【33】People’s memories sometimes cannot withstand excessive scrutiny and scrutiny.
The next day, Liang Zhiyao slept groggily until noon before finally waking. A cocktail and a glass of red wine wouldn't have been too much; in any case, while she was certainly tipsy, she wasn't completely blackout-edged. Upon waking, she remembered every detail of the night clearly. This, in turn, only heightened her embarrassment, a feeling of wanting to dig her toes into the ground. She finally frantically turned off the alarm, but in that instant, events had clearly taken a turn beyond her expectations, uncontrollable, like a wild horse running free. After a brief moment of turmoil, Liang Zhiyao abruptly stood up from the sofa, mumbling incoherently, "I, I need to go back." Tan Xu was silent for a few seconds, but without further ado, he quickly gathered up the pile of bottles and glasses and said, "Let's go." She stumbled across the simple steps from the floor-to-ceiling window to the elevator with a shaky, unsteady stride. It turns out that movies and TV shows aren't exaggerated in this respect: when drunk, it's truly difficult to maintain balance. Tan Xu got off the elevator with her on the third floor and gestured, "I'll go back after I confirm you're home." "Oh... thank you." She nodded vaguely, her steps unsteady, and she slowly walked forward, holding onto the wall on the side of the hallway. When she reached room 306, it took her at least half a minute to fish her keys from her jeans pocket and unlock the door. "And your cup? Did you forget?" He helplessly blocked the door, which was about to close automatically, with his elbow and handed her two empty tall glasses. "Good night." She couldn't remember whether she finally said goodnight to Tan Xu. If she did, it would probably be a mumbled, head lowered, before quickly closing the door. Only after the door closed behind her did she relax, as if exhausted, and her back leaned against it, slowly sliding down until she sat on the cool floor. Americans often say "sleep on it" when they want to think about it before deciding what to do. However, once they wake up, problems don't disappear; they only fester with time. After much deliberation, Liang Zhiyao decided to follow the traditional scumbag man's example—neither taking the initiative, nor refusing, nor taking responsibility. Like an ostrich, she simply pretended nothing had happened, euphemistically calling it a cold treatment. However, Tan Xu's legacy was even more potent than she'd imagined. They hadn't been in touch since last night, yet he always managed to slip into her mind, quietly leaving traces of him. No matter what Liang Zhiyao was doing, she'd always be reminded of him...
The next day, Liang Zhiyao slept with a dizzy head until noon before finally waking up.
It wasn't ruled out that a cocktail and a glass of red wine wouldn't be excessive. In short, although she was indeed very drunk at the time, she didn't lose her memory. After waking up, she remembered everything that happened last night clearly. Because of this, she felt even more embarrassed, as if she wanted to dig her toes into the ground.
She finally turned off the sudden alarm in a panic, but the direction of events at that moment had obviously exceeded her expectations and was out of control like a wild horse.
After losing control for just a moment, Liang Zhiyao suddenly stood up from the sofa and said incoherently: "I, I want to go back."
Tan Xu was silent for a few seconds, but didn't say much. He quickly put away the pile of bottles and cups and said to her, "Let's go."
The few simple steps from the French window to the elevator were distorted and jerky. It turned out that movies and TV shows weren't exaggerated on this point; it was really hard to maintain balance when drunk.
Tan Xu got off the elevator with her on the 3rd floor and gestured, "I'll go back after I confirm you're home."
"Oh...thank you." She nodded vaguely, her steps unsteady, and she walked slowly forward, holding on to the wall on one side of the corridor. When she reached room 306, it took her at least half a minute to take out the key from her jeans pocket and unlock the door.
"And your cup? Did you forget?" He helplessly used his elbow to block the door that was about to close automatically, and handed her two empty high-heeled glasses: "Good night."
She also didn't remember whether she said good night to Tan Xu at the end. Even if she did, she probably just lowered her head, mumbled something unclearly, and quickly closed the door.
Only when the door closed behind her did she relax as if exhausted, and she slid down slowly with her back against the door until she sat on the cold floor.
Americans often say "sleep on it" when they want to think things over before deciding. However, problems don't disappear when they wake up; they only become more serious over time. After much deliberation, Liang Zhiyao decided to follow the traditional bad-boy style: not taking the initiative, not refusing, not taking responsibility. Like an ostrich, he simply pretended nothing had happened, euphemistically calling it the "cold treatment."
But Tan Xu's legacy was even more potent than she'd imagined. They hadn't been in touch since last night, but he always managed to slip into her mind and harass her without her noticing, quietly leaving traces of him.
No matter what Liang Zhiyao was doing, he would always inadvertently think of him sitting on the sofa on the top floor holding a glass of wine and whispering, as well as the cool and pleasant fragrance on his body.
They watched the total lunar eclipse together on Saturday night, but his birthday was actually on Sunday. Did they celebrate with friends afterwards? Since his parents canceled their appointment at the last minute, did they express their apology in other ways, such as with a gift or an appointment for another date?
Cheng Yan had just broken up with his girlfriend and was busy being pursued by Ye Xin, so he didn't know if he had the energy to remember his birthday. However, Tan Xu seemed to be quite sociable, so he should be able to find other friends.
And then there was the perfume he used—in the past, she hadn't had any objections to men wearing perfume, but she couldn't say she was particularly fond of it either. Perhaps Tan Xu had spent too much time in Western capitalist countries, and even though Asians generally had no body odor to hide, she had picked up this expensive and overly elaborate "bad habit."
But his taste is pretty good, and that fragrance just makes people feel soothed and relaxed, and it smells really good.
All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, and finally returned to the moment when the alarm clock rang.
If her alarm hadn't gone off, would he have taken advantage of her? Their "friendship," while increasingly shaky, hadn't progressed much further. Or, for him, kissing didn't need to be legitimate in the first place?
As soon as this thought came to Liang Zhiyao's mind, he felt like a bucket of cold water was poured over his head, and he felt depressed.
Alcohol did indeed amplify the desires deep within one's heart, tempting one to abandon reason and act on instinct. However, she instinctively felt that her level was too far behind Tan Xu's, and she might not be able to bear the consequences of indulging her emotions.
With that thought in mind, she tried to clear her mind and began browsing the recently released part-time positions on campus. The results of the internship interview were still unknown, so until she received good news, she had to pretend that she would not receive an offer and continue looking for alternatives.
I forced myself to divert my attention in this way, but after a few hours, my mood changed again.
Sometimes, human memory can't withstand excessive scrutiny. For example, when the question arises about whether you locked the door before leaving home, your first instinct is always, "I should have locked it." However, the more you think about it and replay the sequence of actions, the more doubtful you become about that conclusion. Eventually, people grow tired of the endless ambiguity and are forced to go back and confirm it themselves.
Liang Zhiyao had this experience at this time - she was really drunk at that time, and after a whole day, she couldn't help but doubt whether everything was really as she thought.
Maybe Tan Xu just saw that she was drunk and about to fall asleep, so he leaned in to make sure she was still awake? Maybe, if her alarm clock didn't go off dramatically, he would pat her shoulder and say, "Hey, don't fall asleep here."
But she couldn't just go back home and check if the door was locked and ask him simply and rudely: Did you want to kiss me at that time?
With such a complex train of thought, her learning efficiency was somewhat affected. Ye Xin didn't know what to do anymore, and even if she wanted to chat, she had no one to talk to.
It wasn't until Sunday night, when she was browsing Instagram before going to bed, that she realized she had found the answer to the question she had been struggling with during the day - the man she had been accusing of "intracranial harassment" all day had just uploaded a group photo of his birthday party. About seven or eight friends majoring in finance, dressed fashionably, surrounded Tan Xu. They had different skin colors, both men and women. Everyone was looking at the camera with the standard American smile showing eight teeth on their faces.
It's undeniable that even the quality of group photos from business schools is completely different from those from engineering programs. While not everyone in computer science wears plaid shirts and sneakers, the average fashion sense is still significantly lower than that of finance students. This photo features handsome men and beautiful women, all holding champagne glasses. It wouldn't be out of place to call it a gathering of young investment bank elites.
Liang Zhiyao suddenly became a little annoyed and angry, and quickly scrolled past the post without liking it - the other party was obviously a social butterfly, the kind that was popular in the social circles of Americans and international students. He didn't know what had happened to him that day, and he actually worried about how Tan Xu would celebrate his birthday and whether he would have no one to accompany him. He was like a clown.
She immediately felt this might be another cliché. In movies, TV shows, and novels, the existence of scumbags and playboys always has a reason: a broken heart or a torn family. Even before Tan Xu had revealed his story to her, she had already unconsciously empathized with him.
The feeling of having one's emotions easily manipulated by another person was very uncomfortable. The control over herself slipped away like water through her fingers, making her extremely insecure. She even thought about escaping and wondering whether she should just cut off contact with the source of her troubles.
If she retreated and avoided him as much as possible, would it be considered a normal human behavior of self-preservation or an overreaction?
But reality did not allow her to make such plans, because just two days later, she really received an offer for that internship.
Liang Zhiyao's voice was even trembling when he answered the phone. He confirmed that he would be able to get the CPT permit required for the internship from the school in about a week and could start work at any time. It was not until he saw the written offer in the mailbox that he finally felt like his dream had come true.
This wasn't her first internship, but it was definitely her happiest. Applications for summer internships usually open early, so last semester, when she received her offer, it was still spring. Having not experienced any family crises, she was looking forward to the internship more for workplace experience than for a few thousand dollars in monthly salary.
Now, this opportunity represented a bit too much significance. For example, she didn't have to risk being reported by Lin Jiayue by working illegally off-campus. The hourly wage for the internship was higher than that at a coffee shop, and it also made up for the recent decrease in gambling income.
For example, you can share this good news with your parents immediately so that they don’t have to worry about her tuition for the next semester or even borrow money from everywhere.
Also, she should treat the person she recommended to dinner.
Tan Xu had said she was always afraid of owing others, and she wasn't wrong. Liang Zhiyao had always been very decisive in matters like this. Even if they needed to reconsider the appropriate distance between them, it wouldn't be a bad idea to wait until the debt of gratitude had been repaid.
So, despite the confusing thoughts and emotions about Saturday night still swirling in her mind, she still made an appointment with Tan Xu to study in the library as usual. As soon as they met, she asked him directly, "Are you free this Friday night?"
"I don't think there are any plans," he said, quite perceptively, and asked directly, "Have you received an offer?"
Liang Zhiyao was surprised: "You know? Did that senior sister say that?"
"I guessed. After all, under normal circumstances, you wouldn't take the initiative to ask me out."
Liang Zhiyao didn't know how to react to this statement, which was full of hidden meanings and seemed like a complaint. Fortunately, Tan Xu didn't expect her to reply and quickly said, "Congratulations. You have worked hard to achieve this."
"It's all thanks to your hard work." She couldn't help but smile. "As for food... do you have any preferences or taboos?"
"No, you decide." He smiled. "Anything is fine except McDonald's."
The conversation ended quickly, but Liang Zhiyao couldn't help but get distracted during self-study.
Tan Xu's attitude towards her was the same as usual, no different. Maybe she was really overthinking it.
After searching around, Liang Zhiyao found a popular Italian restaurant that was trending online. The meal, including tax and tip, was estimated to be close to a hundred yuan. Although he felt a bit reluctant, he quickly booked a time on the reservation app.
But on Friday afternoon, she felt unusually sleepy and had no energy in class. During a break, she went to the bathroom and, as expected, discovered her period had arrived.
Liang Zhiyao's menstrual cycle was off by about two days. Originally scheduled for the next day or the day after, it unexpectedly came a bit early. However, she didn't feel any noticeable discomfort, just a little backache and fatigue. Since rescheduling was too much trouble, she decided not to bother.
What was more troublesome than the menstrual discomfort which was not very noticeable was that she could not remember the last time she had eaten in a restaurant with such a nice environment. After returning home from the human-computer interaction get out of class, she was troubled by what to wear when going out.
The living room corner is too limited to accommodate a real wardrobe like the bedroom, so all her clothes are either folded in a storage box under the bed or hung on a simple sliding clothes rack. The latter is the "top position" reserved for only the outfits she wears most frequently in each season.
For the past few months, I've been either in class or working, and for convenience, casual wear has taken up 80% of the limited hanging space. Those little skirts I bought two years ago, following the "North American international student style" trend, have long been squeezed into some corner.
She hadn't known before that when people suddenly become poor, they often regret any unnecessary spending, even feeling intense guilt. For example, during the first month after going bankrupt, she couldn't help but think that if she hadn't traveled with Ye Xin during the holidays over the past two years, or if she hadn't bought new clothes during shopping festivals, she would have saved a lot of money.
After all, she lives in a country that advocates dress code, so she finally didn't continue wearing the overly casual hooded sweatshirt and jeans she wore during the day. Instead, she took a milky white sweater, found a fringed skirt from the corner, put on a coat, and went out.
When Liang Zhiyao saw Tan Xu from afar in the apartment parking lot, he suddenly felt a little regretful.
The skirt, which was not suitable for everyday wear and matched the dining venue, now seemed more likely to be seen as an outfit deliberately chosen for someone, which made her feel inexplicably uncomfortable.
This was even more so when I got closer and was stared at by his gaze that seemed as if it were real.
"Is this the first time I've seen you in a skirt?" Tan Xu raised the corners of his lips and praised frankly, "It looks very good."
He wore the same dark gray shirt he'd worn during the day, leaning against the passenger door, the sleeves casually rolled up. Liang Zhiyao knew he had a dress code for his investment banking internship that morning, so he couldn't dress too casually. This made him look even more like the control group, who had undergone a makeover and dressed up more deliberately.
The empty parking lot was deserted, and he seemed oblivious to the social etiquette of lingering eyes, staring at her slowly. With the passenger door blocked behind him, she couldn't get in, so she could only stand there awkwardly.
Liang Zhiyao felt even more uncomfortable now. He couldn't help but lower his eyes and found a random topic to break the silence: "I booked a table for 6:30, so there shouldn't be too much traffic, right?"
"I just checked the navigation, and the traffic is okay now." He smiled slightly, and suddenly asked her, "By the way, do you know what it means to ask someone of the opposite sex out for dinner in the United States?"
"Um?"
"Generally, friends or colleagues only meet for lunch; dinner has a special implication," he said seriously. "To put it simply, if you ask me out for dinner alone, I'll interpret it as... you're interested in me."
Her face flushed almost immediately.
What should I say? At this point, it felt like no matter how I said something, it would only make things worse. I couldn't immediately come up with a suitable, yet poised, response. Knowing he was deliberately saying this ambiguous thing to gauge her reaction, it would seem foolish to explain that I was short on time at noon.
"Sorry, I won't tease you anymore." Tan Xu immediately restrained the bad nature that had accidentally revealed itself and helped her open the passenger door. "If you keep talking, I might not be able to have this meal."
Affected by this strange tone, Liang Zhiyao didn't dare to speak to him all the way. She sat quietly in her seat with her knees together, afraid that if she made a mistake, the person in the driver's seat would start his easygoing flirting again.
Faced with this deliberate tactic, she used to be very calm, but today she seemed to be restrained by the skirt that was different from her usual style. Without the comfortable clothes, her aura immediately weakened.
When they entered the restaurant, told the waiter their reservation name, and were led to a prime window seat facing the street, they were even more shocked.
The layout there was obviously different from the other tables. Not only were there scented candles lit, but there was also a huge heart-shaped pattern made of rose petals in the middle of the white tablecloth. The atmosphere was very strange.
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
08-02
I started to have wild thoughts -w-
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