【50】I am more obsessed with who I will spend the rest of my life with.
Liang Zhiyao's application for the scholarship went nowhere. She received no rejection letter informing her of her ineligibility, nor did she receive any further status updates or requests for additional documents. Earlier, at the start of the new semester in January, she had spoken with the international mathematics student who had made the exceptional application, thanks to Tan Xu's help. She had sought his advice. According to him, good grades and a statement about family financial circumstances were merely a starting point. Government funding tends to favor American students, especially those in-state, and is therefore difficult to apply to international students due to legal regulations. The scholarship she received came from the university's own funds, and the primary consideration was the student's future career plans—more simply, whether they could achieve impressive employment outcomes. Therefore, Liang Zhiyao's application focused heavily on career planning and preparations. To alleviate her financial difficulties, she was much more proactive than her classmates in seeking internships within the United States. This was a fortuitous opportunity, and one worth mentioning. The waiting time after submitting her application was lengthy. On Chinese New Year in China, Liang Zhiyao and Ye Xin went shopping at a supermarket in Chinatown. The Spring Festival atmosphere has become increasingly strong among international students in recent years. Although they can't be with their families, close friends often make plans to celebrate together, creating a sense of ritual. But this day was just a regular weekday in the US, and Tan Xu and Cheng Yan had two finance classes to attend, making their schedule awkward. So Liang Zhiyao drove his car and went grocery shopping with Ye Xin, agreeing to have hot pot at Tan Xu's house that evening, marking the end of the Chinese New Year. They pushed their carts through the frozen food and vegetable sections. Initially chatting about mundane matters, Ye Xin's expression suddenly grew serious. She asked, "Have you discussed your plans after graduation with Tan Xu?" "No," she shook her head. "Talking about that now... seems a bit too early." "I talked to Cheng Yan," Ye Xin said. "It didn't turn out well." "Why? Don't you both live in Beijing?" International students have different plans for the future. While many take a one-step approach, they usually have a firm grasp on them by their junior year. After all, they have to plan for exams, internships, and jobs accordingly, and can't really make a decision until their final year. She knew Ye Xin was a staunch "return home" supporter. Studying abroad was a forced compromise forced by her parents, and she had no interest in living abroad long-term. She'd spent her sophomore summer interning at an internet company in Beijing, and when they talked about it, they'd count the days until graduation...
After Liang Zhiyao submitted the scholarship application, it fell into oblivion. She received no rejection letter informing her that she did not meet the application requirements, nor did anyone send her further status updates or ask her for more materials.
Before that, when the new semester started in January, she had a phone call with the mathematics student who had made an exception and successfully applied, with the help of Tan Xu, and asked him for a lot of advice.
According to the other party, good grades and a statement of family financial situation are just stepping stones. Government funding is inherently biased towards American students, especially those in-state, and is difficult to apply to international students due to legal regulations. The financial aid he received came from the school's own funds, and the primary consideration was the student's future career plans—more bluntly, whether they could achieve outstanding employment results.
Therefore, Liang Zhiyao's application materials focused more on her career plans and past preparations. To alleviate her financial difficulties, she was much more proactive than her peers in seeking internships within the United States. This was a chance encounter, and it's worth mentioning.
The waiting time after submitting the documents was very long. On the Spring Festival in China, Liang Zhiyao and Ye Xin went to a supermarket in Chinatown to do some shopping.
In recent years, the Spring Festival atmosphere among international students has actually become increasingly strong. Although they cannot reunite with their families, good friends often make plans to celebrate the New Year together, and the sense of ritual is just as strong.
But this day was just an ordinary working day in the United States after all. Tan Xu and Cheng Yan had two finance courses to attend, and the schedule was awkward, so Liang Zhiyao drove his car and went out alone with Ye Xin to buy groceries. They agreed to have hot pot at Tan Xu's house in the evening, which would be the New Year's Day.
They pushed their carts through the frozen food and vegetable sections. They had been chatting about daily matters, but Ye Xin's expression suddenly turned serious. She asked, "Have you discussed your plans after graduation with Tan Xu?"
"No," she shook her head. "Talking about this now... seems a bit too early?"
"I talked to Cheng Yan," Ye Xin said, "and the results weren't very good."
"Why? Aren't both of your families in Beijing?"
International students have different plans for the future. Many people take a one-step-at-a-time approach, but usually they have a certain tendency by their junior year. After all, they have to plan corresponding exams, internships or employment preparations accordingly, and they cannot really make a decision in the last year.
She knew Ye Xin was a staunch "return home" supporter. Studying abroad was a forced compromise forced by her parents, and she had no interest in living overseas long-term. During her sophomore summer, she interned at an internet company in Beijing, and when they talked about it, she'd always counted the days until graduation and her return home.
"Cheng Yan is preparing for the GRE," Ye Xin sighed. "He wants to continue his Master's studies here and probably wants to work here too."
Disagreements over future choices always seem to be a topic that student couples cannot avoid.
"Zhiyao, don't you think there's no such thing as a perfect time for love right now?" Ye Xin stopped the cart anxiously. "They say it's hard to find pure love after entering society, and things become complicated. But when you're still on campus, there's so much uncertainty about the future for two people. If we're destined to part ways in the end, is it really necessary to invest so much?"
Liang Zhiyao didn't answer directly, but instead said: "The fact that you asked this question means that you really like him, right?"
She thought that according to Ye Xin's personality, she would advocate the idea that there will always be a way out when the time comes, and would rather let things take their course. It was rare to see her thinking about the future so long at the beginning of a relationship and worrying about it.
"I like it, but I don't want to change anyone, nor do I want to be changed by anyone. Besides, there's no such thing as a compromise. Someone has to compromise, and no matter who it is, they'll probably feel wronged."
Many of the international student couples they knew broke up upon graduation. Even if they managed to spend some time apart, it was difficult to change the reality that they would eventually go their separate ways. Those like Meng Zijing, who started dating her boyfriend in college and continued to work in the same city after graduation, were among the lucky few.
"Forget it, why think so much?" Ye Xin ended the topic herself. "There's no other way except to take it one step at a time."
The conversation ended here, but Liang Zhiyao still had complicated thoughts.
When she submitted her scholarship application, she described her career plan in great detail: after graduation, she would stay in the US and work hard at a major tech company as a software engineer, eventually becoming a manager and leading a team. Her path was clear and convincing. But when she really asked herself, she still couldn't say whether this was the life she truly wanted in the future.
Before her junior year, she had actually been leaning towards returning to China after graduation. After all, there were foreign companies in China with decent work-life balances, and she could spend more time with her parents. Most importantly, she felt it was difficult to truly integrate into a completely different society. Besides the language barrier, there were also insurmountable cultural barriers and the disparity in kinship ingrained in her genes.
At work, she could successfully complete a demo in a meeting, but at lunch with colleagues, amidst the NCAA and Super Bowl discussions, she always found it difficult to join in. Every time she encountered a small talk in the tea room, even if she appeared to be handling it with ease, she was still more uneasy than relaxed.
It was a very distinct feeling of being isolated from the environment.
But unlike other international students like her, whose family and friends were all in China, Tan Xu assumed he had only one option. In other words, her compromise and change in life plans were essentially the only solution for their future.
This chaotic turmoil of thoughts stayed with her until the evening. Seven or eight people sat in Tan Xu's living room. They turned on the TV to project the Spring Festival Gala, which had been broadcast live more than ten hours earlier, and then sat around to eat hot pot. The atmosphere was lively.
New Year's Eve had long passed Beijing time, so there was no such thing as staying up all night. After all, we still had classes the next day. After dinner, we laughed and joked for a while, played some common party games, and then dispersed.
"Are you tired?" When they were alone, Tan Xu hugged her from behind and said, "You don't seem to be in a very good mood today."
"Maybe we drove a little too long during the day," Liang Zhiyao turned around and suddenly asked him, "Can I have a Long Island Iced Tea today?"
She'd recently discovered that alcohol was incredibly addictive, far more so than coffee. She wasn't particularly dependent on coffee, usually drinking more when rushing to meet a deadline, but she could easily quit after a few days. But once she'd experienced alcohol, she'd often recall the euphoric feeling of being slightly tipsy, the heightened senses and surge of emotions, and it would often give her a slight itch.
She preferred sweet and sour cocktails to beer. But Tan Xu had restricted her to just one drink a week, and during her period, she couldn't even have one. She calculated that she still had her weekly allotment, so she should still be able to order from him.
"It's almost ten o'clock. Don't you have to get up early tomorrow?" He felt a little helpless, and finally found a compromise. "Just make one drink, and we can drink it together."
After falling in love, Liang Zhiyao discovered that timely communication was a completely beneficial and harmless practice, and she rarely kept secrets. She had originally wanted to have a drink and chat with Tan Xu about the future, a topic even more sensitive than money. But after getting a little tipsy, she figured it out and started a new topic: "I'll go to the party this weekend, too."
"Changed your mind?" Tan Xu was a little surprised. "When we talked about it a few days ago, I thought you weren't interested."
There is one thing that they both agree on, that is, when they are in love, they should not try to change each other or ask each other to do things they don’t like. They are actually the kind of couple who are similar in nature but have very different styles of doing things. Apart from their common hobby of snooker, they often show completely opposite characteristics in other areas, such as social needs. Liang Zhiyao has always been a person who enjoys being alone. With most of his free time occupied by internships and part-time jobs, he is even more lazy to go out and meet new friends. He only occasionally eats and goes shopping with Ye Xin. Tan Xuze has various parties from time to time. He is keen to drag Liang Zhiyao to participate, but he also knows that her energy and energy are limited, and she doesn’t want to go every time.
It was a very rare occasion that she took the initiative to speak up and actively participate. He was of course happy, but at the same time a little puzzled.
"Actually, I'm not that socially anxious. I really enjoy interacting with people." She winked, then saw his teasing look and told the truth. "Okay, I admit I have other motives. Mainly because Andrew and the others are here, so I can practice speaking for free."
Among Tan Xu's close friends, there are two ABCs who were born in the United States. They have almost no Chinese reading and writing skills, but their listening and speaking skills are actually okay. However, when they go out together, they usually speak mainly in English, which reduces the overall communication barriers.
Hearing Liang Zhiyao say this, he wanted to laugh at first, but then he remembered the mock interview she had with him when she was looking for an internship, and lamented that she seemed to have a bit of a masochistic mentality, often forcing herself to step out of her comfort zone and do things that were not very comfortable but seemed to be beneficial.
But his thoughts soon wandered again. During the daytime break, he had been chatting with Cheng Yan, and he had heard him mention something that conflicted with Ye Xin's future plans. Thinking about how she had been rather absent-minded since meeting Ye Xin today, he couldn't help but think a little more.
"Actually, your current spoken English is more than enough for both study and internship." He thought for a long time before choosing a more direct approach. "Do you want to improve your spoken English? Do you have any other plans?"
Tan Xu was too sensitive to many things, she had known this for a long time, but sometimes she still felt a headache about being easily seen through.
"Cheng Yan and I had a few words today, and I guess Ye Xin also talked to you," he said frankly, "We can also chat about it. It's actually nothing."
When it comes to matters between the two of them, he always prefers to communicate directly to reduce misunderstandings.
"Okay," Liang Zhiyao sighed resignedly, "I don't want to talk now because I haven't thought it through yet, and I can't make any plans or promises at the moment. The most I can do now is to try and give myself another option in the future."
During a recent video call with her parents, she learned that the economic impact of the domestic epidemic had eased somewhat, and they had restarted their previous business, albeit on a much smaller scale, but still showing some improvement. As a result, she felt more optimistic about her ability to graduate successfully.
Many things are like this, it's too late to prepare when the time comes. She thought about it all day and felt that she was willing to make some efforts for the best possibility for him, but at the same time she couldn't promise anything.
Everyone has their own ideal life. She likes Tan Xu, but love is not everything in life. Studying in a foreign country and living and working there for a long time are two completely different experiences. She needs some time to think about whether she is willing to make such a compromise, whether she can be self-sufficient after the compromise, or whether she will feel wronged and unbalanced.
But Tan Xu smiled and rubbed her head: "How many things have you been thinking about in your heart?"
"I'm happy you said you wanted to prepare for more options in the future. But I also want you to know that you don't have to put so much pressure on yourself. We can discuss and resolve many difficulties, and some things may not be what you imagine."
"When I was 15 or 16, I had no choice about where I would go or what I would do, but that's changed since then. If there's one thing that hasn't changed, it's that my mindset remains the same as it was then. I don't have any particular obsessions about where or how I want to spend my life."
He finally stroked the hair by Liang Zhiyao's ear and kissed her forehead lightly: "Compared to this, I am more obsessed with who I want to spend the rest of my life with."
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