11 Farewell
Fei Yu sobbed softly. I was speechless, and so was my father. He didn't swat down his raised hand for a long time, because I myself didn't know if I could withstand another blow from him. That last strike had used all his strength; if it weren't for my strong will, I would have already coughed up blood and collapsed. However, since we're going to end it, we should end it cleanly. It's time to leave. I've had enough.
"Father, why do you hate me so much?" I want an answer. Before I was five, when I felt Father was biased, my brothers would always comfort me, saying it was impossible. Or they would say that because I was Fei Yu's brother, Father was stricter with me. Before I was ten, my eldest brother said he would repay what Father owed me, and that if Father didn't like me, he would love me even more. Unfortunately, that eldest brother who promised to love me for life abandoned me long ago, leaving alone. I don't resent him, because I never believed him. I don't expect anyone to take me away from here. I've been waiting, waiting for the best opportunity to leave. Never looking back.
“Because you killed your mother,” the father said.
I laughed, a laugh tinged with helplessness. How could I, so young when I was born, have caused my mother's death?
"You're a cursed star. You brought death to your mother. I didn't believe it at first, but then you brought death to your aunt and uncles too. My sister and two brothers died tragically one after the other after you were born." Father stated calmly, as if these things had nothing to do with him. "Now, Fei Yu's illness is getting worse and worse, all because of you. I should have thrown you away long ago, otherwise, our family wouldn't be so unfortunate." That cold tone and emotionless voice pierced my heart, hurting me even more than those two slaps.
"I see. Then why didn't you throw me away?" I smiled, looking at Fei Yu's swollen eyes, Han Yitian's sympathetic gaze, and Han Beiming's calm expression.
“How could I do that? You’re my son.” The father sighed heavily. “Even a tiger wouldn’t eat its cubs.” He then shook his head.
"I'll leave, Father." I looked at Fei Yu's pale face. Regardless of whether what Father said was true or not, even if there was only a one in a thousand chance, I wouldn't let Fei Yu take the risk.
"You?" Dad waved his hand.
"However, there's one more thing I want to do." I smiled and walked to Fei Yu's bedside.
"Feiyu, your brother won't be able to take care of you anymore. You'll have to take care of yourself." I stroked his forehead. "Also, don't listen to Dad anymore. You're my brother, not my sister. Don't dress like a boy. Boys should be strong and self-reliant. Practice martial arts with Dad when you have time to protect yourself. Understand?"
"What?" Han Yitian exclaimed in surprise. "How is this possible?"
"Now you know why I went to such lengths to prevent you from getting close to Fei Yu? Although I don't know why Father made him pretend to be a woman, Fei Yu will always be my younger brother, not my younger sister. He can't get married." I said coldly, shattering all of Han Yitian's hopes.
"You're lying." He looked at Fei Yu and finally managed to utter a sentence after a long while.
"Feiyu can't get married?" Feiyu suddenly said blankly. Then she burst into tears again. "You're lying, I can get married, right? Brothers, you're all lying."
"Feiyu, stop fooling around." I hugged him and patted his back. "You're a man, how can you get married?"
"But Brother Han said I was going to be his bride. He said I would marry him and be his bride for life," Fei Yu said, her voice choked with sobs. "He even kissed me. He said whoever kisses me is my groom. He lied. 555~"
"Han Yitian, explain it to him yourself." I looked at the bewildered Han Yitian.
He laughed, a very happy laugh. Han Yitian turned to look at Han Beiming. "You still beat me to it. You're something else, Beiming. You didn't even know Mo Fei. You're something else."
"What did you say?" I looked at Han Yitian, then at the expressionless Han Beiming.
"Feiyu, sweetie, who lied to you?" I felt so sorry for Feiyu, who was crying her eyes out.
"Him!" Fei Yu pointed to a person accurately without looking up.
"Why you?" I looked up in surprise. "Didn't you say you weren't interested in Fei Yu?"
Han Beiming laughed, a wicked laugh that reminded me of the first time I saw him. "I didn't say that; it's just what you thought."
"But..." I froze, staring at his once so familiar face now displaying such a strange expression. I think I understand now. Why did he always disappear while Fei Yu was out shopping, taking advantage of my absence? Why did he get so angry when I said Fei Yu couldn't get married or conceive? Why didn't he speak up for his friend when I was hurt, instead encouraging Fei Yu to stay away from Han Yitian? Why were they so inseparable when they first met, but now they're enemies? The answer had always been right beside me, but I had been blinded. Was I simply unable to see through it all, or was I deliberately choosing not to investigate, not to see through it? Remembering those words from that womanizer, I felt both ridiculous and pathetic.
"Brother?" Fei Yu stopped crying because he sensed my unusual behavior.
"Why did you deceive me?" I looked at Han Beiming. "Is it because I prevented everyone from getting close to Fei Yu? So you deliberately approached me?" When everything is clear, some things become very simple.
"It's easier to get close to you than to get close to Fei Yu." He actually said that. "What you lack is care; anyone who cares about you will be completely accepted by you." He actually said that. Damn, that hit the nail on the head.
"You became friends with me because of Fei Yu?" I smiled, a smile tinged with bitterness, helplessness, and sorrow. If I hadn't revealed Fei Yu's true identity, I'm afraid I would have been kept in the dark forever.
“At first, yes.” Han Beiming became inexplicably serious.
"You said you'd take me away in early spring, was it also for Fei Yu's sake?" I remembered Bing Hong's words. He had said that Han Beiming was a deep and untrustworthy person. I didn't believe him then, but now, thinking back, experience really does pay off. He said Han Beiming's target was Fei Yu, and sure enough.
“Yes. Your Mo family dotes on Fei Yu in an unbelievable way. If you were to propose marriage, you would definitely be rejected. You can only take him with you. Fei Yu trusts you more, so he will go with you.” Han Beiming looked at me and said calmly.
"So now? Do you still want Fei Yu?" I looked at him. "If you truly love Fei Yu, can you give him a lifetime of happiness, not marry other women, and only love and cherish him? Can you do that?"
"Feiyu is a boy, how could I marry a boy?" Han Beiming's cold tone floated up.
"You don't love him at all, so why did you provoke him?" I glared at Han Beiming. If I could, I would really like to stab him to death.
“Because of you,” he said suddenly.
I don't understand the meaning of that sentence, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because our friendship is tainted with deception, what can I still believe in you? Who knows which of your words are true and which are false? Han Beiming left immediately, without saying goodbye, just like that. He left decisively, without any reluctance.
Without his embrace and warmth, I couldn't sleep. On the very first night after he left, I lingered outside the city, wanting to see him one last time, just one last time. The suffocation in my chest grew deeper and deeper; I didn't know how much damage those two blows my father had done to my heart and lungs. I coughed, trying to cough up my heart, but I could never cough out the accumulated suffocation. That feeling swirled around, suffocating me. Finally, in the dead of night, I collapsed.
I often ask myself, was my birth a mistake?
If so, why am I still alive? If not, why am I always the one who is forgotten?
Lying under that tree in the east of the city, watching the raindrops patter down from the sky, I smiled, because I had found the answer.
I am an appendage of Fei Yu, always have been. It hurts so much, I want to cry, but alas, I'm struggling to even breathe, what strength do I have to cry? No, I have none. So, let the heavens cry for me, cry out my grievances, my resentment.
In the dead of night, on a rainy night, I took my last breath. My palm slowly opened, and the dazzling jade flute slowly slid out.
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