【42】Regret not doing something is much more terrible than regretting doing something
Perhaps it was Tan Xu's immune system that was stronger, or perhaps the vaccine he'd received two weeks earlier was at its peak effectiveness, but Liang Zhiyao didn't catch the flu. After that day, their conversations remained limited to a few daily inquiries about his health, a kind of casual companionship. She'd occasionally check in on Tan Xu's Moments, but there wasn't much there. She'd calculated that when WeChat became popular, he was still in middle school, and soon after, he'd moved to the United States, probably not used to sharing his daily life there. Liang Zhiyao then checked Tan Xu's Instagram, but there wasn't much there either. He seemed more interested in offline socializing than sharing online. Liang Zhiyao's symptoms began to improve significantly the following afternoon, and by the end of the holiday, he was nearly recovered, with only occasional coughs and mild headaches lingering. However, she hadn't been able to secure several part-time jobs she'd arranged, which she felt was a bit of a shame given the generous pay during the holiday, which would have been higher than her usual hourly rate. To be on the safe side, she'd opened the windows that morning to ventilate the room, mopped the floor with a damp cloth sprayed with disinfectant, and welcomed her two roommates home on Sunday. When they heard she'd spent the entire holiday sick, they all felt a bit of sympathy. Ye Xin bought a bunch of souvenirs at Universal Studios and dumped them on the sofa for Liang Zhiyao to choose from. Qin Lu lamented that the temperature here was more pleasant, at least still above zero. She asked Ye Xin, "Is California fun?" She smiled and said, "It's okay, but five days is too short, so we didn't get to visit San Diego. Besides, we're all lazy people who don't make travel plans. We were lucky enough to have played with you before." Qin Lu was a bit envious, "I regret it now. When it's so cold, we should have stayed somewhere warm. Going to Alaska was a bit of a blunder. Our jeep skidded on the snow once and we almost couldn't move. Ice fishing just looked cool, but we sat there for ages without catching a single fish." Perhaps her roommates didn't want to appear too happy in front of her, a sick person staying home. Everyone's holiday seemed to have some regrets. Qin Lu was troubled by the short vacation, having to worry about her thesis again. Meanwhile, Ye Xin was happier at the end of her vacation than she had been at the start. Liang Zhiyao doubted her sincerity when she said, "Five days is too short," because she arrived home near dusk, unpacked, and rushed out on a date. Perhaps the few days of not seeing each other had deepened their mutual conviction, as Cheng Yan confessed his feelings that evening, and they officially began dating. Afterward, Liang Zhiyao...
I don’t know if it was because Tan Xu had a stronger immune system or the vaccine he received two weeks ago was at its most effective, but he was not infected with the flu by Liang Zhiyao.
After that day, their conversations remained limited to a few daily greetings, a kind of casual companionship. She'd occasionally check out Tan Xu's Moments, but there was nothing there. She realized he was still in middle school when WeChat became popular, and soon after, he came to the United States. He probably wasn't used to sharing his daily life there.
Liang Zhiyao then checked out Tan Xu's Instagram, but there wasn't much there. He seemed more interested in offline socializing than sharing online.
Liang Zhiyao's symptoms began to improve noticeably the following afternoon, and by the end of the holiday, she was nearly recovered, with only occasional coughs and mild headaches. However, she was unable to secure several part-time jobs she had arranged, which were lucrative during the holiday and would have been higher than her usual hourly wage, which she felt a bit disappointed about.
To be on the safe side, she opened the windows for ventilation in the morning and mopped the floor with a damp cloth sprayed with disinfectant to welcome her two roommates back home on Sunday.
When they heard she'd spent the entire holiday sick, they all felt a little sympathetic. Ye Xin bought a bunch of souvenirs at Universal Studios and dumped them on the sofa for Liang Zhiyao to choose from. Qin Lu lamented that the temperature here was more pleasant, at least above zero degrees.
She asked Ye Xin: "Is California fun?"
The other person laughed and said, "It's not bad, but five days is too short. We didn't get to visit San Diego along the way. Besides, we're all lazy people who don't make travel plans. We just got a lot of advantages from playing with you before."
Qin Lu was a little envious: "I regret it now. I should have stayed somewhere warm when it was so cold. Going to Alaska was a complete blunder. Our jeep once skidded on the snow and almost stopped moving. Ice fishing just looked cool. I sat there like an idiot for a long time and didn't catch a single fish."
Perhaps her roommates didn't want to appear too happy in front of her, a sick girl staying at home, and everyone's vacation seemed to leave some regrets.
Qin Lu was frustrated by the short vacation and had to start worrying about her thesis again, while Ye Xin was happier at the end of the holiday than she had been at the beginning. Liang Zhiyao doubted she had meant "five days was too short" because she hadn't even returned home until dusk, hadn't even packed her suitcase, and was already rushing out on a date.
Perhaps not seeing each other for a few days deepened their certainty of each other's feelings, so Cheng Yan confessed his love to her that night and they began dating officially.
Afterwards, Liang Zhiyao caught her and questioned her about the details. It was said that Cheng Yan confessed his feelings on the Ferris wheel. Like many love stories, as they slowly climbed to the highest point and took in the best of the city, they looked into each other's eyes and confessed their feelings.
"Although it's romantic, isn't it a bit unoriginal?" When she said this, she shook her head repeatedly.
"...Don't show off like this disguised as complaining. Do you think I can't hear it?" Liang Zhiyao glanced at her sideways, "You're obviously having a great time."
"Honestly, I feel like I'm almost losing my principles," Ye Xin ignored her and continued to follow through on her Versailles ways. "I used to attach great importance to this kind of ritual and have experienced even more unique scenes, but after all, the person who confesses is the most important. This person is really quite likable. Maybe even if he casually asked if we wanted to go out on the way home, I would agree."
Liang Zhiyao had long witnessed the extent to which men pursuing Ye Xin could be dramatic. The most outrageous incident involved a dandy young man, emulating an old idol drama, booking an entire restaurant and hiring a band to perform live at their table. This outrageous display actually frightened Ye Xin, and his confession naturally ended in tragedy.
This time, however, her mind wandered elsewhere.
If she were asked to evaluate Tan Xu and her brief high school romance, she'd find it incomparable. While they hadn't truly entered a romantic relationship, this was the first time in her adult life that she'd developed such a close connection and a yearning for intimacy. In comparison, the youthful affection and companionship she'd felt before, when her personality was still incomplete, seemed more like a vague exploration born of curiosity.
So what does Tan Xu think of her?
His skilled and superb kissing skills were not innate; behind them, there were several intimate relationships that she was unaware of. Would he compare Liang Zhiyao with his past partners in every detail, or would he give her the same "no matter what" preference and privilege as Ye Xin treated Cheng Yan now?
"Wow, honey, you're distracted again," Ye Xin raised her eyebrows exaggeratedly. "You've been daydreaming quite a lot these past few days. I suspect you might be thinking about love."
This time, she didn't deny it, and even asked directly: "Let me ask you a question. What does it feel like to date someone with a lot of exes?"
"Huh?" Ye Xin seemed to understand what she meant. After thinking carefully for a moment, he replied, "It's actually not that bad. Everyone has a past. There aren't usually any melodramatic white moonlight plots. If you really like someone, they're the only one in your mind, and you feel like no one else can compare."
"Compared to this, I think the feeling after being together is more important." She added, "After all, I've been in several relationships, so I have some experience. It's useless to think too much here. If you like it, just give it a try."
“What if I try and fail?”
"So, would you rather start, fail, and take some time to recover, or never start at all and then still think about this person for a long time?" Ye Xin said, feeling a bit disappointed. "Regret not doing something is much more terrible than regretting doing it. I thought you were so smart that you must understand this."
Liang Zhiyao said awkwardly, "I'm just trying to understand."
After Thanksgiving, the daily temperature dipped into the single digits, with the mornings and evenings being frighteningly cold. While most people tend to be relaxed at the end of the year, Liang Zhiyao's internship was unexpectedly busy. Since their business involved e-commerce, they were rushing to finish a lot before Christmas, even working overtime that week. But whenever she had some free time, she inevitably thought of Tan Xu.
In the past few days, he did not take the initiative to look for her as agreed.
Once, Liang Zhiyao gave a very successful demo at a meeting. During this period, her spoken English improved a lot, and she became adept at small talks with colleagues. Her first reaction was to send a message to Tan Xu to share this happiness.
Liang Zhiyao wasn't completely obtuse. After a few days of withdrawal-like symptoms, she knew she was on the verge of giving in. She enjoyed being with Tan Xu and longed to become as close as a couple. She was gradually coming to terms with her emotions and desires.
How could she find the right moment? Liang Zhiyao suddenly realized she had dug herself into a hole. Now the ball was in her court. She had even specifically told Tan Xu not to come to her. So did she have to start from scratch and proactively plan a confession? Or should she ask him out first?
She thought about this as she headed out to school. Today was a special Q&A session for that general education class before the end of the semester. There were probably a lot of students asking questions, and the professor was overwhelmed, so she, the teaching assistant, would have to help answer some of the questions.
The younger students asked about a wide variety of topics, from specific homework assignments to general inquiries about exam key points. Liang Zhiyao spoke until his mouth was dry and his throat was burning before he sent the last student away.
She turned her head and found that the huge classroom was empty. The professor had left, but Liu Siyan had not left yet. She was sitting a few rows behind her, studying quietly.
"Why haven't you left yet? Do you have any questions?" she asked. "Although I don't know the specific exam questions, I have some ideas. I can irresponsibly predict them for you."
"No," Liu Siyan smiled and shook her head. "It would be even better if we could predict the topic—but senior sister, do you want to take a look at this?"
She turned the computer screen around, and on it was a school website that Liang Zhiyao had seen before, which mainly talked about the conditions for various scholarships and how to apply.
"I remember you said before that you were working to save for tuition," she said, "but wouldn't it be more direct if you could apply for a scholarship?"
"That's right," she nodded. "But I read the information last semester and even called to inquire about it, but I was told that international students don't qualify."
"That's the same application requirement listed here," she said. "But I was at a friend's house yesterday, and there was an international student studying mathematics there. I found out through chatting that he actually made an exception and got one of the scholarships. Look, that's the last person on the list."
Liang Zhiyao's heart moved: "Let me take a look."
She carefully read the latest public announcement. Sure enough, one of the scholarship recipients was a male student who wasn't a US citizen. The announcement also specifically stated that he had exceptional academic performance, making him an exception for the program.
"I asked that person about it," Liu Siyan said. "Besides his really good grades, it seems he has some preference for science and engineering majors. Computer science is considered a STEM major with a shortage, right?"
Liang Zhiyao carefully reviewed the regulations again. If her application was successful, the grant would last for one year, waiving 70% of her tuition. If she was selected, it would essentially solve the biggest headache of her senior year.
"How about giving it a try? It says applications for the new school year are now open and will last until January of next year. The final selection will be announced in March."
"Of course I'll try." She said with a smile, deeply touched. "You are really my lucky star!"
Knowing that Liu Siyan had no classes later, Liang Zhiyao simply pulled her downstairs and invited her to have coffee. He also compiled a set of more targeted review notes as a special tutoring for her.
"Every time I'm in Final Week, I drink three American coffees a day," Liu Siyan said, chewing on a straw. "That's when I regret not studying hard. I'll have to pay back the debt sooner or later."
"I thought you were the type who was usually very hardworking," she laughed. "When we first met, didn't you go to study early on Sunday morning?"
"Deadlines are the only thing that matters most to me, and that time it was because I had homework due," Liu Siyan said. "I'm really good at cramming, so I'm usually a bit lazy. I spend my free time eating, drinking, having fun, and dating. I've only recently started cramming since I became single again. Yesterday, I spent the entire day in the library from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. It's really hard to get used to it."
Liang Zhiyao shook her head and smiled. She didn't know whether Liu Siyan knew that Cheng Yan and Ye Xin were together, but seeing that she didn't seem to be pretending to be nonchalant, she probably wouldn't care even if she knew.
But he suddenly reacted the next second.
Didn't she say she was at a friend's house yesterday? So how did she spend the whole day in the library?
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
08-15
It’s finally Friday. I’ll find a coffee shop to update my blog this weekend…
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