【26】They say they like each other, but in reality they treat each other as tools.
After returning home from the library, Liang Zhiyao finally saw Ye Xin, who had disappeared for several days. She had no classes on Monday, so she simply stayed at her aunt's house for an extra day after the weekend. As soon as she entered the house, she started complaining bitterly. "Finally I'm back. My aunt's son is seven or eight years old. A little boy of this age is an only child. He wishes the whole world would listen to him. It's really terrible." "Why didn't you come back earlier?" Liang Zhiyao smiled. "In fact, the power supply was restored on Saturday night, which was faster than expected." "They bought tickets for last night's concert. It was almost ten o'clock when they finished listening, so they could only come back today." Ye Xin pushed the suitcase inward and let it slide into the living room by inertia. She finally had her hands free to close the door. "I wanted to come back early too. Besides the annoying kid, I can't wait to hear gossip." She took off her coat and hung it on the coat rack at the door. Without caring about the pile of luggage that had not been packed, she ran over and crossed her legs on the sofa: "Tell me, what's going on between you and Tan Xu?" Liang Zhiyao didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "Just what was said in the voice message at the time... There's nothing wrong. It's not the kind of plot you imagined." "Tsk—" she said, unconvinced. "You didn't think you could get rid of me just like that? With four people going out together, if one of them is a couple, the other two are bound to have some kind of flirtation, right?" "Not really," Liang Zhiyao blinked. "At least I don't... have any feelings for him." "Why?" Ye Xin asked, puzzled. "At least from a worldly perspective, he probably still meets most girls' mate selection criteria. Otherwise, he wouldn't have the chance to become a so-called "Sea King." Liang Zhiyao thought for a moment. "How should I put it... Remember that investment class we took together last semester? I was probably one of those extreme 'risk-averse' people. If something or someone makes me feel out of control, no matter how tempting, I won't touch it." "So there's still temptation?" Ye Xin keenly grasped the key words in her words. "You just said 'I don't have any feelings for him.' Most people don't actually talk like that... you know." Most people would say "no" instead of "wouldn't" if they weren't interested. Liang Zhiyao was surprised by Ye Xin's perceptiveness and felt a little bit of inexplicable shame. Compared to her, her friends were much more direct, usually speaking their mind. Her shy personality, however, might have made her less than forthright. "Maybe you're right, but that's not important," she shook her head. "It's easy to become interested in people, but in the end, it all comes down to reason...
After returning home from the library, Liang Zhiyao finally saw Ye Xin who had disappeared for several days.
She had no classes on Monday, so she simply stayed at her aunt's house for one more day after the weekend. As soon as she entered the door, she started complaining.
"Finally he's back. My aunt's son is seven or eight years old. A boy of this age, and an only child, would want the whole world to listen to him. It's really terrifying."
"Why didn't you come back earlier?" Liang Zhiyao smiled. "In fact, the power supply was restored on Saturday night, which was faster than expected."
"They bought tickets for last night's concert, and it was almost ten o'clock when they finished, so they can only come back today." Ye Xin pushed the suitcase inward, letting it slide into the living room by inertia, and finally had her hands free to close the door. "I wanted to come back early too. Besides being too annoying with the naughty kids, I also can't wait to hear the gossip."
She took off her coat and casually hung it on the coat rack by the door. Not caring about the pile of luggage that hadn't been packed, she ran over and crossed her legs on the sofa: "Tell me, what's going on between you and Tan Xu?"
Liang Zhiyao didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "That's what was said in the voicemail at that time...Nothing happened. It's not the kind of plot you imagined."
"Tsk—" She wasn't buying it at all. "You didn't think you could get rid of me just like that? With four people hanging out like this, and one of them is a couple, the other two are bound to have some romance, right?"
"It's not that absolute," Liang Zhiyao blinked, "At least I don't have any thoughts about him..."
"Why?" Ye Xin asked in confusion, "At least from a secular perspective, he should still meet the mate selection criteria of most girls, otherwise he wouldn't have the chance to become the so-called Sea King."
Liang Zhiyao thought for a moment. "How can I describe it... Do you remember that investment class we took together last semester? I'm probably one of those extreme 'risk-averse' people. If something or someone makes me feel out of control, no matter how tempting it is, I won't touch it."
"So there's still temptation?" Ye Xin keenly grasped the key words in her words. "You just said 'I won't have any thoughts about him'. Most people don't actually talk like that... You know."
Most people who are not interested will say "no" instead of "can't".
Liang Zhiyao was surprised by Ye Xin's sharpness, yet also felt a strange sense of shame. Compared to her, her friends were much more direct, usually speaking their minds, and perhaps, with her shy personality, she wasn't entirely honest.
"Maybe you're right, but that's not important," she shook her head. "It's easy to become interested in people, but in the end, you still have to rely on reason to make decisions."
"Life will be boring if people are too rational," Ye Xin said disapprovingly. "Besides, the more you say that, the more I look forward to the day when someone appears who fascinates you to the point of losing their rationality. Life would be more interesting then."
She laughed, "It's best not to show up. I've had a bit too exciting these past six months."
"So what does Tan Xu think of you?" Ye Xin continued to ask, "Now that I think about it, he was also helping with the rumor incident last time. He likes you, right?"
Liang Zhiyao was slightly startled. A subconscious rebuttal was on the tip of his tongue, but he never said it out loud. In the end, it turned into: "I don't know."
Her thoughts drifted back to the summer when she was eighteen, the first time someone seriously said "I like you" to her.
At that time, I also thought that "liking" was black and white, but later I found out that for some people, liking can be a way to add color to life only at a specific time and place. It can exist only because of convenience, and it can end at any time because of the loss of convenience.
That incident made Liang Zhiyao realize for the first time that judging others by oneself is often meaningless.
As for Tan Xu, she truly didn't know—or rather, simply declaring someone liked someone or not was meaningless. Everyone has a different measure of liking someone, and the degree of cherishing and devotion varies. Using one person's value judgment to measure another's feelings will always result in a unit of error.
Ye Xin misunderstood, interpreting it as the unspeakable nature of the ambiguous period, and revealed a meaningful expression: "Oh, I understand, I understand."
Liang Zhiyao didn't know how to explain it to her without making things worse. Feeling helpless, he couldn't help but fight back: "What about you? Do you have any new male guests you can share your appreciation for?"
Ye Xin felt sore this time, and she instantly lost her temper. She slumped down on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. "What should I do? I've actually been dating on and off, but they all seem so boring."
After a few seconds of silence, she quickly sat up straight and tried to explain, "Hey, it's not because I'm still thinking about Cheng Yan—well, maybe a small part of it is because of him," she blinked, "mainly because I've discovered in recent dates that most boys may not like and pursue me as a person?"
"How do you say that?"
"Although I get moved when I see a handsome guy, I definitely don't fall head over heels in love with him right away," Ye Xin said thoughtfully. "I used to take it for granted, but lately I've been having trouble understanding why some guys would pursue me so passionately the first time we meet, without even saying a few words. Even if I'm lukewarm or even mean and rude, they don't get angry."
Last week, she was over half an hour late for a date, which was actually quite excessive, but the guy didn't care at all. Instead, he said it was because she was inconsiderate and the date was too early. She should have been touched by his thoughtfulness, but she was also suspicious.
Liang Zhiyao thought for a moment: "Maybe they think these are the extra costs of pursuing beautiful women?"
"Right? I'm just a symbol of beauty. My specific personality is unimportant to them," she said. "So, without getting to know me well or spending time with me, they brazenly declare they like me and tirelessly invest their time and money. Even the most well-off men feel humiliated when they think about this."
Liang Zhiyao listened with great interest: "But what if someone really falls in love with you at first sight? Beauty is part of who you are, and it's hard to separate it. And after just a few words, you'll always have an initial judgment of a person. If someone is really attracted to you upon meeting you, wouldn't they also be hurt by mistake?"
"Then he must have a temper," Ye Xin propped her chin with one hand, her long eyelashes trembling slightly. "He may like me, but he must also cherish his own feelings. If he doesn't feel the same interest and sincerity in our relationship, he will choose to leave. After all, true love should be attracted, not chased."
"So actually—regarding that question I was struggling with a while ago about whether or not I should actively pursue a man, even though I don't have anyone to put this into practice right now—I feel like I have the answer," she said with a smile. "I don't think it's cheap for a woman to actively show affection and charm. But at the same time, no matter the man or woman, it seems like no one should go all out and force themselves to 'chase' a relationship."
She spoke slowly and seriously. Liang Zhiyao was unfamiliar with Ye Xin, but she had a strange charm.
"Do you really like Cheng Yan that much?" She sighed, "I've become a philosopher because of him."
However, Ye Xin shook her head: "On the contrary, I might not like it that much. The criticisms I made just now were not directed at others, but more at myself."
"What's the meaning?"
"Because I found that I might not be much different from those boys," Ye Xin lowered her head in thought. "You just asked me, 'Do you really like Cheng Yan that much?' Actually, I only had close contact with him that one time. Although that meeting was indeed a huge contrast to my previous impression of him, I don't believe that I was so overwhelmed by his charm that I lost my appetite."
"So I've been thinking a lot these past few days, and I've discovered that my mentality might be a little twisted... You know that plot in idol dramas, where the handsome, wealthy, and overbearing CEO is admired by all the girls, but the heroine just doesn't like him, and then it becomes 'Woman, you've successfully caught my attention'... cough cough cough." She felt a little embarrassed when she said this.
Liang Zhiyao understood: "Do you think you are the domineering CEO and Cheng Yan is the heroine?"
"Almost... I've reflected deeply on this. Maybe it's because of this face since I was little. Any boy I showed the slightest interest in would easily develop a crush on me. The only exception is Cheng Yan. Actually, when I praised his cooking, was that a hint? After all, his cooking was nothing to praise. But he started flirting with Liu Siyan that day, so..."
"So you think your interest in him is more out of a desire to conquer him?" Liang Zhiyao completed it for her.
"I can't rule out that possibility," Ye Xin nodded. "It might be because I rarely feel frustrated about this kind of thing, and subconsciously I see him as someone to prove my charm, so I'm so obsessed with him. It's quite selfish and tacky. When I think about it, I'm no different from those guys who are willing to be lickspittles just because they're beautiful. They say they like someone, but in reality they just treat them as tools."
After reading too many interviews with public intellectuals and sociology books, she always comes up with the phrase "people are the end, not the means", but she clearly hates being objectified, yet she can't help objectifying others.
Liang Zhiyao, however, couldn't bear to see her self-deprecation, and said with a mixture of laughter and tears, "But you will reflect on it! What man would reflect on whether he truly likes a beautiful woman for herself or is just using her as a tool? I don't agree with you saying such a bad thing about yourself."
Ye Xin smiled sweetly: "I knew you could always find an angle to praise me."
Looking at her lively expression, Liang Zhiyao suddenly felt that although Ye Xin had been in several relationships, those relationships might not be considered effective. On the contrary, her unwavering love for Cheng Yan, whether true or false, was the most meaningful one.
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
07-23
Girls are very easy to reflect on themselves! This chapter will be updated on Thursday qwq and will be updated normally on Friday
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