Talking about children again.
Mu Wan sat in Yan Shang's arms. When she heard Yan Shang talking about him and his father, her hand trembled and she wanted to get up and leave.
However, Yan Shang held her wrist gently but firmly, not letting her go, and finished his words.
Mu Wan looked at him in shock. She had already told him that if he didn't care, she wouldn't care either. She acted like she didn't care, but it hurt after all.
Every time I think about it, there's a tiny needle piercing my heart.
Throughout life, people need to balance their pain and happiness.
Don't lose hope when you are in pain, and don't dwell on the pain when you are happy. In a nutshell, don't be greedy.
But she grew up eating grains, she is flesh and blood, she is a human being.
As a human being, you have greed and delusion. She has not really turned away from the secular world. The more she loves someone, the more she hates the past and hates that she cannot have a child with him...
Mu Wan's eyelashes were a little wet.
Yan Shang looked down at the girl sitting in his arms. He kept observing her and saw that her eyes were moist, as if filled with hatred and pain. He lowered his head and stroked her face.
He placed his fingers on her face, leaned down and kissed her eyelashes, and smiled: "What are you doing? Didn't you say you didn't mind?"
Mu Wan shook her lips.
She suddenly said, "It's all my fault. I didn't know I would meet you, and I didn't know I would like you so much. If I had known earlier, I would never have wasted myself like that. Have I ever told you that I actually had a child..."
Mu Wan lowered his eyes and whispered, "I gave up on my own. I killed my own child with my own hands. Chunhua told me it was a dead baby, but I didn't even look at it."
Yan Shang was stunned for a moment.
She said blankly: "I can't watch. I want to leave Wuman, so I can't stay there with any worries. If the child grows up, he will become a threat to me, and I will never be able to leave Wuman. Just like Chunhua, she can't leave the palace after she has a child. I want to take her away, but she can't.
“I’m just afraid of that.
"But I'm very cruel, right?"
As if he felt her pain, he tightened his grip on her wrist and tensed his shoulders.
Yan Shang held her tightly in his arms, letting her face touch his neck. He spoke in a low voice, forbearingly: "It's my fault. I shouldn't have mentioned this and made you sad. I thought... we could talk about it.
"But I don't mean to remind you of bad things. Yaoyao, I'm sorry, let's not talk about that again."
Mu Wan's eyes sparkled, and she couldn't help laughing. She whispered, "Why are you like this?"
She looked up and gazed at his face.
Mu Wan shook her head in a daze: "I was not good before. After returning from Wuman, I didn't take good care of myself. I gave up on myself for several years because I didn't want to have children anymore. But after you and I got married, I wanted more and more...it would be great if I could give you a child."
She stroked his eyebrows and said absentmindedly: "It doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's our child. He has eyebrows and eyes like you, and long hair like me. It would be best if he has a temper like my second brother. A boy should be as gentle as jade, and a girl should be gentle and graceful.
"He is as talented as me. My second elder brother taught him reading and writing, and I taught him music, chess, poetry and painting. I would often get angry and scold him. My second elder brother would coax him and tell him that I loved him and that I just had a bad temper.
“My second brother taught me to love me too.
"I just want one child. Our family...just three people are enough."
She choked up, "How many villains and lunatics in the world have children? I'm not a big villain, and you're such a good person, second brother. I made a sacrifice to marry into the Wei Dynasty, and now I'm paying attention to people's livelihood like my second brother, which is a contribution to the world. We've done so many good things, can't we get a child in return?"
Yan Shang hugged her tightly and murmured, "Shake..."
Mu Wan shook her hands and rubbed her eyes. She raised her slightly red eyes upwards. Her eye circles were red, but her eyes were as white as snow.
She was sad and unconvinced: "Actually, after marrying Second Brother Yan, I thought about whether I should let someone else have a child with Second Brother if I can't have one myself. I thought about how Second Brother, such a good person, could be childless all his life and be criticized by others.
"No matter how much you have contributed to the country, no matter how much you have done, if you don't have children... your interactions with officials and the advice of the world will be affected."
Yan Shang squeezed her hand even harder. He looked at her in shock. He didn't expect that she would have such an idea.
Mu Wanyao had just cried, but she smiled again when she saw his gaze. Because he was so shocked, she thought he was cute.
Mu Wanyao muttered, "Why are you so shocked? I am this kind of bad princess. A bad princess loves you, which means she wants you and protects you at the same time, and doesn't want you to be laughed at by the world. If your political enemies use this to say something about you, I will be mad to death."
Yan Shang frowned: "What are you thinking about? I won't do that with other women...
Muwan raised her chin.
She said proudly, "Of course you wouldn't. You've slept with a beauty like me, how could you possibly like other mediocre women?"
Yan Shang: “…”
He couldn't help laughing. No matter how sad the topic was, it would be defeated by her cuteness.
She made him feel embarrassed and happy at the same time, and he couldn't help but reach out and pinch her cheek.
Yan Shang's clear eyes swept over her chattering red lips, and he smiled: "Let me see, Your Highness, why are you talking nonsense again? Why is our little princess always learning bad things instead of good ones?"
Mu Wan hugged his neck and said coquettishly, "Because my second brother loves me."
Yan Shang pinched her cheek, and she immediately shouted: "You don't spoil me anymore!"
Yan Shang whispered, "Anyway, I'm not used to your foul language."
Mu Wan buried her head in his neck and rolled her eyes.
Yan Shang: "Girls are not allowed to roll their eyes."
Mu Wan shook her head and said, "I don't have any."
As the two of them started to make a fuss, the sad atmosphere quickly disappeared.
This is what it’s like when relationships are good. They go off topic all the time and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Mu Wanyan stayed in Yan Shang's arms for a long time. After he slapped her a few times, she bit his chin with a red face and teased him for a long time before she could finally remember with difficulty what they were talking about.
Mu Wanyao: "I know you won't sleep with other girls. You are the most moral man I have ever seen. You are too self-disciplined. Sometimes I hate that you are too strict with yourself, and sometimes I love your self-discipline that is almost like self-torture.
"After I married you, I asked the imperial physician about my health and whether I could take care of myself for a few years and whether I could have a child. The imperial physician was vague and said that it was probably possible. I knew that those old men were all foxes and would not give me a definite answer. The vagueness of their words meant that the possibility was extremely low.
"But it's better than nothing."
Yan Shang immediately lowered his head: "Are you taking care of yourself?"
Mu Wan shook her head.
Yan Shang was silent for a moment. He rubbed her wrist with his hand and said in a hoarse voice: "How come I don't know..."
Mu Wanyao saw the look in his eyes and knew that he was blaming himself again. He must think that it was because of him that she went to recuperate. And he would think that this process was not good, that she would be under a lot of pressure and would feel uncomfortable...
Mu Wanyao quickly comforted him: "You are so smart, how could I hide anything from you? You don't know, it is precisely because I didn't make a big fanfare and take special care of myself. I just took some medicine and supplements normally, and didn't visit famous doctors everywhere.
"Don't be sad. I'm in a good mood and I'm not feeling bad. Second brother, think about the few years since we got married. How many times have you seen me sick? I really don't torture myself. I still let nature take its course... Don't worry."
Yan Shang began to recall various clues in his mind.
In his memory, she was always happy, jumping around, kissing and hugging him when she saw him. She didn't look haggard and sick from taking too much medicine.
After a while, he calmed down, nodded slowly, and believed her words.
Yan Shang whispered: "And then?"
Mu Wanyao: "Then I took care of my body. Although I don't think it's very useful, I still have some hope. But we are so sweet and we have sex frequently, but there is no news about my pregnancy... I am also frustrated and have given up a little.
"At that time, I was thinking about giving you a child. I would give you some drugs and force you to sleep with a girl I picked to give you a child. But I was also selfish and only wanted to give you a chance. If you still didn't have a child, I would give up."
Yan Shang scolded her: "Nonsense!"
He couldn't sit still any longer and his face darkened. He never expected that Mu Wanyao would have such an idea.
He was really a little angry, and stood up to leave. Mu Wanyao stopped him from getting up and kissed him.
The lips and teeth are entangled, vividly and thoroughly.
Yan Shang resisted, but she held his chin.
She nestled in his arms and he couldn't really push her away, so he just refused to speak.
But Mu Wanyao knew him very well. She stroked his stubbled chin with her fingers and put her other hand into his gorgeous robe and gently rubbed his waist.
His waist was sensitive, and he suddenly tilted his waist. He frowned and panted, and the hand on her hand exerted force, with five fingers curled and trembling, and soon he gave up and let her take advantage of him.
Seeing that his emotions had calmed down, Mu Wanyao finally let go.
Yan Shang was annoyed: "You use the same trick again! Is this the only trick you have?"
He scolded her, but Mu Wanyao did not respond. Her bright eyes looked at his rosy lips, and his panting and low moaning made her heart flutter.
He couldn't get a response from her reflection, so he looked down at her.
Yan Shang's dark, watery eyes looked so clear and clean, but Mu Wanyao's mind was instantly filled with obscene and filthy thoughts.
Restraint, restraint.
Let’s talk about the business first.
Although Mu Wan was shaking his hand and rubbing his waist, he was already a little distracted from the work.
Mu Wanyao said nonchalantly: "Why are you in such a hurry? I just thought about it and didn't succeed, right? Because I don't want you to sleep with other women. I haven't put it into action yet, have I?"
Yan Shanghen: "Thank goodness you didn't."
He was afraid that she would have such thoughts again, so he pulled her wrist and emphasized: "I really don't need to do that. If you really do that, I will ignore you."
He felt that his ignoring her seemed dry and had no deterrent effect.
He emphasized again: "I really will ignore you. I will ignore you for several years! I will definitely ignore you!"
Muwan shook his head and laughed.
Yan Shang was annoyed: "I'm talking to you, why are you laughing?"
Mu Wan shakes her heart and wants to laugh at your cuteness.
She smiled tenderly, hugged his neck affectionately, held his face and kissed him. He struggled to hide, and Mu Wan shook her head and said, "Why are you emphasizing this? Didn't my father give you a sterilizing drug? After that incident, I completely gave up.
"If you hadn't talked nonsense to your father recently, I wouldn't have remembered it."
Yan Shang felt relieved.
He looked at her for a moment, lowered his shoulders, and hugged her gently.
He kissed her face and saw her eyes narrowed, as if she was particularly comfortable. He felt shy for a moment. Mu Wanyao was always so honest in her touch, and her reaction told him that she liked him touching her.
For an introvert like him, there could be no better encouragement than this.
Yan Shang said softly: "So you see, it's nothing. Life is rarely perfect, and I'm satisfied with nine out of ten. It's okay for us not to have children, I have you. I'm happy to have you by my side, and anything more is just icing on the cake, it's okay if I don't have it."
He was afraid that she was still unwilling to accept this, so he blushed and said something that he would never say.
"And it's good not to have a child. If you don't get pregnant, I can do whatever you want whenever you want. I can go in without worrying about it being bad for you.
"You don't need to drink the contraceptive soup. I heard that the contraceptive soup is not good for girls' health, so I don't want you to drink it. But I can't help it...so it's good, good not to have children.
"I've heard, I've heard that many men can't, can't... withdraw at the last minute because they're afraid their wives will get pregnant multiple times. I, I don't have to..."
He spoke a lot in her ear, mumbling, hesitating and stammering.
Mu Wanyao was confused at first and didn't know what he meant by "that something". But when his eyes were evasive and he stuttered in the middle, Mu Wanyao understood.
She leisurely admired his embarrassment, and saw that his face was flushed, but he was still strong enough to express his meaning under her half-smile gaze.
After Yan Shang finished speaking, sweat broke out on his forehead.
He turned his face to the side and exhaled softly.
Mu Wan shook his chin and asked him to turn around to face her. She teased him, "I don't understand what you are saying. Say it again."
She pretended to be innocent: "What is your 'what'? What do you mean by withdrawing? What is the last moment? Are you practicing martial arts? What powerful martial arts are you practicing? Do I know?"
Yan Shang: “…”
He was annoyed: "You come again."
He lowered his head, his hair falling on his red ears, and said, "You know exactly what I'm talking about, but you just like to laugh at me. Why do you always laugh at me? I never laugh at you, but you always laugh at me."
Mu Wanyao saw that he seemed really unhappy, so she stopped teasing him.
She smiled and jumped off his lap first, clapping her hands: "Alright, alright, I won't tease you anymore. I just saw you being at ease for a long time, and I wanted to see you blush. You are rarely embarrassed now, but you are still the funniest when you are embarrassed.
"Anyway... Brother Yan and I have reached a consensus on the matter of the child, right? Let's just let it go and not think too much about it."
Yan Shang nodded.
He talked to her about his father's words today, just to express his intention to let things take their own course. But he didn't expect that these four short words would be talked about for so long.
He thought they had finally come to an agreement and smiled. Yan Shang stood up. As soon as he stood up, Mu Wanyao excitedly grabbed his sleeve and pulled him over.
The words are still confused.
Mu Wan shook her head with sparkling eyes: "Where are you going?"
Yan Shang said softly: "Let's go to the government office and take a look."
Mu Wan shook his head: "Is there any important official business in the government office?"
Yan Shang was embarrassed: "No. I just went to take a look."
Mu Wan shook her head: "If it's not important, then don't go. Second brother Yan, let's go to bed."
Yan Shang was stunned.
He looked at her in surprise, and the corners of his eyes instantly turned red.
Mu Wanyao was confused by his naivety: "You told me so much about sex, don't you feel anything? I thought you wanted to make love with me in the dormitory. You tried so hard to seduce me, I know."
Yan Shang was confused by her self-righteous surprise, and couldn't help laughing: "...I didn't."
Mu Wanyao: "You are always 'I don't have' under the bed."
She tilted her cheek and playfully counted his reserve with her fingers: "It's not you who blushes, it's not you who looks at me expectantly, it's not you who is reluctant to accept me. You were all led to the bed by me innocently, but you are the purest and cleanest, without thinking about anything. It's me who wants you to enter the world and get involved in love.
"You are not the one who has the desire, you are not the one who holds me and hesitates. You are not the one who pushes me down, you are not the one who likes a certain posture... I forced you to do everything, you are innocent."
Yan Shang immediately reached out to cover her mouth.
He was glad that this was in the room, and he could stop her from talking nonsense by blocking her mouth. He stared at her helplessly, and her eyelashes fluttered lightly in his palm. Her eyes were clear, but her tail was curled up to seduce him.
Yan Shang's skin was burning hot, and after a while he said, "...put down the tent."
So the couple took an afternoon nap.
There is really no way to deal with spring fatigue and summer exhaustion.
-----
At the border of Jiannan, Yan Xiaozhou has been practicing medicine with an elderly doctor for more than a year.
She followed her teacher in and out of the military camp. Because of her gentle and beautiful personality and her caring and thoughtful attitude towards the wounded, the men in the military camp all had a good impression of her. Many people secretly asked the old doctor if they could marry Xiaozhou's sister.
Later, everyone discovered with disappointment that although Sister Xiaozhou was very kind to everyone, she was particularly caring towards one person.
The once noble Yang Sanlang is now working as a laborer at the border, and the person who has followed him all the way is Yan Xiaozhou.
In the first half of last year, Concubine Zhao Ling also came here to look for Yang Si, and then stayed here for Yang Si. Unlike Yan Xiaozhou, Lady Zhao is not a doctor. She is a chivalrous and righteous woman, with a bit of the airs of a knight-errant.
The soldiers who were doing the same coolie thing envied Yang Si's good fortune. Two girls came to him one after another, and the two girls seemed to have a very good relationship and often played together.
With Ehuang and Nuying following each other together and without any complaints between them, Yang Si was so lucky!
But Yang Si, who was envied by the soldiers, was taciturn and didn't mingle with others except for working all day. Yesterday, when he heard someone making fun of him, Yan Xiaozhou, and Zhao Lingfei, he got angry for the first time in nearly two years and beat the person up.
Yang Si's martial arts ability of defeating a hundred people alone spread throughout the military camp.
In the afternoon, Yan Xiaozhou followed her master to the military camp to see the soldiers who had been injured before. After she bandaged all the wounded, she did not see Yang Si. Yan Xiaozhou stood outside the tent in a daze for a while, and then a soldier passed by and pointed out to her: "Yang San went to take over the shift and will be back soon."
Yan Xiaozhou blushed immediately.
She explained softly, "Because I saw that Sanlang had an injury on his arm yesterday, but unfortunately there was no medicine at that time, so I came here to get some medicine today."
After being beaten by Yang Si, the sergeant dared not make up stories about the two of them. He said seriously: "Mrs. Xiaozhou is kind-hearted."
Yan Xiaozhou's face became even hotter. He lowered his head and thanked him hastily, feeling that the more he explained, the more wrong he was.
She bit her lip in annoyance, wishing she could be as expressionless as Saburo.
Thinking of Yang Si, Yan Xiaozhou felt a little disappointed... His current silence and expressionless face were caused by how much suffering he had endured. How could she say that she envied the traces of pain left by others?
After a while of self-reflection, Yan Xiaozhou felt embarrassed but still wanted to see Yang Si. She thought that she cared about him like a friend, so why should she avoid it? Sister Lingfei also encouraged her - Sister Lingfei said that Sanlang needed them.
Half an hour later, Yan Xiaozhou climbed up a hill. As she held her knees and gasped for breath, she looked up and saw the tall and majestic figure of the young man.
He sat cross-legged under a tall tree, his eyes looking into the distance, his face was particularly stern. Not a single movement escaped his eyes, his gaze swept over like lightning, and when he saw Yan Xiaozhou, he stared at her for a moment, his sharp look melting away.
He looked away indifferently.
Yan Xiaozhou stood behind him, with the tall trees above their heads covering the two of them. She smiled and said, "It turns out it's so cool here, that's why Third Brother is reluctant to go back after his shift."
Yang Si said nothing.
He was like a statue of stone.
Yan Xiaozhou knelt beside him and gently held his arm with her hand. Yang Si froze for a moment and turned his head to look at her.
She lowered her head, her face flushed, feeling shy, but she mustered up the courage to say, "Didn't you hurt your arm in a fight yesterday? Let me help you take a look."
She felt him staring at her.
Yan Xiaozhou waited for his reply silently but firmly.
After a long while, she finally heard Yang Si's complicated voice: "You... why are you so stubborn? Your brother doesn't seem to be like you."
There was a smile in Yan Xiaozhou's eyes.
She looked up and met his eyes, and she cleverly caught his softening attitude. Yan Xiaozhou smiled and said, "My brother is also stubborn. You just don't know it."
She turned her face away and bit her lower lip: "...take off your clothes."
Yang Si clicked his tongue and laughed.
His eyelids were so hot that Yan Xiaozhou was slightly annoyed: "What are you doing!"
Yang Si smiled, "I'm not talking to you to ask you to help me apply medicine. I want to ask you to help me pass a message to your second brother. I don't have any friends in the court now. I only know Yan Er, a powerful and capable person. Although your second brother has left Chang'an, I think it would be easy for him to pass a message to Chang'an."
Yan Xiaozhou looked up and noticed that there was a hint of seriousness in his lazy smile.
Yang Si leaned over, but Yan Xiaozhou didn't move.
While he admired her tenacity and courage, he whispered to her, "I've been on duty for a few months and found that the situation in Wuman has changed. In other words, the civil unrest in the entire Nanman is different from the past... It's like it was carefully rehearsed to paralyze us.
"I thought I was wrong, but after observing a few more times, I am now certain that Nanman must have something we don't know about."
Yan Xiaozhou looked into his eyes.
The two people's breath intertwined.
The soldiers who were monitoring them from below occasionally cast a glance and spit at them, thinking that these bastards were capable of doing such an ambiguous thing and were afraid of what others would say, yet they still dared to beat others.
The wind was strong on the hill, and Yang Si held Yan Xiaozhou's hand. This was done to guard against possible spies in the army.
The handsome and cold young man came close to the girl, as if confessing his love to her, but in fact he was telling her his observations of the past few days so that she could write them down and write a letter to her second brother to warn Chang'an.
Yan Xiaozhou stared at him: "No wonder you've been helping people take turns recently, it turns out it's because of this."
Yang Si curled his lips.
Yan Xiaozhou: "Why don't you tell the general here?"
Yang Si laughed at himself: "I said it, but no one believed me. They thought I was guilty of treason and hated Wei. I wish Wei would be in chaos and no one would listen to me."
Yan Xiaozhou: "Don't you want the Wei Dynasty to be in chaos?"
Yang Si looked into her eyes.
He lowered his eyes and said, "This is where Brother Lang is buried. This is where you live, and where my parents live. Why would I want to cause chaos in Wei? Xiaozhou...you must pass the message to Yan Er. He has the ability to stop this."
Yan Xiaozhou nodded.
She realized the importance of this matter, and after thinking about it for a while, she stopped talking to Yang Si. She stood up, carried her medicine box, and went down the mountain, wanting to write a letter quickly so that her second brother could receive the letter as soon as possible.
Yang Si still sat cross-legged, looking at her slender waist and the strand of thin black hair hanging on her cheek. She was delicate and soft, and was obviously born of bone and blood, but she was different.
He was attracted by her bright and beautiful appearance like spring sunshine, and his heart was warmed by her company.
Yang Si suddenly looked at her back and called out, "Sister Xiaozhou!"
Yan Xiaozhou turned around, the wind blowing her hair and clothes.
Yang Si laughed and said, "It's okay. Go ahead."
Yan Xiaozhou was stunned for a moment. His eyes were cold, but when he looked at her, a warm and clear color burst out from the depths of his eyes. In a moment, she caught his unspoken thoughts.
Yan Xiaozhou said angrily: "What are you laughing at!"
But he still looked at her and smiled, and she couldn't help but smile too.
The mountain breeze was howling, and all the words were relieved in the two people's silly smiles.
She waved to him, lifted her skirt and ran down the mountain. Yang Si watched her go, thinking of the bell she gave him two years ago.
He thought he would find the bell and hang it around his waist.
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