【47】All love ends in bed. They are not immune to this and do not need to be immune to it.
After several days of light snow, finals week finally arrived. After that sudden stop experience, they finally reached a consensus: it was better to study on their own or go to the library. So naturally, after spending a few days of extremely restrained days just being "study partners", the long-suppressed desire for closeness finally came back after the exams. Another Saturday without academic pressure, the two went to the gym downstairs to work out together, and then gathered in Tan Xu's kitchen to prepare to recreate the salt and pepper spare ribs that had caused a stir at Liu Siyan's birthday party. Liang Zhiyao, however, was a little absent-minded because Tan Xu was going home. After all, he was not an international student. His parents were in the United States. Although they lived in another state, it was natural for them to reunite during the school holidays and spend Christmas and New Year together. They would not return until the new semester started. The plane tickets were booked more than a month ago, leaving tomorrow and returning two weeks later. As Tan Xu placed the marinated spare ribs into the air fryer, he asked her, "What are your plans for winter break?" "Probably internships and part-time jobs?" Liang Zhiyao said with little interest. "Student visas allow you to increase your internship hours from 20 to 40 per week during the holidays, so I recently discussed with the company about switching to a full five-day work week. I don't have to work for a few days during Christmas and New Year, but the salaries for temporary jobs are much higher than usual, so I have to seize the opportunity to work and earn money." In short, it was a plan that had nothing to do with "rest." "It feels even harder than when I didn't have a holiday," he said after a pause. "Are you really not considering asking your boyfriend for help? If you mind, you can consider it a loan." This was the second time the topic had been raised in many days. Liang Zhiyao smiled: "Why are you here again?" "Honestly, I even thought that if I hadn't repeated my freshman year of high school in the United States, I would be graduating soon and would be able to work and be independent soon." He laughed self-deprecatingly, "If that were the case, you might be more willing to accept my help." But before she could answer, he added: "But this assumption is meaningless. If we were in a different class, I might not have had the chance to meet you." Liang Zhiyao didn't answer directly. She had her own ideas, but she didn't want to deny or refute Tan Xu's kindness. After thinking for a while, she asked: "Do you know why I played snooker with you in the beginning at Fortune?" "Why?" "I can be quite competitive sometimes. The way you commented on my playing back then... to be honest, it was a bit pretentious." She recalled the conversation a few months ago, a little...
After several days of light snow, finals week finally arrived. After that sudden stop, they finally reached a consensus: studying on their own or going to the library was better.
So naturally, after spending a few days with great restraint as "study partners", the long-suppressed desire for closeness finally came back after the exam.
On another Saturday without academic pressure, the two went to the gym downstairs of the apartment building to exercise together, and then gathered in Tan Xu's kitchen to prepare to replicate the salt and pepper spareribs that had caused a stir at Liu Siyan's birthday party.
Liang Zhiyao was a little absent-minded for a rare moment because Tan Xu was going home.
After all, he is not an international student. His parents are both in the United States, although they live in another state. However, they will naturally reunite during school holidays and spend Christmas and New Year together. They will not return until the new semester starts.
The flight was booked more than a month ago. I will depart tomorrow and return in two weeks.
Tan Xu put the marinated ribs into the air fryer and asked her, "What are your plans for winter vacation?"
"Probably internships and part-time jobs?" Liang Zhiyao said with little interest. "Student visa holders can increase their internship hours from 20 to 40 hours per week during holidays, so I recently discussed with the company about switching to full-time work five days a week. I don't have to work for a few days during Christmas and New Year, but the salaries for temporary and part-time jobs are much higher than usual, so I have to seize the opportunity to work and earn some money."
In short, it is a plan that has nothing to do with "rest".
"It feels even harder than when I don't have a holiday." He was silent for a moment before speaking, "Are you really not considering asking your boyfriend for help? If you mind, you can consider it a loan."
This was the second time this topic was brought up after so many days. Liang Zhiyao smiled: "Why again?"
"Honestly, I've even thought that if I hadn't repeated my freshman year of high school in the United States, I'd be almost graduated now and would be able to work and be independent soon." He chuckled self-deprecatingly, "If that were the case, you might be more willing to accept my help."
But before she could answer, he added, "But this assumption is meaningless. If we were in different classes, I might not have had the chance to meet you."
Liang Zhiyao didn't answer directly. She had her own thoughts, but she wasn't willing to deny or refute Tan Xu's good intentions. After thinking for a moment, she asked, "Do you know why I played snooker with you in the beginning at Fortune?"
"Why?"
"I can be quite competitive sometimes. The way you commented on my playing back then... honestly, it was a bit pretentious." She recalled that conversation a few months ago and felt like laughing. "Plus, being seen gambling on sports by people I know made me feel inferior, and my competitive spirit immediately kicked in. I wanted to beat you, as if that would make me stand up straighter."
"Think of it this way. If I were someone who could readily accept your financial assistance, I probably wouldn't have resorted to such extreme methods to earn money in the first place, nor would I have insisted on competing with you in basketball. If that were the case, there wouldn't have been any romance between us, right? Then, since we'd still be nodding acquaintances, there'd be no reason for you to support me."
Finally, she concluded, "As you just said, some assumptions don't seem to make sense. After all this circumvention, this is bound to be a paradox."
Tan Xu was confused by this "paradox" and couldn't help laughing: "I really want to see what's in your head. You have so many ways to reject people, and you can always come up with new ones."
She laughed along, and suddenly an idea flashed in her mind, and she teased him with interest: "And oh, holidays are supposed to be harder than when there are no holidays."
"Why?"
"Because... the hardest part is being separated from you?"
Too straightforward love talk. Tan Xu's expression suddenly changed: "Liang Zhiyao, you weren't like this before, were you?"
"As they say, 'the closer you are to the bad, the worse you become,'" she said with a grin. "I've been influenced by you and have been led astray."
After joking, she started staring at the entrance again.
There lay Tan Xu's half-packed suitcase. After all, unlike an international student returning home for the holidays, he didn't have much to bring with him; one suitcase would be enough.
He would finish packing the rest of his things tonight, and then tomorrow morning they would be separated by hundreds of miles.
"By the way, I just filled up my car with gas. I'll leave the keys with you later." He suddenly remembered something and said, "Let's drive to work. It's been too cold lately."
"Oh... okay."
Although he was touched by this thoughtfulness, he couldn't help but feel a little sad when he thought that this was also a part of the "examination of final affairs" before parting. So Liang Zhiyao took advantage of Tan Xu's hand being occupied by Pai Gu, and suddenly an idea came to him, and he hugged him from behind.
Their bodies pressed together, and she stood on tiptoe, her warm breath barely reaching the back of his neck.
Wrapped in the soft body, Tan Xu froze in his tracks as he turned the dial to time the air fryer. "Why are you attacking me by surprise?"
She was suddenly struck by a strange funny point: "It seems like I have said this to you before."
Tan Xu thought about it for a long time: "The time when I smeared cake on your face at Liu Siyan's birthday party?"
"That's right." She smiled.
His expression suddenly became playful. "Could it be that you were already interested in me back then, and were actually playing hard to get? Otherwise, how could you still remember what you said to me so long ago?"
"You're still playing hard to get. You're dreaming." Liang Zhiyao rolled his eyes at him. "At the time, I thought you were pretentious and frivolous. Your flirting with girls was all tricks, not sincerity. It was normal for me to be persuaded to give up."
She said words of disgust, but hugged Tan Xu even tighter as if she was playing tricks, and rubbed her head against his neck and arched her back against his shoulder, trying to smell the scent of his shower gel after working out.
She was indeed the one who was influenced by bad people, and she became more and more bold. After doing this, she blew hot air into Tan Xu's ear and kissed the sensitive skin behind his ear.
His body suddenly stiffened, and he turned around and hugged Liang Zhiyao, pressing her soft lips a little fiercely.
A scorching breath hit her face, a temperature that could no longer be suppressed after being teased so many times. She leaned back under the kiss, her lower back pressed against the kitchen island, feeling a little cold.
When he let go of her, Tan Xu's breathing quickened a bit: "...Stop teasing me."
He took a step back and said helplessly, "People's self-control is limited, and I'm not a gentleman. It was already difficult to brake last time. If you keep playing with fire like this, sooner or later I will be unable to resist and do something to you."
However, Liang Zhiyao looked at him with moist eyes and blurted out: "Since it's sooner or later... then what about today?"
She made up her mind, and using the fact that she had already spoken so arrogantly to throw away her shame, she looked at him with a blushing face: "You're not the only one... who finds it difficult to brake."
Tan Xu was stunned for a moment, his eyes dark, and he lowered his head to kiss her again. This time, he showed no restraint, his desire completely ignited.
He used the tip of his tongue to penetrate her mouth, and the kiss, which was intended to invade her territory and take her breath away, was full of animality, as if it was intended to be a warning and a rehearsal of some kind.
After a workout and a shower, the next step seemed natural. The lovers' steps stumbled as they embraced and kissed, but they still vaguely knew the direction to the bedroom. When they reached the bed, she suddenly felt a little shy, unsure where to look.
He confirmed again, his voice becoming a little lower: "Have you thought about it?"
"Well," Liang Zhiyao raised his head and looked at him intently: "...I want you."
All love ultimately leads to the bed, and they were no exception, but they didn't have to be. It seemed a bit foolish to deliberately suppress their desire for each other's bodies just to prove something.
The situation suddenly changed in the next second. She was held by Tan Xu and pressed onto the bed. For the first time, his eager kiss landed on a place other than her lips. Her neck and collarbone were sucked and licked. The kiss moved down along the contours of her body, and when it landed on her chest, Liang Zhiyao couldn't help but take a breath.
She vaguely remembered that people used to describe this kind of scene as "like raindrops". But after actually trying it, she realized that compared to cold raindrops, it was probably more like fires everywhere, each one burning brighter and brighter.
Breathing rapidly and in a state of panic, he took off each other's clothes piece by piece in a gentle but methodical manner.
When she took off her shirt, Tan Xu suddenly laughed, revealing her toned upper body. He then grabbed her wrist and lifted her up, "Would you like to check out those abdominal muscles you were thinking about last time?"
As she looked over, her gaze was inevitably drawn to another area, prominent and close to her abdominal muscles. Her face flushed, but she didn't want to give in, so she bravely touched it twice and said pretentiously, "Hmm... the exercise was quite effective."
But this forced calmness soon faded. When the underwear was undone, Liang Zhiyao's face was already red.
What expression should she have at a time like this? Unable to find an answer, she simply closed her eyes as if to escape. Seeing her like this, Tan Xu felt like laughing: "Why do you look like you're being tortured? Am I that scary?"
"Uh, you don't understand." She opened her eyes, but looked away awkwardly. "Maybe because I have such strong boundaries, it's hard to imagine letting go of all my defenses and getting so close to someone. Even if my body wants it, I still feel a little panicked psychologically."
"Really?" He chuckled, tilting his head to meet her gaze. "Then I have to try to perform better and make you like this feeling."
The conversation paused, and their bodies replaced words in their communication. Tan Xu lowered his head to kiss her again, then parted Liang Zhiyao's hair and gently bit her earlobe. As they exchanged breaths, his hands became more and more aggressive, lingering all over her body.
After a long period of preparation, both of them were a little impatient. He leaned over and pressed his skin against hers, rubbing his ears against hers. Then he reached out to pull the drawer of the bedside table and fumbled around for a while.
Out of some kind of pretense of being nonchalant or subconscious avoidance to cover up the truth, Liang Zhiyao never really asked him this question after they started dating. However, he had already acquiesced in his heart that their sexual experiences were not equal, and when it really came to this, he couldn't help but start to fantasize.
For example: When was this item purchased? Was it newly purchased or did it already exist?
For example, is he skilled in tearing open the package, or does he seem a little unfamiliar?
"What are you thinking about?" Noticing that she was distracted, he bit her earlobe as a punishment.
Liang Zhiyao didn't want to bring up such a delicate topic at this time, so he avoided the question and said, "What if it hurts...?"
Tan Xu thought for a moment and said, "Maybe it's just like that time you asked someone if they really blacked out when they were drunk. Anyway, you can only know for sure if you experience it yourself."
He had already put it on, but noticing her silence, he paused, stroking her hair and soothing her: "It's okay, if you're scared, we'll stop and talk when you want."
Liang Zhiyao was shocked when he heard this: "You're already... like that, can you still stop?"
"What?" He smiled, pressing against her in a deliberately ambiguous manner, "Is this it?"
She was so frustrated that she stopped talking, wondering vaguely, "Is this another advanced tactic of retreating to advance?" His half-hearted offer to stop made her unable to hold back. She wrapped her arms around Tan Xu's neck, licked the seam between his lips with the tip of her tongue, and clumsily seduced him.
"Are you scared or do you want it?" Tan Xu was frustrated by her tossing and turning. He finally realized that this person was just a novice and loved to play. He bit Liang Zhiyao's collarbone viciously and said in a low voice: "I could barely stop just now, but it's too late now."
Perhaps humans are naturally more complex in their animality, so once desire is ignited, it branches into two contradictory paths, giving rise to a gentle lingering affection alongside the brutal conquest. This was how he entered her, strangely soothing her nervousness.
It was still painful at first. Liang Zhiyao wanted to divert his attention and was unwilling to just passively accept Tan Xu's guidance. He couldn't help but start to imitate him and tease him in return.
However, this kind of teasing that followed the same pattern was still a bit awkward after all. She boldly touched and explored Tan Xu's body, but felt a little shy when she went too far. In the end, she often gave up halfway with a blushing face.
This opportunity to take control only existed at the beginning of the relationship. She soon realized that Tan Xu's gentlemanly demeanor was limited to a certain extent, and that he was actually keen on controlling the pace. He was gentle at first, waiting for her to adjust, but later, as he saw her gradually getting into the swing of things, he became less accommodating.
He always dominated with a bit of force. When he was aroused, he would grab her ankles. His eyes were still gentle, but he thrust deeper and deeper. When Liang Zhiyao bit her lips to suppress her moans, he would use his fingers to force her to open her mouth, just to listen to her uncontrollable gasps and screams.
But she didn't feel completely passive, because Tan Xu would observe her reaction to every attempt. His keen insight was also fully demonstrated in this matter. After she adapted, he could find a way to make their pleasure overlap without asking.
Liang Zhiyao forgot when she started to immerse herself in it and abandon all rationality. Her body seemed to have lost its specific shape and turned into a pool of water, which shattered and became whole again with his impact.
After an unknown amount of time, the experience of their bodies clashing with each other finally erupted and ended. He lay down beside her, the heating on in the winter house turned on, and both of them were sweating profusely.
After the lust subsided, shame followed. Liang Zhiyao recalled his loss of composure at the last moment and felt somewhat embarrassed.
She was a little afraid that Tan Xu would say something embarrassing, so she took the initiative and commented in a serious tone, "Hmm...it's actually okay? Aside from the initial pain, it wasn't as scary as I imagined."
Tan Xu chuckled and looked at her playfully without exposing her.
She tends to talk more when she feels guilty or shy, and this moment was no exception. She tried to cover up her mistake by explaining, "Well... I think it's not without reason that girls have this fearful impression. It's said that people in ancient times often married around the age of fifteen. Their bodies weren't fully developed yet, and they lacked systematic sex education. So, if they just tried everything, they wouldn't get the hang of it."
"And oh," she thought of something else and continued to change the subject with her wild imagination, "Have you seen 'The Selfish Gene'? There's a theory that all living things are slaves to their genes. Because genes want to reproduce, they do everything they can to make it pleasurable. Once they do it, they release a crazy amount of dopamine, making people addicted to it. It's pretty scary when you think about it."
Tan Xu knew Liang Zhiyao was shy, but he couldn't help but tease her: "Is this what an engineering student is like? After doing it, you don't say sweet words, and all you have in your head is these things?"
She complacently followed the lead: "This is called learning without thinking is useless. I am summarizing my experience."
He was amused and reached out to hold Liang Zhiyao in his arms and kissed her. After a few seconds, he suddenly asked seriously, "Honestly, don't you think it's going too fast?"
After asking, he kissed her ear again, "Are you not afraid that I'm a scumbag?"
"Well..." She turned her head: "It's a bit of a lie, but it makes sense... If we suddenly break up one day for some reason, it would be a pity if I didn't have the most intimate experience with the person I loved so much, right?"
Perhaps she is not only fickle but also prone to overcorrection. Once she understands that life is about experience, she resists any regrets.
Tan Xu couldn't help but stare blankly: "Your words are... too crude."
Liang Zhiyao finally realized that this idea sounded a bit negative, and hurriedly explained: "It doesn't mean that we will break up in the future. There are other ways to interpret it."
"So what's your interpretation?"
"The point is—I've finally realized I'm only responsible for myself right now," she said, looking him in the eye seriously. "If I make decisions against my will for the present because of uncertainty about the future, isn't that actually a form of arrogance? It's impossible to predict the future, so understanding one's own heart is already quite difficult."
"Right now, I admit that I'm attracted to you, I admit that I like you, and I admit that I want to do the most intimate things with you, so I'm not too hesitant and honest about my desires. This may be commonplace for many people, but it's also the courage I finally found. The source of this courage is my recent experiences, but more importantly, it's probably because that person is you."
Tan Xu stared at Liang Zhiyao for a while, then smiled against her forehead: "Well, you're right."
He did not express any dissatisfaction with that statement, but Liang Zhiyao fell into deep thought instead.
She thought that she might still be a little insecure. Although they had confirmed their relationship and were getting along very sweetly so far, she said such words unintentionally. Perhaps it was because she subconsciously still held the mentality of "I don't know when it will end" and always had reservations.
In this matter, her spirit was far more stubborn than her body. Sex was merely an experience, not a sign of her complete surrender. She felt that Tan Xu might be unaware of this, but he tacitly agreed not to ask further, perhaps intending to let time reveal itself.
There was a light snow outside the window, but the room was quiet and warm. She hid in his arms, feeling a little lazy and a little satisfied.
But Tan Xu's actions were not very satisfactory - his hands rummaged through the clothes they had just taken off. After a while, he finally touched the phone and immediately raised it above his head. His fingers clicked away, and he didn't speak to her for a long time.
Liang Zhiyao suddenly felt something he couldn't describe, thinking of the strange posts he had seen on the Internet: in the same moment after the passion ended, women often still wanted to be gentle and affectionate, but men had already become ruthless and their minds were wandering thousands of miles away.
This situation seemed to be a perfect proof of this, and misplaced emotions always made people wonder if their true feelings were misplaced, so she couldn't help but ask, "What are you doing?"
"Change your flight."
"Huh?"
Tan Xu rubbed her head: "Think carefully, I can't do it today and leave tomorrow." He blinked, "That... will feel very bad, I don't like it."
At that moment, the bitterness in her heart turned into a sense of joy and satisfaction. She couldn't help but reach out and hug him tightly.
"But will your parents be unhappy? We thought we could meet tomorrow."
"Anyway, they didn't hold back when they stood me up, and these two workaholics are long past the point of vulgarity," he joked. "Basically, every vacation is only sweet for the first three days. After that, they just wish I wasn't home."
"Then I'm treated a little better than you. The honeymoon period lasts a week," she laughed, then suddenly became sad. "Ah... I haven't seen my parents for a whole year."
Before Christmas last year, she was also eager to return home right after finishing her exams, not caring about the airfare in order to stay in China for a few more days. But now, she can no longer act recklessly, facing the round-trip airfare that often exceeds thousands of US dollars, and can only sigh in despair.
The atmosphere was strangely melancholy, and he hugged her sideways as if to comfort her. They looked at each other, but at the same time they smelled a strange smell coming from afar.
"Um, I have a question..." She began cautiously, "Salt and Pepper Spare Ribs... How long did you set the timer? Why haven't you heard that 'ding' in so long..."
Author's Note
Reversible light path
author
08-22
Although it's updated every other day, the word count is about the same as the daily update! Do you feel like there's glass shards mixed in with the sugar? qwq This is more in line with Zhiyao's true state. She did it because she liked him, but she still has some reservations. A sense of security won't be achieved overnight just because she starts a relationship.
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