God's Gun
"I'm sorry for these past few days. Especially at night." Chen Chao looked at the moon in the sky and took a big gulp of wine.
"Boss, I'm fine," Lin Yu replied nonchalantly.
Chen Chao turned his head, glanced apologetically at the wound on Lin Yu's neck, and took another sip of wine: "You should have stopped me back then."
Lin Yu smiled and took a sip of his drink: "Boss, I know what you need, and I know my limits. Don't worry, if I really reach my limit, I will fight back. But before that, I hope you can enjoy yourself."
Chen Chao stared at Lin Yu for a while, took a deep breath, and said, "I've been having dreams these past few days about those dead agents."
Chen Chao's words made Lin Yu frown slightly.
“You once told me that I am your god, and that gods must bear the bloodshed and sins to continue. I accepted it.” Chen Chao’s voice was low, with an imperceptible sense of loneliness in his tone. “You said that although I was the one who signed the papers to send you to your deaths, you never hated me.”
"Boss, I'm telling the truth. You can ask Chen Jiu if you don't believe me." Sensing that Chen Chao's mood was off, Lin Yu quickly explained.
"I believe you." As he spoke, Chen Chao took another swig of wine, finishing his own bottle, and then took Lin Yu's bottle to drink from. "It's just that before, although I knew you suffered, and knew that the blood on my hands couldn't be washed away, I only realized after experiencing it myself that I actually didn't understand anything."
Do you think what I suffered in Song Zifeng's warehouse was even a tenth of what you suffered in Karim?
I thought I understood you, but it turns out that what I thought was understanding was just a dance in the air, arrogance.
"Boss, that's different!" Lin Yu immediately interrupted Chen Chao's self-pity. He keenly sensed that Chen Chao's psychological trauma was not due to the humiliation brought by Song Zifeng, but rather the sense of indebtedness Chen Chao felt towards the agents after personally falling into hell.
Chen Chao was too kind. After truly realizing how dark hell was, he began to blame himself uncontrollably.
Normally, Chen Chao could suppress these irrational emotions with reason. But now, after the deep trauma, he has not yet been able to repair his psychological defenses.
Vulnerable seized the opportunity and rushed in.
"Boss, you're trained to always consider the big picture, to always remain rational and perfect, and to make decisive judgments under pressure. We, on the other hand, are trained to be perfect, unbetrayable guns. No one suffers more than the other, and in my opinion, you actually suffer more."
We are guns; we don't need to think, nor do we feel guilty for the blood on our hands. You're the one who's taking the blame for us.
When Chenxi was kidnapped, I was with you in the office. I was very uneasy, anxious, and scared at the time, and I found it difficult to concentrate on anything other than the kidnapping itself. I know you were definitely more anxious than I was, but you were still able to calmly handle your daily affairs, think about the best negotiation strategy, and weigh the value of both sides' bargaining chips.
"Boss, I dare say your heart ached even more back then than mine did with Karim."
Upon hearing this, Chen Chao's eyes flickered, but he did not respond.
“Boss, our training includes getting used to pain, systematically learning how to resist pain, and learning how not to break down when the body is at its limit. The same injury is different on you and on us, so you don’t need to feel too sorry for us.”
Chen Chao finished the last sip of his drink and looked intently at Lin Yu. He knew Lin Yu was right, but he needed time to convince himself.
"Boss, you said you dreamed about those dead agents. What were they like in your dream?"
Upon hearing this, Chen Chao closed his eyes in pain and spoke with difficulty: "They were covered in wounds and blood. In my dream, I tried to walk towards them, but they resolutely pushed me away. I tried to grab their hands, but I couldn't reach them no matter what I did. I heard screams and then I woke up with a start."
“Boss, if I’m covered in blood during a mission and you try to come over and hug me, I’ll push you away,” Lin Yu said.
Chen Chao looked at Lin Yu with shock in his eyes. He never expected Lin Yu to say such a thing to him.
His aura instantly turned icy, and his tone was chilling: "Why?"
Chen Chao's anger made Lin Yu's muscles tense instinctively. He solemnly rose and knelt at Chen Chao's feet:
"Boss, you shouldn't touch our blood. You can help us bear our sins, but you should never stain your own hands with real blood. This is our business."
We are guns. We'll kill the people you want to kill. We'll clean up the filth you want to deal with. But if you yourself come into contact with real blood, our existence becomes meaningless.
"Boss, I can seek your comfort at the hospital or at home after the mission, but you absolutely cannot come and hold me when I collapse at the mission site. You shouldn't have been there."
The shock in Chen Chao's eyes faded, replaced by a different kind of sorrow. He seemed to understand what Lin Yu was saying, but after understanding, he felt an even bitter taste in his mouth.
"Boss, you've always said you want to give me an equal relationship. As your lover, I accept that; I'll be there for you when you need me. But as Z0002, you'll always be the one giving orders."
Real blood, screams, and the stench of rotting human tissue are my responsibility. I shouldn't have exposed you to these things; I shouldn't have let them cloud your judgment. This is the meaning of my existence.
In fact, from this perspective, both Chen Jiu and I failed in our duties. You should have seen Chen Jiu's drug addiction and Karim's abuse in the reports, not experienced them firsthand.
Boss, your orders are never based on how much we're suffering. So you shouldn't know these things; they'll only add to your mental burden and affect your decisions.
Boss, the agents in your dream weren't rejecting you, nor were they complaining about their fate. They were just fulfilling their duties.
You are a god who needs our protection; you should not defile yourself. Please accept this.
Chen Chao looked at Lin Yu kneeling on the ground and felt as if his heart had been struck a deep blow.
Lin Yu was always like this; when he doubted himself or blamed himself, he used his irrefutable righteousness to force him to continue carrying his sins.
Lin Yu told him, "Look, you're suffering too, so you don't need to feel sorry for us."
Lin Yu said, "Our duty is to prevent those filthy things from tainting you. So please stop thinking about it and accept it."
He spoke as if all his guilt was just affectation.
But it seems that those feelings of guilt are indeed just being dramatic.
Lin Yu used harsh gentleness to force his rationality back, and the defenses that Song Zifeng had destroyed in his heart were actually rebuilt without him realizing it.
Looking at the bright moon overhead, his thoughts began to clear, and his guilt gradually faded away.
He reached out and patted Lin Yu's head: "Those in positions of power should fulfill their responsibilities. My excessive guilt is disrespectful to you, isn't it?"
Lin Yu nodded at Chen Chao.
"Get up." Chen Chao stood up from the chair, preparing to turn around and go back to his room. "Lin Yu, I think I'll be back soon. Thank you."
“Boss, there’s no need for thanks between us,” Lin Yu replied, standing up and standing next to Chen Chao.
Chen Chao did start to improve. He stopped being picky about every detail, stopped getting angry all the time, and stopped struggling when changing his dressings.
Although he still didn't talk much and would still suddenly attack Lin Yu, Lin Yu could clearly feel that familiar grandeur and elegance gradually returning to Chen Chao.
On the day Chen Chao's back wound completely healed, Lin Yu helped Chen Chao remove all the gauze. He saw that the new skin on Chen Chao's back resembled pink rivers, crisscrossing and forming a vast map. He couldn't help but reach out and gently stroke along those winding lines, feeling an indescribable sadness in his heart.
"What's wrong?" Chen Chao lay on the bed, feeling the touch on his back and asked in confusion.
Lin Yu's hands had rough calluses from the gun, and even though he moved gently, Chen Chao could still feel the rough friction.
"It's nothing." Lin Yu stopped and took Chen Chao's clothes to help him put them on. "I'm just a little worried. Boss, you didn't have any scars on your body before."
Chen Chao got out of bed and helped Lin Yu get dressed: "I'm not a porcelain doll, so what if I have a scar? Anyway, no one can see it from behind. If you really care, you can have it removed with laser treatment."
Chen Chao's words made Lin Yu laugh: "With such a large area, the plastic surgeon must be having a headache."
"Anyway, I'm not going to get it done, so whatever." Chen Chao finished dressing and reached out to touch Lin Yu's cheek. "Don't think about the injury on my back anymore. If it weren't for you, I would have been hurt much worse. If you really mind, I'll get it removed."
"No need, laser scar removal isn't completely painless, it's unnecessary." Lin Yu said with a smile, his eyes filled with barely suppressed joy, "Boss, I feel like you're back."
Chen Chao smiled and nodded at him: "Yes, I'm back."
Lin Yu happily hugged Chen Chao gently: "Boss, welcome back!"
On the day Chen Chao returned to the office, Lin Yu went to the hospital for a final check-up. His external injuries from the Karim incident weren't serious, but the high voltage and electric shock had severely disrupted his body's internal balance, and he had lost a significant amount of muscle mass.
This kind of internal bodily dysfunction is more difficult to treat than external injury. During this period, Lin Yu has been working hard to adjust according to the doctor's advice, gradually carrying out rehabilitation training and rehabilitation, and now he is almost recovered.
Lin Yu's test results appeared on Chen Chao's computer that afternoon. As Lin Yu's direct superior, Chen Chao would receive all the data about him earlier than Lin Yu himself.
The doctor's results were optimistic; Lin Yu's various indicators had fully recovered to the standard that allowed him to return to work, and his medical recuperation period could end.
Chen Chao then looked at Lin Yu's recovery training data at the facility and found that the data was as dazzling as ever.
He really shouldn't have kept Lin Yu locked up anymore.
When Chen Chao returned home that evening, he was surprised to see Chen Jiu in the living room. He was a little puzzled; it wasn't a holiday, and Chen Jiu hadn't been summoned back, so why would she suddenly want to come here?
Chen Jiu said she wanted to wait until he finished eating so they could chat, and that she could sit in the living room and wait instead of eating with him.
Chen Jiu's attitude has always been like this, so Chen Chao didn't insist and went to the restaurant to have dinner with Lin Yu.
At the dinner table, Chen Chao glanced at Lin Yu, already having a guess in his mind.
"Did you tell him about Chenxi?"
Caught red-handed, Lin Yu smiled sheepishly: "Boss, Chen Jiu and I don't talk about official business, but we have been communicating privately quite often since the Karim incident. I think Chen Xi's matter is strictly speaking a family matter, so I left him a message. He saw it after his mission ended and rushed back."
Chen Chao glanced at Lin Yu with mixed feelings, unsure whether he should blame Lin Yu for meddling.
How much does he know?
"Until you rescue Chenxi from the warehouse," Lin Yu replied.
Knowing that Lin Yu hadn't told Chen Jiu about his outburst at the villa, Chen Chao breathed a sigh of relief. But actually, Chen Jiu probably could have guessed it.
What were Chen Jiu's feelings when he came to see him today?
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