45 What am I?
◎ Continuous to death, violent and pure.◎
"Still feeling bad?"
Zhao Lingyu brushed away the sweat-soaked hair that was stuck to Liang Youwei's forehead and frowned, asking softly.
Liang Youwei closed her eyes tightly, her fingers still firmly holding hers, feeling extremely aggrieved: "Yeah. Lingyu, I feel so bad, so bad that I want to cry. What should I do?"
“Serves you right.”
The girl's eyes dimmed as she spoke harshly, "Is Qin Zhen so important? So important that you'd harm yourself for him? Liang Youwei, do you know the price you pay for a man? At the very least, your body will be damaged, at the worst, you'll lose both your wealth and your life!"
She knew that illiteracy would never lead to a good end! She should have urged this person to study harder. If only Liang Youwei had read more useful materials instead of constantly scrolling through her crappy phone, how could she be so clueless about things she should know?
Liang Youwei took three birth control pills as a stomach-strengthening and digestion-promoting pill?
Hearing this, Liang Youwei immediately sobbed and clenched her distinct white knuckles even tighter: "I didn't do that. I'm not that stupid. Zhao Lingyu, you're wronging me..."
It’s not that she didn’t try, it’s just that her efforts were fruitless.
Zhao Lingyu was furious when she saw her like this. She tried her best to resist the urge to poke her in the forehead and scolded her in a low voice: "Cry, cry, cry, is that all you know how to do? From childhood to adulthood, you cry whenever I talk to you. Believe it or not, if you cry again, I will -"
"What's wrong with you?" Liang Youwei finally opened her eyes, looked over mistily, and the corners of her mouth turned down so much that a grudge could be seen hanging on it.
"...I will never talk to you again."
Looking into her eyes for a long while, Zhao Lingyu finally mustered up the courage to utter these words.
Liang Youwei struggled to straighten up, hugged her in the other person's suddenly panicked eyes, and put her lips against her dry neck.
"You won't be able to." The weak voice was full of certainty, revealing fearless confidence. "Zhao Lingyu, you won't do this to me. You care about me, just like I care about you."
Zhao Lingyu clenched her fists as she heard the almost insanely confident declaration. Suddenly, she felt a surge of resentment towards Liang Youwei. However, love still took over her, making even a sarcastic retort difficult for her, so she could only remain silent.
Isn't it said that liking and loving are beautiful feelings? But every "love" Zhao Lingyu experienced was like karmic fire, burning her internal organs.
The love her mother expected of her, the frivolous love Liang Youwei gave her. The love she cared about was so painful.
"Lingyu, why don't you speak?"
The other person's soft voice rang in her ears, and Zhao Lingyu regained her composure, "...I was thinking of how to make you feel better. Isn't it because of your stomachache?"
Liang Youwei is as timid as a mouse and probably doesn't even dare to go to the hospital.
His eyes swept across her pale profile. Zhao Lingyu couldn't help but whispered comfortingly, "I'll call my personal doctor. She's very tight-lipped, so don't be afraid."
"Um……"
Her lower abdomen still felt heavy, Liang Youwei bit her lip and buried her face in the crook of her neck.
Zhao Lingyu is efficient, and so are her people. Soon, half an hour later.
"Will her health deteriorate because of the birth control pills?"
Zhao Lingyu didn't avoid Liang Youwei and spoke directly to her doctor friend in front of her, saying in a calm tone, "Apart from the well-known hormone abnormalities and nausea and vomiting."
After all, it involved a physical problem, so Liang Youwei forced herself to open her eyes a crack and listened quietly.
Thinking of his friend's emphatically cautioned message, the doctor's mouth twitched beneath his mask. "Of course. Levonorgestrel tablets are very harmful to the human body. Taking an excessive dose of birth control pills at once, as Ms. Liang has done, will only cause greater harm."
Feeling the force from her fingertips, Zhao Lingyu chuckled silently.
Are you scared, Liang Youwei? Will you dare to sleep with Qin Zhen again? This is all his fault. It's all his fault. Hate him. Hate him for being irresponsible. Hate him for being an invisible murderer. Hate him to death.
"What should we do then?" A thin and timid female voice sounded.
"It's best not to take birth control pills anymore, and pay attention to hygiene and safety during sex..."
The doctor was about to say a few words casually, but someone gave her a threatening look. She immediately changed the subject, "Of course, the best way is to refuse penetrative sex. After all, scientific research shows that, generally speaking, women get much more pleasure from toys than from the opposite sex."
“So, if you want to achieve a comfortable effect, it is recommended that you entertain yourself.”
Zhao Lingyu was extremely satisfied. She looked away and gently combed Liang Youwei's hair: "Did you hear that?"
Liang Youwei said weakly and a little aggrieved: "I heard it."
But she was just too lazy to do it herself. Why should she do it herself when she could ask someone else to?
After giving a few simple instructions, the doctor friend left quickly.
Zhao Lingyu lowered her eyes and tucked the corner of Liang Youwei's quilt: "Don't rub it. Isn't it uncomfortable? Go to sleep."
The person in question didn't listen and continued to lean towards the bed, as if he wasn't going to stop until he touched Zhao Lingyu. But his voice was weak: "Will you sleep with me? It's okay if you don't sleep, just lie next to me."
"Why?" Zhao Lingyu paused for a few seconds.
Liang Youwei didn't open her eyes: "Why?"
"Why do you want me to sleep with you?" Zhao Lingyu said.
"Because I need you. I just want to need you." Liang Youwei responded softly without thinking.
"……Um."
Zhao Lingyu pursed her lips, obediently lifted the quilt, and lay down beside her, very close to her, like a little swan with its feathers stroked.
Time passes by little by little.
Under the cloud-like soft blanket, Liang Youwei held her hand and mumbled incoherently. Zhao Lingyu wanted to hear clearly and leaned close to her ear.
She thought she was complaining something like "It hurts", but what entered her eardrums was "Thank you, Zhao Lingyu", so soft that it made her feel like she had fallen into a marshmallow dream.
Her heart pounding, Zhao Lingyu was at a loss. She moved her wrist slightly, involuntarily covering her lower abdomen with her free wrist.
She must be in pain here.
Feeling the warmth in her lower abdomen, Liang Youwei was slightly startled. She opened her eyes and met the other person's serious lowered brows. The strangeness in her heart continued to rise, and she seemed to mutter to herself: "You are the second person to hold my stomach."
Zhao Lingyu paused: "Who's the first one?"
I hope it’s not Sister Zhihui.
"It's my second sister."
The answer is always what you want.
The man was still talking.
"My first period was very painful, but my mom and dad were on vacation in Italy, and I was only with my older brother, sister, and aunt. I was very shy when I was little, and I was too embarrassed to tell them about it. I could only toss and turn in bed in pain."
"I remember it very clearly. It was already eleven o'clock, very late, but I was still in so much pain, the kind that made me want to cry. The room was dark, and my eyes were sore. That's when my second sister came. She asked me if I had my period and if I was still in so much pain that I hadn't even eaten my favorite dessert..."
Zhao Lingyu pursed her lips, pressing so hard that they turned pale. Her voice was soft: "But if I really cared about you, why would I come to see you at eleven o'clock?"
"Because she has a lot of homework to do. Sometimes she can't even take care of herself. How can I let her keep thinking about me?"
Liang Youwei didn't notice her "provoking" and just kept reminiscing about the past: "My second sister was really good to me. She wiped my tears, fed me medicine, and even prepared a uterine warming belt for me..."
Zhao Lingyu's nose was sore when she heard this.
She knew very well that this was due to jealousy, or perhaps it was also mixed with heartache and self-pity. She was jealous of Liang Zhihui being by her side at that time, and she also felt sorry for Liang Youwei's tears and cold sweat at that time, and she blamed herself for not being able to accompany her at that time.
"What about me?" Then, she heard her own almost silent questioning, full of grievance, "You remember all the kindness Liang Zhihui had, but why did you forget—I bought you your first sanitary napkin? I obviously bought you painkillers, too."
There is clearly a unique "first time" between us.
Back then, you didn't want to take the painkillers I bought for you, but now you are taking birth control pills for others.
Why?
Liang Youwei was stunned again.
Distant memories surfaced, and the face of ten-year-old Zhao Lingyu appeared before her. The tips of her ears were slightly red, but her hand pressed a pack of sanitary napkins into her hand without hesitation.
"Menstruation is normal. Tampons are a little difficult to use, and most people miss the correct position the first time. Use this first. Wash your hands before and after use. There are detailed instructions on it, so read it yourself. Don't call me, I'll be outside the door. When you come out, I'll leave."
That person was obviously three years younger than herself, but she acted so maturely, steadily and generously.
Through the crack in the door, Liang Youwei could glimpse her cyan sneakers. For some reason, she remembered something—Zhao Lingyu had never used anything pink since she was a child.
She asked why, but the man's answer was monotonous and full of certainty: "I don't like what girls like."
Zhao Lingyu doesn't seem to want to be a girl.
Alas, it's okay not to be a girl, as long as Zhao Lingyu is happy. Her journey to success has been so tiring and difficult.
Liang Youwei's mind was already a mess. She tried hard to get rid of irrelevant content from her mind and get the content back on track: "I'm sorry, Zhao Lingyu. I forgot about this..."
"No need to say sorry." Zhao Lingyu tried to lift her gaze upwards, refusing to shed a single tear. She said stubbornly, "You've forgotten more than just this one thing anyway. What's there to apologize for?"
I don’t remember the sanitary napkin, I don’t remember taking the painkillers, I don’t remember touching the tip of my nose, I don’t remember anything.
Do you not want to remember anything about me? Or do you simply never care about me? But you clearly said that you need me, you only need me.
Zhao Lingyu was even a little neurotic.
She always seems to find it difficult to get what she wants, whether it is the status and power she wants, or Liang Youwei's wholehearted love.
Why? On what basis?
Is she not strong enough? Is she not working hard enough? Or is she not...
"Just want to apologize...it was our first time."
Her thoughts were constantly tearing, tangling, and clamoring, tormenting every nerve in her body and causing Zhao Lingyu extreme pain. Liang Youwei, however, held her hand tightly, chasing away the pain in her brain. She pressed closer to her, as if making a promise: "I'm sorry. I really won't forget it again."
"What if I forget?"
Zhao Lingyu wanted to say "I believe you", but the pressing questioning followed and became her first response.
Liang Youwei blurted out: "Then I will die."
Her throat was blocked by an unknown emotion. Zhao Lingyu scolded her for "not talking nonsense", but she was very happy in her heart.
It was so good, the headache was gone. She was willing to die for her, she was so happy.
Zhao Lingyu hugged her, his chin unconsciously rubbing against the top of her head: "I won't let you die."
If you forget everything, I will treat the past as fake and nothing happened. You can still live a good life.
I won't let you leave, but you must be willing to die for me.
·
The girl, with her brows relaxed, soon fell asleep, but Zhao Lingyu still couldn't sleep.
Even in her sleep, she frowned in pain. A faint trace of cold sweat oozed from her forehead, and the usual greasiness of illness appeared on her face, even her strands of hair seemed to be clinging to each other in wisps.
But Zhao Lingyu still looked at her intently.
Liang Youwei usually loves cleanliness and is vain. If she knew what she looked like now, she would definitely feel very uncomfortable. If she had the slightest feeling of "disgust" and was discovered later, she would definitely be "banished to the cold palace" by that person, right?
I like your beauty, but I would also like you if you were not so beautiful. Besides, if you were not beautiful, would fewer people look at you?
Zhao Lingyu made wild assumptions, put forward assumptions, and then denied them.
Maybe not? After all, apart from her looks, Liang Youwei is still very good. She is so good at acting coquettishly, so caring, and so affirming.
Zhao Lingyu carefully traced her face with her eyes, and an unconscious smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.
She slowly stretched out her hand and gently touched the side of her face. Her movements were careful and cherishing, as if she was embracing a colorful bubble of nothingness, and her heart turned sour.
But, with so many people looking at you, what am I to you among them? Liang Youwei.
Zhao Lingyu asked herself questions and answered them herself.
A childhood sweetheart? A sworn enemy? Or perhaps, nothing at all?
Never mind. She doesn't care.
Finally, Zhao Lingyu rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. At least at this moment, the two of them were hugging each other, and that was enough.
We have experienced so many firsts with each other, so it is not surprising that I fell in love with you.
Forgive me. Liang Youwei.
Please forgive my past arrogance and cold words that concealed my true feelings, please forgive my unnecessary and improper feelings for you, and please forgive me for not being able to be with you every moment and not being able to give you my only love openly.
Before falling asleep, Zhao Lingyu held her hand. With tears as bright as diamonds in his eyes, he gently bit her finger bones, leaving no trace.
Nothing was left behind, yet it seemed as if she had left behind her whole world.
【Author’s words】
Lingyu and Jingyi have similarities, but they are very different in nature.
Jingyimei wishes the whole world would die, and her main motto is "If I'm not feeling well, no one else should live"; but Lingyumei is constantly wasting time and energy, and only when she's about to drive herself crazy will she "curse" her/him.
In terms of emotions, their feelings towards Youwei's "hate" are also different. Jingyi's love and hate are extreme, and when she gets emotional, she doesn't care about anyone and says all kinds of harsh words; Lingyu's sister waits for her to make a mistake, then hates her in a small, indifferent way, and then reflects on herself and asks for forgiveness.
Lingyu is super pure in love. Although she sometimes feels a little bit [yellow heart] in her heart, she dare not show it. She just looks at Wei eagerly, waiting for Wei to agree, waiting for Wei to take the initiative, waiting for Wei to be willing.
The two of them, one is fighting and competing, the other is imprisoned by love. The second sister's feelings are even more special, which will be elaborated in detail later. [Rose]
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