【27】It’s not nervousness, it’s probably shyness
The next afternoon, Liang Zhiyao went to the library and bought a cup of coffee on the basement level. Unsure of Tan Xu's taste, she ordered a double shot of espresso, a flat white he'd ordered during the group discussion. As October neared its end, and while there were occasional chats about Halloween activities around school, the disappointing reality was that once the revelry was over, midterm exams would begin, and the library was visibly filled with students cramming for last-minute study sessions. They met as usual in the common area outside the study room. Besides having outlets, the atmosphere here was more relaxed than inside, allowing for casual conversation and discussion. "Here, it's your treat," she said, placing the coffee on the table upon her arrival and pushing it toward Tan Xu like a treasure. "Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?" he asked suspiciously. "You're being nice to me for no reason..." "Ahem," she quickly interrupted him, pulling out the email from her phone, her eyes crescent-shaped. "The internship I applied for last week got an interview invitation today—so I wanted to express my gratitude to my recommender." Recalling their conversation the night of the power outage, Liang Zhiyao, fearing he'd be accused of being too eager to return the favor, retorted, "Don't call me reserved again. I'm just so happy I couldn't help but share my joy." It wasn't just the internship interview; it was also about Tan Xu's invitation to look at photos last night, which had made her resolve to reject that immoral temptation. Looking at the maple leaf photos, she suddenly remembered what he'd said to her that day in the hazy pre-sunrise air: "You're much more capable than you think." What if she really was? If they could achieve their goals even without resorting to crooked means, then compromising now, seemingly out of necessity, would surely lead to lifelong regret. After all, even if no one else knew, the memory of past depravity could never be erased. Then, as if heaven were rewarding her for holding firm, the interview invitation appeared in her inbox this morning, brightening Liang Zhiyao's mood for the entire day. But Tan Xu didn't play by the rules: "...I suddenly think there's something wrong with returning the favor." "Huh?" "The bad thing is, I tend to push for more," he said, his lips curled. "If you get an offer, a cup of coffee might not be enough to keep me going." She choked on that. "Uh, I'm so broke right now... If you do get an offer, I'll definitely treat you to a meal." Afraid of seeming insincere, she added...
The next afternoon, when Liang Zhiyao went to the library, she first went to the basement to buy a cup of coffee. She didn't know what Tan Xu liked, so she copied the double espresso flat white that he had bought during the group discussion.
As the end of October approaches, although conversations about Halloween activities can be heard from time to time in school, the disappointing fact is that once the carnival is over, the midterm exams will begin, and the library will be visibly filled with many more students who come to cram for self-study.
As usual, they met in the public space outside the study room. Besides having sockets, the atmosphere here was more relaxed than inside, so it was okay to chat and discuss problems occasionally.
"Here, I'll treat you to a drink."
As soon as she arrived, she put the coffee she bought on the table and pushed it towards Tan Xu as if presenting a treasure.
"Why are you suddenly so nice to me?" He was suspicious: "You're being so attentive to me for no reason, really..."
"Ahem," she quickly interrupted his strange words and took out the email on her phone to show it, her eyes smiling like two crescent moons: "The internship I applied for last week sent me an interview invitation today - so I want to express my gratitude to the recommender."
Thinking back to their conversation the night of the power outage, Liang Zhiyao, afraid he'd accuse him of being too eager to return the favor, retorted, "Don't accuse me of being reserved again. I'm just so happy I couldn't help but share my joy."
In fact, it was not just because of the internship interview, but also because when Tan Xu asked her to look at photos together last night, she made up her mind to reject the bad temptation that trampled on morality.
When she saw the photos of maple leaves, she suddenly remembered what he said to her in the mist before sunrise that day: "You are much more capable than you think."
What if she is really more powerful than I think?
If you can ultimately achieve your goal without resorting to devious means, then compromising now, seemingly without any other choice, will surely lead to lifelong regret. After all, even if no one else knows, you can't erase the memory of your past depravity.
Then, as if God was rewarding her for sticking to her bottom line, the interview invitation appeared in her inbox this morning, making Liang Zhiyao's mood jump for the whole day.
But Tan Xu didn't play by the rules: "...I suddenly feel that there's nothing wrong with returning a favor."
"ha?"
"The bad thing is, I'm a pushover," he said, his lips curled up. "If you get the offer, a cup of coffee might not be enough to keep me company."
She choked at this, "Uh, I'm too poor now... If there really is an offer, I'll at least treat you to a meal."
Afraid of appearing insincere, he added, "Please go somewhere other than the school cafeteria."
He quipped, "Does McDonald's count as a place other than the school cafeteria?"
"It's not as good as fast food... but don't expect too much," Liang Zhiyao said sheepishly. "Given my current financial situation, this is already a huge loss."
Her first technical interview was scheduled for two days later, so she had to put her midterm exam aside and focus on cramming questions on an online learning platform for programmers. For them, this first-round interview is more like a written test: they have to complete the interviewer's requirements with code within a specified timeframe, or roughly explain their thinking. As long as they practice enough relevant questions, they'll be able to cover most common types of questions.
During the break after finishing the questions, she leaned over to look at Tan Xu's computer screen, but was surprised to find that he was not reviewing his financial studies at the moment, but was looking at the code instead.
"Are you going to study both majors mid-term?" "Well, human-computer interaction is actually okay, but algorithms and databases are a bit hardcore."
She suddenly seemed to perk up, remembering that she was a professional after all, and said in a sly way, "Ask me if you don't understand something. I have Algorithm 4.0, and I can be your strong partner."
He raised his eyebrows and smiled: "Thank you, I don't need a big brother for the time being, so you might as well use this time to do a few more questions. I've already drawn the cakes for you. It would be embarrassing if you didn't get to eat in the end."
Tan Xu kept his word, suddenly taking on the role of supervisor, and she experienced a treatment she hadn't even enjoyed from her parents. Liang Zhiyao's parents were very Versailles, often boasting to others that their daughter never worried them about her schoolwork. In fact, this was indeed the case. Most of the time, her parents let her control her own learning pace and didn't interfere much.
She was lucky. She diligently practiced questions according to the key points in the job description for two days, and passed the technical interview exceptionally smoothly. She was even asked a genuine original question with only some details modified.
As expected, I soon received an invitation for a behavioral interview next week. It was an online video interview, but the timing was quite awkward, almost right before the midterm exam.
No matter how hard one works, this arrangement is a bit of a challenge. Liang Zhiyao actually spent several days in a dark and gloomy life preparing for the exam. He randomly switched between two completely different deadlines every day. He had just jumped out of the state of reviewing for the exam and had to immediately prepare to tell the interview story. It was really a bit like a split personality.
They didn't return to the apartment parking lot from the library until ten o'clock in the evening. When entering the elevator, Tan Xu subconsciously pressed the button for the 3rd and 6th floors. The moment the elevator door closed, she quickly pressed the button for the first floor.
"Why aren't you going home so late?" he wondered.
"Well," she said, "I have to carry some things, which is not very convenient at home."
This was one of the drawbacks of living in the living room. Her bed was separated from Ye Xin's bedroom by a single wall, so the sound insulation was average. Reciting aloud would disturb her rest. While occasionally speaking in the library was fine, constantly reciting was inappropriate.
After much deliberation, the only good place I could think of was the lounge area on the first floor of the apartment building. There was even a communal coffee machine right next to it, so I could always refresh myself.
Tan Xu didn't go upstairs any further and got off the elevator with her on the first floor.
Seeing her puzzled look, he said, "Come together. I usually go to bed at twelve o'clock. Let's read for a while."
At this hour, the public space was completely silent, with no one around. Liang Zhiyao turned on his computer, connected it to the apartment's printer, and quickly printed out a few documents he had just written in the library.
Tan Xu sat down at the long desk and continued reading the notes for his finance course. She stared at him for a moment, then tiptoed to the corner farthest from the desk and sat on the sofa.
Half an hour later, Tan Xu got up and put a disposable paper cup under the coffee machine. The machine roared, making a long and noisy extraction sound.
The noise was so loud late at night that Liang Zhiyao completely ignored the sound of his footsteps. It was not until the coffee machine suddenly stopped that he realized there was someone behind him. He didn't know how long he had been standing there.
"I thought your major didn't have much to memorize?"
"Not much," she said sheepishly, "I was carrying other things."
If possible, she would rather do this alone. It was actually a bit awkward for him to be here, but she couldn't chase him away.
Tan Xu was curious and suddenly took the pages from her hand. She reached out to grab them back, but failed.
It was filled with English-language interview questions and answers, including the once-popular eight-question system from a leading fast-moving consumer goods company and the 16 leadership questions from a tech company that have become popular in recent years. He skimmed through it and noticed that she had written verbatim transcripts of every case from her past experience that would be suitable for her, even down to the exact sentence structure used for introduction, development, transition, and conclusion.
The most interesting part was the "ice-breaking" section at the beginning. The topics covered included weather changes in late autumn, Halloween activities and costumes, weekend plans, and even the recent presidential election. She rehearsed each one in her mind and prepared a few pre-made humorous answers and interactions.
It is indeed inevitable to have a small talk at the beginning of various interviews in the United States, but this is the first time he has seen someone who has prepared a script in advance for even this part of the chat. He doesn't know whether to praise her for her diligence or cover her face with his hands.
"...Please, stop looking." She wanted to crawl into the ground.
This kind of thing seemed outrageous when I prepared it myself, and it was extremely embarrassing to see it in others' eyes.
He tried hard to suppress his laughter, but couldn't help it. He raised the corner of his lip and handed the document back to her: "There's no need to prepare for the presidential election. They don't talk about politics because they don't want to be embarrassed."
"...Oh." She didn't look at him, lowered her eyes and crossed out that paragraph with a pen.
The coffee was ready. Tan Xu went to get a paper cup, but instead of going back to the long desk, he turned back, the smile still on his face: "Are you so serious about everything you do?"
No wonder he couldn't beat her at basketball. He used to pride himself on his skills, and he could go back and forth with his friends, but when he faced her, he was completely powerless.
She shook her head. "If the interview was in Chinese, I wouldn't have gone this far. You've been here longer and your English is very good, so you probably can't imagine why I'd be nervous."
Many international students majoring in engineering have poor English skills, but she is one of the better ones. She knows how to find various opportunities to improve her spoken English. She can speak fluently in group discussions, but when it comes to the interview, she still looks shy.
"After memorizing it like this, will your answers be too mechanical when you talk?" he asked again.
She recalled her interview for a summer internship earlier this year: "It might be a little... but if I don't prepare, I'll get nervous and won't be able to express myself clearly, which would be even worse. I have to choose the lesser of two evils."
"Then let's have a mock interview," he said. "You treat me like the interviewer, and I'll ask you questions and you answer them."
"……ah?"
Apart from group discussions with foreigners, Liang Zhiyao has never tried to speak English face to face with Chinese people, so the situation must be very strange.
She's seen seniors arrange mock interviews with each other during job hunting season, but she still thinks that's more suited to extroverts. If there's ever a particularly embarrassing moment for international students, she'd definitely vote for it.
"Let's not do it," she said, her face flushed. "It feels weird to suddenly have to speak English with someone I know."
"Give it a try," he insisted. "Memorizing a script and answering each question is definitely a completely different experience than talking to a real person. If you practice now, maybe you'll be able to handle it easily by the time you get to the interview."
In the end, she couldn't resist Tan Xu's strong persuasion and started to simulate in this weird style of painting.
He asked, she answered, occasionally asking follow-up questions and interrupting. In reality, they were only the three or five most common questions, but Liang Zhiyao, plucked up the courage to speak eloquently for over 20 minutes. In the late October weather, he was so embarrassed that he broke out in a light sweat.
Tan Xu really acted like a "lively person". He spoke at a speed almost as fast as a native speaker. When asking her questions, he didn't read from a script. Instead, he would use a similar way of saying things that required a twist to connect. Occasionally, he would ask in depth about something she mentioned in her answers. Although he didn't mean to make things difficult for her, she was still nervous and stumbled.
When it finally ended and they spoke back to Chinese, Liang Zhiyao breathed a sigh of relief as if he had been saved.
"Your face is too red," he laughed dumbly, "It's just a simulation, no need to be so nervous."
She pulled a pillow from the sofa, lowered her head and buried her face in it, her voice coming through a layer of space, "...I'm not nervous."
"What is that?"
She was silent for a few seconds. "It's just... don't you think it would be weird to suddenly speak English with someone who speaks Chinese every day?"
Especially since his accent was very pure, she always compared it with hers unconsciously when she spoke, and felt that her fluency and pronunciation were a bit inferior.
Tan Xu looked at Liang Zhiyao's embarrassed expression and suddenly had an epiphany.
Not nervous – could that be understood as shy?
She has a strong character and has always been excellent. She feels embarrassed to reveal her relatively clumsy side in front of others.
Or maybe... there was also some shyness because he was staring at her intently and she was worried about what he would think of her.
Tan Xu really wanted to know the answer, but asking this kind of question would most likely result in him taking one step forward while the other party would take ten steps back. So he suppressed the urge to find out the truth and lowered his head to take a sip of the coffee in the paper cup.
"It's not that exaggerated. Speaking up in class is pretty much the same thing anyway." He patted her shoulder calmly and said soothingly, "Language is just a tool. It's enough to express your meaning. If you really don't like it, don't practice it in the future."
Liang Zhiyao pondered for a while, then suddenly put down the pillow and said through gritted teeth, "How about we practice again in two days... Do you have time?"
"Anytime," he was surprised. "Why did you suddenly change your mind?"
"Well... if you think about it carefully, it's actually quite effective." After a moment of embarrassment, she was suddenly filled with ambition. "Actually, after practicing, I kind of understand what you mean. If I want to naturally integrate the memorized experiences into the conversation, I guess I still need to put in some effort. Anyway, I've already lost face in front of you. What's it called... diminishing marginal costs? Losing face twice is no different from losing face once, right..."
Tan Xu was amazed, thinking that this person changed his expression faster than turning the pages of a book. He was obviously uncomfortable with this method, but he still accepted it without hesitation in order to achieve his goal.
She is really hard on herself.
"...Is it okay?" Seeing that he didn't answer immediately, she asked again.
He smiled and said, "Well, you know what? It's increasingly looking like I should be able to have that meal."
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
07-24
Could this chapter be considered a different kind of shame play? (Cangsang lights a cigarette, a giant car driving through his mind.) If you look closely, this story should take place in 2020 (the chapter mentions the presidential election), when various AI applications are not yet particularly popular (without the help of Teacher Chat). And most importantly, I selfishly hope that the heroine's graduation will catch up with the golden period of 2021-2022 when American programmers are particularly easy to find jobs. I asked my programmer friends, and they said it was really easy to get a job back then. I really can't bear to see the heroine, who has worked so hard to graduate, have to go through such a dark job market in the past two years...
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