Chapter 318 She is willing
Lu Chenyang thought about it and decided to write a letter.
He just picked up the pen, but he didn't know what to write, especially now that he felt a little embarrassed when facing Yan Xing.
He stared blankly at the white paper in front of him, thinking of Yan Xing's passionate confession before.
He was so sincere, but he had been deceiving him all along. He must have been determined to overcome the barrier of their gender, but he would never have thought that all this was fake.
In reality, Lu Chenyang knew he had done nothing wrong. This was a matter of great importance, and he couldn't possibly let anyone know that he was disguised as a man. This was his rational judgment, but a faint sense of guilt still inevitably welled up in his heart.
A kind person will feel guilty even if he or she does not have the true intention to treat others well.
There was not a single word in Yan Xing's letter that mentioned his feelings, nor did it question his concealment. Every word in the letter revealed her concern for him.
In fact, Yan Xing had not mentioned this matter since leaving the capital. It was not because he had forgotten about it, but because he knew that they all had more important things to do now.
When the world is not peaceful, discussing romantic relationships is a luxury. Yan Xing knew his ambitions and didn't want him to be distracted by them. This was his thoughtfulness, and Lu Chenyang knew it and was grateful for it.
How could Lu Chenyang not be moved?
He suddenly thought of the question Zhao Xi had asked him: if there were no such obstacles, if there were no such concerns, if it was just Lu Xueyin, would she be attracted to Yan Xing?
In fact, she already had the answer in her heart at that time, and now the answer has become clearer.
She is willing. If it is Lu Xueyin, she is willing.
How could she not be moved? That tall, handsome young general, full of vigor and ambition. He had helped her, and she had helped him. They had known each other since childhood, supporting each other and understanding each other. Those days of fighting side by side, leaning on each other's backs, had become invaluable.
In reality, she had never truly trusted Yan Xing and had made many arrangements. For example, when he led the troops to war, she used food and fodder to control him. Even now, she kept Cao Wenkai in Ningzhou not only to assist him but also to monitor him. She even sent Gao Ming to Ningzhou to hold him hostage.
But she always had a vague confidence in her heart that he would not betray her.
Lu Chenyang suddenly wanted to write something at this moment.
Finally, Lu Chenyang wrote the most uncultured letter, essentially a slangy mess. He described his recent situation, complaining about Zar's pettiness for using the same tactics against him, but how he had been wise and discerning, having seen through his ruse. He also wrote that the large sum of money he had provided to Qian Yue had drained his family's savings, leaving him heartbroken.
He complained, "Why is it so hard to make money, but so easy to spend it? He saved up all his money for so long, but it was gone in just one day."
He also wrote about Zhao Xi and Wei Dong, saying that they had a good relationship, that he saw a smile on Zhao Xi's face that he had never seen before, and that Wei Dong was a person worthy of trust.
He concluded by writing: "I finally vaguely realized that love is different from family and friendship. There are some things that only love can fill."
And she finally understood why he still fell in love with her even though she was a man at the time and they were close brothers.
Because it is different, there is a kind of passionate and intense love that cannot be satisfied by brothers or friends. It has exceeded the boundaries of friendship, and the identity of friends alone is not enough.
Lu Chenyang did not write this sentence, but Yan Xing, who received the letter, understood it.
He was always so tactful, used to mentioning his feelings in subtle ways, because love was also unfamiliar to her. Even the most capable people have areas they are not good at, such as expressing love.
But it doesn't matter, he understands it all.
A long time later, Yan Xing felt that Lu Chenyang... no, Lu Xueyin's feelings for him really changed from this moment.
Although no one mentioned it.
The two still occasionally corresponded, not because they missed each other, but mainly because they didn't want to waste time and money. Only when sending military missions would Yan Xing send someone to take a letter along.
But Prince Yan boasted that their relationship had changed, and he became much bolder in his letters. He began to express his longing openly, and even developed a sentimental temperament.
"I'm a little unhappy because you're not on my birthday this year, but I'm a little happier because I received your gift."
"Why is Zal so difficult to deal with? Why don't I go and help you defeat them as soon as possible."
But no matter how obvious the longing is, in the end it just comes down to asking a question that no one knows the answer to: "When can we be reunited?"
Lu Chenyang carefully kept all the letters he received from him. These letters helped him relax a little from his tense mood.
Because war is really a hopeless thing.
Yanhui Pass was not so easy to break through, which was something Lu Chenyang had known for a long time. This battle lasted for a year.
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