Chapter 44. Refusing to cross the river by sinking the boat, let's never contact each other again...
The sunken boat paused slightly, then turned its head to look at Siyi calmly and said, "Siyi."
His expression held a hint of earnest inquiry as he asked, "Could you tell me, what was the reason back then?"
Siyi paused for a moment, her fingertips slowly tightening around the hem of her skirt as if she were in great distress. In the end, she slowly lowered her head and apologized, "Brother Zhoudu, I still want to say to you... I'm sorry."
Chenzhoudu watched her quietly.
"I'm sorry, Brother Zhoudu. Back then... we deleted you without saying anything, I'm sorry; we knew you kept adding us and trying to find us, but we didn't respond, which made you worry, I'm sorry."
Siyi sighed, her clear eyes meeting his, her words sincere.
"But I still want to say, can you please not blame Sister Xiaochan? Sister Xiaochan... she's actually under a lot of pressure too."
Chen Zhoudu paused slightly and looked towards the kitchen through a crack in the half-open door.
Siyi: "Brother Zhoudu, you should know that back then... your dad and the others went to see Sister Xiaochan and said a lot of rude things."
"Your dad actually looks down on us, you probably know that. But Xiao Chan hasn't told you anything about it."
"Sister Xiaochan is such a proud person. Although we are poor and quite ordinary, she never lets anyone offend us. She knows that your father cannot represent you, so she did not hold a grudge against you, but... it is impossible to completely separate you from your father, so whatever she does is understandable, right?"
"The matter between you and Sister Xiaochan is ultimately a problem between the two of you. I can't tell you too much because I can't betray Sister Xiaochan, but I also don't want you to misunderstand her. Brother Zhoudu, you are indeed not from our world, but I also know you are a good person. We were all quite happy when we were together."
"I really hope you two will get along, but if Sister Xiaochan makes a decision, I will still stand by her side. Brother Zhoudu, you... can understand, right?"
Chen Zhoudu remained silent for a moment, her eyelashes lowered slightly, but she eventually raised her eyes and smiled gently at her. "When have you ever seen me blame her?"
Siyi's eyes suddenly lit up with surprise.
He couldn't help but look in that direction again, silent and bewildered, and sighed softly, "I'm the one who can't do anything about her."
That night, a huge table of dishes was prepared. Huang Mao brought the last dish to the table and called out, "Dinner's ready! Dinner's ready!"
Fatty Tiger and Spicy Spicy had just finished their work and came out exhausted. The group washed their hands and sat down at the table, all of them tacitly leaving the seat next to Xia Chan empty.
After washing his hands, Chen Zhoudu sat down next to Xia Chan, feeling somewhat uneasy, as if afraid she would kick him out.
Xia Chan ignored him, taking the bowl of rice handed to her by the blond-haired man without even glancing at him, and started eating, focusing on her meal as if he didn't exist.
Huang Mao and Lala Pang Hu were actually a little uncomfortable, and awkwardly greeted Chen Zhou Du, "Hey, Chen Zhou Du... make yourself at home! We don't know what you celebrities can eat these days and whether you have to maintain your figure, so we brought a little bit of meat and vegetables, just pick what you can eat..."
"Thank you, it's a very generous meal." Chen Zhoudu casually picked up a piece of braised pork ribs.
The blond-haired guy's eyes darted around, and to lighten the mood, he slapped the table and picked up a beer can, saying, "Hey! Well... it's been nine years, and our 'Crossing' team is finally all together again. How about a drink? It'll celebrate our old friend Shen Zhoudu's success and youthful achievements..."
Lala and Fatty Tiger immediately raised their glasses with silly smiles. Xia Chan, however, suddenly slammed down her chopsticks and slapped the blond-haired guy on the back of the neck. She then snatched the beer can from his hand.
He said in a low voice, "You're going to do a drunk driving test later, right? Believe me or not, I'll call the traffic police right now and have you jailed for a few days."
The blond-haired man howled and clutched his neck, crying out in protest, "Water! It's water!" he protested, "I haven't had any water in ages... I just wanted to drink some to get a taste of it..."
Xia Chan sniffed the beer can and confirmed it was indeed water.
But I still poured it out and replaced it with a glass of colorless and tasteless boiled water.
"Even borrowing flavors is not allowed."
Chen Zhoudu watched silently for a moment, then picked up the wine jug and said with a light smile, "I don't drive, I can drink, so let me give the speech! I..."
Before he could finish speaking, Xia Chan snatched the beer cans from his hands.
A little wine spilled out, wetting both of their hands.
The sunken boat ferryman was instantly stunned.
Xia Chan was also slightly taken aback. It seemed that she only realized what she had done after snatching it. Her expression stiffened slightly before she slowly put down the beer can.
"You want to look swollen like a steamed bun on camera tomorrow..." she said casually.
This seemingly meddlesome rebuke made Chen Zhoudu lower his eyes and slightly curve his lips. Si Yi and the others also looked around and chuckled knowingly. Finally, they started to drink juice.
Dinner was eaten peacefully, and Huang Mao once again rushed out to deliver takeout during the evening rush hour, while Lala and Pang Hu once again went into the room.
It was time for Chenzhoudu to leave, and of all the people in the room, only Siyi and Xiachan had time to see him off.
Siyi pretended to be unwell so that Xia Chan could stay with him a little longer. Helpless, Xia Chan had no choice but to fulfill her duty as a host and see him off alone.
The city's evening breeze scattered the starry sky and illuminated a patch of neon lights. Xia Chan, dressed in comfortable work clothes, walked ahead on the sidewalk with her hands in her pockets, while Chen Zhoudu silently followed behind her.
There was silence for a long while.
His gaze remained fixed on her back for a long time before Chen Zhoudu smiled and tried to speak, "When did you arrive in Shanghai?"
“About five or six years ago.” Xia Chan paused slightly and waited for him for a moment before glancing back at him casually and saying, “LaLa and PangHu came five years ago, after graduating from university. I came a little earlier, the year I went to university.”
Chenzhoudu had returned to its previous fully armed state, with only a pair of eyes visible, faintly reflecting the night's light, and showing a hint of doubt.
Xia Chan noticed the confusion in his eyes and explained, "I studied at a university in Shanghai."
These words surprised him slightly, followed by a moment of indescribable joy. His eyes lit up for a second before he quickly lowered his head to hide something.
Xia Chan noticed, but said nothing and turned back to continue walking forward.
As Chen Zhoudu watched her retreating figure, a silent smile crept onto his lips beneath his mask. He quickly caught up with her and asked, "Where's Grandma?"
Xia Chan paused for a second before saying, "I went back to my hometown."
"Suzhou?"
"Um."
"How could this be..."
He was somewhat taken aback when he recalled that he had returned to Qingshui several times in the past but had never seen his grandmother.
My maternal grandmother's hometown is Suzhou. According to her, she never went back after she was sent to Qingshui as part of the Down to the Countryside Movement when she was young. Her memories of her hometown in Suzhou are now like a strange dream.
Xia Chan said, "We had all gone to school by then, and Grandma was lonely living alone in Qingshui. Just then, her older sister from her hometown came to look for relatives, so she went back to her hometown to visit. That great-aunt had never married, and the two of them lived together in their old age. Fortunately, Suzhou is closer to Shanghai than Qingshui, so we can go back to visit her occasionally."
Chen Zhoudu remained silent, still harboring many doubts and questions. He wanted to ask further, but after careful consideration, he chose to remain silent.
They were approaching a subway station, and Xia Chan stopped to face him. "Alright, the subway station is just ahead. You should go back now. And don't do this kind of thing again. Your status is not ordinary now; if someone takes a picture of you, it'll cause quite a stir. I'm going back now too. Goodbye."
She turned around after speaking. "Xia Chan..." Shen Zhoudu gently tapped her wrist and then immediately let go, a faint smile in his eyes as he looked at her.
"Don't you have anything to say to me?"
Xia Chan stopped and lowered her head, pursing her lips as if pondering something. When she looked up at him again, she said, "Yes."
The sunken boat crossed the river, and a look of joy flashed in his eyes.
She said, "From now on, let's go our separate ways and have no further contact."
His initial joy quickly subsided like dust kicked up by a whip.
Xia Chan saw the rapidly changing expression in his eyes, and instead of looking at him quietly, she smiled slightly and said, "To be honest, I really didn't expect to see you again. I may have owed you a little bit of a debt of affection back then, so I'm sorry for being late today."
"But I've always believed that my stance towards you back then was quite clear, and you should have given up long ago. I deleted all your contact information, and I forbade Siyi and Huangmao from contacting you... all of which demonstrated my attitude."
"It's been too long since this happened. If you want to blame or resent me, that's understandable, and I don't know how to make it up to you. But my hope is that we can go back to our original lives and not bother each other. So, Chenzhoudu, I apologize to you, but let's not cross paths again in the future."
Chen Zhoudu's gaze was deep and thoughtful, as if he were deeply stunned. After a long while, his voice was low and soft, "You know that's not what I want to hear."
"But that's all I wanted to say," Xia Chan said with a faint smile.
"I was just being polite that day, suggesting you meet Siyi and the others. I didn't expect you to take it seriously. Fine, if you took it seriously, then I'll let you meet. Now that you've met them, can't this be seen as putting a period to what you've been holding onto all these years?"
"Today you've seen our lives and know we're both doing well, so it's time to let go of some things. So, from today onwards, let's go our separate ways and not bother each other anymore."
Chen Zhoudu stared blankly for a long time without saying a word. Her tone was unusually calm and composed, and her expression was obviously distant.
A cool evening breeze gently passed between them, as if it were invisibly pulling something further away.
"Xia Chan..." After a long while, he called her name softly, his voice hoarse as if it had been sanded.
"My feelings have never changed..."
"I've been waiting for you, and I've been looking for you."
"I know," she said with a frank smile.
Her frankness, however, seemed to be a thorn that hurt him instead, causing Chen Zhoudu's eyes to ripple violently.
Xia Chan sighed softly as she looked at his momentarily wounded gaze.
"Therefore, Chenzhoudu, you should understand my attitude even more, and cut your losses in time to avoid adding more hopeless sunk costs. This is my advice to you, and also my apology as a former friend. I sincerely hope that everything goes well for you in your future work and life."
His eyes suddenly seemed even more hurt, and he looked at her cold expression with a hint of disbelief, saying in a low, hoarse voice, "But you didn't know to say that back then."
He said, "You said... you're happy to be with me, so you're willing to try going to university with me and coming to my city."
"Wasn't that so you could go back to Shanghai?" Xia Chan smiled calmly.
Chen Zhoudu's eyes widened in astonishment.
“If you want to hear it, I can still say something similar to you now, but a lie is a lie. If you listen to a lie as if it were true, it won’t become true. You’re just constantly deceiving yourself.”
"But you also said you liked me!" he stubbornly insisted, his chest heaving slightly. "That year after the college entrance exam... I called you, and you said to yourself, 'You like me too.' You even gave me a guitar... How much did that guitar cost? Was it cheap for you at the time? You went to such lengths just to lie to me?"
Xia Chan stared at him in silence for a while, then looked away as if she couldn't understand him, took a deep breath, and said, "Chen Zhoudu, perhaps I did like you."
Her words "like" rekindled a small hope in his heart, but it quickly faded again because of the "past".
"But that was nine years ago, nine years ago."
She gestured to him with the number "nine".
"Chenzhoudu, I was too young back then, and so were you. There were many things we didn't understand; we were just presumptuous. Do you know what nine years represents? Anything can pass, any emotion can fade, and it makes you realize that no one in this world is indispensable. And we only spent half a year together back then."
"I believe you definitely liked me before, but that wasn't now. Besides, you knew me when I was seventeen, and you don't understand me now. You don't like me now either; you're just unwilling to let go. I've made everything clear to you today, and you should accept it. So, cut your losses now!"
His pupils remained fixed on her reflection, as if in astonishment and disbelief, yet his gaze remained stubborn and deep, and his words were resolute: "I am not."
He said, "I'm sure I'm not."
His voice was incredibly hoarse. Suddenly, as if struggling to breathe, he removed one side of his mask and took a deep breath. Xia Chan finally saw his expression. He was truly dejected and broken, his lips pale.
He stared at her intently, speaking slowly and deliberately, "Xia Chan, I don't believe a single word you say."
Believe it or not, it's up to you.
The two stood in the shade of a dense camphor tree at the crossroads. Xia Chan subconsciously looked around, quietly took two steps back, gave him a cautious look, and then turned and left.
"Xia Chan." He suddenly reached out and grabbed her with great force.
Xia Chan turned her gaze to his hand, her voice turning cold, "Let go!"
He clenched his fist, but then stiffly loosened it as if at a loss. To prevent her from leaving again, he quickly blocked her path, put on a mask, and then gently unfolded something in front of her.
"This is for you..."
Xia Chan was slightly taken aback.
That was a cicada.
A small cicada.
The cicada's body was full and symmetrical, and the knife marks were clear and smooth. Only the size of a single bone segment lay quietly in his palm as if asleep.
Xia Chan paused in surprise, then looked up at him blankly. She saw his clear eyes slightly curved as if he were smiling gently at her, and then he tentatively placed the cicada in her palm.
"The cicada I carved back then was too ugly. I promised you I would give you a better one later."
"And then..."
The night breeze was still, rustling softly through the gaps in the camphor trees overhead.
Chen Zhoudu felt a slight coolness on his fingertips as he placed the cicada in her hand and closed his palm.
Xia Chan's knuckles trembled slightly for a moment, and she pursed her lips, feeling something hidden under her clothes suddenly heat up.
She gripped the cicada tightly, raising her hand to throw it away. But Chen Zhoudu spoke first, "Even if you want to throw it away—"
Xia Chan paused.
"And don't throw it in front of me."
His eyes seemed to be slightly filled with clear water, quietly reflecting her image. His eyes curved into a slight smile, like expectation or pleading. He stared at her intently and whispered, "Even if you don't leave me with just a little bit of hope, please?"
Xia Chan gripped the wooden cicada's hand tightly for a moment, then stiffened before finally letting go. He looked at her movement and smiled gently, saying, "Xia Chan, there are some things I can't do."
He retreated step by step, gradually stepping out into the shadows outside the trees, when suddenly he was illuminated by the streetlights.
A breeze rustled the hem of his clothes and trousers. He was being blown by the wind and enveloped by the bright lights, and for a moment, he felt unreal.
The gentle words drifted in like a breeze: "I'm sorry."
Watching his retreating figure, Xia Chan held the cicada in her hand and felt as if it had subtly burned her, the sensation spreading from her palm all the way to her heart.
She stared blankly down at the cicada in her palm, feeling as if her chest was filled with something, which then burst open in an instant, disappearing like sand in an hourglass.
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