. If you want to marry me, then I will make an exchange of interests with you - you and I will reject the marriage together, and I will help you solve the trouble you are facing in the officialdom now."
Wei Shu lowered his eyes: "Your Highness is compensating me?"
Mu Wan shook: "Yeah."
Wei Shu whispered: "Why do you do this?"
Mu Wanyao was puzzled and looked at him. She saw him raise his glass-like eyes, quietly and sadly.
Wei Shu: "Your Highness never spoke to me like this before. Does Your Highness begin to hate my existence now?"
Mu Wan was startled, knowing that her attitude had hurt Wei Shu. The boy pursed his lips and sat stiffly, his eyelashes trembling and his eyes frosted. No matter what, he was still a brother who was four years younger than her.
She was a little confused for a moment, not knowing how to coax Wei Shu. At this moment, some official called out "Yan Erlang". Mu Wanyao reacted faster than herself and looked over.
She was originally avoiding Wei Shu's gaze and was looking over there instinctively, but suddenly her gaze met Yan Shang's.
He stood with several officials from the Ministry of Revenue, including Mu Wanyao's most capable minister, the Minister of Revenue. The Minister of Revenue was praising Yan Shang for his excellent work, and Yan Shang looked towards Mu Wanyao.
He was startled for a moment because she actually looked at him.
After not seeing each other for a month, both of them were a little absent-minded, and their minds were empty for a while.
Just looking at each other, it seemed as if they recalled a lot of the past... Mu Wanyao turned away unexpectedly, with a cold attitude: "Why is Yan Shang here too?"
Wei Shu was stunned. He didn't know why the arrival of Second Brother Yan caused such a big reaction from His Highness.
Maid Xia Rong knelt down and said nervously: "When the banquet was announced, Yan Erlang's name was not included. Maybe Yan Erlang came at the last minute... It's my fault..."
Mu Wan shook: "Let's go."
She didn't stay here for a moment, and stood up to leave. Wei Shu stood up after her and took two steps to catch up with her: "Your Highness..."
Mu Wanyao reluctantly stopped and smiled at the boy who looked at her and then at Yan Shang helplessly, and said, "I'll talk to you another day. Don't worry. I'm not targeting you."
Wei Shu: "Your Highness, you and Brother Yan..."
He thought, isn't it because of Second Brother Yan that His Highness refused the marriage?
Mu Wanyao said: "No matter what happens between Yan Shang and I, it won't affect you. Don't panic just because we're separated."
Mu Wanyao left in such a hurry without even trying to save face, which made all the officials look strange and they looked at Yan Shang, who had just arrived, inquiringly.
Yan Shang's eyes dimmed slightly and he smiled at himself.
He didn't want to come originally, but when he heard that she came, he still wanted to meet her... However, she was cold and heartless. If she said she was breaking up with him, did she really mean that they would never have anything to do with each other again until they died?
Wei Shu walked over and looked at Yan Shang, who looked a little dazed: "Second Brother Yan..."
Yan Shang smiled at him gently: "Juyuan, don't worry. No matter what happens between me and His Highness, it will not affect you."
Wei Shu didn't say anything.
I think you guys are really consistent in your opinions.
But...are you really separated?
Are you planning to never see each other again?
But how is it possible that a princess who wields power and a minister who rises to a higher position will never see each other again?
-----
Mu Wanyao also understood this truth and secretly felt a little regretful. This was the trouble with having a love affair with a court official.
Even if they broke up, she couldn't stop seeing Yan Shang. And every time she saw him, there was a possibility of rekindling their relationship.
What should I do?
-----
When the relationship between Mu Wanyao and Yan Shang became like this, Feng Xianyu left Chang'an and went to Jeju to serve as a soldier.
Jeju is a desolate place. Feng Xianyu said that going to Jeju was actually equivalent to being demoted by the central government.
Feng Xianyu didn't have many friends in Chang'an. After drinking farewell wine with a few friends with whom he had only a superficial relationship, he waited for Yan Shang who came in a hurry.
Feng Xianyu and Yan Shang sat together under the willow tree at Baqiao and talked.
Yan Shang frowned at him and said softly, "Brother Feng, when the envoys from various countries were still in Chang'an, I heard that you had made great contributions by presenting poems. At that time, I also heard that you would be promoted after the envoys left. So why are you going to Jeju now?"
Feng Xianyu looked a little haggard.
He said, "I made a mistake in serving the princess."
Yan Shang was stunned.
Feng Xianyu turned to look at him and said with a dull look: "When the envoy was here, I contributed poems and made great contributions. The princess was a little unhappy when she saw that I did not rely on her but was looking for other ways to get promoted. But the prince did not say anything at that time, which was considered as tacit approval for my promotion. But after that, the prince rarely looked for me.
"Later, I suggested to His Highness that he should dismiss those useless concubines. His Highness was angry that I didn't tell her about my promotion, so she rejected my suggestion. But my suggestion was heard by those concubines, and they were jealous. They instigated discord, framed me in front of His Highness, and designed to make me go to the palace that belonged to her husband and her dead daughter, which His Highness originally did not allow anyone to go to.
"His Highness was furious, and I didn't even have a chance to defend myself. I didn't even get to see His Highness to plead for me, and I was demoted to Jeju as a soldier. His Highness must have completely hated me for not being content."
After hearing all this, Yan Shang sighed softly.
Yan Shang: "It's bitterly cold in Jeju, Brother Feng should be prepared."
Feng Xianyu was happy: "Thank you for not crying with me like the others. You cried for me. Oh... never mind. At least I can bring my daughter with me when I go to Jeju this time. I'm just worried that my daughter can't stand the hardship and won't want to go to Jeju with me."
Yan Shang said gently: "Brother Feng can ask in person."
Feng Xianyu sighed: "My daughter is too young, and she is not close to me..."
Yan Shang: "Even the youngest children have their own ideas. Brother Feng should always ask. Brother Feng missed his daughter for a few years, so he must miss her very much. It is not easy for parents and children to be together in this life, so you should cherish her."
Feng Xianyu smiled when he heard this.
Although he was sad to be banished from Chang'an, he was looking forward to the future when he thought about seeing his daughter soon. For the sake of his daughter, he had to hold on and could not die in Jeju.
Feng Xianyu looked at Yan Shang: "What about you?"
Yan Shang was startled: "What's wrong with me?"
Feng Xianyu: "You are almost coming of age, right? Your family is still urging you to get married? When I was your age, my daughter was already born."
Yan Shang shook his head and smiled.
There was a look of loneliness in his eyes.
He said softly: "I'm afraid I don't have this fate."
Feng Xianyu only saw the loneliness and sadness in the young man's eyes, but he didn't know anything more. He just thought that Yan Shang and he had the same chance. Feng Xianyu sighed and said, "We met once, but we have similar fates. Are you still with Princess Danyang?"
Yan Shang was silent for a long while before he said "hmm" softly.
Feng Xianyu advised him: "Look at me now, you will know that being Princess Shang is not a good job. Although he can rise to the top by being a princess, the princesses of Wei all have bad tempers, and Princess Danyang is not much better than Princess Luling.
"I am here for a career in government, there is really no other way. But why do you have to do this? You are young and have a bright future, why do you have to serve these princesses?
"Is she unwilling to give you a name or a child, and is she treating you like a concubine?
"Su Chen, listen to my advice. Leave Princess Danyang while you are still young. Serving the princess is not worth it."
Yan Shang said softly: “Serving the princess is nothing...but, does she really not care about me that much?
"Did she tease me from the beginning to the end? She just thought I was funny, so she teased me again and again. When I fell in love with her, she backed off again and again, and made excuses again and again. She really just treated me as a distraction and a fun thing. Did she not have me in her heart?
"Or is it because I am not of high status and my position is too low? Why does she never let me participate in her affairs? She always solves problems by herself and never thinks of me? I have been with her for such a long time, but she neither enters my life nor lets me participate in hers... I thought it would be fine after a while, but... it has been so long."
He lowered his eyes, embarrassed: "I am not afraid of waiting, not afraid of time, not afraid of those troubles... those can all be solved. The question is, how long is this deadline? Is it a lifetime? Will it never see the light of day?
"And now, she has, has... given up completely."
Feng Xianyu patted him on the shoulder, not knowing what to say. How could an ordinary person handle a princess like that?
-----
Yan Shang and Feng Xianyu drank a little wine at Baqiao, and Yan Shang saw Feng Xianyu off. After a while of being blown by the cold wind, Yan Shang felt a little groggy, but he still chose to go back to the Ministry of Revenue to work.
After training his alcohol tolerance every day, he now drinks a little bit of muddy wine without much impact. And when he feels sad, Yan Shang finds that drinking a little wine can make him feel better. He is already tired of controlling his emotions by himself, and sometimes he can only rely on this external force.
When Yan Shang arrived at the Ministry of Revenue, he met people from the Ministry of Works who came to ask for money.
In the eyes of the other ministries, the Ministry of Revenue is the richest. But in the eyes of the Ministry of Revenue, the Ministry of Revenue is always short of money. Every time the other ministries come to ask for money, it is very difficult. This time, the Ministry of Works came, and it was their Shangshu who came in person.
Several senior officials from the Ministry of Revenue immediately hid away and sent the lower-ranking officials to deal with the Ministry of Works.
Yan Shang had just returned to the Ministry of Revenue and had to deal with this kind of thing.
When he arrived, people from the Ministry of Revenue and the Ministry of Works were arguing, and the noise was getting louder and louder. Yan Shang rubbed his forehead, which was a little painful, and walked over to stop the quarrel, hoping that both sides would calm down and talk it out.
He has a mild temper and is usually very good at dealing with such things. But this time, the Ministry of Revenue and the Ministry of Works quarreled and pushed each other away. Yan Shang was caught in the middle and advised: "Everyone calm down..."
An official rebuked: "Don't talk too much!"
"What's it got to do with you?"
After a lot of pushing and shoving, Yan Shang's thin body was pushed back heavily by someone unknown. Yan Shang was a little exhausted from the alcohol and bumped into the candle behind him. The light and lamp oil instantly poured towards him and he fell down...
-----
Mu Wanyao was pulled along by Liu Ruozhu to go and play at the party among the girls.
Mu Wanyao was impatient at first, but she couldn't stand the fact that Miss Liu was so persistent and soft-spoken. Mu Wanyao just couldn't do anything about this kind of person, so she really went.
But she felt very awkward when she went there. She had not been used to such banquets for many years. She was used to interacting with ministers, and could not talk much with these pretty girls... Liu Ruozhu was worried that she would not be able to adapt, so she had to follow her closely.
Because Second Brother Yan asked for help, saying that His Highness has been in a bad mood recently, and if she has time, she hopes to accompany His Highness.
Liu Ruozhu naturally agreed.
Liu Ruozhu was talking to Mu Wanyao when suddenly her maid came over and whispered something in her ear. Liu Ruozhu's face changed instantly and she stood up.
Mu Wan raised her eyebrows: "What's wrong?"
Liu Ruozhu's starry eyes looked at her.
Liu Ruozhu panicked and said blankly: "Your Highness, Your Highness, you don't mind me telling you, right? Second Brother Yan, Second Brother Yan was doused with lamp oil..."
Mu Wan shook her head and stood up suddenly. She was stunned, and for a moment she said nothing, then turned around and walked out.
At first she just walked quickly, but then she became so anxious that she started running.
Liu Ruozhu chased after her from behind, and when she reached the gate of the mansion, she saw Mu Wanyao had already ridden on a horse and left ahead of her servants. Liu Ruozhu panicked, but she calmed herself down: With the princess here, Second Brother Yan will be fine.
-----
Mu Wanyao rode her horse very fast. She was an excellent horseman, but there were many people on the streets of Chang'an, so she seldom rode so fast that she disturbed them.
But I can't take care of these today.
The guards rode after him on horseback, and Mu Wanyao only had time to give orders: "Go to the palace and ask the imperial physician to come. Make sure he is the best, the best..."
She was in a state of confusion and tried to calm herself down to make a decision, but tears were already starting to form in her eyes and she was just trying to control it.
Mu Wanyao ignored the people who tried to stop her and ran to the backyard of Yan's house after getting off her horse. She ran out of breath and saw a servant holding a roll of white silk in the yard. The servants looked like they had lost their parents, and her heart sank.
Pushing open the door, Mu Wanyao locked the servants outside and walked into the inner room. She saw a dying man lying on the bed. His face was as pale as paper, his forehead was wrapped in gauze, and his shirt was messy, as if he was wrapped in bandages. He lay there with his eyes closed, and he could not even feel his breath.
She was stupid and thought he was dead.
Mu Wanyao's tears fell instantly.
She threw herself on the bed and hugged him, hugging him as he closed his eyes and began to sob and choke: "Yanshang, Yanshang...what's wrong with you? Yanshang, Yanshang, Yanshang...
"What should I do with you? I can't live without you! You can't leave me! You are the best person in my life, I don't want you to leave! Yan Shang, wuwuwu..."
In a daze, Yan Shang heard Mu Wan shaking as if calling him and hugging him and crying. He struggled to keep his eyelids open and opened his eyes, and saw her lying on the edge of the bed, hugging him tightly and crying as if she was about to die. He was tormented by the pain, and now his neck seemed to be drowned by her tears.
He vaguely saw a slender figure clinging to him, crying until his head hurt. The words were still vague: "Yaoyao..."
She sobbed, hugged him and cried even harder, burying her tears in his neck. Yan Shang was in a daze, barely supported himself on his elbows and sat up, hugged her, and she cried even harder.
But after crying for a long time, she finally remembered something.
Mu Wan raised her tearful face and asked, "You're not dead?"
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