【43】Her greatest strength is her capriciousness.
After saying goodbye to Liu Siyan, Liang Zhiyao returned to the teaching building for class. Machine learning was the most demanding class this semester. Every time I sat through it, I felt like my brain wasn't working. Over an hour, it felt like a battle. But today was different. The professor had announced a week ago that he would only teach the first half of the class, and in the second half, he would invite a guest speaker to share his work experience. This was perhaps another manifestation of the American emphasis on people skills. Almost every class each semester features one or two external guest speakers. Some are veteran industry leaders, while others are recent graduates of the same major. These speakers can answer questions and provide guidance for current students, while also helping them expand their network, which is beneficial for improving their employment rate. This time, the professor's guest was a Chinese senior named Leo, who graduated from their major two years ago. Liang Zhiyao usually listened attentively to these talks, but today, his attention was rarely distracted, as he struggled with how to get Tan Xu to come out and what opening remarks he should make. It wasn't until the guest on the podium began introducing themselves and briefly outlining their resume and background on a slide that she suddenly snapped back to reality. This person looked familiar. She pulled out her phone and opened LinkedIn, finally confirming that the person on the podium was Leo, the only one to respond to the 50 private messages she had sent after being provoked by Tan Xu. Although Leo had offered to refer her for next summer's internship, he hadn't responded to her next Coffee Chat invitation. Later, Liang Zhiyao didn't receive a second reply from him, and she was constantly bombarded with in-app ads and friend updates. Tired of the harassment, she turned off her LinkedIn notifications. Now, logging in, she discovered he had sent her another message two days earlier: "I'm going back to campus the day after tomorrow. If you're free, we can chat for half an hour." Liang Zhiyao couldn't help but regret turning off the notifications. If he hadn't been the guest speaker for their class, by the time she saw the message, it would have been long past its expiration date. So, after the sharing session, she quickly ran out of the classroom, said hello to Leo, and apologized for not replying to his message from two days ago. Luckily, he was very easygoing, saying he had no plans at the moment and wouldn't mind chatting for a while on campus, perhaps at Starbucks in the library. Leo was the typical science and engineering guy...
After saying goodbye to Liu Siyan, Liang Zhiyao returned to the teaching building to attend class.
Machine learning is the most demanding class this semester. Every time I listen to it, I feel like my brain isn't enough. It feels like a battle after just an hour. But today was different. The professor announced a week ago that he would only teach the first half of the class, and in the second half, he would invite a guest speaker to share his work experience.
This is perhaps another example of the American emphasis on people skills. Almost every course each semester features one or two external guest speakers. These speakers range from veteran industry leaders to recent graduates of the same major. They can answer questions and provide guidance for current students, while also broadening their network, which can significantly improve employability.
The guest invited by the professor this time was a Chinese senior named Leo, who graduated from their major two years ago.
Liang Zhiyao usually listened attentively to these presentations, but today, his mind wandered for once, agonizing over how to invite Tan Xu out and what opening remarks to make. It wasn't until the guest on the podium introduced themselves and briefly outlined their resume and background on a slide that he snapped back to reality. This person looked familiar.
She took out her phone and opened LinkedIn, and finally confirmed that the person on the podium was Leo, a senior from the same school, who was the only one who responded to the 50 private messages she sent after being inspired by Tan Xu.
Although Leo offered to recommend her for next year's summer internship, he didn't respond to her next Coffee Chat invitation. Later, Liang Zhiyao didn't receive a second reply from him, and she became annoyed by the constant in-app ads and friend updates. She turned off LinkedIn notifications.
When she logged in now, she discovered that he had actually sent her another message two days ago: "I have to go back to school the day after tomorrow. If you have time, we can chat for half an hour."
Liang Zhiyao couldn't help but feel a little regretful for turning off the notification reminder. If the other party had not become the guest speaker of their class by accident, by the time she saw this message, it would have been out of time.
So, after the sharing session, she quickly ran out of the classroom, said hello to Leo, and apologized for not replying to his message from two days ago. Luckily, he was very accommodating, saying he had no plans at the moment and didn't mind chatting for a while on campus, perhaps at the Starbucks in the library.
Leo had the typical appearance of a science and engineering major: tall, thin, fair-skinned, and wearing glasses. He seemed a bit shy, but became talkative when discussing topics related to his major. Liang Zhiyao first asked about his experience with the campus recruitment written exam and interview, and then discussed career choices and development.
Coffee chats are about listening to what the other person has to say, but leaving a good impression and establishing a personal connection is also important. After finishing the business, seeing that the other person had no intention of ending the conversation immediately, Liang Zhiyao took the initiative to find topics for small talk.
"Were all the programs you applied for abroad in CS?"
"Actually, I started studying computer science partway through my studies," Leo said. "My major when I first enrolled was physics."
"Is this true?" She was quite shocked. "Is this possible?"
"Really? When I enrolled a few years ago, computer science wasn't a popular major. You could transfer in if you met the requirements. Unlike in the past two years, the school seems to have classified CS as a 'graduate-only, no-in' major." He smiled and shook his head. "So the average background of your class of students admitted should be stronger than ours."
"But even if it works, this kind of decision must be difficult to make," Liang Zhiyao said. "Can I ask what you were thinking at the time?"
"It was definitely hard to make up my mind. I suddenly realized that for the first 18 years of my life, I had almost no pressure to make my own choices. But as an adult, things are different. I'm solely responsible for myself. To make sure I wasn't just impulsive, I regularly audited computer science classes for about six months and even participated in a hackathon with my CS major friends. By the time I finally transferred, many professors and classmates already knew me."
Liang Zhiyao sighed, "When I looked at your LinkedIn profile, I thought your promotion was like rocket science. Now I think I know why. With your execution ability, you'll succeed in everything you do."
Coffee Chat is a long-term investment in workplace connections that always involves a few compliments to provide emotional value to the other party, but Liang Zhiyao said this sincerely.
"That's not true. Promotions are largely a matter of luck," Leo said frankly. "I just happened to be interested in machine learning and large language models. Then, in the past two years, AI applications have really taken off, and it's really caught on. My personal ability only played a small role."
"Uh, I see." Faced with such a straightforward statement, Liang Zhiyao's other prepared compliments were gone, and he could only utter one sentence: "...You are so frank."
"This is the truth, not modesty," he laughed. "The market is changing too fast. I think instead of chasing hot spots, I should take some time to think about where my real interests lie."
Liang Zhiyao agrees with this point. Today's blue ocean business can become a fiercely competitive red ocean tomorrow, and seemingly foolish decisions can soon be hailed as brilliant foresight. If you follow your heart, even if you don't catch the right trend, at least you're still doing something you love.
Before ending the conversation, Leo told her, "Actually, I'm only four years older than you, so it might be a bit presumptuous of me to act like a teacher. But now I truly feel that courage is the most important thing. With courage, you can make the path you choose the right one. Without courage, people often go with the flow for the sake of stability. That might not be a bad thing, but it will ultimately leave you with regrets in your life."
Liang Zhiyao felt that Leo was a man of great character. It was rare for someone to share such heartfelt experiences with someone they had just met. He was also very warm-hearted, which was why he was the only alumnus to respond to her 50 private messages.
After saying goodbye to the other party at the library entrance, Liang Zhiyao recalled the conversation just now and suddenly felt very magical.
Whether it is Ye Xin or Leo, it seems that the people around them are telling her through actions or experiences that it is a great thing to have the courage to try.
She found herself becoming more timid than before. As a child, she was more of a bold, daring youngster, not so timid. But perhaps it was the gradual setbacks people experience as they grow older, or perhaps it was the sheer magnitude of adversity that changed them, but Liang Zhiyao now lived more cautiously. As Tan Xu had said, if she couldn't be sure of safety, she'd rather maintain the status quo.
However, the sense of security that she once thought of as "certainty" was actually uncertain in the future. Even just what she had experienced in the past few months was enough to illustrate this point.
If this is the case, all choices that go against one's original intention and are considered "smart" become meaningless.
Liang Zhiyao stood at the door of the library and suddenly had an impulse. She didn't want to wait until she came up with a perfect plan or a natural opening before looking for Tan Xu. She really wanted to see him tonight.
It was just getting close to evening, so she had to address her hunger first. After some thought, she ran down to the basement level and finally made up her mind to order the Hell Spicy Ramen she had always wanted but was afraid of.
The spiciness was acceptable, the flavor just okay—not amazing, but not disappointing either. But Liang Zhiyao was happy. She found it incredible that for over two years, she had been vaguely curious about such a simple thing, yet had never tried it.
After dinner, she took the elevator upstairs, found the area where she used to study with Tan Xu, and sat down there.
Early December officially marked finals season, and the library was packed with people, but the familiar figure she'd imagined was nowhere to be seen. Liang Zhiyao waited until ten o'clock in the evening, then realized she was being foolish. Had she seen too many romantic plots to really be hoping for a chance encounter? What was a cell phone for?
She opened WeChat and sent a message to Tan Xu, asking him: "Where are you? I want to see you."
Ten minutes passed without a reply. Liang Zhiyao felt increasingly regretful for impulsively staying at school so late that even the last school bus was gone, forcing him to walk twenty minutes home on a cold winter night.
The road was already dark, and we had to pass through a block full of bars and nightclubs. Occasionally, we could smell something like marijuana at a corner. It was not a very good experience.
When she stood at the door of the library building, her regret reached its peak because she found that it was raining and snowing outside.
The temperature dropped to -3 degrees Celsius, and the breath outside turned to ice. It is said that when it first snows, you often don't feel too cold, but the cold, wet rain and snow that constantly fall on your head is still a very bad experience.
It was an impulsive trip, so impulsive that Liang Zhiyao didn't even bring an umbrella. He pulled his scarf over his head like a hood, tied it in a knot around his neck, and walked towards his apartment in the inclement weather.
When passing through a relatively unsafe neighborhood, she wanted to pass through as quickly as possible, but suddenly stopped when she passed the bar she and Ye Xin had been to.
One of the street lamps here was broken, and only faint light leaked through the cracks in the doors of the surrounding businesses. However, in the dim light, the figure standing at the door of the bar did look very much like Tan Xu.
This was the first snow in the city this winter. Despite the low temperature, several people came out from indoors and stood under the eaves to watch the snow. He was one of them.
Could it really be possible to meet by chance? She suddenly felt a surge of joy, as if her dream had come true.
But she soon noticed that Tan Xu's movements were a little slow, and he was rubbing his brow vigorously. He looked over, and after two seconds, he recognized Liang Zhiyao, but he didn't react for a while.
They just stood there on the sidewalk in a somewhat comical manner, as if frozen in time, neither saying hello nor walking forward along their original route.
"Have you been drinking much?"
Liang Zhiyao took a few steps forward and broke the silence first.
She soon realized she had asked an unnecessary question. The strong smell of alcohol even completely covered Tan Xu's perfume. When she got close to him, she could smell it without even trying.
Perhaps because he felt the answer was obvious, he didn't answer her question. Instead, he asked without further ado, "Liang Zhiyao, is that the type of person you would choose to fall in love with?"
"What?" She didn't understand.
"In the library this afternoon," Tan Xu's voice was a little hoarse. "Are you guys on a date?"
Liang Zhiyao felt both amused and sad at the same time.
Just like the time she saw Tan Xu and that beautiful girl sitting face to face drinking coffee and eating dessert, would he feel the same indescribable bitterness in his heart when he saw her and Leo and misunderstood her?
"No," she shook her head and answered seriously, "That was the guest speaker the professor invited today. It was just our first day meeting, and he was asking for advice on future employment."
After hearing such a detailed explanation that covered every detail, Tan Xu fell silent again. A sudden gust of cold wind blew through the cold night, instantly dispelling a lot of the chaos in his mind caused by drunkenness.
His eyes cleared up a bit, and he said to her, "I'm sorry, but you don't have to answer me. We agreed not to meet alone last time, so this kind of chance encounter shouldn't count. But I don't think I kept my promise to be a good 'friend', and I can't help but cross the line."
Liang Zhiyao's heart suddenly started beating wildly.
Human hearts are complex and awkward, often using the pain of absence as an emotional price to measure inner desire. She was reluctant to make impulsive decisions, but the process of careful consideration would inevitably cause him additional torture.
Then, the next second, the voice escaped from the body's control as if its soul had left its body, and whispered to him, "...There's no need to apologize."
Tan Xu looked over with a puzzled look. Liang Zhiyao looked him in the eye this time and said gently, "Tan Xu, there's no need to apologize. If you were asking me a question like this that sounded like you were jealous, I would be...very happy."
There's no need to apologize, if it were you, I think you'd be happy to have a shoulder to lean on.
She suddenly had the idea to imitate the sentence structure that Tan Xu had said that day, as if she was performing some strange ritual. After expressing it in one go, she was overwhelmed by his long silence and looked at him uneasily.
"Liang Zhiyao, I can actually drink quite well, so I'm still sober now," his voice became deeper, and his eyes became a little deeper. "What about you? Do you know what you're saying?"
"I know," she said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, but I used to be a bit of a coward. Even when I wanted something, I'd always find a bunch of excuses not to fight for it. And when it came to the people I liked, I'd back off at the last minute because I was worried about losing them. I wasn't like this before, and sometimes I'm troubled by how I could have become such a coward."
She suddenly smiled again. "However, my greatest strength is that I'm very adaptable—or, rather, I'm very good at reflecting and improving. So I've thought about it carefully. Although many things are beyond my control, I can at least not continue to indulge in these negative emotions and muster up the courage to continue to experience my life well."
After a long while of monologue, she saw that he hadn't spoken yet, and she suddenly felt a little stage fright, just like during the interview. In an instant, she forgot all the long speech she had prepared, and could only improvise.
"When we first met, I actually had a big prejudice against you, and I can't say I've completely let it go. I admit that you're very attractive to me. That feeling made me panic for a while, and I didn't know what to do. But in the end, I found that running away was useless. I miss you every day recently." She smiled bitterly, "Uh, so, so - even if you are a little disappointed with the courageless Liang Zhiyao before, can you consider giving her another chance? Hmm..."
Before she could finish her words, the rest of her words were lost in his sudden kiss, and she couldn't continue.
If anything, this was probably one of the most uncomfortable scenes Liang Zhiyao could imagine: on a night with a temperature of -3 degrees Celsius, they stood on the side of the road in sleet and rain. The streetlight on the corner was broken, and the road was muddy. One of them reeked of alcohol, and the other's hair and clothes were soaked by the rain and snow, sticking to him.
But all of this vanished the moment their lips touched, completely obliterating all external signals that could reach their senses. Only the dizzying, sweet sensation lingered. Between his lips and tongue, there was the bitterness of alcohol, the sourness of lemon, and the sweetness of cola. Liang Zhiyao recognized it as a Long Island Iced Tea.
She prided herself on being a quick learner, but she made no progress in her second kiss with him. She could only passively endure the fierce plundering and possession that seemed to swallow the other person into her body. Even her breathing rhythm was completely disordered.
She felt that Tan Xu was a bit of a contrast. Wasn't he known for being emotionally stable? Why was he always so aggressive when kissing?
Moreover, compared to their last kiss on the sofa, the panic of losing control of their bodies became more obvious now that they were both standing. Due to the height difference, Liang Zhiyao was forced to look up, and her shoulders were also clasped in Tan Xu's arms, making her feel as if she was floating in mid-air.
After the initial anxious confirmation, he suddenly calmed down again, slowly and steadily teasing hers with the tip of his tongue, inflicting pleasurable torture in a way that could be called vicious, making it increasingly difficult to bear.
Only after they kissed until their limbs began to feel warm in the cold weather did Tan Xu finally let her go.
"Why... don't you always say hello?" She calmed her rapid breathing, "You don't even have time to prepare."
"Why would you need time to prepare for a kiss?" He laughed. "It's not like you're going to die heroically."
Liang Zhiyao was thin-skinned, and complaining was a common habit when he was shy. It was a bad habit ingrained in him. Seeing that he didn't respond, he immediately muttered awkwardly, "Anyway, this method isn't very kind to my heart."
"Should I try a different method next time?" He continued, "First, say 'Liang Zhiyao, I'm going to kiss you,' and then count down to five seconds. Is that enough time to prepare?"
After saying that, he couldn't help laughing, "I guess your face was even redder during those five seconds than it is now."
“…You’re so annoying.”
She was annoyed at how easily he flirted with her, and even more angry at herself for being slow to react and always unable to cope.
"Sorry, I won't tease you anymore." Tan Xu straightened out the scarf that was crumpled during the kiss and put it back on her head.
"Someone got jealous this afternoon and came here to drown their sorrows in alcohol this evening. They didn't check the weather forecast, and they certainly didn't drive even though they were going to drink," he sighed. "So, do you mind walking home together?"
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
08-16
Finally together. I tried to give the senior more roles many times, but later I found that these two people were not suitable for anyone else to intervene. I just finished my competition and quickly held hands, and let Leo be a cute tool man -w-
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