Chapter 38 Luo Xin 2-Sweet Campus
As the iron gate of the orphanage closed behind her, Luo Xin subconsciously tightened her grip around her schoolbag strap. The sunshine of eighteen years old flowed like molten gold across her washed-out jeans. The wheels of her suitcase bumped and thumped on the potholed concrete, reminiscent of her stumbling growth over the years. On the day Xiaoyu was adopted, the entire orphanage could hear the haggling coming from Chen Mei's office. "This is the most beautiful one," her smoky voice pierced through the thin wallboard. "You'll have to pay extra." Luo Xin crouched in the corner of the hallway, watching Xiaoyu bound away clutching her brand-new Barbie doll. As her pink skirt swept across the threshold, she felt her first pang of jealousy—like biting into an unripe persimmon, bitter and numb. Xiaoshu left even more quietly. The scent of the foreign couple's perfume lingered in the hallway for three days, and the rustling of Chen Mei counting bills sounded like some eerie lullaby. Through the glass window of the cafeteria, Luo Xin watched Xiao Shu being bundled into a black sedan. His last glance, looking back, pierced the dusty glass and pierced her heart. "What are you looking at?" Chen Mei dug her nails into her shoulder. "He's a professor at a prestigious university, and you..." The rest of her words were choked by cigarette smoke. But that night, Luo Xin found a bag of fruit candies taped to the back of a water pipe in the public bathroom with waterproof tape—green apple flavor, which Xiao Shu knew was her favorite. On the day she left, Xiao Shu forgave her. On the day her junior high school acceptance letter arrived, Chen Mei, for the first time ever, gave her a whole boiled egg. "There's a boss named Wang who wants to sponsor you," Chen Mei's voice came and went, the egg yolk stuck in her throat. "Don't embarrass me." Boss Wang never showed up, but the tuition fees always arrived on time every semester, and occasionally there was a remittance signed "Wang." Luo Xin imagined countless faces: a serious square-faced man? A kind round-faced aunt? Once, she dreamed her sponsor was wearing a rabbit mask, and when she woke, her pillow was covered in cold tears. The high school study room was perpetually lit with pale, pale lights. Luo Xin huddled in the last row, the red lines on her math paper forming a warm bonfire. "First place again?" the monitor's ballpoint pen poked her back. "Can you leave us a way out?" Luo Xin folded the paper into a neat square and smiled. Her smile was the perfect one taught at the orphanage—the corners of her mouth tilted up 15 degrees, revealing six teeth. Only the peeling paint in the bathroom stall mirror knew that this smile never reached her eyes. On the eve of the college entrance exam, Chen Mei gave her a rare glucose solution. "Don't faint in the exam room. Boss Wang still needs to invest if you get in..."
When the iron door of the welfare home closed behind him, Luo Xin subconsciously tightened the strap of his schoolbag.
The sunshine of eighteen years old flowed on her washed-out jeans like molten gold.
The wheels of the suitcase bumped against the bumpy concrete floor, just like her stumbling growth trajectory over the years.
On the day Xiaoyu was adopted, the entire orphanage could hear the haggling coming from Chen Mei's office. "This is the most beautiful one," her smoky voice pierced through the thin wall paneling. "It'll cost more."
Luo Xin squatted at the corner of the corridor, watching Xiaoyu skipping away with her brand new Barbie doll in her arms. When the hem of her pink skirt swept across the threshold, she tasted jealousy for the first time - like biting into an unripe persimmon, bitter and numb.
Xiaoshu left even more quietly. The scent of the foreign couple's perfume lingered in the corridor for three days, and the rustling sound of Chen Mei counting banknotes sounded like some kind of eerie lullaby.
Luo Xin saw Xiaoshu being stuffed into a black car through the glass window of the cafeteria. The last time he looked back, his eyes pierced through the dusty glass and accurately pierced her heart.
"What are you looking at?" Chen Mei dug her nails into her shoulder. "He's a professor at a prestigious university, and people like you..." The rest of her words were choked by the smoke.
But that night, Luo Xin found a bag of fruit candies stuck to the back of the water pipe with waterproof tape in the public bathroom - they were green apple flavored, and Xiaoshu knew that was her favorite.
On the day of leaving, Xiaoshu forgave her.
On the day her junior high school acceptance letter arrived, Chen Mei, for the first time ever, gave her a whole boiled egg. "A boss named Wang wants to sponsor you," Chen Mei's voice, the egg yolk stuck in her throat, came and went, "Don't embarrass me."
Boss Wang never showed up, but the tuition fees for each semester always arrived on time, and occasionally there was a remittance signed "Wang".
Luo Xin imagined countless faces in her mind: a serious, square-faced man? A kind, round-faced aunt? She once dreamed of her sponsor wearing a rabbit mask, and when she woke up, her pillow was covered in cold tears.
The pale lights of the high school study room were always on. Luo Xin huddled in the last row, the red lines on his math paper forming a warm bonfire.
"First again?" The monitor poked her back with his ballpoint pen. "Can you leave us a chance to survive?" Luo Xin folded the test paper into a neat square and smiled.
Her smile was the perfect one taught by the orphanage—the corners of her mouth tilted up 15 degrees, revealing six teeth. Only the peeling paint mirror in the toilet cubicle knew that this smile never reached her eyes.
On the eve of the Gaokao, Chen Mei gave her a rare glucose solution. "Don't faint in the exam room. Boss Wang will have to invest in you even if you get in. This is your last chance to contribute to our welfare home."
In the examination room, she was surprisingly calm, she had never been so calm before.
That day, she felt that her parents were in the examination room, right behind her, watching over her, caring for her, and blessing her.
This is an opportunity to change her fate, and she must seize it.
On the day the scores were checked, the orphanage's broken computer froze seventeen times. When the 985 university admissions page finally appeared, Luo Xin's fingers trembled on the keyboard.
Chen Mei's voice came from behind: "Yes, I passed the exam... The balance should be settled..."
Luo Xin gently closed the computer and ignored Chen Mei's excitement. She knew that there was no trace of happiness for her in that excitement.
She walked out of Chen Mei's office with light and slow but steady steps. She stood alone in the yard of the welfare home and looked up at the sky.
The sky was cloudless and deep blue, with a few birds occasionally flying across the sky, chirping happily.
Finally, free.
Without stopping for a moment, she headed straight back to the dormitory. While packing, Luo Xin pulled the small, handwritten notebook from under the bed. The pages were yellowed, their edges rubbed softly by fingers.
She turned to the last page, where pencil writing was embedded deep into the fibers: "Mom, I want to see the world for you."
When the lock of the suitcase clicked shut, Luo Xin heard the sound of something breaking out of his heart.
*
The September sunshine shone through the gaps between the sycamore leaves, casting mottled shadows on her washed-out jeans.
The "Welcome New Students" banner at the school gate rustled in the wind, like some kind of secret cheer.
Everything has to start all over again.
"Do you need help, classmate?" Just as Luo Xin was standing at the door at a loss, a clear male voice came from behind her.
When Luo Xin turned around, the sun was just falling on the man's face. He was wearing a simple white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing his well-defined forearms.
She was immediately attracted by his eyes, which were clearly two pools of calm water, reflecting her somewhat panicked face.
Luo Xin's heart trembled, as if a feeling awakened deep in his heart.
"I... I can do it myself." She held on to the handle of the suitcase tightly, but the instinct she developed in the welfare home still made her subconsciously refuse help.
The boy smiled and didn't force it: "My name is Xiao Yan, a sophomore from the Foreign Affairs College. Your dormitory is in Meiyuan, right? It's on my way." After that, he helped her drag the suitcase. Luo Xin followed him closely as if instinctively.
On the way to the plum garden, Xiao Yan took the initiative to talk to her. His voice was very pleasant. Luo Xin noticed that when he spoke, the corners of his eyes would first bend slightly, and then the smile would slowly spread to his entire face.
He had a very handsome appearance, and seemed to have a bit of nobility. From the side view, he was somewhat similar to Leon Lai, Luo Xin's favorite star. This discovery made her heart beat even more nervously. She didn't say that she had two posters of Leon Lai treasured in her suitcase.
At the door of Meiyuan Dormitory 402, Xiao Yan handed her a note: "My phone number. If you need any help, feel free to contact me."
The slip contained a number and a small smiling face. Luo Xin tucked it into his student ID card, his heart beating uncontrollably.
Xiao Yan's back as he turned around with a smile became the deepest mark in her eighteen-year-old life.
It was the first time someone smiled at her so gently. It was like a ray of light, shining into her heart, so warm and comfortable.
*
"What are you daydreaming about?" her roommate Chen Yao shoved a bag of potato chips at her. "There's an orientation party tonight. Let's go together?"
"ah?"
"Oh, what? I heard there are a lot of handsome guys there. Do you want to go?" Chen Yao ate potato chips in big mouthfuls.
"Handsome guy?" Luo Xin had never been to a party in person, and she had no intention of seeing the handsome guy.
"Don't you have any motivation to look at handsome guys? I really admire you. Just think of it as accompanying me, okay?" Chen Yao looked at her with eyes full of anticipation.
"Okay then." Luo Xin nodded. She was not good at rejecting others.
"Haha, I knew you were the best." What Luo Xin didn't expect was that that night was the brightest night in her eighteen years.
The spotlight on the stage was like molten gold, and the guitarist's fingertips swept across the strings, making her heart numb.
She sat on the lawn, chewing the orange candy given by Chen Yao, listening to the laughter around her. Suddenly, she felt like a wild grass that had been dry for a long time and finally had rain, desperately trying to get to where there was light.
It turns out that life can be so passionate and youth can be so joyful. These have never appeared in her previous life.
At the climax of the party, he saw the boy again, the boy named Xiao Yan.
He sat in the middle of the stage holding a guitar, wearing a light gray sweater with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, as if his whole body was glowing.
When he sang "Southern Girl", his eyes swept across the crowd and fell on Luo Xin's face.
The moment their eyes met, Luo Xin felt as if his heart skipped a beat. He hurriedly lowered his head and twisted the corner of his clothes with his fingers.
"His name is Xiao Yan, a talented student from the Foreign Languages Department, a year ahead of us." Chen Yao leaned close to her ear and said, "My sister said that the girls chasing him can line up from the dormitory to the school gate."
Luo Xin didn't say anything, but he felt that the place he had just looked at was warm as if it had been exposed to the sun.
From then on, Xiao Yan would always "run into" her: in the literature section of the library, at window number three in the cafeteria, or on the path to the teaching building.
He was never abrupt, always greeting with a smile, and then naturally chatting about the book he had read recently or interesting things that happened in class.
"Do you like Haizi?" Once, he saw the "Selected Poems of Haizi" that Luo Xin had borrowed, and his eyes lit up. "I also like the line 'Facing the sea, spring is warm and flowers are blooming.'"
Luo Xin raised her head and met his smiling eyes.
There was no pity or calculation in it, only pure appreciation, like the sunlight shining through the sycamore trees on the day she entered school, so clean that it made her want to cry.
He would remember that she didn't eat cilantro, and would specifically remind the waitress every time he served her food; he would calmly offer her a cup of brown sugar ginger tea when she had her period; he would casually give her some pointers on how to solve a problem when she was struggling with advanced math, and he would...
He would say a lot of nice things and give her warmth in many details that even Luo Xin hadn't thought of.
"You don't have to be so nice to me." Once, Luo Xin held the hand warmer he gave her, and her fingers were shaking.
She was used to repaying favors double, so being treated so gently suddenly made her feel uncomfortable.
Xiao Yan smiled and reached out to ruffle her hair, the action as natural as if he had done it a thousand times. "Isn't it right to be nice to the one you like?"
Luo Xin ran away with a red face. She didn't know how to respond to the other party's blatant love.
That night, Luo Xin lay on the bed in the dormitory, touching his burning ears, and for the first time he felt that the word "like" could be so sweet.
If so, do I deserve happiness?
She tried cautiously, embracing the possible happiness little by little.
They confirmed their relationship on Christmas Eve. Xiao Yan asked her to go to a cafe near the school. The fire in the fireplace crackled, making his profile look particularly soft.
He took out a small box from his pocket. Inside was a silver necklace with a small ginkgo leaf as the pendant.
"I've seen the information on your ID card. On your birthday, the ginkgo leaves were just turning yellow." He helped her put on the necklace, his fingertips brushing against the back of her neck, bringing a shudder to her. "Luo Xin, be my girlfriend."
Luo Xin's tears fell without warning. She had rehearsed this scene countless times in her mind, but never had she felt the same way at this moment.
She remembered many things, including her birthday that was never remembered, the evasive looks from her relatives, and the nights when she huddled in the corner of the bed and ate dry steamed buns.
I thought of many people, my parents who had passed away many years ago and whose figures were gradually fading away, Chen Mei, the domineering woman in the welfare home, Xiaoyu, Xiaoshu, and...
It turns out that there really is someone who cares about her, just like she cherishes her yellowed diary.
She choked and nodded, and Xiao Yan took her into his arms. His embrace was warm, with a faint scent of cedar, and she trembled all over.
That was Luo Xin's first experience with the body temperature of the opposite sex. She was like a frightened deer, her body stiff, yet she was greedy for that warmth and couldn't bear to push it away.
"Do you know when I fell in love with you?" Xiao Yan kissed her long hair, and Luo Xin felt soft.
"When?"
"When I first met you."
"Then you are attracted by his beauty?" Luo Xin smiled softly. She leaned her head gently in Xiao Yan's arms and felt a warmth she had never felt before.
That kind of warmth is like the shoulders of my father that have been forgotten in my memory for a long time, but that kind of warmth has passed away a lot over time.
"Tsk, it was love at first sight." Xiao Yan tickled her dishonestly.
"Okay, okay, even if it's love at first sight. I think I'm still pretty." Luo Xin felt a little confidence rising in her heart, and this confidence was given by Xiao Yan. She only dared to speak so boldly in front of her.
"That's quite beautiful. Otherwise, how could you be attracted to her so quickly?"
"Then you are not attracted by beauty?"
"Okay, you win."
Xiao Yan looked at her in a daze. Luo Xin felt as if she was frozen. She understood the love in Xiao Yan's eyes and closed her eyes happily.
Xiao Yan's kiss was warm, light and soft. The moment their lips touched, Luo Xin's stiff body seemed to come alive. She opened her lips and actively responded to Xiao Yan's love, and they hugged and kissed each other as if no one was around.
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