The hidden pain that had always been in his heart suddenly became more pronounced. A look of sadness appeared on Shi Chan's face. He couldn't help but close his eyes, put his hands together, and chanted a Buddhist mantra.
However, it was completely useless; it did nothing to calm him down.
His brow furrowed slightly, and his subconscious thought was to open his eyes and see the scene on the ground. However, he was also afraid that if he opened his eyes, the pain in his heart would become more obvious, making his chest feel even more suffocated and unable to breathe.
The woman in the wedding dress was the woman he loved most. Today was her wedding day, but the man she was to marry was not him.
That smiling man could have been his, but he hardened his heart and ruthlessly rejected her time and time again.
Shi Chan took a deep breath, and a tall mountain shrouded in incense appeared in the darkness before him.
Morning bells and evening drums, the sound of wooden fish drums, and the incense smoke of sandalwood turning into a thin mist that enveloped all the Zen houses.
In the simple wooden hut on the mountaintop, Zen Master Daming sat upright on the wooden bed, carefully explaining all the questions of his close disciples, including Shi Ning. Meanwhile, a little monk, only three or four years old, sat cross-legged on the very edge, listening attentively to Zen Master Daming's words.
In a simple and quiet meditation room, the still-young monk Shi Ning held a scroll of scripture in his hands and patiently taught the young monk with rosy lips and white teeth how to write and the meaning of the scripture.
Then Shi Chan thought of the gentle smile of Zen Master Daming and his earnest instructions before his ascension, and of how Shi Ning had watched him grow up little by little, treating him like a father and a brother.
Even though he had committed a heinous crime, when he was taken back to Bodhi Temple, Shi Ning still spared his life to protect him. He still remembered Shi Ning's disappointed expression and his words:
“Shi Chan, now that things have come to this, the only thing your senior brother can do for you is to do everything in his power to save your life, but... you have really disappointed your senior brother too much.”
Thinking of this, Shi Chan felt another pang of pain in his heart.
On one side is the woman he loves, and on the other side are the expectations of his most respected master and senior brother. What should he choose?
The pain in his heart grew deeper and deeper, causing Shi Chan's breathing to become more and more rapid. He closed his eyes tightly, frowned, and murmured in anguish, "Master, what... should I do?"
Suddenly, the words of the Great Master Ming before his ascension echoed in Shi Chan's ears: "What I want to tell you is that when you are confused, in pain, hesitant, or your mind is out of control, calm down and listen quietly to the voice in your heart."
"..."
Shi Chan let out a soft sigh, forcing himself to calm down, and began to carefully search in the deepest part of his heart, trying to find his truest thoughts and the answer.
A jumble of voices rang in his mind, including the sounds of the evening drum and morning bell of Bodhi Temple, the sound of the wooden fish, the gentle laughter of Zen Master Daming and Shi Ning, and then there was that soft, sweet voice calling out, "Little monk!"
Shi Chan shook his head vigorously, hoping that the voice in his mind would become clearer and tell him whether he cared most about Buddha, his master and senior brother, or her.
Finally, all the chaotic sounds faded away, leaving only a clear female voice speaking in my ear:
"The little monk blushed, haha, how funny!"
"..."
Then, in the darkness before Shi Chan's eyes, a small face appeared close at hand. Her eyes, curved into crescents, were bright and cheerful, her expression mischievous, and her smile playful and adorable.
Shi Chan quickly remembered that this was the image of her when he was taken away by Zen Master Daming and returned to the dense forest twenty years later.
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