To be honest, Xie Yuan was afraid.
Of course she's afraid.
She is human, not a god; how could she not be afraid of death?
Moreover, Xie Yuan is someone who has died once.
She time-traveled because she stayed up all night collecting historical data and died suddenly while typing on her keyboard.
That feeling of death was truly terrifying.
Having transmigrated to a fictional dynasty and started a new life, Xie Yuan felt the preciousness of life even more.
Unless it is due to force majeure, Xie Yuan would never be willing or able to end his life so easily.
Not to mention, she has children, four adorable little babies.
Even for the sake of the child, she wouldn't go crazy with Helian Jue!
Yes, she did love Helian Jue and was willing to spend her life with him until they grew old together.
But what she wanted was a normal husband and a normal family.
Instead of a crazy husband.
The crazy and bizarre elements are very engaging when reading novels. As a reader, Xie Yuan felt very moved and satisfied.
But if he were to encounter a paranoid person, Xie Yuan would only say: Sorry, excuse me!
"How strange, I never thought Helian Jue was this crazy before."
Xie Yuan clenched his hands, trying his best to control his emotions.
She wasn't sure if Helian Jue still had spies around her, and she couldn't let anyone notice her unusual behavior.
She could only internally rant and rave:
"Could it be that becoming emperor and experiencing that absolute, all-powerful control made him start to act abnormally?"
"No! Impossible! A person's nature shouldn't change that much!"
"Or perhaps, Helian Jue has always been insane—"
Xie Yuan secretly pondered, and suddenly the scene of their "wedding" a few years ago flashed through his mind.
At that time, he was a deposed crown prince abandoned by everyone.
She was a pitiful girl who was pushed out to be married off as a substitute as soon as she arrived in the world.
She was dressed in her wedding gown, while he exuded a fierce aura.
By the way, Helian Jue gave her a chance to choose again, asking her if she was willing to marry him and go to Lingnan with him.
When Xie Yuangang arrived, he knew that the Xie family was a quagmire.
She didn't want to get into any power struggles with Xie Ze and his wife, nor did she want to get entangled with a bunch of scoundrels.
People fear Lingnan like a tiger, but she, as someone who traveled from the future, knows that Lingnan is vast and rich in resources.
Therefore, when faced with Helian Jue's question, she firmly stated: I am willing to marry Your Highness, and I am willing to accompany you to Lingnan!
At that time, Xie Yuan only thought that Lingnan was a new world and did not pay much attention to Helian Jue's reaction.
At this moment, Xie Yuan rediscovered that memory and suddenly realized that after hearing his answer, the gloom in Helian Jue's eyes had clearly subsided somewhat.
His tightly clenched hands loosened slightly.
"If I had answered no back then, and wanted to call off the engagement, then... how would Helian Jue have reacted?"
"He...he won't kill me, will he?"
Xie Yuan is not a transmigrated woman who boasts of having the halo of a female protagonist and has an inflated sense of self-importance.
Having lived in ancient times for four or five years, she gained a profound understanding of class and imperial power.
Helian Jue was not only her husband, but also a member of the imperial family.
Even if he was a deposed crown prince back then, killing someone would have been as easy as lifting a finger.
Otherwise, Xie Ze wouldn't have so easily backed down and allowed her to take away her entire dowry and half of the Xie family's assets!
Xie Ze wasn't afraid of losing face, nor was he afraid of Xie Yuan, the transmigrated woman. What he was always afraid of was Helian Jue, the deposed crown prince!
Even Xie Ze, the new head of the Xie family and an official appointed by the imperial court, was so wary of Helian Jue.
Not to mention Xie Yuan, an orphan.
If Xie Yuan hadn't learned today that Helian Jue was a madman, he wouldn't have been having such wild thoughts.
But—
"So, back then I was on the verge of death, almost killed by that madman Helian Jue?"
"...Don't be afraid. Back then, I was just a stranger to Helian Jue, and a substitute bride suspected of conspiring with the Xie family to humiliate him! But things are different now—"
"What's the difference? Yes! Helian Jue does love you! But he's a madman. His love is to take you to your death!"
"Well, if you look at it from another angle, pledging to die for each other is actually quite romantic!"
"Fine, then you'll die with him? Xie Yuan, you know very well that this isn't love, it's possessiveness at work. He doesn't treat you as an equal lover, he just treats you as his possession!"
"Don't put it so harshly. Helian Jue is probably just paranoid. To him, living and dying together is proof of love!"
Two little figures appeared in Xie Yuan's mind.
They were like the affirmative and negative sides in a debate, arguing fiercely back and forth.
"Paranoiacs aren't scary? You never know when they'll go crazy!"
“He’s been great for the past few years, good to me, good to Ah Zhen, and good to the four children too—”
"No! Xie Yuan, stop deceiving yourself! True, equal love is mutual; it's about genuinely wanting the other person to be happy. Even if you die, you want the other person to live a good life!"
"..."
In the end, Xie Yuan came to a conclusion: regardless of whether Helian Jue loved her or not, she could not accept such an extreme and insane relationship.
She didn't want to die!
She couldn't bear to part with herself, her children, or her dreams and career.
"Perhaps I really didn't love enough."
Xie Yuan clenched his fist, his nails digging into his palm.
The lingering pain jolted her awake from her reverie.
Helian Jue was the emperor, and in an era where imperial power was supreme, he was a "god".
Although Xie Yuan was the empress, she still had to submit to Helian Jue.
In recent years, in order to show his sincerity, Xie Yuan has been almost completely open with Helian Jue.
Helian Jue knew all about her trump cards and her trusted followers.
It's unrealistic to think that Helian Jue can be brought down!
Xie Yuan also felt a little reluctant—
They were a loving couple, supporting each other through thick and thin, sharing joys and sorrows. They finally became the supreme rulers, but why did they have to turn against each other?
Furthermore, Xie Yuan still harbored a sliver of hope for Helian Jue: the double coffin might just be an idea of his, and at the last moment, Helian Jue might not really be so heartless as to let her die!
"Let's take another gamble. If we win, the couple continues to be loving; if we lose—"
The thought of failure caused a shadow to flash across Xie Yuan's eyes.
Sigh, if she could, she really wouldn't want to be on the opposite side of Helian Jue.
But she really didn't want to die, nor did she want to leave her four children destitute.
Fortunately, Xie Yuan was the most clear-headed; she was indeed very sincere towards Helian Jue, holding almost nothing back.
"almost"!
It does not mean completely.
She still kept a trump card for herself.
If it really comes to the point of a complete break, she won't passively wait for death.
She will take her four children and leave the Central Plains.
The world is so big, she can definitely explore newer and broader horizons with the children!
"Helian Jue, you absolutely mustn't let me lose."
The carriage entered the palace city. As Xie Yuan entered the palace gate, he looked northwest and thought to himself.
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