【20】I am always afraid of owing others, and I am also afraid that others will feel that they owe me.
The windshield wipers, like the most devoted weather forecasters, spun back and forth at full speed, completely drowning out the music playing inside the car, along with the crackling sound of the rain outside, leaving only the lyrics silently displayed on the screen. Not only was it windy and rainy, but it also ushered in the first significant drop in temperature of autumn. Liang Zhiyao had been deceived by the sunny weather when she left home that morning and had only light clothing, a thought she couldn't help but regret. Tan Xu noticed she was shivering with cold and first turned on the air conditioner to warm and the heated seats. Only then, as they approached a fork in the road, did he remember to ask her, "Are we going to the library or back to the apartment?" Although she had felt a strong urge to go home and hide in bed immediately during her emotional breakdown, the thought of having to return to the teaching building alone for class at 4 p.m., uncertain whether the rain would stop, caused her to hesitate. The few seconds of pause gave Tan Xu no time to swerve, and inertia forced her to drive straight through the intersection, instantly displacing the car in the direction of the library. Finally, she realized, "...Then let's go back to the apartment." "It's 12:30 now. Do you have classes this afternoon?" he asked. "But the wind and rain are going to get worse soon, and maybe the suspension notice will be issued soon." Liang Zhiyao, realizing something, asked Tan Xu, "I just remembered. Isn't today Thursday? Didn't you go to the city for your internship?" In fact, the urban-rural boundary in most parts of the United States is very blurred. The area they were in was more of a distinction between large cities and small towns, unlike the countryside with its farmland and pastures. Yet, international students still often referred to the small town where their school was located as "the village," and the bustling area with tall buildings a dozen miles away as "the city," to distinguish them. "Due to the heavy rain, everyone worked from home," he said. "That's quite considerate." Liang Zhiyao nodded in agreement and stopped talking. Her mind was still preoccupied with the coffee shop's closure. As she spoke, her mind wandered, thinking about her alternatives if she lost her job in two weeks. If she lost her job, she would either continue to look for another part-time job on campus at the Student Center or find an off-campus job. The former is uncertain about when a suitable job will become available, while the latter offers numerous opportunities, though they inevitably require documentation and documentation to prove family hardship. Another option is to secretly work part-time at a Chinese restaurant that doesn't care about employees' status, commonly known as "working illegally." This is no secret in the United States, as many illegal immigrants make their living this way. These jobs are often exhausting, and often lead to harassment from their bosses due to their status issues...
The windshield wipers on the car's front window were like the most loyal weather forecaster, swaying back and forth at full speed. Together with the crackling sound of the rain outside, they completely covered up the music playing in the car, leaving only the lyrics silently displayed on the screen.
Not only was it windy and rainy that day, but it also ushered in the first big drop in temperature in autumn. Liang Zhiyao was deceived by the sunny and windy weather when he went out in the morning and only wore light clothes. Now he couldn't help but feel a little regretful.
Tan Xu noticed she was shivering with cold, so he turned the air conditioner to warm and then turned on the heated seats. As they were approaching a fork in the road, he suddenly remembered to ask her, "Are we going to the library or back to the apartment?"
Although she had a strong urge to go home and hide in bed immediately when she broke down, she hesitated when she thought about having to return to the teaching building alone to attend class at four o'clock in the afternoon without knowing whether the rain would stop or not. Her reason and emotion began to fight again, and she hesitated.
The pause of a few seconds did not allow Tan Xu to turn the car in time. Due to inertia, the car went straight at the intersection and instantly moved away from the library.
She finally reacted: "...Then let's go back to the apartment."
"It's 12:30 now. Do you have classes this afternoon?" he asked. "But the wind and rain will get stronger soon. Maybe they'll issue a notice to suspend classes soon."
Liang Zhiyao realized something and asked Tan Xu, "I just remembered, isn't today Thursday? Didn't you go to the city for internship?"
In fact, the boundaries between urban and rural areas in much of the United States are quite blurred. The areas they live in are more like the distinction between large cities and small towns, quite different from the countryside with its farmland and pastures. However, international students still often refer to the small town where their school is located as "the village," and the bustling area with tall buildings a dozen miles away as "the city," to distinguish them.
"During the rainstorm, all employees were asked to work from home," he said. "That's quite a humanistic gesture."
Liang Zhiyao nodded in agreement and didn't say anything else.
In fact, her mind was still full of the fact that the coffee shop was going to close. She couldn't help but get distracted while talking, thinking about the alternative plan if she lost this job in half a month.
After losing your job, you either have to continue looking for another part-time job on campus through the Student Center, or work off-campus. The former offers uncertainty about when you'll find a suitable job with the right time, while the latter offers a wide range of opportunities, though you'll need to go through the necessary procedures and provide documentation to prove your family's financial hardship.
In fact, there is another way, which is to find a Chinese restaurant that does not care about the identity of employees and work part-time secretly, commonly known as working illegally. This is no secret in the United States, and many illegal immigrants make a living this way.
This type of work is often exhausting, and because of her status, she's subject to intense manipulation and exploitation by her boss, which inevitably impacts her studies. She initially held onto a lucky break, not wanting to try until the very last moment. But when she's truly cornered, she can't have it both ways, and survival is the priority.
After the rumor and rumor-busting incident, given Lin Jiayue's behavior, if she were found to be working illegally off campus, would they report it to the school? In that case, her student visa might even be revoked, which would be a loss.
After further deduction, all the seemingly feasible paths turned out to be dead ends, which was frustrating.
Her brain was working at high speed, but Tan Xu suddenly asked her, "What happened again? You don't feel good."
"Ah?" She was taken aback for a moment and smiled bitterly: "Is it obvious?"
"Your eyes are a little red," he said. "Also, you're usually so overly polite, like you're afraid of owing me anything, but today you didn't even say thank you when you got in the car."
“…”
He added with a smile, "Of course I don't blame you for not saying thank you, it just feels a bit unusual."
"Hmm... I've been wanting to say this for a long time," she asked. "Has anyone ever advised you not to always speak directly about your observations? Haven't you heard the saying 'Don't expose difficult situations'? If you keep doing that, it's easy to break people's defenses."
"Sorry," he smiled, "But didn't you say it yourself yesterday? If anything bad happens again, you will share it with your 'friends'."
"...That's true," Liang Zhiyao sighed. "The truth is, the coffee shop is closing in two weeks. I'll soon be unemployed, and paying off that 'legendary three million' will probably be even further away."
It was at this moment that she realized that her mood might not be that bad - she was actually in the mood to make fun of the previous rumors and make a joke about it again, although her tone was indeed deliberately light-hearted.
"It's bad news indeed."
He parked the car and looked down at his watch. "Comfort doesn't seem to be doing much. It's better to offer some care within my power. When do you have class this afternoon? I'll drive you back to school then."
As if afraid she would refuse, he immediately added, "The rumor thing just ended. It's best not to be unemployed and caught in the rain in the same day. People have limited emotional resilience, and experiencing too much unpleasantness in a short period of time can easily lead to a breakdown."
"Thanks, but I noticed...I don't think I have to go to school anymore?"
She showed him the email she had just received on her phone. "You were right! They issued a notice regarding the suspension of classes due to the hurricane and heavy rain. All classes this afternoon are either canceled or moved online."
They had initially thought the school closure was a good thing—with the rain pouring down and the wind howling outside, listening to the lecture at home with headphones on was better than braving the rain and rushing to the classroom. But Liang Zhiyao soon realized that the school closure only meant that the wind and rain were even worse than expected, which wasn't a good sign.
Throughout the afternoon, the lights in the apartment flickered inexplicably several times, and occasionally made a crackling sound as if there was a poor connection.
By the evening, several international students in WeChat groups had reported power outages in their homes. Liang Zhiyao, feeling a sense of foreboding, quickly dropped his half-eaten dinner and took a shower, suggesting his two other roommates follow suit.
It turned out that she was very prescient - after the three of them took a shower, before they had time to dry their hair, the power in the apartment went out and the hot water soon stopped.
They used to complain about the exhaust fans in American apartment bathrooms running 24 hours a day and not being able to be turned off manually, which was very annoying. Now that even it has quieted down, they feel that there is nothing wrong with a little noise.
At seven o'clock in the evening, the afterglow of the setting sun became the only remaining source of light in this large two-bedroom apartment.
"What should I do? I haven't even cooked dinner yet." Qin Lu tried to turn on the stove without any hope, but it didn't work. "But our apartment kitchen doesn't use an induction cooker. If I go to the supermarket and buy a lighter and light it manually, I should be able to cook."
"But is the refrigerator out of power?" Ye Xin opened the door of the refrigerator compartment, and sure enough, the light inside was no longer on.
Qin Lu was a little helpless: "I just went to the supermarket for a big shopping yesterday... What a loss. If the power goes out, these meat and vegetables will barely make it to tomorrow, and there's no telling what they will last after that."
Ye Xin opened her eyes wide: "Tomorrow? It can't be that there is no call tomorrow, right?"
"It's hard to say. The infrastructure here isn't as reliable as it is back home. I've been here for four years, and if there's a power outage, it might take three to five days to restore."
"What Qin Lu said should be correct," Liang Zhiyao said helplessly, swiping the screen of his phone. "Look at that group of 500 people. Someone posted a notice that the power company just updated on its official website. It feels quite serious."
Simply put, their area is powered by the same energy company. Due to the devastating infrastructure in some parts of the United States, strong winds caused trees to fall onto power lines and poles, causing widespread power outages. The power company uploaded a real-time power outage map and said they are doing their best to repair it, and it is expected that 80% of the area will have power restored by Sunday.
"Sunday? That's incredibly efficient." Ye Xin rolled her eyes helplessly, then suddenly remembered something and pulled out a whole can of unopened Haagen-Dazs from the freezer. "Do you want to share it? It'll just melt if we can't finish it tonight."
It was a rare opportunity to eat such a sinful sweet treat with a clear conscience, so Qin Lu no longer worried about how to make dinner. The three of them each took a spoon and divided the large tube of rich chocolate ice cream.
But after we finished eating, it was completely dark, and life without electricity was still difficult.
Ye Xin's aunt called and asked her to spend the weekend at her home—over an hour's drive from the school, powered by a different energy company, and largely unaffected. So she quickly began packing, preparing to flee to her relatives' home. Qin Lu, on the other hand, planned to stay in the lab. She'd heard the school's power supply was special, so many areas should still have electricity.
Liang Zhiyao didn't know what to do for a moment. He thought about checking the battery of his mobile phone, only to find that there was a message from Tan Xugang.
"Have you had dinner yet? The gas stove in the apartment can be ignited manually. I have a long-handled lighter here. Come to 630 to find me if you need one."
She then replied: "I finished eating before the power went out. How are you?"
"I haven't eaten yet. I probably won't be able to eat it."
"Why? Can't I ignite it manually?"
"I'm out of food. I wanted to go buy some after get off work, but I heard there's a panic over the power outage. Supermarkets are packed, and the few restaurants with backup power are also overflowing."
Liang Zhiyao is short on time and money, so he never cooks and eats it all at once. He always makes a big pot at a time and divides it into portions so that he can eat it two or three times. Today's dinner was no exception.
She asked, "I made an extra portion for dinner and just put it in the refrigerator when the power went out. It should still be warm. Do you want to eat it?"
"Of course. Which room are you staying in?"
"306."
Liang Zhiyao glanced back at Ye Xin, who was sitting on the living room floor packing her suitcase. For some reason, he suddenly added, "Don't come down. I'll go upstairs and get it for you."
So five minutes later, she was standing in front of the door 630 with a lunch box.
The door opened after two knocks. Tan Xu was wearing casual home clothes, a beige long-sleeved knit with dark linen threads. He looked so pale, probably because he was really hungry.
His hair was still wet, and had a different scent than usual, probably from shampoo. Seeing her scrutinize him, he reluctantly explained, "I was showering when the power went out. Suddenly, everything went black, and the water quickly ran cold."
Liang Zhiyao chuckled: "That's a bit tragic."
But then she felt that it was a bit unfair, so she suppressed her smile and handed the lunch box over. "Here you go. Luckily it's been in the refrigerator for a short time, so it didn't get cold."
"Thank you." Tan Xu took the lunch box, but had no intention of closing the door, and even moved forward to make way.
"Why don't you come in first? I'll put the food directly into the tableware, wash the lunch box and return it to you."
"...Alright."
This was Liang Zhiyao's first time stepping into a boy's residence. He felt a little reserved, but also a little curious.
"Is your roommate here?"
"I don't have a roommate," he shook his head. "I had one the first two years, but since I moved here, I've lived alone."
She took a look at the layout of the house and saw that there was only one bedroom, though the door was closed and the inside could not be seen. The furniture in the living room was all in a simple style with cool colors. It didn't have much of a warm atmosphere, but it did look quite high-end.
Compared to the two-bedroom apartment in 306, the living room here is smaller, and there's one less bedroom, yet the rent isn't much lower, making the price-performance ratio quite low. Of course, the freedom of living alone comes at a price.
She was observing the room layout out of curiosity about other apartment types in the same apartment, but Tan Xu seemed to have misunderstood. He looked down at her wandering gaze, raised an eyebrow, and asked, "Why, are you afraid now?"
"ah?"
"You're quite courageous, running into the home of a person of the opposite sex who lives alone."
He looked at him with a playful look. Liang Zhiyao suddenly felt his ears burning. He had been looking around just now, but now he didn't know where to put his eyes. He stammered, "I didn't know you lived alone."
For some reason, when she saw Ye Xin in the living room, she instinctively felt guilty about Tan Xu going to Room 306 to find her, and naturally changed to the opposite plan. However, she did not expect that the nature of the meeting would change, causing another embarrassment.
Fortunately, he didn't continue to tease me and took the lunch box to the island in the open kitchen.
"Thank you, it looks delicious." Tan Xu put the vegetables and rice in the lunch box into different bowls and suddenly smiled. "To be honest, I'm a little flattered."
"You're welcome. I originally packaged it up to eat tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, but the power outage means we can't refrigerate it, so it'll probably go bad soon." She said, "It would be a waste to leave it alone anyway, so I might as well put it to good use."
"...Actually, you didn't have to say the words after 'you're welcome,'" he said, his lips curled up. "You were clearly doing a good deed, but you chose to downplay your kindness and make it sound like it wasn't worth mentioning. Do you have to be so reserved when making friends?"
Is this considered awkward? Liang Zhiyao couldn't help but retort: "... Most people would say it's emotional intelligence and thoughtfulness."
Maybe she doesn't like to cause trouble to others, so she judges others by herself and is always worried that others will have extra pressure.
Tan Xu added, "Looking back now, it seems like you're always afraid of owing others, and also afraid that others will feel they owe you. If I consider this meal as a reward for driving you home at noon, and reciprocate the favor, wouldn't that make you feel better?"
"Last night, after I debunked the rumor, I asked you a math question. That was just to distract you, but it might have backfired, making you think I was asking for something in return for such a small favor. Picking you up on the way this afternoon was just a simple favor, and there wasn't any need for an equivalent exchange."
"So why not give it a try? Don't be so polite with me?" He teased. "Like you said last time, I don't have a sense of boundaries anyway, right?"
"...Are you such a vindictive person?" She said helplessly.
In fact, having a strong sense of boundaries doesn't mean keeping people at a distance. Liang Zhiyao's attitude of "nothing owed to each other" also depends on the person. The way she and Tan Xu became "friends" was a bit strange. When they were together, she was always particularly careful about the sense of propriety, but when interacting with others, she was not so deliberate.
After transferring the food, Tan Xu began to wash the lunch boxes.
"By the way, is there any follow-up to your unemployment?" His voice was a little unclear over the sound of the faucet.
"I guess so. The Student Center knew the coffee shop was closing and proactively emailed us, saying they'd give us priority if there were other on-campus jobs."
She never went into the living room, but stood near the door, examining the ambiguous abstract lines in the frames on the wall. "But school has only just started for a little over a month, so the timing is a bit awkward. We can only try our luck."
"If there are internship opportunities during the semester, would you be interested?"
"What?"
The faucet was turned off, and the room suddenly fell silent. Tan Xu wiped his hands with a tissue, pulled up his LinkedIn status page on his phone, and said to her:
"I just saw that a senior I know is looking for interns. It's not a big-name company, but the salary should be decent."
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
07-15
This chapter does not discredit the US infrastructure at all and is very close to the real situation. If there is any similarity, it is purely documentary literature.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
