9. Isolation
You're absolutely right. My father doesn't like me, and my brother only feels pity for me. Why do I still linger here? I don't know myself. Although I still have Fei Yu, I'm not Fei Yu's only one.
I don't even know your name. I laughed, speechless, questioning the heavens. I dug a grave for you in a secluded spot on the back mountain, but I don't know what kind of tombstone to carve.
So, I engraved the words "close friend" on that tombstone. The environment here is elegant, and no one will disturb you. It's a place where you can rest in peace. This is the only thing I can do for you.
"Fei'er, let's go back." Han Beiming called my name from behind me. "Are you blaming me?"
I shook my head and continued burning the joss paper. "You just acted too quickly. If it were me, I would have done the same." Because he wanted to hurt Fei Yu.
"You're so kind, but the world is a dangerous place. What will you do?" Han Beiming muttered to himself. "You're very smart, yet very kind..."
I shook my head. "I don't think I'm kind; I just don't bother others unless they bother me."
“You’re about to turn 16, it’s time for you to leave home and make your own way in the world,” he suddenly said.
“Yes. My eldest brother left when he was 16, and my second brother has been helping manage the business and can't leave. I think I'll leave early next year too. But…” I looked at the sky. “I don't know where I should go yet. I don't crave any fame or fortune. At most, I'll travel around and broaden my horizons.”
“I’m leaving here next summer to go home and take over the family business. If you’d like, come with me.” Han Beiming looked at me.
"Your home?" I asked. "Is it also a business?"
"I guess so," he smiled.
"You never mentioned it."
“You didn’t ask me,” he joked.
"If I ask you, will you tell the truth?" I looked into his eyes.
“I don’t lie.” He suddenly became very serious.
"What kind of business does your family run?" I asked seriously.
"..." He laughed, a hint of helplessness in his voice. "Murder." It sounded like a joke. "Will you hate me?"
"No. Everyone has their own ambitions. I can't say anything. I judge a person by how they treat me, not how they treat others."
"Fei'er, my house is very big. There are many people. However, there aren't many I can truly confide in. If possible, I hope you can stay." He looked at me, as if there was something he wasn't saying clearly.
"You want me to be your subordinate?"
"No, you are my friend."
"See?" I smiled, feeling quite pleased. Actually, I wanted to go with him right now, but I also wanted to wait for Binghong's apprentice.
The fireworks during the first month of the lunar calendar are famous. But I'm lazy, and when it snows, I don't even want to leave my bed. It gets light late and dark early. The days are gloomy, and I have no energy at all.
I was yawning, eating a hot steamed bun, but I still felt sleepy.
"Brother, let's go fight a bloodbath, okay?" Fei Yu was full of energy. Approaching 16, he was becoming increasingly charming, but along with that, he was also becoming less and less like a girl; his voice was gradually changing from childish to clear and crisp. His Adam's apple was probably starting to protrude, though it wasn't visible under his high-necked clothes.
"I don't want to go," I said, yawning.
"Hmph, then I'm going to find Brother Han." He said, skipping away.
Watching Fei Yu and Han Beiming and Han Yitian playing around in the courtyard, I felt a pang of loneliness. Winter will pass and spring will come; I will leave this place where I've lived for so many years. This is my father's instruction. He told me I don't need to worry about making a living; he will give me a large sum of money so I can go out and see the world. But, judging from his tone, he doesn't seem to want me to come back. Why does he hate me so much? Fei Yu and I were born at the same time.
"Fei'er?" My second brother was startled when he saw me. "What is it?"
I closed the door. "Brother, Fei Yu and Han Yitian are getting closer and closer, what should we do?"
You mean?
“I don’t know what Dad is thinking, but Fei Yu can’t get married. My brother is so old now, it’s hard to change his ways, and that Han Yitian just won’t give up. I’m afraid that if Fei Yu falls in love with a man, she’ll be the one who suffers.”
"What do you suggest we do?" The second brother spread his hands. "This is Father's decision, and there's nothing we can do to stop him."
"Could we find some girls of Fei Yu's age so he can discover his difference?" I'm also very troubled. "I hope that he can gradually develop feelings for girls more than boys."
"I've thought about it too, but those girls are very sensitive. It would be troublesome if they found out Fei Yu's true identity."
"Then, should we educate him more about the differences between boys and girls?" I looked at my brother with a troubled expression. "But, we can't exactly take him to a brothel, can we? Dad would beat me to death."
"When I go and keep Han Yitian occupied, you should have a good talk with Fei Yu. After all, you're his brother, and you two have a good relationship. He should listen to you." The second brother nodded.
"Feiyu, do you like Han Yitian?"
"like."
"How much do you like it?" I looked at him awkwardly.
"I really like him, Brother Han is a very nice person."
"Does Fei Yu like her older brother more, or does she like Brother Han more?"
"What's the difference?" Fei Yu tilted her head and looked at me.
"No, no." I patted his head. "Feiyu is my younger brother, remember that?"
“Brother, you’re acting strange.” Fei Yu looked at me. “Brother hasn’t played with me lately, and he doesn’t hold me to sleep anymore. Can you stay with me for one night? I asked Brother Han to stay with me, but he absolutely refused.”
"Okay, go to sleep. I'll stay with you."
"Mmm. Brother is the best." Fei Yu reached out and hugged my waist.
Fortunately, Fei Yu didn't fall in love with Han Yitian the way she would a lover. With that burden lifted from my heart, I felt much lighter.
Early in the morning, I saw Han Beiming and Han Yitian with ashen faces. I silently ate my porridge. Fei Yu kept acting cute. I knew very well that they both knew what happened to me in Fei Yu's room last night.
“Feiyu is already a grown woman, and you’re not getting any younger either,” Han Yitian said. “Even though you’re siblings, you still need to consider Feiyu’s reputation. If others find out, it will be very difficult for her to get married.”
"I won't marry anyone but Fei Yu," Fei Yu said excitedly. "Fei Yu will stay at home her whole life."
"Who said that?" Han Beiming asked.
“Dad, eldest brother, second brother, and eldest brother all say so,” Fei Yu said innocently. “They say I’m too precious, that’s why they can’t bear to let me leave here.”
"Hmph." Han Yitian snorted coldly.
"Did I say something wrong?" Fei Yu looked at me.
“No. Fei Yu is indeed very precious, and we will take care of you for the rest of our lives,” I said, then looked at Han Yitian. “It’s better to cut off any unrealistic expectations as soon as possible.” Anyway, I can’t let Fei Yu suffer, so I’ll play the bad cop.
"Are you holding a grudge?" Han Yitian suddenly said. "I didn't expect you to be so petty. Just because I hurt you?" He raised an eyebrow.
I sneered and didn't answer.
"Han Yitian, don't go too far with your words. Don't say Fei'er disagrees, I disagree too." The second brother suddenly became serious. "Give up as soon as possible, so as not to hurt the harmony."
"What if I insist?" Han Yitian looked at me as if I were the one who could stop him and Fei Yu.
"We'll fight each other." I said firmly.
Han Beiming looked at me, somewhat confused.
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