episode 72
Cheng Qianyu wasn't beautiful from a young age.
Her younger sister, who is a year younger than her, received the world's love before she did.
When Cheng Qianyu was three months old, her parents went to work in another city to make a living, leaving her alone to live with her grandparents.
She also thought that her parents had no choice but to leave her with her grandparents, but her parents got pregnant and gave birth to their second daughter, Cheng Qian'ai, less than a year after they went to another city.
Cheng Qian'ai was not left with her grandparents.
The parents later said that getting pregnant with Cheng Qian'ai was just an accident.
Cheng Qianyu convinced herself.
But when she was little, Cheng Qianyu couldn't understand why her younger sister could stay with her parents while she had to live a difficult life with her elderly grandparents, since they were both born to the same parents.
It must have been really tough, because the other kids always made fun of her for not having a mom and dad.
As Cheng Qianyu grew older, she seemed to understand why her younger sister was more likable than her.
Because her younger sister is prettier, cuter, more lively, and more confident than her.
She had dark skin since childhood, was as thin as a matchstick, was introverted, didn't like to talk, and always had messy braids that looked like a bird's nest.
Every time before going to school, as she frantically grabbed three hair ties for five cents to tie her hair, she would wonder, "Does my sister braid her hair like this too?"
No, my younger sister definitely does a better job than her, because every time I see my younger sister during Chinese New Year, her hair is always neat and tidy, and it smells wonderful.
My sister's hair was washed by my mother with shampoo.
Unlike her, who could only use sulfur soap that her grandfather bought from the market or leftover laundry detergent from her grandmother to wash her hair, her deskmate often covered her nose and said that she had a strange smell. He drew a line between them on the table and wouldn't allow her to cross it even a little bit.
"Hey Cheng! I'm warning you, if you dare cross the line even a little bit, I'll beat you to a pulp! You stinking black fish!"
She thought it was because her name was unpopular, but one day when her mother brought her younger sister to pick her up from school, her classmates all scrambled to shake hands with her sister and share their pretty erasers.
Why? Her name and her sister's name differ by only one character; what's missing? Is it the character for "love"?
Cheng Qianyu didn't understand.
At that time, even she didn't like herself.
She thought that her younger sister was indeed very likable, but she never thought that she was only seven years old at the time, and no one taught her how to braid her hair, nor did anyone coax her to braid her hair.
My younger sister is also taller than her, and her hairstyle is different every time she comes back: braids, pigtails, ponytails, pretty dresses and boots, making her look as pretty as a little doll on a birthday cake.
The little girl's head was adorned with all sorts of hair clips—little hats, hearts, bunnies, and even a small crown studded with diamonds—dazzling Cheng Qianyu.
Little Cheng Qianyu was a little envious because she only had a bear hair clip with one eye missing, which she picked up from the roadside and someone else didn't want.
My younger sister has many talents. Every time she comes home, she performs confidently and gracefully in front of her relatives like a little swan, making the adults laugh. After they finish laughing, the adults will come to tease her with candy and yogurt, and they will hug her tightly and pinch her little face.
"Ai'ai, tell your auntie, who is your favorite person?"
"Ai Ai is so cute! How about coming with your aunt tonight?"
"Ai'ai looks just like the Fuwa mascots in the painting..."
Love, love, love, love, love, love.
Whenever that happened, Cheng Qianyu would hide behind the door, feeling both envious and guilty.
She felt ashamed and thought she was too stupid, that she couldn't do anything, and that she was an ugly duckling compared to her sister.
Later, Cheng Qianyu learned from her relatives that her parents had enrolled her younger sister in many extracurricular classes.
Piano lessons, dance lessons, calligraphy lessons... all sorts of classes she'd heard of and hadn't heard of, but her summer vacation was spent doing math problems in a cramped, old, dark room without air conditioning.
Her dark, slender arms rested on the wooden table covered with old stickers. As she wiped her sweat, she thought, "My little sister is so lovable. Even her name sounds better than mine."
They are so loving and adored, a perfect match.
She also wants to learn piano.
Later, when her parents had earned enough money, they finally remembered that they had a daughter living with relatives and managed to bring her back to their new home in the city.
She was 11 years old when her younger brother was born.
The mother spoke in words that sounded like a curse: "You're the eldest, so you have to take good care of your younger brother, understand?"
The house has three bedrooms and a living room, but not a single room belongs to Cheng Qianyu.
One room is for Mom and Dad, one room is for the little sister, and one room is for the little brother—even though the little brother is still young and needs to lie in his crib.
She slept in the corner of the living room, where a worn-out military folding bed served as her shelter.
She can't do her homework during the holidays because she has to look after her younger brother.
My younger brother is very small and cries a lot.
Whenever her younger brother's tears and snot flowed from his nose, her mother would scold her: "What good are you! You can't even take care of a child!"
The father sighed and said, "Those who don't grow up by your side are no good. Her grandparents raised her to be an ungrateful wretch. I think she did it on purpose."
The younger sister, with her hair in a bun, stood to the side in a pink dance costume, arms crossed, chin raised, glancing at her with a look of disdain.
She knew that her younger sister would sometimes secretly complain to her friends who came to visit, "I really don't know how I could have such an embarrassing older sister."
Is she your biological sister?
“I don’t think so. She moved into our house later.”
As she got older, along with the bright red menstrual blood came her tears.
She became prone to crying, often hiding under the covers and secretly shedding tears, one after another, like endless pearls, seeping into the tattered bedding.
She cries especially in winter, always feeling that the cold weather is even harder for her to endure alone.
She began to study desperately, even resorting to extreme measures like hanging her head from the rafters and pricking her thigh with an awl, just to prove that she was also excellent and deserved love.
At the same time I achieved first place in my grade, God's love began to manifest.
She has become more beautiful.
With deep-set features, snow-white skin, and a beautiful, well-proportioned figure, she stood out from the crowd like a willow tree in full bloom.
Boys started giving her love letters, and relatives were surprised to see how much she had changed. No one called her "stinky black fish" anymore, and the boys would even blush when they saw her.
My younger sister, however, has become increasingly ordinary. Her cheeks have widened, she's gotten fatter, she no longer looks like a doll, and she's just another face in the crowd.
Later, by chance, she got to act, became an actress, a star, and gained many fans.
There were so many that she couldn't count them all while standing on the stage.
It wasn't until then that she realized that being loved doesn't require any conditions.
She doesn't need to take care of her younger brother, doesn't need to study hard, doesn't need to be sensible, doesn't need to learn her sister's clumsy way of acting cute, doesn't need to braid her own hair, and doesn't need to live in the corner of the living room.
You can also receive love.
Her fans will love her no matter what she does.
But her parents still didn't love her.
She also asked her mother why she didn't like her, and her mother, whose hair had turned white, answered her in a calm tone that reflected the passage of time: "After all, Ai'ai is the one I raised from childhood. Even if she's not outstanding, she's still closer to me."
After saying that, she changed the subject and said, "I've provided you with food and clothing, so how have I wronged you? You still remember the few things I said to you when you were a child?"
oh.
That's right.
You don't need a reason to love someone, and you don't need a reason to not love someone.
After a good cry, Cheng Qianyu finally severed ties with her family.
But she still felt it wasn't enough.
She needs love.
So much love.
It's not just the love of fans, but the love of many more people.
There was a man who said he loved her at first, but later fell in love with someone else. What a damn liar!
God has no idea how much she needs love!
She thought to herself, as if trapped in a maze, "It really is a problem with my name!" Her younger sister's name was Cheng Qian'ai, so she would never receive as much love as her sister!
Even though she is an adult, even though she has long been in the public eye, even though she already owns countless properties, she is still like an empty doll in private, with a gap in her heart that seems to never be filled.
She needs love!
All she wanted was love to fill the void in her heart! Was that wrong?
The amulet can bring her love! Why can't she use it?
"As for those pregnant women, ha!" Cheng Qianyu laughed brightly yet chillingly. "I only look for women with happy families. What, they already have so much love, can't they share some with me to make amulets?"
She stared intently at He Xun, a few tears welling up in her eyes. "I just want more people's love, is that wrong?"
A night breeze swept by, but instead of feeling damp, it was icy cold, like ice shards hitting my face.
He Xun remained silent.
The Dhammapada has long warned people that those who follow desires are like rabbits caught in a net, bound and suffering endlessly.
Only by severing attachment and craving can one reach the state of liberation from suffering.
The attachment to and clinging to love and desire is the root of all suffering.
The same goes for the love of family.
"Like carrying a torch against the wind, one is bound to burn one's hand."
He Xun's cold voice rang out, "Forcing passionate love will only hurt you in the end, Miss Cheng. Don't trap yourself in the same place."
"Haha!" Cheng Qianyu wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, curled her lips into a mocking smile, and said, "You're not going to say you'll lay down your butcher's knife and become a Buddha right now, are you?"
He Xun remained calm: "If it can make you turn back from the wrong path, I can say it a thousand times."
"You're insane!" Cheng Qianyu glared at him coldly, almost screaming, "I don't need your hypocritical words! I just want love!"
He Xun sneered and said angrily, "But the love you're talking about now is built on the lives of innocent people!"
"And do you really think that everything you have now is thanks to shady amulets?"
He Xun looked at her with some pity.
"Isn't that right?" Cheng Qianyu's expression was almost manic. She gestured with her hands raised, "Ever since I used the talisman, I've become even more popular! My ex-boyfriends have all come back to me! Even my sister is begging me to get on good terms with her! Aren't these all gifts from the talisman?!"
"Why can't you just be a good person? Why can't they come back to you because they're after your fame and fortune?"
"No, no, I'm not good enough. I've never been liked since I was little..."
Cheng Qianyu murmured to herself, as if trapped in a strange cycle: "No...they don't like me...they all like my sister!"
As she spoke, her expression suddenly changed again. The vulnerability and confusion she had shown earlier vanished, replaced by an increasingly obsessive and fierce look.
"Since you're going to refuse a polite toast only to drink a forfeit, then I won't waste any more words with you!"
Her scarlet lips parted even wider as she waved to the bodyguards around her, "Fire!!"
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